stay at home moms needing ME TIME

Christine - posted on 01/05/2009

I'm soo glad that's not alone! It's good to read everyone response and know that these feeling are not just mine. I had a conversation with the hubby the other night telling him how "jealous" I get when he goes away on business (gets to sleep thru the night), goes on weekend fishing trips, and even going out after work for a drink with friends! It's not fair! He tell me to go and do those things...How do I do that when I'm nursing a baby that won't take a bottle? It feels good to vent :)

Dawn - posted on 01/05/2009

you just described my feelings exactly!! my husband comes home from work and sits down and says how tired he is...but doesn't seem to care that i say i'm tired too. he just kind of gives me the yeah right snort...and it bothers me a lot!!! my son still does not sleep through the night at 7 months old so i'm not getting enough sleep...then there's the endless task of laundy and cleaning that like you say is never done. i clean for at least and hour everymorning but you wouldn't know it if you walked in my house!! the kids are always getting toys out and scattering them about. my husband comes home and takes his clothes off and just throws them, he empties his pockets out wherever and just leaves it. when he drinks a can of soda he just leaves the can wherever he was when he finished it!! there are 5 cans sitting on the breakfast bar that are his and i'm putting my foot down and not picking them up!!!! once in a great while he will "try" and help clean if i throw a fit about it but he usually ends up making a bigger mess that makes me even more mad!! and on the rare occasion that he offers to take both kids for me so i can rest he gets too overwlmed and can''t handle it and i have to step back in. i do love staying home cause there's no one better to raise your kids than you but i agree that sometimes it would be nice to just have a day off.

Nadine - posted on 01/05/2009

Hi ladies, how are we all? I think once we become the M word, we pretty much lose ourselves in a way that, in a split second, we become totally devoted to another human being. So devoted that we are their life lines 24/7.

Choosing to be a stay at home mum was definetely hard! Being able to be financially independent, having a social life, carrying your own handbag (haha!)...those things just suddenly disappeared!

I love my son with all my heart; I would do anything for him don't get me wrong; but yes sometimes we need a breather and get away from it all, even for just an hour!

The hardest thing is definetely adjusting to it all and juggling being a Wife, Mother and Lover.

I too have wished that Hubby and I could trade places and see how he would handle it. It came to a point one day when I just had enough and felt like I was doing it all alone and told him that bub and I would be staying at my folks for a while. I really think that saved us.

An interesting thing though is that Hubby asks me one day 'Has anyone asked how I'm coping with everything?'.......(should I start another topic? lol)

Terri-ann - posted on 01/05/2009

hiya.... i only have a 7 month old but my fiance i dont think can reli see what i do either..... i hoover all the time as we have a dog...... i cook when i dont feel half dead where i am so tired... i'll try to at least make sure our daughter has clean clothes etc and make time to play with her..... she enjoys watching me hoover so thats not so bad. In the evening when he gets home...... he gets changed and spends time with Porsha.... playing giving her a bath settling her for bed! but at the same time i still have to be on the ball as i still get asked loads of questions about this tht and the other about what she needs and its just never ending...... ive told him before tht i have no one here through the day to ask questions... work things out for yourself!!! it annoys too that ill tidy things up... he comes home makes things a mess and then moans tht it isnt tidy!! And the moaning "oh but i have been at work so tired" reli annoys! wtf do you think i have been doing all day!! i dont even get him saying to me "go on you go out for a walk or summit.... have a break" i have to ask and then made to feel guilty cos he doesnt go out with friends for a break..... is it wrong for me to say " well you get to get out of the house and have a proper conversation whether ist work or not..... i generally dont!!"

Shari - posted on 01/04/2009

I totally agree. We just got home from a "family vacation"...yeah, my kids and husband had an awesome time! Before he left town today, I snuck in a couple hours out with a friend last night. It was just what I needed after not getting the chance to go out by myself for over a month!

Kelly - posted on 01/04/2009

Hey, guys, I'm in the same boat, at home with a 3yo, a toddler and a baby. I used to hate it because of all the reasons you have all said.



But one day after having my third baby, I just decided that I was focusing on the negatives and that complaining about it was not doing me any good or making a difference.



So I decided that while at home, my main job was to rear my children. The housework is important because they need to follow some example for their lives, so I set chores that MUST be done every day (eg. dishes, tidying up, making beds, etc) and did them first thing in the morning, so they weren't looming over me all day. Then I could just enjoy the kids and help them learn. Since doing this, I've been much happier because I'm not constantly thinking how hard done by I am. I chose to be here and do this at-home stuff. How much harder would it be if I had to work at the same time? My husband has noticed the difference too, and because I am not angry and cranky at him all the time, when I do still get that feeling of being unappreciated, he picks up on it straight away, and offers to take the kids for a while in the evening or something.



Attitude makes all the difference. Stop focusing on the negative and embrace the positive side of what we do. Our lives and our sanity depend on it!

Melanie - posted on 01/04/2009

Amen! I like to let the hubby's take over for a while to remind them how tough the job is! We recently joined a gym, and those 2 hours to work out and take a shower by my self is PRICELESS!!

Kelly - posted on 01/04/2009

I complained for ever about how hard it is to be an at home mom, chef, driver,laundry lady, maid, and soo on. My husband said "its so easy my mother did it with 4 kids, why cant you handle it with 2?" Well he got the chance for 3 months when he lost his job and I went to work 25 hours a week. He then told me, "I'm so sorry I didnt realize the toll it takes on you everyday. It NEVER stops!" So for all you ladies, I feel your pain, and maybe to help your husband feel it, let im have a try at it for 1 week and im sure he will get the picture!! ;)

Jenny - posted on 01/04/2009

AMEN!!! my husband so does not understand how hard it is! and some of myfriends and family that work dont either. they say"well ur @ home" i may be home but probably working harder than any of them. ive been a stay at home mom for two years,its our first child, and i hav loved every min of being with him, but whn do i get a break???? my only braks come on my husbands days off and he feels like he's worked all week, he wants to do something else besides keep our son! i understand to a certain degree, but PLEASE TELL ME, WHEN DO I GET A DAY OFF????????

Tina - posted on 01/04/2009

Heather



ohhhh...i really here you about the....you have to wait till kids are sleeping till you get some time....yeah by 11:00 forget it thats like 8 hrs of running around like a chicken with their head cut off......the bed looks more apealing than some alone time by then lol....







another thing that really gets me is that my fiancee...... I swear he thinks because he goes and makes the money i am insignifagant ( sorry i could not spell).....like what i do is nothing because it does not pay the bills....he lately has been saying he needs help....so I guess he expects me to go get a job take care of the kids and the house...what the hell does he think i am super women.....what I do now takes a toll on me I copuld not imagine putting more on my plate.....I try to stop and think to myself that there are women out there that do it all so it is possible...God love you single mommies out there....you guys deserve you own holiday.....but then i think I am not a single mom and i should not have to do things as if I am...its just so aggervating....they really do need to make a place where men can go and they can be put through the moms daily routines for like a mth then see if they appriciate us.....







OH WELL FACE IT MOM'S THE WORLD WOULD FALL APART IF IT WAS NOT FOR US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heather - posted on 01/03/2009

i completely agree.my husband seems to think that i get to sit around and lounge on the couch all day and just relax.he has no idea that almost every second i am up chasing one of the children.my youngest has just learned how to crawl so i am constantly chasing her around because no matter how much i clean she always seems to find something to stick in her mouth.And my other daughter who is 3 is always wanting something.I love being a stat at home mom but i wish my husband could appreciate what i go through and stop thinking that its easy.I really need some me time.He thinks i get me time all day long.But my "me" time doesnt come till 11 at night when my children finally go to sleep and by that point i am so exhausted i just want to go to bed.

Emily - posted on 01/03/2009

We're just going back to that car situation. We only had one car for the first four and a half years of our marriage. It wasn't until we were expecting #3 that we got a second car. Somehow we made it work. DH took the bus, or a bike, or I drove him, or I just went without a car. Now his old car is pretty much dead, and he's going back to school, so there's no funding for a second car. He works too far to bike, and there are no bus routes nearby... so, DH will have the car three days a week to get to work. The other two days he'll be walking to campus (we only live 2 miles away) so I can have the car for errands. Thankfully, we do live in a great neighborhood and I'm 1/2 a mile away from two different parks, so I can get out a bit more.

Deb - posted on 01/03/2009

I think it is amazing how you think your situation is so rough until you start talking to other people who have it a lot tougher than you do. I have always had a car my whole 19 yrs of marriage where I have some friends who had only one car with the husband needing the car for work. I could not imagine that with two small children. I too feel for you living 47 miles from town. Hang in there!! Where do you all live? I am in Mt

Tina - posted on 01/03/2009

jami



yeah i have thought about that....even if we did trade places he would still think it is an easy job cause he wouldnt or should i say couldnt do have the shit i do.....



mandy



i can so feel you with live in the middle of no where.....i live on a road that is very close to being like a high way so there is no walking and at the current time i have no car....its been like that for almost a year now so for a year i have probably gotten out of the house like 6 times....i think that is also what is making my stay at home mom job a lil harder...i am busy today trying to find a way out of this house if its the last thing i do....ME TIME is way over due

Jami - posted on 01/03/2009

ha! I thought that if my DH was responsible for what I was he'd have a little more empathy, nope he didn't do half the stuff he was responsible for and when I asked about it he said he wasn't as *good* as me and he can't do a million things at once...he thought it was easy for me because I am a woman...that I enjoyed it...

Mandy - posted on 01/03/2009

I sure can relate to you. I live 47 miles from town so I can not even just drop my kiddos off with a sitter. My hubby works such long hours some day's that I feel quilty asking for help. To get ME time I leave the kids 1 day a month with my mother in law and I go to town to visit friends or scrapbook or shop. As for house work I have gotten to where if everyone has enough clothes and most of the dishes are done then I don't mind if some stuff gets over looked. It's great for me to have this place to come to a few minutes here and there so I at least don't feel alone and I can "chat" with other moms.

Emily - posted on 01/02/2009

This is actually exactly why I'm on facebook right now. :) I told my husband and my kids that I needed a time out. My baby just nursed to sleep in my arms, and DH is reading a story to the girls in the other room.

Sometimes I'll tell my girls I need a time-out even when I'm the only one home. That usually results in a movie for them, while I read a book or take a shower or something to help me relax.

Christmas Day I started to stress because we were planning to leave the next morning for a week and a half and we hadn't packed at all. DH was playing computer games and not helping at all... then I realized IT WAS CHRISTMAS... I should enjoy the day too... so I told DH Christmas would end at 5pm and then I needed his help. This gave us 6 hours of doing nothing. I played with my kids, read a book, caught up on facebook & emails, took a nap, and enjoyed the day. At 5pm, DH shut off his computer and helped me clean the whole house, make dinner, put the kids to bed, and pack for our trip. We stayed up an extra hour to get it all done... but I had such a relaxing day. :)

Alexis - posted on 01/02/2009

Twice a year my group of friends set aside a weekend and we stay at one couple's house, kids included. The guys usually go out on Saturday for a round of golf, and Sunday is girl's day out...no kids!!! Just the ladies, our favorite is to go to the spa and a special lunch. This really helps us reconnect and rejuvenate. It is like a vacation! I feel like a better person and a better mom when I do get that time to relax. And the bonus is that the guys get a taste of what it is like to watch the kids and be "mister mom" for a day. I highly recommend this for all moms needing some much deserved time off! :)

Deb - posted on 01/02/2009

Your not, being a parent and a stay at home mom is not a easy job. My husband acknowledges that. The guys can leave their jobs at the end of the day. We are on call 24/7. A much harder and demanding job that will take a lot out of you . I also think we are privilaged to be home with our children.

Tina - posted on 01/02/2009

thanx girls....it really is nice toknow im not the only one out there lol....

Sheila - posted on 01/02/2009

I ended up dragging my husband to the dr with me who then told him i was severly depressed and needed to be more help around the house so i could at least make it out to the back yard everynow and then, i joined a mom's group, which at first he made fun of and couldnt understand why i needed to and then hired a 13 yr old girl to come over every sunday afternoon to baby sit irregardless of what he was doing so i could leave and go window shop or whatever, he got the point, instead of begging and pleading for help anymore I just did whatever I needed and I am a much more pleasant person now! good luck, you never realize that you even had "me" time till you don't anymore!

Deb - posted on 01/02/2009

Hi, I'm Deb and I know what you are talking about. My husband and I had 15 yrs by our selves before we adopted twins. I treasure those yrs we had together and I need breaks all the time now . My husband on the weekends always give me "Me time" that I so appreciate. It gives me a chance to recharge my batteries, see old friends and get out of the house. I feel with this special time I can be a more patient , loving parent to my son and daughter and with the new baby on the way. I hope this helps. It helps to have a understanding husband that will step in when you need it.

Naomi - posted on 01/02/2009

I can really relate to where you are coming from Tina and don't get me wrong I love my kids and job heaps but at times after being up from 6am and feeding, dressing, changing, breaking up the 20th fight of the day, cleaning up after, playing with, reading to, cuddling, bathing, and many more every day activities I do somtimes feel I have lost myself in the middle somewhere. In that situation which is normally a couple of times a week when I feel I can't give anymore of myself because there is nothing left to give I put the boys to bed, pick up my squash things leaving my husband in charge and head out the door, it really is wonderful therapy! In relation to changing jobs I did for a year inbetween my 1st and second child and my husband was a fantastic dad! But he was no househubby. When our son went to bed he sat down and watched T.V or went to his garage to work on something and after a day at the coal face I came home to the housework anyway. It wasn't that he did it intensionally he just didn't see what needed doing and when, to him it wasn't a mess. So now every time I feel I have too much to do I stop and think how lucky I am to not have to do a full time job and be a full time mum because I found it pretty tough.