Stay at home mom, he decided to leave me

Janice - posted on 05/06/2016 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Hi, I'm new to this, I have been in a relationship with my partner for 9 years we have two children together ages 7 and 5. We haven't been getting along too well, but he completely caught me off guard when he said he was leaving and just left us. I am devastated.

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Tonya - posted on 05/07/2016

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Hi, even though this happened, you have so much to be thankful for!

2 beautiful children & a lot more that only you know. And guess what? You survived another day.
Since this is the weekend, you have 2 full days to deal with your emotions and make a plan. Then deal with the rest one day at a time

We dont know what he's going to do and it might not be a good idea to sit around waiting to find out. He made a hurtful decision already and no one would want more of that.

Plan what you want for yourself and your kids. Write it down & pray about it.
Be prepared for some ups & downs with him since you have children together.

"You dont know how strong you are until its the only choice you have." A very smart woman said that & it's true! You will be surprised at how strong you are.

You will bounce back once you realize what YOU are capable of and how much love you still have in your life. Your kids aren't going anywhere & they need you now!

Pray for strength and know that all is not lost. Its a new day. Lets see you survive it and figure out what YOU need now. Good things could be just around the corner.

Tonya - posted on 05/06/2016

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So sorry to hear he did that to you. If you were caught off guard and it came as a surprise, there are things going on with him that you didnt know
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Men dont just leave with no place to go. He has been thinking about leaving already and finally told you and left.

The thing to focus on now is the children. Being a mom is the greatest mission you will ever receive. Get support and cry it out with the people who love you.

Then dust yourself off and get back in the game. You will get through it and your kids will remember how strong you were for them.
Take care of yourself and set some new goals just for you. It all gets better with time

Michelle - posted on 05/06/2016

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You will get through it.
Your main focus for now is the children. Make sure you get custody, visitation and child support sorted out through the courts as soon as you can.

Glory - posted on 05/18/2016

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Janice, one step at a time. One foot in front of the other. All the moms that have heard your cry and replied are giving you great advice. The sun always comes up. Things shall pass. You WILL be stronger. Cry when you need to, especially to God. He hears your cry, and feels your anguish. Get up every day and do for your children and yourself. Treat yourself well, and breathe deeply. Many people have said that a child needs parents, but especially a mother. A mother seldom abandons her child. Your children will be fine with you. You have all the love they need. Draw strength from God. Meet people as you did before he hijacked your activities and associations with people, and life. Call up old friends, they will understand. Friends are friends. If you just want company, ask them to be company. Take walks and deep breaths. The act of taking deep breaths automatically relaxes your mind and body. Cross your arms over your chest with your hands below your shoulders. Close your eyes and breathe deeply for 15 minutes. Hand to hand, put your fingertips together, as if your hands were in prayer but with only the fingertips touching. This will rebalance the energies in your brain. Put on Christian radio. You won't be so alone. The Word of God will comfort you. I will be in prayer for you.

Sarah - posted on 05/18/2016

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In addition to a counselor, maybe a life coach can help you get your life on track. By setting short term goals and a few long term goals you will have some idea of where and how to start putting your life back in order. Obviously, a drivers license or at least an ID is critical. Then file for child and spousal support. Open a bank account. By just getting yourself up and out each day, you will begin to think about him less and more about the progress you are making. You will grieve this loss, that is normal, but you can't let it paralyze you.

21 Comments

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Alfred - posted on 06/29/2016

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why not chat with me as i know what that is like. my w/app number is 00356 79382771

Janice - posted on 05/18/2016

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Thank you for responding, I'm trying to set goals, I have opened a bank account, I want to get my drivers license next but I don't have a car so I'm still trying to figure it out. I also plan on starting school in a few months. I'm having a hard time I have not been able to make friends, and I'm lonely I really wish I had some friends to help get through this, I feel so alone. I'm also having a hard time he mentioned bringing our kids around his girlfriend which explains why he left, I had a feeling he was cheating on me.

Michelle - posted on 05/18/2016

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You need to give it time. No one can tell you when YOU will "get over" him, everyone is different.
I suggest you find a way to get out and socialize. Find a hobby that you can do while the kids are in school or even meet up with other Mothers for coffee.
Stop trying to figure out what his feelings are, it will only consume you. Maybe find a counselor that can help you work through your feelings.

Janice - posted on 05/17/2016

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When does it stop hurting? I miss him so much everything reminds me of him, he moved on so fast, I don't understand how he could stop loving me after so many years together and two children together.

Janice - posted on 05/13/2016

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Thank you for all the advice I really appreciate it, right now I'm still trying to take it all in, I'm sad I feel alone but I'm trying to stay strong for my kids. It's the worst feeling....I miss him.

April - posted on 05/11/2016

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Oh, Sweet Lady, I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar a few years ago. It does hurt. What you’re feeling right now won’t last forever though. I know that is hard to think about right now, but with time you will heal. Just take it moment by moment. Having someone leave can make a person feel like they are in a crisis situation. I want to encourage you to not make any big life changing decisions right now. Save those decision for later when things have calmed down a bit. I also want to encourage you to seek counseling. What you are going through is a lot to take in. A counselor can help you work through your thoughts and walk through this with you. You’re not alone, dear friend. I am praying for you.

Janice - posted on 05/11/2016

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It hurts so much. I'm trying to get through this, but it hurts I wish this never happened.

April - posted on 05/10/2016

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Hi. I wish I could come give you a big hug. Dear lady, you are strong enough to handle this. I know this wasn’t what you expected, but don’t beat yourself up over that. You didn’t do anything wrong. He chose to leave. Now you choose where you go from here. It does not matter whether you hand a bank account or work experience in the past. All of that is in the past. You can decide what the future will hold. If you want a bank account, go get one. If you want work experience, you can go achieve it. Think positive and keep moving forward. Set small goals and start working toward. Even if the goal is just to get out of bed and get dress today, work toward that goal. Surround yourself with a supportive people. This link might help you get in contact with people that could help you. http://bit.ly/1gg8iR3 Take it one day at a time and one step at a time. Praying for you!

Janice - posted on 05/10/2016

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I feel like I am literally starting over I have no bank account, driver liscense, or work experience we've been together since high school, I feel that this was all planned and I should have known better because he just got his new job and he just got a new truck and then he told me he was leaving me and left the next day. I feel so stupid and used. We lived with my parents and now i feel he was just saving his money here. I let him control my life I feel like I was set up to fail. I'm worried for my children he's never paid attention to our children, and has never taken care of them alone, he never had time for us he would leave around 5am and come back late night. But now he is telling me he wants to take them on weekends overnight, and in the summer, holidays etc. I don't even know where he lives now. He has always ignored our daughter and it has affected her, she has always noticed he favored her brother, if he never had time for our kids when he was living with us why would he have time for them now, I'm not prepared for a custody battle I'm scared.

Marliqua - posted on 05/10/2016

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So sorry that happen but what is meant to be will be done any man that loves you wouldn't leave you. Don't be devastated someone will walk into you and those kids life just focus on you and them kids right now.

Sarah - posted on 05/09/2016

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It is going to take time, but slowly you can put your life together. You are going to feel a lot of different emotions over the next months and one of them is going to be anger. When you are angry take care not to bad mouth dad to the kids. He betrayed the whole family but he is their father and they don't need to hear negative comments. Reassure them that dad does still love them and this is not their fault.
Meanwhile, get your duck in a row. Make sure he doesn't pull the rug out from under you again. File for child and spousal support, get you custody arrangement negotiated. Finding friends is important, if the parents at school aren't' welcoming you, try church, reach out to other parents from your kids activities. it just takes one to get the ball rolling. A few girl friends will go a long way when you are alone and need some support.

Janice - posted on 05/09/2016

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I volunteer at the school a lot, but the other parents are older than me and don't talk to me, I'm really not sure how to make friends. This is hard it's only been 5 days.

Michelle - posted on 05/09/2016

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My ex also made sure I didn't have any friends. It's hard but you do get through it.
Since your children are school aged why not get involved with the school? Join the committee's and volunteer your time to help out in class as well. It's a great way to meet other parents the have the same interests.

Janice - posted on 05/08/2016

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I really appreciate your responses, I don't have any friends, my partner isolated me from the ones I use to have so I really have no one to talk, I have to go through this alone, my younger child is very hurt that his dad not coming home. This is so hard I never thought this would happen.

Janice - posted on 05/07/2016

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Thank you for responding, I honestly believed we were doing fine, he recently started a new higher paying job and he was happy he said he could now provide us a better life. But then he started changing he was coming home late, he started drinking and was always on his phone, I guess I should have seen it coming. This is all happened last month, I just don't understand how it is so easy for him to leave me and the kids. I feel used clearly he did have this planned, I believe he has someone new in his life he said he had a place to go with his friend. I cannot stop crying I don't know how to get through this.

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