Stay at home mommy, bored and feeling down

Amber Lee - posted on 04/24/2013 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I feel better reading all of your post's. I am home so much alone with my sweet little 12 month old. I am lucky to be able to stay home but am now realizing how hard it really is.. I am in love with my toddler but I never get a break. I just want to be alone sometimes and or go do something alone. I feel guilty saying it but now I see I am not alone. I feel all the same way's the rest of you do. My boyfriend works two jobs and is gone a lot. He thinks it would be easier to stay home. but also believes as a man you take care of your family. yes I agree , but it is more then finance !! My job as a mother doesn't ever stop! EVER!!! unless you stay home , you cant understand. Now I know its hard to work and be a Mommy as well. trust me I have done both. I know its all hard. What I deal with now is just being so alone, feeling low and well ALONE!~! why is that? because I play with my baby all day and take care of everything around my house. I clean, cook , clean , cook! the other day I actually put my makeup on and did my hair. My baby didn't even like it, she was afraid of me!! hahahaha.. I had to put my hair up and my glasses back on. that is how much I have let myself go! I know I shouldn't complain, but I feel like I am trapped and cant get out. I look at it like this is my job my man should hear me complain about it if I want too, like I do about his job. How would he like it if someone was messing up his job, or he didn't have what he needed or whatever it may be. I hear all about it.. but I guess what I do isn't something to talk about.. oh that's rite because being a Mommy is just soooooooo easy.

sorry I am just annoyed. okay I feel a bit better.

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Michele - posted on 04/28/2013

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Hi Amber...I feel you. Do you have any local group near you where you and your baby can join other moms with babies and do things together so that you can still take care of your baby but connect with other mommies as well? Just a suggestion...

Or maybe put your baby in childcare a few hours a few times a week so you do other things. Maybe get involved in a home-based business, not for the money but for self-fulfillment, so you feel like you are still able to achieve something apart from being a mom. It will also give you a sense of self-improvement as you learn new stuff about doing business online, and maybe get you stimulated to explore other options for you.

Good luck and I really hope you'll find something to make you feel better about yourself soon.

Tina Marie - posted on 04/25/2013

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I don't see where in this post when and for what reasons do you ever leave the house. Every person has to have some form of other stimulation besides the same mediums each day in order to grow intellectually, emotionally, physically. Your frustrations sound as though its from being drained and lacking. What else do you participate in? ( here's some ideas; outdoor activities with neighbors, Mops groups, libraries have public boards and free classes to learn new things, google free online classes to learn, church groups, or call one and tell them your looking for someone to teach you knitting/crocheting/card games like Yuker or Bridge ect., Audobon Nature Centers, health food stores have public boards, apply for a free membership at local gym, YWCA,/Boys or Girls Club, research classes at local college - ex. 6wk classes $40.00, organize a neighborhood yard sale, start a garden or plant in pots, Swap 3 hours childcare with a friend once a week for yourself & husband to get out. Write up a family goal chart of short terms and long terms.)

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Jessica - posted on 05/15/2013

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I feel so much better :) I thought I was the only one. I have a 11 month old son and stay at home all day. We only have 1 car and live on a hill to far to walk to fun things on main st. or a park. My husband works tues - fri 2 pm till about 2 am. so we only see each other mornings and weekends. I never feel like I do enough compared to him working so hard. But at the end of the day there is only so much to clean and organize. I dont have many friends close by. Its hard to want to pull myself together just for my son..

Xo, Mimi - posted on 05/08/2013

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i also thought i was the only one who felt this way. I have a two year old daughter who means the world to me but there is times in which i just want a little break from her and home. Like many of us my boyfriend is the one who works but yet makes time for our family, so i can't complain; im very greatful. But like i said before there is that one day where i just want to hang out with my girlfriends without my baby but her dad seems to hate the idea of me going out. We starts arguing bc he doesn't want to look after her and leaves so i have no choice but to stay. I get so upset about it bc im always home unlike him he's at work so i never stop him from having his boys night out or just few drinks at the bar; it just doesn't feel fair to me at all :/ I know im lucky to look after our daughter but i just want to be alone with a cup of wine and talk to my girls.

Amanda - posted on 05/08/2013

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I to am a stay at home. I have three daughters 5, 2 1/2, 1 and i am pregnant now with my fourth. I know EXACTLY what you are feeling. I always tell myself that i'm soo lucky to have the opportunity to stay at home with my children. I know there are tons of parents out there that wish they could do the same thing. But it is tough. You are going constant, you never get to have that time to you! My husband is a farmer, plus he is an auctioneer as well, so he is gone all day, and half the night! So we don't get much time together either. So many people have told me to try going to a mom's and tots group or something, but sometimes that just makes it harder trying to get three kids ready. And even when i have tried that, i never get a full break because my 2 year old is shy and won't play with other kids. People think i'm crazy because i'm homeschooling our children as well. And sometimes i feel like i'm really stupid for doing it, but it's better then putting them in the schools where i live! I have been going and talking to a counselor because i have become very depressed, and having anxiety attacks and everything. The one thing she has told me to try doing is get a babysitter.....even if she is there with you while you have a rest or get whatever needs to be done, done. Or just go out for a few hours a day, go out for lunch with some friends....set a day where you and your husband can just go out once a week if possible. I've been trying a few of these things, and it makes me feel a little better. Also try to switch up your routine a bit, without getting your daughter out of hers. I'm terrible for not showering until late afternoon....then i just put my hair up, comfy clothes on and go on with my day. But i have found that even if i get up at 5am to shower....do my makeup, and put on clothes that are comfy yet make me feel good! I don't know if these things will help....but good luck and if you can't talk to your husband about your day, try and find someone else....i even find venting on here is good just ot get it off your chest! And know you aren't alone. I think almost every stay at home mom feels the same way! Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 05/06/2013

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Hi Amber, I totally understand what you are saying. I actually had a break down today, bc I feel "alone". I feel like I am on Mommy Duty 24/7 (which we are) and I feel like I've lost myself.
I think I have come to realize that I need a routine. I feel stressed and I also want to get into something that I want to do.
So maybe you need that too? Try filling up your calendar every month with something for you and your daughter to do, so that you can look forward to something. Also, maybe you can get some "you" time and get into a hobby? I might even hire a baysitter to watch my girls 2x a week for 2 hrs, so that I can go to the gym or go to yoga or something. Do you have any friends that are stay-at-home moms? Try going to parks, the library and meeting other people in the same boat as you.
I hope that helps and try not to stress. Just think how lucky we are that we get to stay home with our cuties...it will go fast (so I hear). :)

Niveen - posted on 05/06/2013

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I hear you Amber...I was the exact same way years ago. I used to feel very guilty feeling that way although I have 2 girls and they really kept me occupied :) Things have totally changed when I started working from home....

Try to join communities for you and your baby in your city, go for walks, join the local library (they always have great programs for kids). It's really fun and you get to socialize with other moms :)

Finding the time for yourself is really hard...I know that :( No matter how old the kids are...they still need attention...different kind of attention of course at different ages.

Just think it's a phase and will go away :)

Lee - posted on 05/03/2013

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Wow thanks for these posts, just realised the commonalities that stay at home moms experience or share. Honestly I thought I was the only one going through this. At some point I suspected I maybe having PND but in my heart of hearts I knew it was not PND, it was just loneliness and pure lack of social life. It can be very frustrating and unfortunately our hubbies don't get it. Thanks guys...!!!!!

Regina - posted on 05/01/2013

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Although I know it's still going to be a huge transition, I feel a lot better knowing that its ok to create a life outside of being an At-Home Mom! It gets so lonely! I moved and haven't made any friends yet either so I feel even more lonely and bored! I found that my boyfriend gets on my nerves too! Lol I have no real distractions. I'm looking forward to recreating a life around my little girl! You are all so helpful!! Thanks for sharing!! :)

Nicole - posted on 04/28/2013

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I totally understand what your saying! I more than anyone else didn't want to "lose myself" after becoming a mom and stayed at home at first with my son while my then boyfriend (now husband) worked. It was nice at first just being home and being able to spend time with my son, but after awhile I just felt bored and missed interacting with other people (and making my own money). It's tough....it's a delicate balancing act. It's important to not lose yourself. Being a mom is great, and important....but I don't believe for a second that you don't have the right to be YOU once in awhile. I don't know what your situation is or if you have anyone who can watch your baby for a couple hours once in awhile (or maybe when your boyfriend has a day off), have them take the baby for a couple hours and go out and get some fresh air ALONE...even if it's just going to the store...although I suggest using the time to do something special for yourself. Get a pedicure. Get a manicure. Doesn't have to be expensive but it'll do a world of good for your mental health. Think of it this way....children are very receptive. If you feel like crap, down, a little depressed, lonely....your baby will pick up on that negative energy. Keep it positive, and don't feel bad. It's so easy to the once your a mom you don't have the right to have fun, or do anything just for you. Such a bad mentality women adopt. Both you and your boyfriend need to take care of yourselves. Maybe one day/night a week, you stay with the baby and he goes out with friends and does something that relieves his stress, and then another night you switch and you do something for yourself. But please please don't neglect yourself....it always backfires in the long run.



Nicole

Michael - posted on 04/28/2013

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Hi my name is Michael Hargrave and I its like I can hear you speak when I was reading this. Its true! Hey listen I was your husband working the two jobs killing myself to keep my family together. I didn't know what I didn't know. I thought as a man taking care of his family you had to work hard. Maybe if I could speak with your husband, maybe he'll realize that the method he's doing as far as working is a thing in the past. So if he like could he could contact me at hargrave.michael@gmail.com and yes this my real name...lol

Tiffanyduarte - posted on 04/27/2013

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I feel the same way. im a stay at home mom everyone thinks its easy! well its not. I get lonely at times I just wana hang out with friends. I lovvveeee my son to death Im greatful I have my beuatfullil son. but sometimes I need me time. my husband works an hes not around a lot. he trys too help. but sometimes he just makes me feel like im supsoe to do everything all the time. I don't mind being a house wife. but I still need help. my parents help me when they can. an he thinks well if they do I don't need too. he only wans too watch him like 30 mins a week. an it bothers me. like he should want too play an show his son cool stuff noooooo his video games are more imporatint....... im so sorry im going on an on about this but its really bothers me... I need atvice :( im a great mom just need alil time too self lol I make it a note too self maybe n like 6 years I mite get time alone haha HOPEFULLY....

Evangelyna - posted on 04/27/2013

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You should definitely look into doing a swap with someone or just having a trusted friend/neighbor/family member/babysitter watch your little one for a couple hours while you go do something for you. Take a cab (since you mentioned no driving) and get a mani/pedi. Some people might call that selfish, I call it retaining your sanity. It's okay to do things just for Amber once in a while. :) hang in there.

Krista Lynn - posted on 04/26/2013

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I gave my fiance the opportunity to try the "stay at home dad" method........he hated it! :) So 2 weeks ago he got a job and now i'm staying at home. It can get boring staying at home all day especially with a child so young. My daughter is 4 yrs old and in preschool so im home all day with my son who is 4 months....so we dont do a whole lot during the day haha My days are spent bottle feeding, changing diapers, and watching him sleep, once in a while he's in the playful mood so we play. My daughter is done with school next week and I cant wait......its someone to talk to and do fun activities with. I know how you feel about "letting yourself go" stay at home moms really dont have alot of time to do the whole shower/make-up/hair thing every day. I'm glad to see other moms vent about what im feeling like everyday......THANKS! :)

Tina Marie - posted on 04/26/2013

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I hope you are feeling more encouraged today. Got any plans to edify yourself today?

Ami - posted on 04/25/2013

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I am right there with you! Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk one on one or text.

Marie - posted on 04/25/2013

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I hear you sister. You are not alone, we've all been there.
Seems like your life needs a little oumph!
Visit www.belimitless.org, you won't regret it!

Amber Lee - posted on 04/25/2013

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thanks for the advice. I do most of those things already. Some health issues prevent some things, it can be limited at times. The no driving is icky , and he doesn't want me walking . anyway, today is a better day. but the same thing everyday is getting to me. the fact he doesn't understand is driving me nutty. like today for instance our baby is sick, he told me he would be home this evening because he works both jobs the next three days.. I guess he forgot because before he left he took the bbq meat with him that he was to make tonight and said he was going for sushi after work.(no invite and no talk of taking baby to doctor) so that puts him home when she is just going to bed.. must be nice is all I am saying. I have spoke to him plenty and he just doesn't understand what being a stay at home mommy is like. One without transportation with a sick baby to boot! At this point I should probably be on a relationship site.hahaha.. that maybe the real issue here. time for Mommy to get back to being Amber. Life is what cha make it rite? thanks all for hearing my moodiness.
Am

Amber Lee - posted on 04/24/2013

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thank you! I try to , I loved those books! I read them all.. amazing.. I also loved the hunger games. good as well.. but 50 shades was yummy for sure! it is just hard to be in my own thoughts soooo much.. I have good days and bad.. this week has just ben blah! I am so glad I found this site. I don't like putting my thoughts out to the public(fb,twitter etc.etc) so this is great! I am not alone after all! hahaa..

thanks again!

Nina - posted on 04/24/2013

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You should keep yourself occupied while your daughter takes her afternoon naps. Do workouts, try yoga, or read. I've been reading Fifty Shades of Grey... lol. I have all 3 books and it's been keeping my mind busy and not worrying so much.

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