Giving your child a public spanking... acceptable?

Sherry - posted on 09/02/2009 ( 192 moms have responded )

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Is it ok.. for instance to spank your child if they are not following the rules?? If you warned them, asked them, negotiated....then what comes next?? Do you spank in public? Is it worse to swat their hinney's or just let the behavior go??

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Brandy - posted on 09/07/2009

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i know that is right.... I have got two boys that r only 14 months apart so i do what needs to be done at the time...my kids r only 3 an 4 so if i waited until i got home they would have no clue why they r getting a spanking

[deleted account]

might i also add.. untill these ppl r mums to more than 1 child and have got past the 2,3 year old stage i dont think they can comment... only talkin from experience:-)

Brandy - posted on 09/07/2009

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that is right..... If u leave a store or anything everytime your child has a meltdown alot of people would never go anywhere.... and the whole thing about waiting till u get home and then spank them... by the time u get home most kids have no idea why they r getting a spanking... depending on their age....

[deleted account]

when u have to take the kids everywhere u need to be able to stay and complete what u went out 4... i spent the best part of 3 years in my home because of my child behavour... THAT is not exceptable!!!

Brandy - posted on 09/07/2009

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Well i don't know how u punish your childs behavior....It is all in the way you are raised.... I got in trouble when i was a child by my mother and i have alot of respect everyone because of the way i was raised... myself i will spank my child in public.....some people think that it is wrong... some think that it is okay.....and if they r acting like that in public and u do nothing about it then some will look at u like u don't correct u child.... everyone has their own way of dealing with their children...i will not reward or anything else for bad behavior.......

Courtney - posted on 09/07/2009

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If you won't spank your child in front of strangers, than it isn't okay to spank your child at home.



Personally, I don't think physical punishment teaches the child anything except that hitting / being bigger or stronger than another person will get them their own way.



If my child acted out in public, I would remove them from that public scene as punishment. Sure, it might mean that I don't get all the groceries I need at the time, or that I have to interrupt a meal -- the point is, the behavior is unacceptable and until they are able to behave then they won't have the privilege of going out with me. Kids are social and curious creatures, this is really all that is needed to teach them that the negative behavior is unacceptable in any situation.

Brandy - posted on 09/07/2009

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I am one parent that believes in spanking your child when the child misbehaves....If you let your child act like that at home or anywhere else... then the child thinks they can do it anywhere...but there is a difference in spanking and abuse..... so yes i believe it is okay to spank your child if they misbehave.....

[deleted account]

I warn our kids then if they do not listen they get spanked. I agree that there is a difference between spanking and abuse. It has fallen by the wayside for teaching your kids the difference between right and wrong and look at our society now compared to 20 years ago. I think if more parents did it there would be more respect for people and objects when they are older.

[deleted account]

I warn our kids then if they do not listen they get spanked. I agree that there is a difference between spanking and abuse. It has fallen by the wayside for teaching your kids the difference between right and wrong and look at our society now compared to 20 years ago. I think if more parents did it there would be more respect for people and objects when they are older.

Cmquist - posted on 09/07/2009

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Quoting Katherine :

It depends on why they need to be smacked... when Hannah was 2 she had ran out onto a really busy road after I got her off it all I could was smack her because I had asked her many times to stick close & hold my hand... after I had smack her bottom she had learned that roads are not to be played on even though my husband & I had spent many times teaching her not to go on the road children don't learn the first time until they understand it & from that day she did. So if you need to give your child a smack for being naughty then it's your choice cause that day a time out wouldn't have worked!!!


That is the only way I would publically dicipline my child ....if their life was in danger. Other wise I would do it privately.  I have a son who is Autistic and when he was younger he ran regularily into traffic. I had to really get it throught his brain NO!!!








 

Cmquist - posted on 09/07/2009

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The rod is the Shepherds Staff. Shepherds rarely "beat their sheep". It is a guiding tool to firmly push the sheep in the right direction. We are to never give up disciplining our children that does not always mean to punish. There are times when only a spanking seems to get through. But discipline must come in many forms, logical consequences for actions. For example if you do not pick up your toys before supper you will not eat. Then kids get older and spanking is purely ridiculous. My dd is 11. Now the consequences must really come, I must prepare her for real life. If I am lazy I will be fired or live in squalor. TV is a privilege not a right, it must be earned. Loss of privileges really gets a preteen thinking.

DeAnna - posted on 09/07/2009

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I think there is nothing wrong with spanking the child in or out of public. I agree with Veronica about there being a difference. I am not saying to spank first it is best to start with a warning and then if they keep it up they need to be punished. You have to make sure the child understands that they cannot get away with unacceptable behavior, if you just ignore them and let them get away with throwing a fit in public they are going to know they can do it and you will let them go. Kids know how to play a parent sometimes and they will do it if they are allowed to.

Cmquist - posted on 09/07/2009

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I do discipline my children. Spanking in PUBLIC is unacceptable. If your child is completely out of control it is time to either haul them home or find a very private place to deal with the child. Discipline is a private matter between you and your child. It should be done in private so you do not humiliate and exasperate your child. Would you like it if you were pulled aside and publicly disciplined or would it better serve you in the long run if you were taken aside and quietly yet firmly dealt with? If your kids are really misbehaving it should only take a few hauls home for a good spanking or whatever your method is to stop the public misbehavior. If you stay in control, say what you mean and follow through your kids will know their boundaries.

Amanda - posted on 09/07/2009

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Heck YES!!!!! If my child is not listening to me, and I have told her and told her and she still refuses to listen to HER PARENT!! then yes she needs to understand that every negative action has a negative response. Now I am not talking about abusing my child it is always done my hand her butt and no more than 3x . I think in today's cultural normal people would rather try to be their child's friend rather than be their parent. you see it all the time in the stores, parents try to reason with their kids about not getting a toy the kid screams and raises absolute hell and gets away with it just so they dont make a scene. I'm so tried of parents letting their kids run them. how will any child respect their parents or any memory of childhood if their are not given boundries.How many of us moms were spanked and forced to listen as kids? why should we lower our stands as adults for fear of some strangers approval? Now I also understand kids have meltdowns all of the time being tired, hungry, teething, but these are not what i am reffering to when a child deserves to be spanked. Those all need to be dealt with differently too.

Liz - posted on 09/07/2009

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Spank Away! You seem levelheaded enough you know the differance between abuse and punishment. I agree do it in a bathroom/car/ out of the general public eye. I hate this style of treating your kids like mini adults. THEY ARENT! I do believe there is an age were spanking doesnt work yet, or doesnt work anymore. But I would base that on your child, not on an age. My parents spanked me when I was 12, and I totally deserved it, and learned from it. But not every kid would react well to being spanked at that age.

Liz - posted on 09/07/2009

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Spank Away! You seem levelheaded enough you know the differance between abuse and punishment. I agree do it in a bathroom/car/ out of the general public eye. I hate this style of treating your kids like mini adults. THEY ARENT! I do believe there is an age were spanking doesnt work yet, or doesnt work anymore. But I would base that on your child, not on an age. My parents spanked me when I was 12, and I totally deserved it, and learned from it. But not every kid would react well to being spanked at that age.

Tina - posted on 09/07/2009

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I also agree with some of the other mom's and kids have no respect for adults of any variety. Because of the new laws. They know all they have to do is get a lawyer. I think it's sad when kids divorce their parents. IF the child is being beaten or abused in any other way then have at it but some kids do it to get their own way and it's apalling. MY kids get a swat if they're naughty and they respect their elders. They know they can come to me if they have a problem and if GOD FORBID someone else hurt them in anyway and they know I love them but i wont tolerate bad behaviour. I have three polite, respectful occasionally naughty kids now who don'y run amock everywhere.

Tina - posted on 09/07/2009

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Ok well, here's my opinion. I was raised in the era that if I misbehaved i got a smack. And I smack my kids in they're naughty. Occasionally that involes one in public. There is a BIG HUGE difference between smacking and beating a child. Most of those against smacking were either not smacked at all or beaten enough they fight against it. There are so many child protection laws as it is that soon you wont be able to sit your kids in a naughty corner, which for the most part doesn't work that well.

Jillian - posted on 09/07/2009

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I don't like to spank in public, but I would if nothing else worked. My husband has spanked the kids in public for standing up in the cart after being told time and time again to sit down. Our girls are 4, 7 and 8 now and know that they are only spanked for misbehaving. They know that mommy and daddy love them more than anything and that we don't like spanking anymore than they like getting spanked. They are now at that point where all I have to do is look them in the eye and tell them to stop something and they stop. I don't have to threaten to smack their butts for being bad in public anymore. At home is a different story, lol.

Pamela - posted on 09/07/2009

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I will do a quick swat to get my point across. Save the spanking for home. Take the child out of the situation and explain to them that since they were following the rules that they loose privileges when they get home. If they are old enough to understand rules then they understand what no privileges mean too.



When my son misbehaves in the mornings before school I wait until he gets home from school to inform him that because of his behavior that morning he isn't allowed to watch tv until after dinner or play outside. I don't want to tell him his punishment before school because I do want him to have a good day at school and not be distracted.



When I see parents lose it in public and really spank the child this makes them look foolish. Keep feelings in tact and disapline in private.

[deleted account]

When i had my daughter I was 1 of those parents that used to put my nose in the air and think ... well the parents that smack their children have no idea of parenting... Im happy to announce I now have 2 sons that from time to tim e need a smack. I now see i had no idea of parenting with a tryin child....

With my duaghter i would say "Dont do that honey" and she would listen and still does... My boys are completely different.

Helena - posted on 09/06/2009

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To let you know , it is ok to have your own opinion! CPS can not just come and take your child for spanking them. Especially if someone just called and said the mother spanked her child! I know that there is no law saying you can not spank your child! Sure if your are beating your child you should get in trouble, but swatting them on the butt! I was in a Foster Parenting class recently and asked the same question, they told me it is not against the law, as long as you do not spank them hard enough to leave a mark! Leaving marks constitues abuse!

Helena - posted on 09/06/2009

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Honestly I believe it is ok to spank your own child. There is no law against it! The Department of Family and Children gave me this answer when I asked the same question at a Foster Parenting class recently, "there is no law saying you can not spank your child but, you are not allowed to leave marks". I use to spank my son when he deserved it. I never hurt him in anyway, but it did teach him not to do something if I told him not too. I love my son and he is awesome. He hardly ever acts out anymore. The bible says "spare the rod and you spoil the child".

[deleted account]

nothing wrong with a smack. theres a big difference between a smack and abuse. alot of kids think because they r out that they can get away with it. people r watching mummy can't smack me. mine get a smack if they push that boundry too far.

Cathy - posted on 09/06/2009

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I was raised with getting spankings and it didn't matter where we were, Church, grocery store, mall, if my parents felt that I was misbehaving then I was punished for it. I am now a Mom with a lot of respect for my parents. I am now raising my kids the same way. I believe we see the results of parents not taking action when it comes to discipline. Kids have no respect for their parents or for anyone else anymore.

[deleted account]

from one military wife to another... I totally agree with you, children do need learn where you stand as a parent.. you are the boss not them.. if one of my children smacked me then they know what happens a time out or they get a smack bum in public or not.. also when it is something that can in danger their life or others then sometimes a bloodly good smack bottom makes them think but my kids have started to learn very quickly that if they do it then 'I might get smacked or lose my chance for icecream with movie night'. Time outs in our house last longer then most & done in silence & many times have been done in public.. which can be funny seeing one of my kids standing facing a wall then apologising to us then we get on with shopping but we get stared out when we do this but most people understand others aren't we just tell them to bugger off & it's none of there business at least we are trying to parent our 5 children unlike so many we see at the shopping centre walking all over their parents as if they are the boss... some of those kids need a good smack but that's not my place to give it.. it the parents so if it works for you then go with it, I can't see a problem with it!!! :)

[deleted account]

Perfectly fine. I've never had any one interfere, but I think I would tell anyone who did to mind their business.

[deleted account]

It depends on why they need to be smacked... when Hannah was 2 she had ran out onto a really busy road after I got her off it all I could was smack her because I had asked her many times to stick close & hold my hand... after I had smack her bottom she had learned that roads are not to be played on even though my husband & I had spent many times teaching her not to go on the road children don't learn the first time until they understand it & from that day she did. So if you need to give your child a smack for being naughty then it's your choice cause that day a time out wouldn't have worked!!!

Jenny - posted on 09/06/2009

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I do believe in spanking too. My 2 year old daughter can get pretty fussy when we go grocery shopping. I will firmly tell her that she needs to behave or she will get a spanking. You must follow thru with whatever you tell your child otherwise you won't get the respect you are due. Spanking gets their attention and on-lookers will just have to get over it. Which is worse: a whinny child going down each isle or a one time spanking, a little cry? I think the spanking is better! lol

Samantha - posted on 09/05/2009

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i think it is ok to spank your kid, but do not hit!!. it lets them no that they have crossed the line, as they cant do what ever they want n like, it is our job as a mother/father to teach them wrong from right, and what they can and cant do where n when....i hate these people today that dont and wote disapline there children, and then say oh kids to day have no respect.... well thats coz you let them do what ever they want and give them what ever they want, for nothing!!! kids need rules, disapine, just as much as they need love understanding and support as you giude them through life..

Rebecca Lynn - posted on 09/05/2009

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Just a warning someone I know spanked their child in public and a someone who saw copied her license plate number down as they were leaving and called police. CAS showed up and took her kids away.



Personally I don't believe that a child should be slapped or hit at any point in time for any reason, there is ALWAYS another method of discipline. We give our Son time-outs/bedroom time or early bedtime when he is acting badly and he listens better than any 4yr old I know. He is a very polite, caring, kind and respectful child.

Jean - posted on 09/05/2009

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I believe spanking is acceptable. They cannot learn respect and obedience with out knowing there is consequences for bad behavior. I am not saying BEAT them. There is a difference. But even better is to train a child as young as possible to obey you without question. Makie it fun as possible, but do not torerate any disobedience. Do fun things with them. There is good child training material out there. Try No Greater Joy is good. Parents are usually the ones that need training and take their responsiblithy more serious.

Cmquist - posted on 09/05/2009

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I believe spanking your child in public is disrespectful of your child and makes the parent look out of control. Spanking should be done in the privacy in the home and only if they out rightly defy your authority.



If my kids misbehave in public and we have to stay, I have had them stand in a time out at the wall for as many mins as their age.It works like a charm.

Jenny - posted on 09/05/2009

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yes it is okay i belive that if a child asked to behave in public and they dont listen han yes a spank on the bum is what is needed...

Melissa - posted on 09/05/2009

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Spanking in public is humiliating for you and the child no matter the age. I am not by any means against spanking, to an extent, however do your punishing out of the eyes of the public. everyone has feelings and rather it is their child or not any person is going to be bothered by the fact of a child being spanked. I work at walmart and i see a lot of things that i dont agree with. if its no discipline or too much disciopline.i seen a mother grab her son, maybe 2 yrs old, and pull his pants down and swatt him 3 or4 times in front of the registers where everyone could see. in my opinion completely inappropriate!

Lisa - posted on 09/05/2009

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My older kids actually find it a harsher punishment when they are cut off from everybody. I have actually made them sit alone (where I can watch and be relatively close of course) in public places. Never leave them open to dangerous situations or humiliate them.

Lisa - posted on 09/05/2009

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I think it is worse not to spank them. This of course depends on the age. I found spanking worked up to age 6. Taking away prized possessions or grounding (in a room with no toys or tv) worked better.



I mean a swat on the backside when I say spanking.

Tonya - posted on 09/05/2009

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I was never spanked as a child and turned out okay but I have a 17 month old daughter and I don't think there is anything wrong with a swat on the behind, if people don't like it tell them not to look and plus it's none of their business.

Tabatha - posted on 09/05/2009

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I will proudly say i spank(not hit) my kids and i dont care where i am at. I am mom, i know what is best for MY child, as i believe everyother mom knows the same for THEIR child. my 2 year old listens 20times better than half of the 6 year olds running around, when i was eating at a restaurant a i seen a little boy, who couldnt have been 7 cuss out his parents bc he wanted desert first, all they did was get up and leave, well heads stare, so i was watching them get in there car and the boy smacked his mom right in the face and they did NOTHING, obviously, in THERE situation, leaving and no discipline didnt work. young kids understand alot more than ADULTS give them credit for. my son gets 3 warnings, then i count to 5OUT LOUD, and at that point hes still acting up, his but is getting smacked. sure he will cry for about 3 mins, but then hes good. some ppl like time outs, some ppl like the kids running the show, i like to be mom, i like to be in control over my child. there is NO guide line to parenting, you do as you want bc its your kid, no matter who tells you what its your house, no need in confusing your kid to save embarrassment. lets see, im gonna spank you at home but in public i wont, do this times 3, kid knows to show off in public if he wants your attn, bc he gets away with it. all in all, like i said, i PROUDLY spank my kids when they need it, just like i support my husband being in the military, but those are MY choices, every one has to make there own, or get ruled by there child, or by other watchers bc they dont want to be embarrassed, bc you know, being embarrassed is something that will kill you, especially with those strangers you will probably never see again.

Danielle - posted on 09/04/2009

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I definitely think it's ok. There's a difference between a smack and child abuse. When my daughter plays up in public, I usually just growl her or ignore her antics until she starts to behave, and if she doesn't I warn her that she will get smacked before I actually do it. I don't smack my daughter often, but when I do she doesn't really cry but she smartens up straight away because she knows that I only smack her when she's being really naughty. I don't know many people at all who weren't disciplined at some stage in their lives. We all remember the wooden spoon, the egg flip and of course the good ol' boot, and I haven't grown up to be some violent tyrant and it certainly hasn't scarred me for life. If anything, my friends and I LAUGH about those days. I hate how this day and age is all about "no spanking". I reckon that's a big part of the reason why you have teenage rebels getting around on the streets whenever they want and causing trouble wherever they go - lack of discipline!

Brittany - posted on 09/04/2009

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I do believe in spanking as well. My stepdaughter is 3 years old and sometimes can be quite a handful. There are days when she will beg and beg and beg for things and after i have said no, I repeat to her "Hannah, I said no." and she turns around to me and says "I SAY YES!" that gets under my skin and i think she knows it. I talk to her (not yell) and say Do not talk to me that way, it is very rude. most of the time she backs off on whatever it is she was begging for but other times it comes to me saying if you dont stop begging or whining, you can go sit in your room for a little while. My husband just got partial placement of her last December and so he is still not quite sure on what to do as far as discipline. I have done a lot of babysitting and also worked in a childcare center. There were a few times that he got down to her level to tell her she could not have or do something and she slapped him in the face! He said time out, I said no you get a spanking because if you want to hit, you'll get one back. of course i never spank hard. most of the time she barely feels it, but when i do so, she knows i mean business! My husband still thinks I'm being to harsh on her, but she has also learned to respect me and knows my limits, whereas with him, he is too leniant with her and she walks all over him for it. I know it will take time for him to catch on to the discipline, but I have proved again and again that a spanking does NOT hurt her when done properly and fully has taught her respect. Although I do not ever spank in public like most people here in fear that someone will say something to me. I'm never very good at having a decent come back to someone, especially a stranger.



All in all i think a spanking that is done as a teaching method after all other things have been tried first is teaching the child respect for their parents and I have proof from the way my stepdaughter has learned to respect me. and there is a big difference between respect and fear. she is not afraid of me, she just knows where her boundaries are. I also agree that when in public, walking away with the child is a good answer. it shows that you are not going to tolerate the behavior and gives you one on one with the child to talk to them on their level and then you dont have the eagle eyes of others staring down your back and judging what you say or do!



and another thing, how many of us were spanked as children and have turned out just fine?! I know I was one who got spanked and I dont hate my parents for it at all!

Ericka - posted on 09/04/2009

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i have no problem with spanking anywhere. they are your kids and as my mom says you have the title to them. some kids don't respond to just scolding, mine don't usually...and spanking comes next.

Emily - posted on 09/04/2009

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in public i wouldn't do it someone might call cps on you if you need good dicipline i strongly suggest reading 123 Magic it works wonders but you have to follow it exactly or it could backfire on you and you will loose control again

[deleted account]

YES, spank them if at all possible you should take them to the restroom if there is one close by. It's the rod of correction that sets them on the right path .... they will thank you later .

Tamara - posted on 09/04/2009

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If the rule is you break this rule you get a spanking it doesn't matter where you are when they break the rule you spank them. Rules should not be broken because of location. Although I would suggest taking them to the bathroom out of the public eye, After all dicipline is a family matter not a public one. that being said there are correct and incorrect ways to spank a child, never more than the crime warrents, and never out of anger. and always make sure they understand why they are getting a spanking.

Melissa - posted on 09/04/2009

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Personally, I think it is never OK to spank your child in public. It is probably best to just leave the place you are at if possible. Leaving lets them know their behavior will not be tolerated without using violence. Spanking teaches fear not respect.

Elisha - posted on 09/04/2009

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I think if the child is misbehaving go for it. My daughter is very well behaved but she does try to push the buttons every once in awhile, and a small swat on the butt lets you know that its not accetiable. and that im the one in charge and she needs to listen to me, thankfully though i rarely have to use a spanking.

Georgia - posted on 07/18/2011

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I'm not against public spanking if its necessary. Times have really changed though. I remember one time when I was probably about six years old, I misbehaved while Mom was out shopping. I got taken to the ladies room in the store and got the spanking of my life for being disruptive. If the other ladies in the room said anything it was simply to lend encouragement to my mother.



I don't know if you would call this public spanking, but a couple of months ago I was visiting my sister when she caught her eight year old son lying to her about where he had been playing. She took him over her knee on the spot and gave him a bare bottom spanking to the point of tears. Its not the way I expected to spend a nice afternoon visiting with my sister, but I can't say it bothered me. I know how challenging kids are to raise. I respect any parent who takes the time in this busy world to discipline. As long as they don't cross the line to physical abuse, I'm for it.

[deleted account]

Hmmm interesting thread. I see lots of suggestions on how to avoid smacking, and Sherry it looks like you have an argument for every one of them. Yet, in your original post you ask if it's okay to spank them in public. Yet you argue with everyone who says no it's not okay. What was the point of your question? If you are going to smack them anyway and you don't care what anyone else thinks and you aren't willing to try any of the suggestions offered, why did you start this thread?

Nikkole - posted on 04/23/2010

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i dont think there is any thing wrong with spanking in public. I know that some people say dont do spank them in public it's embarrassing for them. well maybe next time they wont do it.

Kristy - posted on 04/22/2010

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My 2 year old will try to throw a fit in public. I give her a swat on the backside. Usually does the trick. There is a difference between spanking and beating. I see nothing wrong with public spanking.

Rachelle - posted on 04/15/2010

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we dont do public spanking b/c of "those people" mentioned previously. i ask my children if they would like to see the restroom when they are behaving badly in public. we tell them before we leave the house that that means a spanking. it usually streightens them out. or you could use the "no dessert" threat but ALWAYS follow through EVEN if their behavior improves. warning and negotiating and asking doenst work if your not tough. they behave badly then streighten up when dessert is threatened then you give it to them= a child who will act up again. be strong the first couple time and it wont happen again, trust me.

Victoria - posted on 09/08/2009

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There is nothing wrong with spanking in public. I was at the state fair and my son had been acting up for 2 hours. I tried everything. So I spanked him right there. An old man walked up to me and said " Don't hit him again please". I told him to mind his own business. 36 hrs of labor. I make the rules. Children need boundaries. There a difference in abuse and spanking. My friend takes her daughter to the car or bathroom for the spanking. 3 warnings then a trip to the car and that's the spanking.

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