super mum syndrome causes stress and anxiety

Rose - posted on 07/11/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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hi i'm Rose. I'm 27 and I've come to a point where I've realised I have been placing overly high expectations on myself as a mother and partner. I have 3 boys under 5 and had never asked for help from my partner, family, or friends because i was stubborn and thought I could and should do everything myself. In trying to please everybody else, I was neglecting my own needs, which in turn resulted in resentment, anger, frustration, confusion, depression, stress and anxiety. I decided to seek help and counselling.
I was caring for my children 24/7 with no time away from them. My partners job requires him to work away from home for weeks at a time (intermittent parental absence) which also affects me and the children emotionally. To care for them properly i now realise its about quality of time, not quantity. I need to give myself mental space (time to think,plan,organise) without my children present each day. I needed to give myself 1 hr a day of exercise.(walking is great to relax and free the mind) I need one on one love and attention from my partner without the children, and 1hr of organised family activity time each day.
Its been a very positive turn around and my confidence is building as I make ME important and cared for. I have been reaching out for support, communicating my needs, and getting a couple of hours break each day and its doing wonders!
just letting all those full time mums know if you are at the end of your tether, its never too late to reach out for help. YOU are the most important ingredient to the family mix!

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Carrie - posted on 10/10/2012

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You are right, we should relax a little. After all, nobody expects us to be super moms except ourselves. I have tried to let go of things I physically or mentally, or emotionally cannot do at one point. I found that I am less stressed and feel happier.

Ashley - posted on 10/09/2012

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You are so right, I myself have been at the end of my rope to often to count and have now started counciling simply because i needed someone to help me take care of myself and the truth is im still learning too , Im learning to stop feeling guilty to need to get away for an hour or two. Anyone else feel like mothers are under a crazy amout of pressure to look and be perfect. Anyway one mother to another i think were doing a dam good job so feel good ladies

Melissa - posted on 10/09/2012

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Thank you for posting this! I feel sooo many moms on here need to hear it (myself included! Although I know all this to be true I need constant reminder :-D). I think too many moms think that their children need to be their number one priority, which in and of itself sounds good, but I still don't think it's true. Then too many moms translate that to my children are my only priority and think their children need 100% of their time, 100% of their attention (100% of the time), 100% of their energy and just 100% of who they are and then these moms become just that only moms, the can't be themselves as a person or be a wife because they have engulfed themselves with being 'mom'. It does end up causing stress and anxiety and eventually could lead to a breakdown in the family structure and ultimate does no one, especially the kids any good. It's all about quality not quantity and if your making sure your needs as a person are meet you won't be able to give your kids the quality they deserve from you.

Cassie - posted on 10/07/2012

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This have me hope im going to try it im at the end im starting to feel crazy!!

Rose - posted on 07/13/2012

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thanks lisamarie, It's nice to know I'm not the only one. I Would love to hear from anyone else who can relate, or wants to share helpful tips for staying sane.

Lisamarie - posted on 07/12/2012

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Hi, love your post! I went through a very similar thing, wanted to everything myself. I was a young mum (18) and felt I had more to prove to everyone. I, too, sought out counselling and I am so much better for it. I have fun with my children without getting stressed out and I take my son to a mother and baby group everyday while my daughter is at school so he gets time to play and I get adult conversation. :-)

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