Struggling to figure out what I want.

Samantha - posted on 01/09/2013 ( 21 moms have responded )

6

0

0

I began staying at home with my son 6 months ago after we lost the only sitter we could afford. I really enjoyed being able to get things done during the day and have special time with my son at first. I don't know if it's because it's winter now and activities are more limited or what, but I don't feel like I know where I want to be anymore- home or work. The biggest issue is the area we are in is so small, it's very difficult to find a job that pays enough to make a difference. Before I left my previous job, I calculated just after gas & CHEAP daycare I was only bringing home roughly $50. Money is tight at our house, but we're making it work. I feel so lonely because I don't have many friends or extra money to go a lot of places. Sometimes I think finding a part time job would help with this, but then I'm back in the same boat. And I do like being home with my son...I guess I just feel stuck at the moment. Knowing that my husband and most of my family feel I should be working right now doesn't help my esteem much either. Sorry for the lengthy post, just needed to get it out and I hope there's someone feeling the same way that can help.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jesse - posted on 02/05/2013

4

0

0

It sounds to me like the overwhelming feeling you're having is loneliness which I can completely understand. I agree with many of the other commenters - that you need to find a network of other moms. I'm a big proponent of working at least one day or two a week - not even for the money. Even if you just break even it's worth it. You stay sane and feel value in your ability to create something outside of your house. Plus, then you get to meet a bunch of people.

Just know that the vast majority of moms question their choice - whether they're staying home or not. We're always getting pulled in every direction, and there's always guilt. That just means you're a good mom. :)

Kelly - posted on 01/11/2013

5

7

0

It's funny, parents who work have one opinion and those who stay at home have another. It is truly a personal choice and after being a staunch supporter of being a SAHM, with my second more "challenging" little guy, going to work sounds like a good idea for both of us:) Don't worry about what others say, it's your life, your sanity, happiness and I've come to realize that happy mom means happy family whatever the choice may be. I do know that being a SAHM to a non- school aged child makes it tricky to find other adults to interact with, but there are groups such as MOPS that seem to have groups all over the country. Once little guy is in school, there are all kinds of volunteer activities, classroom helpers, PTA/PTO, library helpers. Anyway, I have been a SAHM for many years, 13, but once my first son was in 1st grade, I went back to college and got my degree in art and art education. I have been looking for an art teaching job for years now,. I substitute part time and a little over a year ago I started an ETSY business, which I love! My now 4 year old is starting preschool a couple days a week and both of us are really excited about that. Anyway, sorry to ramble, I guess what I am trying to say is a few things, one don't give up on being a SAHM, it takes time to get used to it and there are groups that will get you out of the house and second, if working keeps you sane and happy, even if you are just breaking even, that's fine too. Third, there are businesses that SAHM can do to make extra money. Good luck to you and you are definitely not alone.
Kelly

Amy - posted on 01/10/2013

1

0

0

What if you find a baby close to your son's age to watch and hen you can bring in some money and stay with our son? When my children were little, I was a nanny and then later had my own home daycare. It was good to be with my kids and have money!

Krystal - posted on 01/10/2013

40

22

0

You could get into something like Avon, make a little extra money on the side (only takes 10 to start up, but you have to be pretty willing to go out and get sales to make any money). I dont know how you feel about donating plasma, but that would give you a chance to get out of the house one or more times a week for an hour or so, and it would give you a little extra income as well (tax free too!)! and they are pretty flexible, they could most likely work around your husbands schedule.

you didnt mention how old your son is, but you could volunteer. Such as go to a nursing home, and visit with the elderly. it would get you interacting with people and out of the house.(and it doesnt matter what the weather is out!) and if your son is little, the elderly just eat them up! They LOVE little ones!

And i found myself in the same position, if i went back to work full time, with both kids in daycare, even the cheapest daycare, i wouldnt be bringing anything home after all was paid. So i am staying home with my two. I would rather it be me teaching and interacting with my children. When my kids start going to school i will start working, or go back to school, i havent decided yet. :) i hope something was useful here. :)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

21 Comments

View replies by

AnnMarie - posted on 02/06/2013

38

13

3

Samantha my son is 3 and I also live in Illinois! I'm in the northwest suburbs of Chicago.

Melynda - posted on 01/16/2013

95

0

1

I miss working a paying job. Financialy it works better for us as a family for me to stay home with the little ones, but as soon as everyone is in school full time I'm gonna get a part time job!

Michelle - posted on 01/15/2013

1,606

10

224

First of all for $50 a month it's not worth it. Secondly you don't have to feel bad for wanting to spend time with your son. It's good for him to have you there if you can be and it sounds like financially you can be (you may even save a little money on gas etc by not working). You may not be rolling in money but you're certainly not any worse off financially . Don't let the family get to you. They don't know about the exact nature of your finances or what's good for your son.

Alisha - posted on 01/15/2013

735

10

39

There's nothing better than being home with your child, raising them, knowing what they are being exposed to, and getting to know them better than anyone else. I think you really need to work this out with your husband, if he would like you to work a little, then maybe you could get something for 2nd shift or a Saturday morning or something while he is home with your son. It won't be easy if you work every evening full-time and I don't think it would be good for your family or marriage if you never see each other. It's really up to you and your husband to come to a decision that will work for your family. Have you ever thought about maybe a home business or something? You never know! Don't put guilt and pressure on yourself to NEED to be working. Even if you cleaned an office building one night a week or whatever just to make your husband happy it could work out. You really need to talk to him though and figure out what would be worth you working if you did have to pay a sitter. I don't think the opinion of most of your family should matter quite honestly, it's none of their business.

Samantha - posted on 01/12/2013

6

0

0

Maria- I'm in IL. I wish I could join a gym to get rid of the extra weight I've gained! I hope that works well for you. :)

Maria - posted on 01/12/2013

1

0

0

I know how you feel as well I been a SAHM for 18 months already and it hasnt been easy coming from being used to working 6 days a week. I find that some days are harder than others and alot of times I feel alone since my husband is always working and im always caring for our 17 month old daughter. I even seeked therapy at one point because I didnt think it.was normal to feel down about being home but I found out that.alot of SAHM feel like this. Ive decided to finally just join a gym with daycare where I can focus on some me.time and my lil girl can also make some friends. Maybe this way I can decide if I should go back to work having a clear mind... Where do you live? State I meant...??

Kelly - posted on 01/11/2013

5

7

0

One more thing, when I had my first son there was an online group of moms, I can't remember the name, but it was basically a pen pal or e-pal site. I made mom friends from all over the world and have one friend I met online 13 years ago when we were new moms, who I am still friends with today. When you can't get out of the house exchanging emails with another sympathetic mom definitely helps. If I can find the link I will send it to you.

Samantha - posted on 01/10/2013

6

0

0

I've been looking for 1 or 2 kids to watch with no luck yet. I'll keep looking though!

Stephanie - posted on 01/10/2013

31

6

0

I know the feeling. My husband totally supports me being home with our girls. But other family members don't understand why I don't work. I have struggled with should I stay home and raise our kids or should I go back to work for over a year now. I did go back to teach a few years ago and just though I should be home. It can be very lonely and I understand that. You need to do what will make you happy. Have you though about getting a part time job a few nights a week. That way your husband will be home and can watch your little one and you can get some socializing and make some extra money. Also you can look into a MOPS ( a moms group who have young kids) group. Spring will be better! Good luck.

AnnMarie - posted on 01/10/2013

38

13

3

I was in a similar situation. Then my child started school and I thought, I'll get a part time job. Then I got pregnant with our 2nd. And that idea went out the window. :) then my neighbor got pregnant, she & her husband both needed to work, she wasn't thrilled about daycare, and her husband worked weird hours and was home during the day sometimes and didn't wasn't to take their kid to daycare if he could hang out with him. So they asked if I would babysit. Now we can eat out once and a while, do a few more "fun" things. And my neighbor knows her child is being loved & cared for by someone safe & affordable when they need someone to watch him.

So I don't know how up for it you are . But there have to be others on you're area who also want cheap daycare, especially by a loving mom. I don't mean a lot of kids, just one maybe two if you think you could do it. You could make a little $ help someone else in the same situation and have a playmate for your child(which will help them grow socially as well!). I find it easier to do things with 2 little ones, getting put the playdough, or puzzles, or paints, seem like less of a large task for the 5 min you know your child will be interested if it's for 2 kids it seems more worth all the mess and cleanup and they keep eachother more engaged in the activity.

It's not for everyone. It's a job! But it fell into my lap, and I love kids, so for me it worked.

Dove - posted on 01/09/2013

6,564

0

1337

Was that $50/month? Totally not worth it (in my opinion).

Maybe there are some playgroups in your area that could help you and your son get out and enjoy some interaction with other people. If you want a part time job I know there are plenty of 'sales' jobs (if you like that sort of thing) that you can do mostly from home and build your own schedule.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/09/2013

17

0

6

I think your husband and family need to take the pressure off you. Obviously your husband knows your financial situation so he has no reason to say anything to you. I work from home but I was getting really stressed being home with my son all day because he is special needs. So I took a second part time job working out of the house. Unfortunately they kept piling the hours on and I was working 60+ hours per week. Then I got pregnant and super sick so I had to quit my second job and I am happy to be home again. I just wish I felt better. You could attempt to get a part time job a few nights or on the weekends when your husband is home. Hope this helps

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms