Stay at home mom without a car.

Kimberly - posted on 04/04/2011 ( 49 moms have responded )

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I am a stay at home mom without a car and no license. My mom refuses to babysit and cant find a sitter who wont charge me twenty bucks an hour. I have a job across the street for an hour a day but i cant take my son with me. I just need some ideas of what to do. I would walk into town, but town is ten miles from me and my husband works twelve hour days. I am getting so frustrated with no break from my 7 month old.

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Jane - posted on 04/08/2011

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Don't think about what you can't do. Think about what you can do. You seem to have computer access - is there anything you could sell on eBay? Could you start a garden and thereby save money from your allowance? Is there a park or a playground close to you that you could walk to? If so, you might go at various time to see if any other moms with young children show up there that you could befriend? Are there any churches nearby with activities for moms with small children? We don't know your neighborhood, but I suggest you try looking at it with an eye for opportunities for you and your baby to socialize.

Also, is there any chance that once you do get your license back you could drive your husband to work at least one day a week so you could have the car? That would give you a bit of freedom from the four walls and make it easier to do things you need to do such as take your baby in for well-baby check ups.

You could also consider looking for a used bicycle and use it to expand your range somewhat. Put the baby in a sling and go explore.

[deleted account]

It is very important that you have balance in your life, especially when you are a SAHM and being unable to get out much does not contribute to achieving balance.I have a friend who was down to one car for about 6 months so she decided to take her husband to work and pick him up, I do not know if that would work for you because it does not sound like your husband sees your needs as needs. Can your friends pick you up once in a while so you can be with them? Also, if you join a moms group you could host the playgroups at home so that you can at least have some interaction with other adults even if you don get out of the house. I hope that the fact that your husband leaves you home with no transportation and has all financial control is not his way of controlling you and isolating you. If you think it is, then you may want to have a serious conversation with him. to be emotionally healthy and a better mom and wife, You need balance and that includes social interaction, getting out of the house so you can be part of a playgroup for your baby, etc... Good luck.

Stifler's - posted on 04/06/2011

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I used to walk to town just to get out of the house when Logan was 7 months. Even though I had a car it was more convenient to put him in the stroller and walk off to town and buy a few things like milk etc. and walk home and have a look around the op shop on the way home and find bargains and books for us to read and clothes in the next size up for like $1. Is there a bus you can take to town? Lift with the neighbours to town? Give the neighbours fuel money to take you to town? Do you have neighbours you can hang out with and do coffee one day a week. Even if they're old and have no kids it can still be a fun thing to do. I used to visit my neighbour every week at 9 and usually didn't leave til 12 and the kids played and we had coffee and good chats.

Medic - posted on 04/05/2011

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Then do what you have to do to pay the fine and get it taken care of. Take charge of your life and do something about it if your not happy. There is never a situation where you don't have options and are not able to change the situation for the better. I am a big believer in "grab the bull by the horns". Lots of people are more than willing to help but to rebute everything with an excuse makes others feel like you don't really want help, that you more just want to whine about the situation.

Gennevy - posted on 04/12/2011

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When I had my first child my mom lived 2 states away and my friends couldn't really help since they had their own thing going on... so here's what i did....

for small income here and there I sold stuff online (ebay and craigslist)... just random things I didn't miss and I also bought bulk items and sold items individually... granted I didn't make alot but it was something to keep my mind occupied and make a little something on the side. Have your husband drop off any items you sell at the post office... or if you sell something on craigslist they will most likely come to you.

for social... I joined a mommy group on meetup.com... they have plenty of mommy groups out there aswell as other groups..... I met some great ladies through the mommy groups and as someone had mentioned before... you can have them come to your home.... just let the group know you're new and have no transportation and believe me there's moms out there that will understand...who knows... you may even meet someone that maybe willing babysit for you.

good luck!

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Demi - posted on 05/14/2012

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I completly understand you im a stay at home mum without a car or lisence(dont have my lisence as was in a car crash when my girl was 2 weeks old and have enough trouble being a passenger in a car) my familys useless for babysitting as they live atleast 6 hours away and its even harder when my inlaws all live near each other so they use each other for babysitting but they are a good 1-3 hours away so its also useless to us. for they time being ive given up the idea of working as my only option for my daughter would be daycare which me working would only just cover and my partners a truck driver so hes just to unreliable to have him care for her while i would work. i just try to find bits and pieces to sell to make some extra money. to get out of the house i just take very oppportunity i can to put my foot down when partners on days off to say look i need a break im going out or you take our daughter out and do something. this probably isnt very helpful but thought id let you know your not alone.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/14/2012

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My kids are teens now, but I had a similar situation. I even moved to the town where my large, extended family lives and no one would babysit for me without being paid. It was a huge heartache for me as I had always babysat for my sisters when their children were young. It is really hard. I finally moved away when I was able to and now my family is all "we don't know your kids". Well, they had the chance, and blew it!
If you are breastfeeding, I would see if there is a la leche league in your area. There may be someone who can give you rides to the group and it would be a good way to make friends who can share child care. If you're not breastfeeding, look for a play group at the library or some other public space. Living outside of town is not easy, we have always done that ourselves and it's hard to find someone to babysit. I hardly ever left my kids until they were old enough to stay home alone. I definitely think you need to find some kind of transportation, the isolation of being a mom of a young child is bad enough even if you can get out of the house. Good luck.

Kristy - posted on 04/18/2011

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Do you know any other SAHM who you could exchange babysitting time with. You watch her kids when she needs them watched and she would watch yours for your time. Its benefits everyone and no one is out huge babysitting fees. That really is sad your mom refuses to help in babysitting. I am very fortunate that I have 3 Grandmas always eager to watch mine when I need to go solo. Also, do you know anyone ( elderly) neighbor who could watch your little one for you, for an hour or two a day. Many grandparents do not have access to their grandkids on a regular basis, so this would be a win win situation and you could reciprocate by making a home cooked meal for her.

Shannon - posted on 04/17/2011

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kim my name is shannon i to am a stay at home mom and i do not have a licnce, when i was 18 i lived in germany so i could not get one now i have a real fear of driving pluse i broke my hip at 30 and i cant work or drive. i do get embrassed and i still have 3 kids at home my husband does drive he to his disabled so i do have a way of getting around. but i am embrassed. maybe you can ask a friend i know its hard every mom needs a break maybe you can go to the high school they alwys have kids that like to babysit. try asking your mom why she wont help . you do need a break ecspcally if your husband works alot.

Sandy - posted on 04/14/2011

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If you attend a neighborhood church, post a help wanted sign. Some elderly church ladies might help out for an hour a day and may not charge you much if you're in walking distance. Good luck.

Carol - posted on 04/13/2011

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You don't say why you don't have a driver's licnse. Why too won't your mom babysit is she afraid she'll get too attached to her grandson? You also didn't say what kind of job you have for an hour a day, what you need to do is first get a license then check around in your neighborhood to see if there are any other stay at home moms. Instead of charging to babysit why not suggest that you and the other mom watch the babies just as a favor to give the other mom a break. If you'll watch her's for nothing then maybe she'll watch your's for nothing, if you don't want to get a driver's license then find a neighbor who has a car and when you need to go to town give her $5.00 for a small to mid-size car and if she has a minivan, SUV, or big car give her $10.00 for gas, or offer to buy them something for the gas if you can't give them gas money.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/12/2011

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post help wanted signs for a baby sitter in town, on bullatin boards at coffee shops (where youngsters hang out) and telephone poles. Lots of people need the cash, but you have to make it worth it for them too. even if you can find one for 10 dollars an hour or 8... no offense but I doubt even someone who gets paid 20 dollars an hour wants to drive 10 miles out of down for 1 hour to make 20 dollars. Now a days, its not worth the time or gas. You sound like you have a big problem.

Maybe you should look into alternatives, like offering your home and time to babysit. You could make money that way, by having someone drop their kid off with you and you make the 20 an hour. Even if its for a few hours a few days a week, you could make money, and then when you really need a day off from kids, you can pay someone the 20 to babysit for a whole day.

I'd look at something else, something like that, where you could help. Maybe offer your services to help someone disabled or elderly. They might not mind you having a 7 month old around if they can have you go shopping with them (gets you out of the house)??

Research research research ideas :) internet is full of them

Lyndi - posted on 04/12/2011

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Craigslist? I know its kind of scary, but you just have to really check them out. Post an ad listing EVERY detail of your requirements from what you are willing to pay to what age you want them to be, etc. Sorry about your mother, that's awful!!

Kimberly - posted on 04/12/2011

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I understand what you're going through Kimberly. I was born and raised in a big city where I didn't need to drive, so I never bothered to get my license. I really have no desire to learn how to drive, even though I live in a much smaller city now with terrible public transportation. Here in Canada, it is cold and snowing for half the year, so I end up hibernating with my little guy half the year.

The best thing I found to keep my sanity is to have a schedule for your bubs. My little man wakes up between 7-8 am, and he gets a bottle in bed. He doesn't go back to sleep, but he's quiet for about an hour. In that hour, I can lounge in bed, or have coffee or whatever I need to do to mentally prepare myself for the days challenges. At 10 am, he gets solid foods for breakfast. Between 1130 and 1230 he goes down for a nap. Even if he doesn't want to. He will be in his crib playing until he falls asleep, or he cries for ten or fifteen minutes before falling asleep. Sometimes he sleeps for an hour, and sometimes more, but that is another break for me to get things done, or just have a nap too. Never underestimate the power of a nap. You'll feel a lot better. When he wakes up from his nap time, he has another bottle, and if it's nice out, we go for a walk, or just to the backyard so he can get fresh air and wear himself out. At 6pm, he gets solid foods for dinner, a bath, then bed time. And he sleeps through the night at this point.

Now I realize you're still breastfeeding, so it won't be as simple. I breastfed my bubs until he was 9 months old, but he's been sleeping through the night since he was about 6 months old. Have you introduced solid foods to your baby yet?

Also, my in-laws live in town and are retired. They can't babysit all the time due to mobility issues, but sometimes I have my other half drop me off at their house for the day. It's not entirely a break, but the adult company is a sanity saver. Also, the phone is a big sanity saver. When you have quiet moments, don't worry so much about cleaning and just enjoy a little time to yourself.

Do you have a swing? Those are immensely helpful also. You can put your bubs in it and they can watch you while you do cleaning or whatever you have to do. You can also take the swing outside. The swing and fresh air are both great for tiring out your bubs.

If you need a few more suggestions or anything at all, you can contact me on MSN or by email, happymomma@live.ca

Good Luck!

Christina - posted on 04/12/2011

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I know what it is like having no break from my 11 month old too. My mom has only watched my son twice since he has been born and we can't afford to pay someone a bunch every time we decide to do something. I too don't have a car for the most part. We have two cars but my husband most of the time takes mine to work so I am stuck at home. I get mad at my mom sometimes over the never giving me a break. I just quit asking her cause every time i ask she says no and it just makes me upset. I just figured she would be more of a grandma since this is her first. Can you get a license? If you can get that maybe when your husband is home you can take the car and get some alone time with yourself. That is what i do even if it is just going to the store to get groceries or diapers.

Zoe - posted on 04/12/2011

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if you have a job across the street how is it you live in the middle of nowhere? if you will not take advice and suggestions i do not know what you want, would you like us to send you the money to pay your fine? would you like me to come over from the uk to babysit for you?

Jane - posted on 04/11/2011

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A I said before, stop looking at the "can'ts" and look for the "cans." Grow a garden, sell on eBay, talk to your husband, whatever it takes.

However, the folks who have posted here are just trying to help you. Your response sounds as if you don't want to even consider any of the suggestions, some of which do not require a car, a license or a job.

Kimberly - posted on 04/11/2011

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my drivers liscence was revoked i dont get it back till i can pay my fine i cant pay my fine without money i cant get money without a job cant get a job with out a car cant get a car with out money i live in the middle of no where i dont have help

Zoe - posted on 04/11/2011

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Get on to you heath visitor and get a list of every thing you can attend. you will soon make friends and get lifts everywhere.
i do not drive but me and DD go all over, on the bus or get lifts, yes i breastfeed for 2 years, not a problem.
good luck.

Manal - posted on 04/11/2011

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Focus on what is in your control..A lot of times, the easier thing is to see what is wrong..Come up with a goal (going out everyday, or every other day, or maybe the goal is just socializing and you can do it over skype)..and then come up with 10 ways you could accomplish that goal...
It's tough to get 10 sometimes, but if you push yourself you will see how resourceful you can be! Think of it as a big brainstorming session, so don't censor ideas that sound impossible, just write it down, it may spark another idea.

then from that list of 10, choose the 2 EASIEST/least amount of work that will give you the best results.

so if the goal is to get a 2 hour break everyday, then 10 options could be:
-get the neighbour to watch the baby
-hire a nanny
-have mom pick her up
-take 2 hours when hubby gets home
-trade with another mom
-put baby in teh sling and walk
-take a bus
-take a cab
-hire a driver
-give a friend gas money and have her pick me up
-borrow someone's car

then choose the 2 options you think are the easiest and go for it!
Hope this helps!

Jade - posted on 04/11/2011

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i don't have any helpful advise. but i know exactly how you feel. i'm a stay at home mom/navy wife. i dont have a single friend. i have no license, as of yet, and i am going crazy. i dont know what to do either.

Jennifer - posted on 04/11/2011

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get a license and a car! And usually a Y will have free care while you work out; your local church will/should have low-rate child-care for 3 half-days a week.

Amanda - posted on 04/10/2011

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I'm almost in the exact same boat as you. I'm a stay at home mom of a two year old girl and 3 month old girl. I have no license and no car and my husband works most days. I've come to the conclusion of practicing driving in the coming months and finding a job to hopefully be able to afford child care. Do you have any other mommy friends or neighbors that could babysit part time and you can give them what you can afford? :)

Louise - posted on 04/09/2011

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ive never drove as i havent found the time to fit it in,and i have 6 children.I also live in a rural location where buses are far and few between .I carnt rely on buses as i have 4 school age children.I dont no why people get so upset about having to stay in when you could just walk and take the baby with you.My kids school is 2 mile away and i have to walk 8 mile a day with 6 kids to get them there and back.Then i have a 6 bed house to clean every day.We dont have family or friends to help us with baby sitting either.You should play with your child at the park,in the garden,walk to the shop or something to get you out.When you had your child that was the day you decided to give your single life a back seat for a while.It doesnt have to stop though just cause your a mum ,just enjoy time with your baby before its to late.When your old and lonely you will wish for these times to come back!!!!

Manal - posted on 04/08/2011

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Do you have a house with a yard? Now that the weather is getting nicer, maybe host people at your house, and make it a potluck. that way if baby needs to nap, he gets his own bed, adn you get to socialize without too much preparation.

*hugs* I've been there. Same situation, nursing baby, no car, middle of nowhere, and I couldn't drive my husband to work..he works in another city! I find that having one day at home, and one day to socialize whether at my place or somewhere else, is the best balance...

Also, I dont know if it's been mentioned, but could depression be playing a role? You are still very newly postpartum. Just wanted to throw that out there to consider.

*hugs* and hang in there!

Toni - posted on 04/08/2011

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I feel you. I got my license when I was 23. We lived out in the middle of no where and my husband also works 12 hour days. I don't have a job, other than them, that is my three boys, ages 7, 5, and 1. It is my life though, and I love it!! ♥♥

Julie - posted on 04/07/2011

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Hi Kimberly
I am new to the state of Oklahoma and the mother of an 11 month old. And we are a one-car family too. I love staying home with my little girl but I wish that I had some kind of mommy support! I tell everyone that I live in a pumpkin shell! But I am grateful that I have time with my daughter! I know how you feel! ALL of our friends are out of state or country. And having only one car limits your ability to connect with others and make new friends!

Shana - posted on 04/07/2011

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I totally understand about being a stay home mom. I don't drive but live in the city so that is a big plus for me. What about moving closer to town?

Lexi - posted on 04/06/2011

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Do you have a play group or any other friends or relatives near by? My mom is totally unreliable for babysitting but the other moms in my play group are usually willing to help out. Maybe an retired/elderly neighbor or someone from your church? Good luck! I was in the same position (carless) for a year and it sucked! Thankfully my job allows me to bring my son but that doesn't helps me get a break from him!

Lia - posted on 04/06/2011

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Many high schoolers are very dependable, just ask the school or a friend who can recommend a sitter. The best thing is to go to a friend who has a child the same age and trade an hour a day with her so there won't be any expense for you. I work at home but I still trade babysitting with my friends!

Kimberly - posted on 04/06/2011

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that is awsome i am not alone. finally, i am not trying to make excuses but i mean no one understands i came onto this website to find options. and all i get is get a car or find a job. i am still breast feeding and thats my biggest hang up i know i am giving my child the best oppertunity, but it does make things harder lol and thank you for letting me know i am not alone and i do have a job for an hour a day but i havent been able to work for almost two months cause she told me not to bring him to work anymore and she would guilt trip me saying she is doing this huge favor by giving me this job and i should be so thankful, that in itself puts more pressure on me so i had to stop working till he gets done nursing and i can have him watched by different people

Holly - posted on 04/06/2011

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I know it is hard! I have no vehicle and my husband works afternoons 3-12am. The weather has been crap, it has been a long winter and you can't always just go for a walk. I am a bit alternative and finding like minded mothers is not always easy! but if you could find someone to just drop you and yourLO off in town even once a wk and go for a coffee would help. try and find a part-time job that would let you take your baby. Babysit by bringing children into your home or taking your little one with you. I have waited a long time to have my baby and sometime i feel that you can get sooooo caught up on everything that you have to do and with cabin fever it all gets a bit much. Just know you are not alone! Your baby is beautiful(pic)!!! Good luck sister!

Lia - posted on 04/06/2011

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Kimberly, would you consider hiring a high school or college student to help? Also there are other moms who would love time off too, so you can start a co-op where 2 or 3 of you take turns watching each others children. My neighbor and I do that, several days a week. It gives us time to catch up! We both work at home so it is great to have some quiet time!

Kimberly - posted on 04/06/2011

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he doesnt seem to try to control me but in alot of ways when i have to ask for an allowance it sometimes feels that way and when i have out grown all my friends and the ones i have tryd to be friends with in my nieghbor hood we have nothing in common i actually have to tell them to back off on my parenting skills but i dont know about starting a group of parents if i knew the right people to help me out i would love to be around more moms

Kimberly - posted on 04/06/2011

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i do go for walks but its a mile long bike trail that leads no where i cant walk to town its about ten mile to walk i have a stroller and walk the bike path but there are no malls or shops around here i am in the middle of no where with nothing but bitchy neighbors that just plain hate kids or there kids are all grown up so they go tanning and get there hair done and i am not that kind of person

Jonquil - posted on 04/06/2011

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Do you have a stroller? You can go out and explore the great outdoors even if town is a long ways away. It'll probably put your baby to sleep so you can have some time to yourself to a degree. I understand completely - I don't have a car either. But I still get out and walk around. Bring a camera with you and take shots of things that are interesting to you. Or bring some food and have yourself a little picnic. Enjoy nature a little. :)

[deleted account]

When I get cabin fever, I just throw my 7 month old son in the sling and go out. Even if it's just window shopping or a walk around the park.

It's freer than pushing a stroller around. Don't get me wrong, we have a stroller and use it sometimes, but it can be difficult on the bus and subway, etc.

I'm sorry if this doesn't help much! I know how you feel. I'm on maternity leave and don't have a car either.

Taygan - posted on 04/05/2011

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I am going thru the same thing. town is sooo far away from where i live, i live with my mom, and i dont have a vehicle. i dont get out much, and sometimes i think im going to go insane. Luckily my mom went to mexico for a week so i have the car. i have loved being able to get out so see friends, and take my daughter swimming.

Kimberly - posted on 04/05/2011

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i am just thankful and blessed and i dont take anything for granted i am so glad i get to stay home and spend so much time with my son i have lost so many before him that i can apreciate him even more and being with him alone in this house so much only becomes a struggle when me and my husband have our arguments and dont talk like we should when our marriege is in a rough patch is when parenting gets hard but like this morning landon woke up so happy and full of laughs it made our whole morning just shine and these mornings are soo worth any hard ache we have had in the past

M. Rose - posted on 04/05/2011

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I just wanted to tell you I completely understand. People seem to think there is an easy way out ... some things take forever. Like I don't have a vehicle everyday either (for over 2 yrs now) and it's not because we haven't tried to change the situation. I do have my license but it took up until last Fall before we could get another vehicle and still I'm at home because the vehicle had problems we didn't know about and it's gonna be over $1000 to fix it. I would highly recommend you getting out when your husband is home, at least going for a walk or something. Keep looking for another job, if you need to work. But most of all pray! Pray for the things you need, friendship, money whatever. If you truly love the Lord and is doing this for His glory He will help you. I honestly don't know how anyone can successfully be at home mom and not have the Lord over their lives.

Kimberly - posted on 04/05/2011

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no i am getting my fine payed and taken care of its just ok i get my fine payed i still dont have a vehicle and i just found out this morning i lost my house cleaning job because she didnt like the idea i brought my son to work. she is a friend of mine that lived across the streetshe was helping me out. ok if i could find a babysitter that will come to my house and one that landon and i like who can wait two weeks for her first check that what i need

Kimberly - posted on 04/05/2011

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i had my liscence taken away my husband was and still is in charge of the money and i couldnt pay the fine in time we just bought a car so we can travel better with the car seat we have but troy took the car and sold the truck so we are back down to one vehicle for him to drive to and from work

Medic - posted on 04/05/2011

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So why don't you do something to change your situation....get your license....find some work you love....volunteer or not maybe you can find somewhere you could take your kid with you.

Kimberly - posted on 04/05/2011

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thank you i mean its just really hard staying in the house twenty four seven cleaning and making sure food is on the table and my kid is taken care of and fing only one person who understands what i am going threw. my friends and family have no idea either they have there family giving them free daycare so they can work or niether one of the parents work living off the county.

Allicia - posted on 04/04/2011

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check on sittercity.com u might be able to find a sitter that will come to ur house, better price and what ur looking for. good luck

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