spanking continued.........

Candice - posted on 04/11/2010 ( 117 moms have responded )

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after reading all the comments in the "spanking" conversation i ask this question to all those mothers who dont give that lil tap on the hand to say no when baby....10 months old keeps touching fan cords and placing them in her mouth...... yes i am watching her 100% of the time.....no i do not use force or yell at her....... but how would one place a child this young into "time out" honestly you just cannot do it and moving the fan is not and option otherwise baby will over heat and suffer heat exhusten.......... rember when your mother gave you that lil tap to say dont touch how quickly you learnt that the stove was hot coz mum says so and you didnt touch it coz u knew it would be a tap on the hand........
i honestly think that a child has rights to be loved,sheltered, clothed,and fed........but does not have the right to tell a parent where to go because they have not had any form of disapline because mummy and daddy dont belive in giving that lil tap on the hand or the bottom to show whose boss......... a person is not going to become and axe murderer because " when i was lil my mummy smaked my bum!!!"

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Schmoopy - posted on 04/13/2010

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Keka Jolly, spanking has nothing to do with respect. In fact, I think it conveys the opposite message! Parents who spank are sending a message that they can't be bothered to take the time to explain consequences - that their children aren't capable of understanding. Explanations take longer to sink in, but the lessons last a lifetime.

All spanking accomplishes is instilling fear and humiliation. Do you really want your child to fear you? Do you really feel you want to build a relationship based on belittling your child?

We tell our children not to hit other children, but it's ok if an adult hits??? That makes no sense to me.

Lyn - posted on 04/13/2010

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this is purely my opinion....I have three children 16 year old, 12 year old and 9 year old. I have NEVER spanked their hands, butts or anything of the sort throughout their short lives. They have each "pushed my buttons", numerous times, as they should because they are children, but my hitting them would make them scared of me and my husband which is not what we wanted to teach the children. Time outs for 10 month olds is unnecessary and not age appropriate either. Remove the child from the situation. Again, in my opinion, if you continue to punish by hitting her/him, it will inflict fear and anger to a point where they don't know how to handle it and rebel even more. I have definately been pushed to my limits and remember being hit as a child as well as how I felt when i was hit,and nothing good came out of it. I didn't turn out as a bad child, but I didn't trust my parents when they became angry. I tended to shy away from them. Good luck,

Lacey - posted on 04/13/2010

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I'm confused! There are a few moms on here who say there tired of these posts, yet they still get on here and comment. They also have said that its always the same women and they post, then get back on to see what others had to say and then post again, which causes fights. Yet these exact women who our complaining our doing the exact thing they are complaining about. I'm not mad or anything just confused. If your tired of theses posts you DON'T have to open them. Just ignore them and move on to another post you like more. And I think that sites such as COM are great and you can post WHAT YOU WANT TOO. I'm tired of moms saying enough with controversial posts they just end up in fights. I think when they get to the point of name calling yes they have gone to far. And that is what I hate! But when there just debating I don't see the problem. And its our right to post whatever we want to.

Dayna - posted on 04/12/2010

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Side by side is what I call it, i don't know if it is a 'recognised' method IYGWIM. If one of my children chooses to display a behaviour such as hitting, kicking, biting etc (this is almost always done when the parent is out of the room as MOST children know that it is wrong) I make them stay with me ALL the time. I start with a period of 1/2 hour, then they can resume interaction with the other children, if they then choose to not control their own behaviour, they are side by side with me again, this time for one hour. Usually by this stage the child is so bored LOL that they stop acting out and interact nicely (they think, buggar spending 1.5hrs at Ma's side) My theory behind it is that "If you cannot control your own behaviour/body actions, then I will do it for you"

BTW I homeschool 8 of my children, so I have the time to implement this method, it can be very time consuming and weary of the patience depending on the stubborness/determination of the child involved.

I hope this helps explain it for you :)

Eleisha - posted on 04/11/2010

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For me personally spanking (or smacking) is not an option for me or my daughter. I feel it teaches children to resolve problems through lashing out, hitting and violence. On saying that; I am also pro-choice, so if you choose to smack your child that's your business.
I find the most effective form of discipling at this age (my daughter is 10 months) is redirection. My daughter LOVES to touch things that aren't meant to be touched. I find a stern (but no loud or over-bearing) "NO Ava; do not touch (whatever it is". I then move her to an area that she can play freely and hand her something and say "This is what you can play with. I then engage with her (if I was doing something previous, I engage for only 2 minutes or so; but if I wasmn't busy I play for a while). I praise her for playing well with her toys and give her positive feedback in a light happy voice with plenty of positive body language. If she moves back to the area of no-go I repeat this process. I find she gets the point by no later than the 3rd attempt (usually now it's by the first but some days she is quite persistent). Once she is a little older I will be using the time out method.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

117 Comments

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Candice - posted on 04/13/2010

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fantistic...ok landy's the hating stops here and now!!!!!

thanks vanessa.

Candice - posted on 04/13/2010

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thanks beck and yes i would close the post ........ lol.... if i knew how 2........ lol.....

Samantha - posted on 04/13/2010

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I've tried spanking, time out, pops on the hand. To be honest, they all work for my little girl! I try to be reasonable by matching the punishment with the "crime." When it comes right down to it, I do agree with spanking. Use the palm side of your hand, don't leave marks OF ANY KIND and please make sure the act is worth giving a spanking for.



I think most people start having a problem with the the fact that not all parents can regulate themselves. They can (and often do) loose control and end up lashing out and truly hurt their child. I understand that you are all worried about this being an issue. I've seen children that have incurred welts and bruises from that form of discipline. Rest assured Ladies that this is not the form of spanking these other Ladies or myself are talking about. There is spanking, which I described, and there is abuse.

If you feel you even might be lashing out in Anger at your child, please use another method, because that will be all the child sees is the anger. If you are doing it ONLY with the betterment of your child in mind and are not injuring them, then I hold my tongue. God Bless.

Beck - posted on 04/13/2010

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Candice I suggest closing the post, it's not going anywhere and obviously causing you distress. Don't let it get to you, you arent doing anything wrong

Leatonya - posted on 04/13/2010

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Well said Vanessa Oliver,No mom could disagree with that!!! BTW i do really enjoy reading these threads even if i don't do the same things as other mommies.For the most part i do take away from everyone of the threads that i have read, some new lessons.I have learned threw the almost 12 years of parenting that i already have that there is always something more to learn.....I love COM.

Candice - posted on 04/13/2010

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DANA....... NO I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM SICK TO DEATH OF BEING TOLD THAT I AM BEATING MY CHILD....THAT I AM BEING A BAD MOTHER BC I HAVE TRYED EVERY OTHER FORM OF TEACHING AND THAT THIS IS THE ONE THAT WORKS FOR ME!!! I AM ONLY A YOUNG MUM....... I HAVE SERIOUS MENTAL ISSUES...( I SUFFER FROM BI-POLA) AND NEVER HAVE I EVER HURT MY CHILD IN ANY WAY OR FORM...... WHEN SHE DOES GET A TAP ON THE HAND ITS BC I HAVE TOLD HER 100 TIMES NOT TO TOUCH SOMETHING I HAVE GIVEN THE 1,2,3 METHOD OVER 100 TIMES....... I HAVE BEEN DOING MY FROGING( I DONT SWEAR...BUT U GET THE IDEA) BEST TO RASE THIS CHILD VERTUILY ON MY OWN....... AND FOR WHAT SO 95% OF THE MUMS THAT RESPONED CAN TELL ME THAT IM DOING IT WRONG...... THAT IM BEATING MY CHILD AND CAUSING HER HARM!!!! AS I HAVE SAID NOW IN NEARLY EVER POST RE-DIRCTION DOES NOT WORK FOR CHARLEE ABIGALE WILLIAMS SHE THINKS IT IS A FUN GAME TO PLAY WITH MUMMY!!!

AS FOR THIS SIDE-BY-SIDE METHOD........ MOST MOTHERS LIKE GOING TO THE BATHROOM IN PEACE BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY EXCAPE THAT HAVE..... SO THIS SIDE-BY-SIDE METHOD IS NOT AN OPTION!!!

[deleted account]

For anyone who's interested or is on the fence about whether or not to use spanking as a method of discipline please check out our new community.....http://www.circleofmoms.com/e_Y_13391?tr...'s called, " Positive Behaviour Strategies - Solutions WITHOUT Smacking ".......great place to find support!

Beck - posted on 04/13/2010

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I'm liking the way this convo has gone, I thought it would have been locked by now. I'm trying to find alternatives to spanking my children and I have had alot of positive feedback so I thank everyone for that.
Those of you who keep bitching on about the samethings and no giving good reasons for your opinions need to just lay off for a bit and actually listen to what mums are saying. We need help, not insult

Lori - posted on 04/13/2010

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*LOL* I've stated my opinion already regarding this subject but I thought I'd pop in to A) See how it was going and B) Hopefully lighten the mood. There were a couple of things that made me kinda chuckle here. I know a lot has changed since my kids were small but Side on Side Time? I'm not knocking anyone's opinions here but whatever happened to raising children to be independant and not co-dependant? There's a problem with that. A) Mom isn't always going to be there especially when children hit school age and B) It sounds like another excuse on why children are constantly up mom's ass!! Please continue on explaining to me how this works~~

Candice - posted on 04/13/2010

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ok im going to say this once and once only........ i have seen 1st hand that in alot of cases with children that children with not much form of dicaple turn out to be all sorts of people and nice is not one of them.......my parnter does not agree with the way i disaple charlee our daughter...... but because i am with her 24/7 he has to accept it!!



as for people having a go at me for pervious comments that i made....

blow it out your asses!!

if a mother who does not belive in smaking is allowed to "attack" those who do belive in it why cant a mother who does belive in it not attack back???



im sorry but that is just 2 faced dubble standards!!!



i tryed the redircation techniquic in front of my mother the day....she looked at me and said..." cand... give her a tap on the hand when she goes up to the oven door...that way she will know that she cant touch it coz it will hurt"....... this is comming from a 48yr old woman!!!!



im not saying that not smaking is not the answer im saying....

THAT MOTHERS WHO SMACK THE KIDS ARE STILL BLOODY GOOD MOTHERS WE ARE NOT HURTING OUR CHILDREN!! WE ARE NOT CAUSEING BODYILY HARM WE ARE NOT DIRESPETING OUR KIDS!!!.........



i quote something from 7th heaven a few years ago......

annie...." hey kiddo i brought u into this world i can take you out!!!"



if you want repect from your children you have to teach them that u are the parent and they are the child......



one of my mothers friends referrs to ADD as .......ASS DEFICET DISORDER....



so from now on no more attacking and no more saying that coz because mothers chose to smack there child they are abusing them....it is NOT a form of abuse it is a form of teaching your child!!!.........im sure back in the 90's 80's and beyond smacking was what every mother and farther did!!!......... so why is it that now in the 2000 its suddenly a form of abuse???

Tasha - posted on 04/13/2010

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I just want to remind everyone in this argument, that every child is different and what works for one child may not work for the next. For some children redirection will work and there would be no reason for spanking but for some children it will not work and spanking would be the best recourse. A good parent knows what form of discipline works for them and their child and will go that route.

Schmoopy - posted on 04/13/2010

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Sarah, my mother always said, "If it's hard, then you know you're doing the right thing." This adage definitely applies to discipline! You're so right - smacking and spanking are the easy way.



I just want to say that I admire you. It takes a strong and secure person to open themselves to new ideas. I wish you lots of luck!

Shannon - posted on 04/13/2010

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thxs Dana for the positive review :) Celeste, I would have to agree with you, timeout is effective if done consistently and effectively, if boundaries on why the timeout has been established before hand as a "house rule" and children are not always put in a timeout for all things they do wrong ~it very effective. with that being said, I agree with you as well, it is not for all children, Parents need to be more active in thinking Creatively if a form of discipline is not working, it takes effort....I know first hand, as a Mother of a Special needs child who has global developmental delays, I never in my life expected to be faced with the many behavioral challenges I do in a day, from the young age of 2 when my son would have meltdown lasting for more than hour,occurring up to 6x in a day for varied reasons, I had to learn very quickly how to manage my stress levels as well as find an appropriate from of discipline, the methods my Parents chose were not an option for me to follow, instead I found myself making my own discipline system that works well with my son( incorporating time away( when over stimulated) having a reward system in place to use as a teaching tool as well as a reward for good behavior etc,I found everyone even Specialist and Professional have an opinion on what works for your child, but truly you as a Parent have to find out what works for your own children...what works for one child may not necessarily work for your child...

Kellean - posted on 04/13/2010

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That is great Sarah! We are on these threads hoping that we will be able to help young moms who are trying to figure out what methods are best. We all share our experiences hoping they will help.
I wish you all the best! We are all here for you as well as each other.

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That's awesome Sarah, good luck! Ultimately we ALL need to do what we feel is best for our families! It's nice to know that someone who was on the fence about it is willing to consider alternative methods.....

Vanessa - posted on 04/13/2010

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ITA Kristy.



How many times have we heard "well my kid was spanked and they were...." or "well my kid was NOT spanked and they were". Keyword? THEY. Your kid. Your kid is NOT my kid, or her kid, or Betty's kid, or Kendra's kid, or Mei-Ling's kid. Your kid may NOT have both parents, started daycare at 3 instead of 6 months, had a stay at home mom, or have a great personality, etc. etc.



Therefore, since your child is NOT my child, your discipline may NOT work like my discipline. Since you are NOT my child's mom, I can say my discipline is the best form of discipline in my household and renders my child a great kid, regardless of how YOU raise YOURS. It's as simple as that. There's no scientific reasoning behind it, no perfect method, no golden rule that fits all. Its just how it is.



The Great Debaters on Circle of Moms

Sarah - posted on 04/13/2010

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I have two little girls and I have been using the 1,2,3 light smack form of discipline...but since reading all these views I am starting to think maybe I have been taking the easy way out by smacking....I think there has been times that I have spanked because I have been short tempered and not bothered to take the time to try to re-direct them. I have decided that I will try the re-direction method and the time out method as my girls are 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 and see how it goes. Thanks for this conversation as it has opened my eyes to other peoples views on the matter. =)

Kristy - posted on 04/13/2010

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WOW!! really i think everyone needs to just agree to disagree on this subject!!!! and move on :)

Kimberly - posted on 04/13/2010

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During the summer months my child was 6-8 months & when he would go & touch something he wasn't supposed to, even now at 16 months, I would say "No" & simply take him away from whatever he wasn't supposed to be doing and sit him in the middle of the floor. I would do that each time he would go back and after a few times he got the message. I think that by using any type of spanking or tapping hands you are teaching them that they could spank or hit when they want. You have to teach by example. But just because thats what I think, doesn't mean that I look down on people who do tap hands. But I do look down on people who spank their kids everytime they do something wrong or bad. I think there are other ways to show whos boss and spanking all the time is not one of them. Now when he goes to do something he knows he's not allowed to to do, he'll touch it and shake his head no to me and then walk away. No Spanking or Tapping of Hands required =)

Celeste - posted on 04/13/2010

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As long as the tap/spanking is NEVER done in anger or ever leaves a bruise it is a healthy way to keep your in line. There is a fine line between punishing and beating. That is why I tell every young mother to NEVER tap/spank in anger. I was raised and both my parents tapped/spanked me when needed. Looking at the older generation and the youth of today...what do you think...;-) Time out is a wonderful option for some children...doesn't work at all for others. Creativity and consistency I have found work wonders. No two children are the same. I also like to stick to the rule that the child never gets more taps/spanks than their age. For example...age 1....only one tap/spank. Goodluck to you with whatever you decide. Children are a joy and a blessing but are not an easy job. I have also found with older children's ...assigning a chore to teach discipline helps and mine have had to sit at the table and write sentences using words such as "disrespectful" about 10 times each and what they have done to show this behavior.

Shannon - posted on 04/13/2010

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I think our society to stuck on "abuse" stigma rather than looking at what message we are conveying to our children about compliance and obedience....People need to relax more, stop getting so uptight with each other on their ways they raise they own kids, everyone is raised differently, with different morals,beliefs, and traditions. I for one grew up in a very traditionally home with very high ethical standards, curfews were set, chores to be done etc...did my Parents spank us..on occasion, but it was never overdone for every little thing I did wrong, as we got older, groundings were enforces as well as having us write lines for back talking,swearing etc...being constructive and supportive Parents/Role Models to our children will set the tone for them.... Our society today is to caught up with what is expected Parents should do and what the "Norm" is of today....

Kryss - posted on 04/13/2010

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THAT Bill S-209 be amended in clause 1, on page 1, by replacing line 5 with the following:

“repealed and replaced by the following:

43. (1) Every schoolteacher, parent or person standing in the place of a parent is justified in

using reasonable force other than corporal punishment toward a child who is under their

care if the force is used only for the purpose of

(a) preventing or minimizing harm to the child or another person;

(b) preventing the child from engaging or continuing to engage in conduct that is of a criminal nature; or

(c) preventing the child from engaging or continuing to engage in excessively offensive or disruptive behaviour.

Keka - posted on 04/13/2010

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Ok Amy we could go back and say scientist have proven after taking all these test all these things. but if you've never been there then you dont know. For me when i was a child i got spankings from my mother not my dad when i grew up as a teenager i learned in a way i had more respect for my mother cuz there was certain things i could get away with when it was just my dad then i could with my mom. When we say we are giving are children spankings it isnt saying we are gettin a belt and beating them no one had said that. I have a 2 year old who will be 3 in october if i was to tell her to sit down and that she is in time out yea she will sit there and after ten minutes she will go back to doing the same thing as before i dont believe in scientist and studies all of that i was raised of the bible which says " Spare the rod Spoil the child" non of my kids are spoiled rotten and no i dont spare the rod!

Cindy - posted on 04/13/2010

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Rebecca I definitely have not posted 50 comments on here. If I did then that would mean I made exactly half of the posts in here which clearly I haven't.



Also I did not know that you were aware so that is why I told you. I'm sorry if you feel like I was talking down to you "telling" you things because I was not doing that, that was not my intention.



Also There are a few other women on this that has posted ALOT more than I did. and they are still posting right now. Im not going to name names. Just stating a fact.



And just especially for you Rebecca I went back and deleted most of my posts. However I did leave up a the ones that were rated as encouraging or helpful.



Now you can go back and look at who else has posted way more than i did and suggest to them that they made 50 comments on here and they are the reason why this conversation has been pushed to be over 100 comments like you said I did with this conversation.



I also just noticed that this conversation has gone down several more posts. Seems some people are deleting some of their posts too. Thank you ladies :)

[deleted account]

Thanks Amy! That's just one of the MANY reasons someone shouldn't spank or smack their child(ren) but it doesn't matter......the spankers don't want evidence to contradict what they're doing! They'll just ignore it and find another study that says otherwise and supports their decision or ' lack of decision ' to spank!

Rebecca - posted on 04/13/2010

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Cindy i am aware why topics get locked and don't really need to be told why. But it seems to me the only person on here who keeps going back every time someone writes is you and you keep putting your 2cents in. Don't get me wrong your opinion is your opinion but really...EVERY time...it's not necessary and i feel once you make a comment move on UNLESS someone directs a comment directly to you, like i am right now to you. Some of the women yes are truly looking for advice but i feel your 50 comments have pushed it to it's 100 limit WAY too fast and other mothers have not gotten the option to write what they want...i think there should be a no response unless spoken to after you post to a thread, unless you are the one who started it then have at it!

Schmoopy - posted on 04/13/2010

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K... this study is current. And it's the one of the most comprehensive looks at spanking so far. The results aren't good for spankers...



http://tulane.edu/news/releases/pr_03122...



Spanking is effective at first but looses its potency after a while. Kids get desensitized to it. Not to mention the damage it does to the psyche.



Try redirecting at this age. And when you have a 2-3 year old, you can try time outs.

Keka - posted on 04/13/2010

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I agree with what Candice has said. Everyone is raised to in all different types of ways. No one should pass judgement on anyone, If saying no in a firm voice is what helps you kids to understand then thats what you do. If tapping your childs hads to let them no that what they are doing isnt right, and thats what they understand then thats what you do. Spanking to me is not a big issue. I've read ppl calling ppl who spank their children monsters that word is definetly not what defines me. Yes i do spank my 2 and 1 year old but at the end of everyday they know i didnt do it to hurt them i did it because i love them i dont want one of them to get seriously hurt for picking something up and eating it or puttin something in a wall socket. We could all learn something from one another if we just sat down and listened to everyones point of view. No one sould pass judgement because im pretty sure theres a person who will say i dont believe in raising my voice with my child, just as you say i dont believe in spanking my child but i will use a firm voice.

Kellean - posted on 04/13/2010

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These threads are helpful. The women asking the questions will take what they need from these threads and leave what they don't need. It doesn't matter if the same women are on these. What matters is we respect all who share their thoughts.
If someone doesn't like what is being said they can leave. No one is forcing anyone to stay on here.
Women are passionate about their lives and teaching. We can all learn from each other!

Kellean - posted on 04/13/2010

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Thank you Jodi and Rebecca. I think these threads are helpful. We learn different points of view that we may not have known before. Women need a place to share why they do things one way or another. These threads are very therapeutic. Thank you!

Kellean - posted on 04/13/2010

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Thank you Jodi and Rebecca. I think these threads are helpful. We learn different points of view that we may not have known before. Women need a place to share why they do things one way or another. These threads are very therapeutic. Thank you!

Rebecca - posted on 04/13/2010

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Yes the people who complain about these threads are always the ones to come back over and over and over again and i have to agree with Jodi. If they bother you so much Cindy then don't read them...it's kind of irritating to get 50 kazillion emails because you reply every second and yes i like to see what's going on and how others feel but i don't feel the need to reply i one line sentence every post...

Jodi - posted on 04/13/2010

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Cindy, may I just ask why you are so adament that these threads get closed? If they truly upset you that much you are free to not view or comment on them! If it's really THAT important to you, you could message the CoM moderators, even though I'm sure they have seen these threads. Just wondering...?

Bobbie Jo - posted on 04/13/2010

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I agree with u a little tap is not going to kill them! They have to learn and time out for a 10 month old isnt going to work! Now my mom and dad didnt believe in woppins when we got older but we got grounded and punnished from things! I think ur doing right there is a diffrence in beating and mistreating ur child! A little swat is doing them good!

Sheryl - posted on 04/13/2010

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as for me i do spank!! and i well never stop. cause i see how it has change my son. another thing i am hearing is some of you say they don't no direction. (right from wrong). how in the hack are they going to learn. if you set there are say no no! sorry. my child is a great child. guess what his been spanked seen he was old enough to into stuff. and sec. of all spanking is not abuse. beating child to wear there are blester or red and purple marks left. a tab on the butt is not abuse. if you think that don't move to the south cause guess what i see it all the time. plus i tab my sons butt myself. i have seen mom that set there and say no no! don't do that. then they go right back. when my son does something and i till him with a tab on the butt that its. its done and over. then we move on. are there people out there who can't handle it yes. so they need to look for other ways. it all about how you go about it. i was spank has a child and i turn out just fine. oh and look at crim levels. i come from the south and the crim level is low compared to other city. my bet is that some other states have low rates do to dis. at home. i'm sorry would rather have my children not out of the streets being desrespectful to people and getting in stuff they shouldn't be. so anyone one who set there and says it abuse is wrong. can it be if its not done right yes. if someone walk up to me and said oh your abuseing your son. i would till you get lost. cause i know my kids. i think is abuse when you set back and don't do anything. i have heard mony poeple say i wish my parent where more strick on me. us parent who do it right are pretty much saying we love your kids but where not going to let them get away with anything they should not be doing. thats my view.

Lisa - posted on 04/13/2010

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Although spanking or other disciplinary methods are controversial issues, they must be discussed. They play an important role in our Mommy lives. Granted not every child needs a spanking to get their attention, but others do. I have seen children who turn into their teen years and disrespect their parents because no discipline was ever enforced. I for one thought about not ever spanking my children because I was spanked when I was a child and did not like one bit. I use a stern voice and serious face when I want my children to listen and they do. But then there are other times when they're tantrums are unbearable and a little pat on the hand or bum has been effective. It really depends on the situation. I absolutely do not believe that a parent who is overtly angry should hit their child because then that would be considered abuse. A parent who hits their child out of anger can hurt the child physically causing bodily harm. Some children have died in the hands of their parent's wrath, and others have suffered severe trauma. It's sad to say that, but it's true.

I think this discussion should go on. Let's keep it clean and civil. God bless everyone.

Sara - posted on 04/13/2010

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I for one do not think there is anything wrong with spanking.... keeping in mind that there are levels of spanking.. i dont think a parent should ever spank while they are angry. I believe that you should give one swat just to get their attention and the you verbally redirect them. It shouldnt hurt them physically when you do spank them and I do believe that it should always be a last resort.

Jane - posted on 04/13/2010

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I think the important thing is to realize that different kids require different methods. Personally, and this may be just our family, but we realized that the kids who are needing the most discipline and with whom nothing works, are actually autistic. The very tippy-top of the spectrum. Highly intelligent, very verbal, but not particularly "tuned in" like neurotypical children. And if your child just isn't tuned in, you need a tuner. That small tap on the well-padded bottom causes them to exit their own head, and hear you speak. Two or three of my SEVEN have never needed a swat, tap, whatever you want to call it. The rest really did. Life endangering circumstances require extraordinary measures. Son 2 ran out into a parking lot where cars were driving - he got a swat. He needed to know that nothing good ever came of running away from Mom.

Tara - posted on 04/13/2010

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I don't agree or believe in the studies that all these people say they do about spanking children. Every child is different and everything effects each person differently. I've tried every method of punishment, literally, EVERY method of punishment, but nothing works for my son except spanking him. So does that mean that I need to just let it go when he does something bad, because no other method of punishment works for him, he isn't phased by anything else and will just continue to do whatever it was that got him into trouble to begin with. You can think I'm a bad mother and everything else, but I'm not. I'm a great mother, and I know that. With my daughter who is only 8 months all I have to do is say no in a firm voice and she knows that what she is doing isn't right, and she usually stops, if she doesn't I have to remove her from the situation for a minute or two and then she does fine. But that doesn't and hasn't worked for my son. This is proof that all children are different and not everything works for every child. My son is more stubborn and doesn't like to listen and will ignore me if I try to talk to him, and refuses to sit in timeout for even a minute. And I've been consistent, I've tried it all for several months, but the only that makes him realize he did something wrong is a quick smack on the butt, of course he has on a diaper and clothes, and I never hit him hard, I never hurt him, just catch him off guard and then I tell him no in a firm voice and he stops. I don't enjoy spanking my son, but if it works, then it works. I was spanked as a child, and almost everyone I know was spanked as a child, and we didn't turn out as abusers, drug users, alcoholics, thugs, or any of that. We are great people with respect for our parents for teaching us that everything in life has consequences, and when you do something bad, you will have bad consequences. I have all the respect in the world for my parent's because they did spank me, and I have respect for them after they have disowned me and no longer speak to me. So what does that tell you? My family no longer speaks to me because of the man I am with and because I decided to have children at a young age, by the way. I love my children with all my heart and would never hurt them. I don't want them to grow up and be bad people, and I know that every child is different and learns differently. Like I said, for my son I have to use spanking as a punishment, because NOTHING else works, and for my daughter a firm NO works. And I will continue to use these methods unless they no longer work. I'm not a child abuser, I'm not a monster, I'm only a great mom that cares for my children and their future.

Jane - posted on 04/13/2010

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I tend to believe that there are situations that require it. When you can't change the locations of things, your child is too young to listen to reason, and you have to keep them away from something. When they are being willfully defiant and nothing else will work. When they're getting off their 10th timeout and headed for another. It's very individual.

Shaunacy - posted on 04/13/2010

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Ihave three sons, My oldest is 6,my second one is 5 and y yungest is 9 months old! I used spanking as a method for my first two starting at around 11 months old. A little tap on the bum to show you should not be touching that isn't going to really harm a child. My first two sons only responded to the taps on th e bums and taking away their toys, and beleive you me, I tried absolutly everything! Those two were the wreking crew togetherm chewing holes in walls, and smearing their poop all over the place, pull the baseboards out with their bare fingers and toally demolishing their rooms...and all this at like 4 am...Very vewry very quietly might I add...Now My 9 month old is very stubborn, Alot like his momma! :) I use redicrection alot of the time with him, he knows what NO! means andunderstands that when I say " BOWEN" in a loud voice and stern tone, that he should not beng doing what he is doing. The has been the very odd time that I've had to tap him on the hand. I think as one person had said erlier (not naming names) For each child there is a form of dicipline. Also we need to keep in mind that opinions change as we go. I was dead set AGAINST spanking when I had my first son at 16 years old and then my second at 17. I was really against it. But my spous at the time had a very different opinion and I figured to myself that there was no harm in trying. Turns out he was right...Some kids need it...some kids don't. But I can tell you when my older kids go out to play I know I can trust them to play nice and to be respectful of others around them. Now we just have to wait till my 9 month old hits 5 and we'll find out if I spoiled him too much but not really spanking him. LOL

Dawn - posted on 04/13/2010

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i am going to say one thing then i am outta here. this topic has been beaten into the ground (no pun intended). only someone interested in making more trouble would continue discussing this after seeing how other posts on the subject turned out(notice that they are locked??) so stop trying to get everyone riled up by bringing this crap back from the dead. i think we are all good moms here no matter how we dcide to discipline our kids. go find something else to do or another topic to discuss.this one is dead

Jodi - posted on 04/13/2010

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I keep hearing about how this generation is worse than the last BECAUSE less parents spank. I don't agree with this at all! Children of the 50's were considered thugs, gangsters and over all, horrible children, but spanking was still prevalent at that time. What about other changes that have occured besides the reduction of spanking? One that pops into my head is mother's working, not just outside of the home, but mother's just working in general, having an independant life of their children. Pre-marital living arrangements, previously, it was not acceptable to live with someone of the opposite sex until you were married, now it happens all the time. Fast food made a rise and home cooked food took a dig, who's to say that doesn't contribute?

My other comment I would like to make is that it's pretty ridiculous to assume that just because someone doesn't spank their child to "discipline" them that they don't discipline them at all. Yes, there are parents out there who don't discipline their children consistently or appropriately, but I don't spank, I use time outs (which work wonderfully in my experience), I also revoke privileges and assign chores.

As for what to do with your daughter, I had a similar problem with my daughter and a floor heater this last winter, she was 9 months old when I started. I put her hands in time out when she tried to touch it. It's a form of discipline that does not evoke fear of the object in question (i.e. a heater for me, a fan for you). I simply sat her on the floor, held her hands for one minute and told her why her hands were in time out, (because we can't touch heaters, outlets etc it's dangerous) I only had to do this a handful of times before she left it alone. We have odne the same thing to get my daughter to leave the kitty litter box alone.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/13/2010

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i only read the first couple entries but come on people, have you not realized that our society has gone to shit after all of these, don't spank your kid people started. I will never beat my children, but a whoopin is good for them, look at history!

[deleted account]

Do people not realise what works for some kids doesn't work for every other kid?



Can people not think of other topics to post about other then spanking? I mean its over done, especially on other forums.

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