Struggling with being a new stay at home mom

Nicki - posted on 04/25/2012 ( 58 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone! I am 25 and a new mom to my beautiful little 4 month old baby boy. Up until the last week of my pregnancy I have always worked full time and really didn't spend much time at home at all. Now things have changed completely and I'm having a really hard time. I struggle everyday with myself because on the one hand I'm SO grateful that my husband and I can manage with only one salary but I'm also sooooo lonely its horrible. I've only been in this area for about a year and a half, and worked at a very small office with just a few older ladies; so I haven't ever really had friends while living here but working kept me busy and kept my mind off things. My husband and I also just up and went on weekend road trips, concerts, etc so life was busy in a different way. Now I'm falling into bed at 10pm, exhausted with a messy house and a pile of laundry staring at me for the next day. I feel like I'm living groundhog day....wake up, change baby, feed baby, play, change baby, feed baby, play, nap, feed, change, play, nap.....and in the blink of an eye, its been 4 months....



On top of feeling incredibly lonely I'm struggling with the fact that I'm not losing weight, in fact I think I'm actually gaining because I'm just mindlessly eating. I just feel so down on myself, and stuck in a rut. I cant imagine that I'm the only lonely new mom out there so I'd love to have people to talk to, doesn't even matter how far away you are....

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Emily - posted on 12/07/2012

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Hi, I know this is an older post but I just had a baby in August and I am experiencing the exact emotions. It was really helpful to read your post. My baby girl is going on 4 months and I used to live life very differently. I came and went as I pleased.. snowboarding trips and spontaneous shopping sprees frequently. Now, like you say, it feels like groundhog day I am always tired. It seems laundry is never done and I am so very lonely too. Everyone says it gets easier.. I love being a mom but this is undoubtedly the biggest adjustment I have ever had to make..mentally, physically, and emotionally.



I don't understand how I am supposed to do all household chores and take care of her too! Am I domestically challenged or is cooking dinner a commonly neglected task by other new mothers?

Chrystal - posted on 04/25/2012

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First off hi, it's nice to meet you. My name is Chrystal I'm 26, I'm a stay at home mom of a 10 month old and 22 month. I'm here if you'd ever like to talk. The best way to get out of the new baby funk is to literally get out. Go to the park, story time at the library, YMCA activities, walks, moms groups, check out meetup.com to see what groups are in your area you might like. Just because you had baby doesn't mean you've got to be chained to the house. You took 9 months to put on that baby weight it'll take time for it to come off so don't stress over it to much. If grazing is your problem than set yourself up for success put fruits, veggies, low fat cheese, nuts, etc in your house so that when you want to mindlessly eat it's all healthy food. Something that helps me to not feel down on myself is getting dressed everyday lounge wear is not aloud it has to be real live clothes that I would go out of the house in. Your body, your hormones, and your life has all changed it's totally normal to feel a bit off center. It'll get easier and you'll find your new norm.

Susan - posted on 05/29/2012

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Hello, I'm also a 25 year old stay-at-home mom, who had a career in the military, but thought it would be best for my kids for me to be in a different career to give them stability. I also feel lonely, not good enough, like i never have time for myself. I've lived here for only a year, but I have met noone that I can call a friend. And this weighs on myself and my family heavily. My son is now three months and my daughter is 4 and a half. My boyfriend (we seem like a married couple without the legal paper) and I struggle because he is working (he is military) and he meets people and has his friends, and here I am. Alone and unsure about myself because I miss having my girlfriends. Here, all I have is him and the kids.
I can relate to you 100% on this. You are not alone at all in this.

Kimmy - posted on 04/27/2012

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Hi Nicki,

It's not easy for moms (SAH or Working). You said you live in "farm land"- take advantage and go visit a farm. I'm sure your son would love to see all the animals and hear their strange sounds- and I'm sure the farm owners would also love some company. Heck see if there is a horse stable you could volunteer at to just brush the horses.

The first few months I was home with my daughter I would just go wander Babies R Us (no one cared how much my colic baby cried there). You could always go to your local store and just window shop, or start cooking your meals fresh (in London they have tiny frig's & shop for only what they will make that day).

You could also try one of these sites... http://girlfriendcircles.com/, http://www.girlfriendsocial.com/ or http://www.meetafamily.com/ It's never easy to be in a new place without your support group. I'm sure you're not the only one in your area who feels this way- maybe one of these sites can help you find other SAHM's near by.

What eventually worked for me was to schedule SOMETHING out of the house at least 3 times a week (dr's apt, trip to the store, the park, coffee, ANYTHING). That way you have something to look forward to.

Good Luck and eventually you'll find something that works :)
Kim

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Brittney - posted on 06/13/2012

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I know exactly how you feel as well. Here I am thinking that I am in the boat alone. So happy to find this forum. My name is Brittney, I am a 25 year old stay at home mom. and let me say that it is NOT easy. I hate the constant labeling I get from family and friends, because of the choices that me and my husband have chosen for our soon to be one year old and the newest addition coming in Nov. It gets tough sometimes, but try to look at the bright side of things more often. Realize that you are not the only one making this momentous decision and that you are doing a GREAT thing for your kids. Much love to you!

Najarie - posted on 06/10/2012

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Hi am Najarie

I'm 28 and also struggle with the samething but in a slightly different way, i have a 9yrs old son and a 7mths daughter and i decided to stay home a fews months ago after having my daughter, This is my first time staying at home as i have been working for the pass 10yrs none stop(I feel like a fish out of water...lol) My day starts at 5am getting my son ready for school, he leaves by 7am after that i have to do a tun of stuff(wash, cook, clean, play,etc..) my day ends at 10pm (didn't know i could fit all that stuff in one day...lol) it does get fustrating at time and i do feel the same way you do so you are not alone.....i recently took up gardening in my yard and i still dont feel productive when the day ends, i miss going to work in the morning and coming home in the evening but i get to see the new things my daughter does and the new words she says everyday i missed out on all that with my son as i was so busy working, when your baby gets a little older and start having those big conversation your'e going to feel different so just hang on in there you will be ok......i have read most of the advice that the other mothers gave you and i'm going follow some of them myself (THANK GOD FOR YOU LADIES!!!!!!! smile) Give baby boy a BIG kiss until nexttime

Barb - posted on 06/09/2012

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I have been a stay at home mom for 2 and 1/2 years and still it can be lonely at times, but I am moved a year ago and don't have a lot of friends where I live now. It does get better though when they can get bigger and go out more and you can do mommy and baby things. I use to go to mom and baby swim classes, story time at the library, mom and baby stroll fit. There are things you can do to get out of the house with baby. I was a little depressed and a lonely when my daughter was first born up till year old. I love being a stay at home mom now my daughter and I go do everything together together it's a lot less lonely when they can talk! I will probably feel the same way after my next baby is born in September cause it won't be as easy to get up and travel. Things do get better!

Tia - posted on 06/08/2012

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hello, im a YOUNG mom. i just got out of highschool, so i used to enjoy myself a whole lot. i got pregnant, and my life changed from there. it wasnt about me being young & enjoying myself anymore. it was about my baby, my son is 4 months also. and it really seems hard to get away (especially if your breastfeeding) because all your baby wants is you. i didnt do anything for about 3months after pregnancy. and i felt the same way.. i just wanted to go crazy sometimes, but just looking at him & enjoying his company kept me happy :) but now i take my little guy to do everything with me. i take him on walks car rides, everything. just know that after you have a baby you dont have to limit yourself all the way. you can still have fun in a different way. even if its just you to. (because i have NO friends anymore either) i just dont have time for anybody else. so i learned to be happy with just me & my son. his dad only works part time so its really hard, i want to get a job but i breastfeed & my son is way too attached, so i have a long ways ahead of me before i can even think about a job. so, good luck & just remember YOUR NOT LONELY, you have your baby with you :)

Danielle - posted on 06/08/2012

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Hi Nicki, my name is Danielle I am 24 and I have to wonderful kids ages 4 and 6 and needless to say I still have days where I feel I'm stuck in the same cycle day after day so no your not alone. It does get better but there are those days. It's so hard I live in the same town I grew up in and still rarely see my friends due to the fact I refuse to get a babysitter when they invite me out to lunch or over to there house to me those are not babysitter reasons, sometimes I will get a sitter if I really just need a girl day but to me I'm a package deal and if my friends don't want my kids around they don't want me either. But to help you a bit there are a lot of free stuff to do in most towns that could be good for you and baby. Storytime at most libraries, most parks have free events to just walk around at, malls I've been too have free events too. But I get that sometimes you want grown up chats too because baby talk 24/7 after while you can catch yourself doing it in public to the cashier at the grocery store lol ya been there. I hope I helped a little and gave you some ideas to look into but mostly I want you to know your not alone and nobody should feel that way and if you ever need to chat you can always get in touch with me on here I'm always up to listening. Sincerely Danielle

Lynn - posted on 06/04/2012

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Hello, My name is Lynn and it is very nice to meet you!
I am a single mother of a now 8 year old boy who is the best thing in my world :-)
I worked also from before he was born and then when he was born, all my friends were out partying and doing there own thing so I didn't have many friends either, but I found taking a walk with him or going to a group called the early years was so much fun and I meet a few friends that way too!
I live in Canada so in the winter I would pull him on a little sled once he was old enough and get out that way too, I found it very hard being a stay at home mom with no income so i went back to school and got my P.S.W certificate and worked in a nursing home for almost 4 years, Then I had a motorcycle accident and it all changed I wasn't able to work at regular jobs i found it very hard and stressful and I just wanted to be around my son, especially while he is young because he was growing up so fast .
Then I meet my now friend, Tinya and she changed my life,
before meeting her I was not that healthy had baby weight to loose and not much energy with not sleeping and bad nutrition... but she introduce me to Isagenix! which gave me my life back,
new friends who were positive and supportive and I was getting my health back and would you believe I had more energy then I have ever had before......It is amazing and I was losing all that baby weight that I had been stuggling to get of for years in just weeks. I couldn't believe it and so after seeing all of my progress people around me started asking me how was i doing it, how I had so much energy and losing weight and looking so healthy, so I told them about it and how they can do it too!
So i`m happy to say I have lots of friends now, lol, i work from home so I don`t miss out on my son anymore and I get payed to help others feel as amazing as i do! My son even loves the shakes too! It`s totally cool!
Well i`m very happy to meet you Nicki and i wish you and your baby all the best!
feel free to email me or talk to me on here :-) which ever you perfer have a great day!

thanks Lynn

Kristen - posted on 05/29/2012

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I hear you Nicki. I so miss working! Yet know I should be greatful that I get to be with my kids! It's hard but what helps me is planning play dates with other moms. Even if it's one a week, It will give you another adult to talk to & your baby play time. You say you dont know anyone but I've met some great women online & just by going to the parks! Our kids start to play & we end up talking. Some of these women have become great allies of mine. :) I am 30 with 3 kids! A girl who's 6 & 2 boys: 2 & 7mths! Good luck & if you ever need to chat I'm here also. :)

Mhairi - posted on 05/29/2012

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Trust me, ur NOT alone, I've got 3 and the youngest is 3 months. The best thing u can do is look for any mother and baby groups u can get to, u'll connect and also be able to get all sorts of advice. When u can't get out, if baby doesnt need u and is quite content, take as long as u can for urself, ignore all house work! I found a way to get some me time while doing laundry, put a few songs on while I fold it all and I'm set for day.
It really IS hard and only mothers who have experienced it can understand. I'm happy to chat away if on Facebook if u'd like. If u want to, send me a message on here :)

Megan - posted on 05/29/2012

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There are always gonna be days where you don't feel like do anything. And there will be days you don't do anything around the house. You just have to push through it. Do you have any friends with kids you can visit during the day? Go for walks, get your baby in some type of class. There are exercise classes that involve infants.

Katie - posted on 05/29/2012

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I haven't read all the posts, but one thing I haven't seen mentioned in the ones I read is this: have a purpose for what you are doing. A purpose bigger than "get through the day." for me it is my faith in God and raising kids for him. But if you have no purpose, it is so much more stressful and frustrating. Having definite goals in the framework of a larger purpose will put everything in context and help you to it sweat the small stuff so much! Hope that helps!

Heather - posted on 05/25/2012

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Hi Nicki! I'm Heather...a 31 year old stay at home mom of a 14 year old boy and two girls ages 10 and 4...I've done the working mom thing and am also grateful that I have had the opportunity to stay home for about 7 1/2 years now. When I first started at home, I felt EXACTLY how you described feeling! What you need to do is create a LIFE...and by that I mean you need to decide which day to do laundry, grocery shopping, mending, gardening, errands, general housework...and make yourself a schedule that works for you and your family! Running a household is like running your own business! If you don't take it seriously and take some time to organize it, you'll drown in chaos! If you have one day a week designated to getting your laundry done, you'll be able to put it to the back of your mind and not feel stressed about it! Also, you need to branch out and make some friends, and honestly the easiest way to do that is go to the park / coffee shop / local playgroups. Start looking around for free programs for youngsters which will offer you the opportunity to connect with other moms with young kids :)

On the eating of boredom topic....been there, done that....get it under control NOW! You don't want to be one of those moms who cannot get up and run after their kids at the park! Trust me! Plan out your meals and set your kitchen up for success...if the crap's not there, it's not as easy to eat it!

Also remember to take time for YOU! You are the heart and soul of your family! The old saying "if mama ain't happy, ain't no-body happy" is 100% TRUE! Remember, it's not selfish to respect yourself enough to take care of yourself! Good luck!!!! You are the most important person to your family!

Ana - posted on 05/25/2012

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Hello there. You sound like me 2 years ago when I had my daughter.. My house looked the same way when she was 4mths old, and I was not loosing weight until she was 7months old. You are in the right place for support. Reaching out is best because only other moms can help you through the (what feels like) tough times... now that my daughter is 2 and running around pulling at everything, I think back to when she was cute and cuddly and could not get off the couch without me! And I also think of how stressed I was making myself when there wasn't a whole lot I could do about being a new mom. Since you have no family here, you will still need reliable support. There is excellent advice here. I had my family with me the first year my daughter was born, and I thank God for that, but also I did have to use a day care because I began working just before she turned 3mths old. So with you being at home, you'll have plenty of time to find your circle so that you are supported while yall are stationed here.

Francesca - posted on 05/21/2012

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@ Nicki, hi im also 25 and a new mom and new to the stay at home so your not alone. My son is 17 months and i have a new one on the way thank god its a girl because i believe two is way more than enough. Been home with the baby and really trying to balance everything else in the house at time can get overwealming and even if it don't seem like it it does get better, and your right a friend and heck someone to talk to makes everything a lot smother I've seen. Getting out the house will help you a lot and if you can find anybody who can work out with you will help you with your weight i tried doing it alone but i was so not motivated enough. And having a baby and going out even if its just to walk around the mall its so not fun unless you go with someone else or another mom and her kid, somehow it makes it so much better. What helps me the days i am at home i really tried to come up with some type of schedule for my son, some time to watch tv and a lil fun talk on the phone always help.

Do you live in hawaii?

Anika - posted on 05/21/2012

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Big hugs! I'm 22 with a 2 year old boy, and another one due this August. I think unfortunately, it's very normal how you're feeling. I was also working full time up until a month before I had my son, and I always thought I would love being a stay at home mum and find it 'easy'. I had no idea how hard it really is. It's a lot harder than studying or working full-time in my opinion.

I still struggle with it a lot of days to be honest. Sometimes I dread waking up, wondering what the hell I'm going to do for 10 hours while my husband's at work. We also just moved to a different area with not much to do, so now it's even worse. I had no idea how monotonous every single day would be when I had kids. I make sure we go out and do something every day for a few hours; park, mall, for a walk, whatever. Make sure you get out of the house and use up some time.

I just keep telling myself they are only young for a short period of our lives (although it feels like a long time), and that I am lucky to be a mother, and yes even to stay home with him, because I would hate being apart from him for the whole day!

PS, unfortunately I've found it's only gotten harder, when my son was a baby at least he would sleep during the day, now he has no naps, so every single minute of my day is about him. I miss the days where he napped! Glad to hear you have made some changes though, and I hope your husband is being understanding, I know a lot of men don't realise or care how hard it is. (Or maybe don't want to admit it's harder than what they do). And no harm switching to formula..my son also had a terrible time latching on and was causing me so much stress, I changed to formula when he was 3 weeks old. It was the best decision for me too.

Brittany - posted on 05/17/2012

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You're not alone. I'm going crazy too. I've started journalling and I'm going to find local groups of ladies. This isn't the natural state of motherhood. We are supposed to be surrounded by other women.

Michelle - posted on 05/08/2012

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Hi Nicki! That's what they call "Welcome to Motherhood!" lol You're not alone and I think all mothers undergo with that situation. Just remember that your child doesn't need a spotless house and I hope your hubby doesn't mind a little messy house too.

Michelle - posted on 05/08/2012

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I'm a mother of three, ranging from twelve to seventeen, so I know exactly what you mean. It's been years since I've had to deal with totally taking care of my kids daily needs.Now days it's weird to say, but I miss them needing me so much. Before becoming a mother at the age of 30, I had my time of thinking totally of myself whether it was just hanging out drinking or spending money on new clothes for me. I married at 17, no children, five years later divorced. Married again a year later. He was my party buddy for five more years. Then when I thought we had decided to have a baby and change our lives, I was the only one willing to change. We divorced when she was two. That was the last time she ever saw her dad.. I married again later for the third time and last time. We are still together with two more children added to the family. Fifteen years ago, I found myself staying at home, not working anymore outside the home. He worked full-time and we decided that it wouldn't pay for me to also work due to childcare costs. Besides, I felt that my place was to be the one to teach them and care for them. I trusted very few people with the welfare of my children. I did just like you, I constantly had something to do for the kids, my husband, the house chores. It never ended. I had little friends left either, if any really. My life became devoted to my family first. But I assure you that if you stick with it and try to cherish these times, make at least fifteen minutes for yourself a day (even if it's just doing your nails, maybe it can be more tolerable. Also, listening to music can also brighten your days. Hope this helps.

Nicki - posted on 05/08/2012

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Ladies I am so very grateful for the support that keeps coming everyday! So since I've started this post I've made some real changes. One big one is that I got myself a very part time job working a few evenings a week (so my husband is home with baby) at the local nursing home. Not only does it get me out of the house and talking to adults but it's nice to brighten someone else's day with some kindness. It has also done WONDERS to give my husband a tiny taste of what my day is like. I dont think he classifies my "work" in the same category as his working outside the house. He's said already several times, he understands now what I mean when I say I'm lonely and I didnt get a chance to get things done around the house. The baby consumes all of your time and he really does run the show so everything else just goes out the window. I've also started going out with Liam more. Some days we just go out in the back yard and feed the birds or something but it gets me out of the house a little.

I most definitely went through PPD. When I went in for my 6 week follow up visit, they had me do a little survey about how I was feeling and I failed miserably and was sent right to a counselor. I never felt like I wanted to hurt my baby, I felt like a complete failure and like *I* wanted to go away. I cried everyday for weeks and just felt so depressed I couldn't drag myself out of the slump. I had a horrible time breastfeeding, my baby was 3 weeks early and even though my milk came in great, he had a hard time latching and therefore wasnt eating enough and became VERY jaundice. After 9 nine days in the hospital before he was even born due to complications with Pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes, I then got to bring my baby home for one night and ended up back in the hospital for 2 more days because he had to lay under the blue lights because of his extreme jaundice. I tried and tried breastfeeding for 8 weeks but finally gave in and switched to formula and it was the best thing I could have done. I stopped feeling like I was failing as a mom, my baby was thriving (and still is!) I was sleeping more at night, my husband could finally help me feed the baby. It was just life altering for me to switch to formula. I'm happy to say that those horrible baby blues have cleared up significantly but of course there are still days when I feel down in the dumps but nothing like it was before.

Barbara - posted on 05/08/2012

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Hi Nicki. I'm Barbara, 26. Up until 2 years ago, I was a working mother. When my husband and I moved to Arizona, I decided to stay home with the kids and work on college. I had NEVER stayed home all the time, and I was also in a new area. I didn't know anyone and I was so lonely. I think the thing that helped me the most was pushing myself to get out of the house. I had to literally make up excuses to make myself get out. I was slightly depressed and it was really hard as first. Going out would make me even more tired at first, but I slowly started feeling better. Another thing is exercise. Even if it's a walk, exercise will help you start feeling better. I had a jogging stroller that I used and went for a short run almost everyday. You may also want to consider if you have post-partem depression. It's so easy for women to over look that but your daughter is only 4 months and it's a real possibility. Even if it is, getting out some and exercising a little will go a long way to help you cope with your change in lifestyle. I really hope you start feeling better. If you need to talk, there are many women who have had to cope with your situation, that truly care. Msg me!

Terina - posted on 05/08/2012

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its sounds like my life ! apart from the fact ive been a stay at home mum for 5 years now and all though i moan about it sometimes i wouldnt change it for the world. on the other hand sometimes i envy mums who work but the one thing tht keeps me sane are toddler groups ( not nursery but groups where you go with yur toddler to play) at first i didnt go as i was under the assumption theyd be clicky and not my thing but theres only so much kiddies programmes you can isten to, so i started taking my son to his weekly visits to the local sure start group. ive been a stay hom home mum for 5 years ( with evening and weekend work in between on and off) and on my 2nd child who now has 3 of these sorts of groups to go to each week shes not in nursery and theyre a god send not only are they great for the kids to learn how to share and play theyr great for mums to , having an adult conversaion and surprisingly great support off other mums if your approaching hurdles that your not sure how to overcome and it gets you out the house. another thig i used to do with my son is the local swimming centre used to run tumble time ....loads of fun even if i do say so myself! its hard to find something to do with your kids thats age appropriate and cost next to nothing im not sure where you are but if your in the uk its definalty well worth tsking your baby to these groups , are you going back to work at end of maternity? if not then make the day fun for you as well as your son after all this is your life now you have soooo much more to look forward to i.e 1st words walking milestones im so glad i was there to witness it all, before you know it you will have fitted in this ifestyle quite nicely if not its ok ! dont put too much preasure on your self to enjoy it cos believ me there are days when i just wished i worked ! good luck and trust me it goes so bleedin fast dont wish it away x

Eva - posted on 05/07/2012

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Hi! I'm Eva. I've been a sahm for 23 years now. My oldest is 25 and my youngest is 18. I can still remeber when I stopped working and started staying at home. I thought I would go insane. I'm still sane!!! LOL
Yes I've dealt with bouts of depression, and feeling isolated. I didn't get a lot of help from my husband at first and actually got a lot of disrespect from him, till I put him in his place by leaving him home with the two boys one Saturday. Left him with all the house work and wouldn't let him know where I was. I started getting help after that. He realized my job was a lot harder then he thought.
I found going for walks just to get out of the house was helpfully and the exercise helps to lose that extra weight. It also gets you away from the food so your not able to snack constantly. I live out in the country so we didn't have a park or YMCA to go to, but just going for a walk was refreshing. Getting up and getting dressed in clothes that are appropriate for waring outside also helps. PJ bottoms and a T shirt aren't appropriate clothes, comfortable for around the house, but tend to lend a helping hand in feeling down about ourselves.
I would set my alarm to get up 30 mins. ahead of my boys so I could have a relaxing coffee and do my hair. This helped me to start my day with them in a better mood, so that I didn't make them feel sad like me. It also helped me to feel better about myself. After the boys went to bed I would soak in a bubble bath again something to make me feel better. You need to find something that makes you feel good about you again.

Muskaan - posted on 05/07/2012

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Hi Nicki,I am 24 and a mother of a beautiful 4 months old baby girl.
I think that whatever you are going through are steps to motherhood.These are called the sacrifices you make to give your baby all the attention and love he needs.My mom told me if ever I feel bored at home I can join work BUT imagine you leaving your newborn in a strangers hand where she would not understand why your child is crying and what he wants.What I do believe is that ONLY a mom can understand her baby even if he doesn't say a word.Am also in the same boat of you,but when I think of my mom's words I say to myself ,my child is safe,secure and happy so am happy too.I made up my mind to spend the ,most time with my baby.I also do not try to do any housechores during the day,I finish them at night when my hubby is home and he takes care of my daughter.That's the only time I do the cooking,dishes,little bit of cleaning.And for the washing,i don't do it everyday,I just do it when my baby is fast asleep,even if I dont get the time to put it on the line the same day ,I don't bother I do it the next as long it's washed already the big job is done :P .Like this,I have made my routine myself..on sunday I do big cleaning so that not too much work during the week,all the laundry and so on.It's hard i know but it's beautiful to be a mom.All you have to do is plan everything.Enjoy the play,the feed because in a blink of an eye as you said he will grow up and you won't have the chances to do all these again once he grows up...Hope you don't mind what I said...:) Good luck with your baby!!! cheers

Lori - posted on 05/07/2012

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find a MOMS Club in your area, www.momsclub.org I was exactly like you when I had my first child, I became very lonely and depressed, but once I made friends that were in the same situation I was everything got better. MOMS Club stands for Moms Offering Moms Support and it really does. They offer lots of activities and ideas and their are local chapters across the United States and in 4 other countries. Its a great organization to be a part of. My oldest is 11 now and my best friends are still the Moms I met in MOMS Club. Best Wishes!

Gwen - posted on 05/07/2012

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Hi Nicki! You are not the only one who feels this way. I am a stay at home mom of a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old which are both girls. I have stayed home since my oldest was born and struggled with the adjustment from having no kids to having kids. Some things you can try to help ease your feelings are finding local or online support groups for stay at home moms ( I use Facebook to keep in touch with other stay at home moms, try to find local activities to take your daughter to such as plays, arts and crafts things ( I know she may seem a little young but it keeps them entertained and gives you a chance to mingle with others), Also you can consider taking some college online classes to help with your loneliness and it will also help you feel like you are still contributing to the family and your own life. I hope these ideas help! Good luck and hang in there!!

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Nicki, you are well on your way - you found this group. I know you are going to get all the support you need. Hang in there though, some days will still be tougher than others.

Karen - posted on 05/06/2012

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Hi Nicki! My name is Karen. It's nice to meet you! Congrats on your little one and welcome to the club! I am 37 years old and have been home with my kids for almost 6 years. I have an almost 6 year old little girl and a little boy who just turned 4. I know exactly how you feel! You basically have the same story I had. I worked full-time up until I had my daughter. I had a real hard time too with all of the new changes and responsibilities. I was very set in my ways and my schedule before I had my first child. Much like you said about living "groundhog day" over and over again when I was working, it seemed to be worse being at home. Its so hard being with babies/toddlers all day long. I love my kids more than life itself, but it's hard. No one is home during the day unless you know other SAHM's. I live in a very uppity neighborhood and hate it. I find that any SAHMs in my community are very different than me and I can't seem to connect with them. I feel lonely too. I got into such a rut and depression last year that I had to figure out something to do for myself. Since then, I feel much better and am getting out a lot more. You need to get out and do something for yourself. It's so important! It's getting nice out, try and take the little one out for a walk. That does wonders. Walk the mall, walk around your neighborhood, etc. it's so easy to get stuck in the house and you don't even realize it. Make sure you get dressed everyday, shoes and all! It really helps. If you have to run some errands, don't wait until your husband gets home or get a babysitter, run out and do what you can and what you're comfortable with during the day. It makes such a difference. Things will definitely get easier. Hang in there! If you need to talk, I'm always here! I know exactly what you're going through and it always helps to talk (or type) it out! :D

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Ugg, I remember with my daughter, I would literally spend a day doing nothing. She was extremely clingy so cleaning was next to impossible. When I quit my job I lost all of my friends.

It got easier as summer came and I wasn't stuck inside all day long. I made a point to take her outside once a day and lay on the grass in the park right outside out apartment. When I finally got my license things got a bit better. I could then drop my husband off at work and spend the day out.

I started taking my daughter to swimming lessons and reading time at the library. I made a point to keep myself busy. I started to crochet, bake, and try new recipes that I couldn't before because it took so long to make.

My son is now 4 months old, and I've found that because I have an older one, it is easier for me to keep busy. Don't get me wrong I still do the feed, change, play, etc. But I've got my own routine about it.

Amanda - posted on 05/05/2012

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i know exactly how you feel. I'm 23 my daughter is almost 5 months and bfs daughter is 4 and lives with us fulltime. I also have no friends here. i honestly miss working but at the same time glad i get to stay home with the kids. Sometimes it just gets to be too much and i have days where i just breakdown. My bf works a lot and sometimes long hours so i am always alone with the kids and no adult interaction.

Darlene - posted on 05/03/2012

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I have a friend who I want to tell you about and his name is Jesus. He is my best friend. He is always there for me. I can tell him anything. He is my helper. He gets me through being a mom. I couldn't do it without him. He wrote us all a love letter and it's the bible. If you read Romans 10:9 ,10 it says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. Jesus loves you.invite Jesus in your heart and ask him to forgive you of your sin. If you have any questions let me know. You won't be lonely if you invite Jesus in your heart.

Trinity - posted on 05/02/2012

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Even though you feel like you're in the boonies, try MOPS.org. You may find a group closer than you think, or they have a new online community. Also, is there a church nearby? Even if you don't attend church, there may be other moms with little ones who would like to get together for a playdate. I attend a playdate at a church I don't attend every Friday morning that uses the church's nursery & playground area. You might even try starting your own MOPS/mom group. Try googling your town to find local moms; maybe look on etsy.com. You can look people up by area, and a lot of the sellers there are SAHMs. Your feelings are very normal, especially about the routine & housework; but he is growing so fast, it will not always be this way! :0)

Claire - posted on 05/02/2012

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Same here Nicki. I have two boys 2.5 yrs and 2 months. I was in school when I had my first but I have been home since he was16 months and now ihave a second. I have no family or friends nearby so am just limited to phone . My 2.5 year old is extremely active and his daily agenda is to undo whatever I do from stripping beds to emptying cabinets. I cant even take a walk with him and the baby because he refuses the stroller and runs like crazy when set down. Jaggling chores is an experience but am getting comfortable coz I do small cleaning projects daily. It helps when I talk to someone whether physically or over the phone so capitalize on this. Not an easy task but comforted by the fact that I get to spend time with my little bundles of joy.

Nicki - posted on 05/02/2012

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Well I've been working harder on setting up a schedule for my day and getting myself up and around and in "real clothes" instead of comfy sweats. Its been a welcome change that's for sure. I've started making meal plans for the week and working on healthier food for our family. I really enjoy putting on some music and getting in the cooking zone.

I've also spent some time talking to my husband about having date night, even if its just once a month. My mother in law started babysitting for my sister/brother in law a while back so that they could have a date night and I feel like I haven't had any alone time with my husband in months. I think that will also give me (actually both me and my husband) a much needed boost. I feel like since having a baby I've morphed into this person who just wipes butts, soothes crying baby, and spends a day covered in spit up. I need to feel like a sexy young woman again. I love my husband dearly, hes my perfect match and even after years together he still makes me giddy inside, and gosh darn-it I'd like a night out to flirt with my hubby.

Carina - posted on 05/02/2012

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I definitely went through the same experience when I had my first. When she was about five months old I finally got myself out of the house and found some things to do. We went to storytime at the library every week and the local breastfeeding support group as well. That was three years ago and we now have a regular play group with many of the moms I met at these events. The play group has definitely kept my sanity through my first and now my 2nd as well, we do something at least once a week, library, playtime at Chick Fil A, a park, etc. The distraction of getting out of the house is a must but also having mom friends at the same point in their lives as me has made all the difference.
I am sorry to say that after three years, the groundhog day effect does not get any better! At least for me so having something else going on during the day when hubby is at work is critical. Hope you can find some good groups to get involved in. I second MOPS, I have not done it but have heard tons of good things. There is also a group called MOMS Club International with chapters throughout the US.

Jessica - posted on 05/01/2012

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I know exactly how you feel because I felt the same way. Here are some great ways to meet mom's in your area.
1) go to http://www.momsclub.org/ I joined my local chapter of Mom's Club International and I have met some truly amazing women / friends / moms. Our chapter has daily get togethers and once a month Mom's Night Out, which is always needed and enjoyed
2) Enroll your child in a My Gym class ( http://www.my-gym.com/ ). I enrolled my now 3.5 year old when she was 3 months old and, not only did I meet more amazing people but, my daughter has gained so much from their classes as well. K has learned how to follow instructions, class participation and numerous age appropriate gymnastic tricks.

Whatever you do keep your head up, things will get better. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.

Janene - posted on 04/30/2012

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It was hard for me at first, and still is sometimes. It definitely helps to go for walks, and keep in touch with your friends and family, even if it is just by phone or email. You could also do online surveys. I did that for awhile and I really enjoyed it. Also it would be great to find a good church to go to. I don't know what your beliefs are, but my church family is a huge support, especially with all my family living in America. God is definitely my strength and I'm thankful for Him. It is a huige change after being in the work force for quite awhile. I have been doing it for 8 years now,and it has been hard at times, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

[deleted account]

Hey I'm a SAHM to 3 children; 3 1/2 yr old & 2 1/2 yr old girls & 7 month old boy.......my hubby works nights so he's here but sleeping all day.....it's hard to keep the kids quiet (2 bedroom apt so he hears everything!!) I'm DYING to get a house with more room lol

I have been reading this site alot recently on my phone (if I'm on the computer or 5 minutes, it's like a sign lets go bother mommy lol) I don't have a schedule for them do bacically TV all day yes breakfast lunch & dinner are the same time but I think I need a chore schedule for the week bathroom on Monday laundry on Tuesday etc......I'm also on a make a meal chart because even tho I have set meal times it's more for the girls and my son.....I don't like to cook so hopefully by making a meal chart I have something to cook (I never know what to cook, because i cook the same thing all the time.....I'm kinda picky lol) Maybe try that to stop mindlessly eating I'm hoping it helps with me lol Good Luck

Julia - posted on 04/27/2012

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I completely understand. I was 25 when i had my first child and decided to stay home with him. I now have 2 children and a 3rd on the way. I always felt isolated and at times resented my husband for being able to get out of the house and be with people. The key to not feeling this way is getting involved with various activities during the week and make a scedule. Get involved with a playgroup or a mother's group. I was able to do this through a local church. This is a good way to make relationships and then set up playdates (which are just as much for the moms as for the kids). Your communtity probably has some resources such as the library or city site.



As for the house....it took me a long time to learn this and i still struggle with it. You will never have as clean of a house as when you worked. You will always have a little one right behind you undoing what you just cleaned. It does get better but when they are real little they depend so much on you and you are exhausted from waking.

Carry - posted on 04/27/2012

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Hi~I have have two young boys and I'm a stay home mom...YES..go out with some friends even if its a couple hours of shopping, lunch , a movie..have your hubby stay home with the baby! I know I feel more relaxed and make time for you and your hubby to go on a date night too~Good Luck!!

Rachel - posted on 04/27/2012

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Feeling similar...everyday it was nice outside my 8month old an I would walk to the park or at least go outside and play in the grass. It suks being stuffed in the house! My fiance works full time and we only have one car...and one driver lol I have tried to join groups in my area but because my son was sick when I was finally invited, we couldn't go to the meetup. Now that we can I have sent 2 e-mail and it seems like I missed my opening? :( :(

Allicia - posted on 04/27/2012

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II been in ur shoes. I found what helped me was signing my child up for music class....omg that helped in so many ways. It got me out of the house and I met so many other first time moms that were in the same boat as me. We all became friends and had play dates each week at each other houses. 4 yrs later we are all still friends and most of us had 2nd babies and still get together for playmates, dinner, ect.

Don't be hard on ur self about the weight. U just had a baby 4 months ago. It takes time.

So give music class, Gymboree, little gym, or my gym I try. Even YMCA could be a good pick also for classes for u and ur little one.

Being at stay home mom is not always easy. I am still a stay at home mom with 2 kids now ages 4 and 2 and my husband is traveling 3 weeks out of very month so I am by my self 24-7 with the kids. It's really hard some times but I take it day by day.

Gladys - posted on 04/27/2012

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Hi Nicki,



I am a stay at home mom who feels lonely too, at times.



Although I have friends in the city I live in, but they don't live near me to meet regularly and most of them are working. Even my other stay at home mom friends are so busy with their children that I don't get to meet them at all.



I was working until my son turned 1. Then of some personal reasons and also that I wanted to build a closer relationship with my son that I quit my job. My son was not attached to me at all and it was very difficult when I started taking care of him full time.



I was often angry with him when we didn't understand each other and he could not stop crying that I often broke down and cried so much.



I felt frustrated when he doesn't want to eat and would get so angry with him when he refuse to go to sleep.



I often felt that I made a wrong choice and would be happier if I was still working.



However, I would say that I have managed to build a closer relationship with him ( it has been almost a year now) and I often take him out to meet my friends or my ex-colleagues.



But I only started taking him out when he started to walk and could eat solids and outside food. It was difficult at first but I take things slowly.



Sometimes, we go shopping and he enjoys it.



Perhaps you can send your son to some programs suitable for his age and you can make some friends too.



One of my friends introduced me to Kindermusik, where they have programs for newborn babies. One parent is to be with the child during the program so you can met other parents and perhaps make friends from there.



You may also want to try new things with your baby such as reading stories to him are teach him using flash cards. They should make very good students now since they are still not crawling.



And, about the "gaining weight" part, don't stuff yourself with food. Look for things to keep yourself busy and forget about the food and you will soon lose weight faster than you can imagine.



Hope to hear from you!

Dhruvita - posted on 04/26/2012

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Hey Niki,



Most of the working moms who become SAHM after their baby are in the same boat as you are...including me.....



Its been 3 years now that I am a SAHM mom and now will think of starting my career again, but as you said, it was tough to pass this time...but with patience and faith you will pass this for sure....Just tell yourself that this tough time is going to pass soon...I know it is hard but the positive you think the better you will feel and sooner you will come out of this phase.....



Need any more specific help...do let me know....



Love,

Candy

Faithlove - posted on 04/26/2012

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hey my name is sheena i am 26 got a 3yr old lil girl and a 1 yr old lil boy...... I am a stay at home mom and i struggle everyday too it does get lonely and at times you feel like you are losing your mind... Not many ppl can understand where you are coming from...... My best friend is far away and its hard.... If you need someone to chat with I am very nice and chill..... Staying at home is very difficult.... The weight is takes a little while too lose it.... It took me months but i finally did it.... Now if I could stop look like a road map and get a flat tight stomach i would be super happy....

Catalina - posted on 04/26/2012

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Kelly!! I love your list!



That's genius! I always make sure our room is clean because it's my clean white sanctuary away from sticky floors and finger prints!



It's so important to escape from the house, I get crazy when I'm stuck at home. I find myself asleep on the floor with my son pulling my hair! Another thing I love is I schedule phone calls with my close (non mommy) girlfriends for nap time, while Henry naps I sit and giggle and tlk to my friends who are still dating and we just talk about mindless stuff for about 30 minutes! It's so nice to pull myself out of mommy mode, and not have to think about diapers, groceries, that weird rash, sleep training, allergies, play dates all the stuff that takes over our minds!

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You MUST get out of the house sometimes. Just because you are a sahm does NOT mean you should stay at home all day every day, focused on nothing but your kid. That's not healthy.

Could you drive to town one day a week? You could drive in, park the car and walk about the town for the day? Volunteer? You must meet people--go to the park, library, any place social.

Treat your days at home the same way you treated your job--create a list of goals, map out ways to achieve them, then get started. For me, my schedule is too different everyday to have a set schedule, so when I get up in the morning, I have my shower (this is my big indulgence--I use only the best soaps and lotions, so that I start my day feeling energized, beautiful, and confident), then sit myself down and make a list of my day's goals. (on Mondays I list things for the whole week, then divide big things among the days around appointments and other obligations). Having that list to refer to keeps me from wondering aimlessly about the house too overwhelmed to know where to start.

Clean your bedroom (It takes me less than 10 minutes)--make the bed, put away loose clothes, etc, then close the door and don't think about it again. That way, at the end of the day, even if the rest of the house is trashed, you have a nice clean bedroom to fall into.

Do not RE-clean rooms. Clean them once and close the door. With the living room, clean it up during nap time, but know that it's not going to stay. If you clean it once a day, you'll keep germs and filth at bay, but it's not going to be magazine perfect until your kid is in school. Also, buy a big, pretty basket to keep in there to toss toys into. That way, instead of running 50 toys back to her room, you can just take 5 minutes to toss them into the basket.

Nicki - posted on 04/26/2012

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Thank you so much for all the responses and encouragement! I cant tell you how much I appreciate it....



I guess I should have added in my original post that part of the problem with being lonely stems from the fact that I live in literally the middle of farmland nowhere in Illinois. There isnt a "bigger" town for about 20 miles and there are no meet up groups or mom groups for about 35+miles. It makes things even harder to meet new people because everything is 20-30 min drive away and with only 1 person working right now we dont have the money for me to be driving that far very often :(



I'll definitely start walking with him again once the weather warms up, its gotten cold and rainy here so going outside isnt really possible most days. On the plus side, its really green and beautiful outside.

Jennifer - posted on 04/25/2012

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I have been a stay at home mom for almost 4 years. Up until then, I worked 5-6 days a week, and was even a single mom for a while. I was always on the go. Here are a few things that always helped me (sorry if some of these are repeats, I didn't have time to read all the previous posts)

*Start your day out every day getting a shower and getting dressed. Even if you don't go anywhere, it amazing how just getting out of your pj's makes you feel so much better

*Make an effort to go somewhere at least 2-3 times a week, more if possible. I used to grocery shop 2x a month, but I found making it so I had to go every week worked wonders. I had no choice, we needed food/items, and I had to get out of the house to get them.

*Find a hobby that you enjoy, then search for meet up groups in your area. For me, it was couponing. I started getting into it about a year or so ago, and found a group in my area that meets once a month. That may not seem like much, but I know once a month, I get to get out with other women, and have some adult time.

* Lastly, don't be afraid to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. I can't tell you how many times I have taken the kids to the park or McDonalds, and just started talking to another mom there. It's kind of wierd, because I have always been a pretty shy kind of person, but it's easy looking at a baby and asking the mom how old he/she is, and let it go from there. Sure usually nothing comes of it (like a friendship), but even if it is for 10min or so, it feels good to talk to an adult for a while.

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