Support

Shawn - posted on 04/07/2010

I moved last year to a new state for my husband's new job and it made us closer to my in-laws, further from my family. Before we moved, I lived in the same state as my parents and same city as my sister. She helped watch my kids maybe 5 times. One time I needed her to watch my kids because I was in the emergency room being checked out for side pains. She called me (in the emergency room) after a couple hours asking how long I would be because she had to go to work the next morning. My dad & stepmom not a big help because they never visited and my mom visited a few time but health reasons I would never leave my kids with her. My doctors think the stress my family put me through while pregnant (fighting over my baby shower and holidays) made me have my daughter 7 weeks early and my son 5 weeks early.



Now that we are closer to my in-laws, they take the kids about once a month for a few days to give me a break. When we first moved they took them a lot so I could paint & unpack. None of my family has visited us here. I think one of the hardest things is I have not made any friends. I joined a Moms group but they kept canceling everything due to lack of participation, I quit the group.

Brandy - posted on 04/07/2010

Wow, that really sucks that they didn't seem to care at all. When I got pregnant with our first, our relationship was only a year old and I was only 20. All of my friends and family were very supportive and kept reassuring me that I was going to be a great mother. With my second, I got a few negative comments like on friend who said "wow, I think this is going to be hard for you having 2 so close together" which she later apologized for and said she meant that she thought it would be hard for anybody, not just specifically me and a family member who said my fiance should get fixed because our financial situation wasn't ready for us to have another so soon but hey I was on birth control both times and it happened anyways so I guess it was meant to be and I wouldn't take it back for the world.

Kelly - posted on 04/07/2010

What do you mean by support? I don't have much family, besides my mom, and I think she was pretty happy about it. Is that what you mean?

My husband's side I guess was happy too, but my sis-in-law was pregnant at the same time so my mom-in-law was, of course, more focused on her own daughter's pregnancy.

No one went out and started buying us stuff, offering to baby sit, or anything, but they weren't mean about it or anything. I was very happy with their responses.

I have a few friends who just "fell off the face of the earth" so to speak, but the true ones stuck around, and I've made lots of new "mommy friends." :)

Susan - posted on 04/07/2010

Our baby was the first great grandchild and grandchild on all sides so we were very lucky that our family was super ready for her and very excited. We had been told that having a baby would a one in a million for us on our own so after trying for 5 years with no luck and then we struck gold, everyone was over the moon. I was at the end of my 7th month when I gave my resignation date at work (which was my due date). Me being a SAHM was supported by our family and something I wanted, I didn't want anyone else raising my little miracle baby. We live across the street from my mom, one house over from my sister and are blocks from my aunt, uncle and tons of cousins. It's very nice to have support and we feel very lucky and don't take it for granted at all because we realize our situation is unique. My friends I drifted away or grew apart from before baby and since I am pretty shy in person it's hard for me to meet people I have 3 people I consider friends and they were very supportive and ready for baby as well. My friends' mom threw me a baby shower which was super nice. I wish everyone could have the support we did because if I didn't have it it would have been HARD. I had a difficult pregnancy, delivery and recovery and couldn't imagine doing it all without help. Good luck to you!!

Cassie - posted on 04/07/2010

Its great to know I'm not the only one! When i was 19 i was diagnosed with Endometriosis and was told by the doctor if i wanted children, start thinking now because by the time I'm 25 i wont be able to have any. So of course i panicked. when i was 21 i got pregnant with my first child and was over the moon. My mum told me i didn't know what i was doing, and that i had to listen to everything she said because she's already raised kids, and if i tried to tell her i wanted to experience it with just me and my partner (now my husband) she would call me ungrateful. when my husband told his mother and sisters, they said i was nothing more than a whore who spread my legs to trap him into an unwanted relationship (even though we were engaged at the time) and when i told my husband we were pregnant the first thing he said to me was "is it mine?" when i found out i was pregnant again with my son i was surprised but happy. Telling everyone i was told "big deal we already have boys in the family" and my husband again asked "is it mine" i was called a slut by my husbands side, and that i was using pregnancies to keep him with me. When we found out his 15 year old sister was pregnant to her 19 year old boyfriend, his mum called us to tell us how happy they all are and how excited they are that there will be a baby coming into the family. by this point i found out i was pregnant with our 3rd, to which my husband said get rid of it i don't want another. When he got the phone call about his sister he started talking to his mum about all the ways we can help, even take care of the baby for them while she finishes high school, and i felt gutted!!

i kept our 3rd, and now my husband thinks the world of our kids, but if the do anything well they get it from "his side" and I'm nothing more than a vessel. I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do.

Laura - posted on 04/07/2010

My baby is my parents' 3rd grandchild and my in-laws' 1st. They've all been very supportive! Some of my friends have been suppotive, while others act like we have nothing in common anymore. I will also be moving to a new area!

Stevie - posted on 04/07/2010

well my mom had stoped talking to me actually only about a month before i found out i was pregnant with my son i didnt know i was pregnant with my first for real until i was in college and i know she wouldnt have been happy about it either and i actually didnt tell anyone about her atleast family or friends until she was born and i told my dad the same time i told him about me getting married so it was alot all at first but he was soo happy my daughter got adopted and well my dad still loves her to death and he loves my son also and im pregnant again and i know he is happ about it aside from the birth he doesn like that part so much but he is happy i know everyone else isnt though and i hate it cuz i just sit here like how can you tell me that i shouldnt have more kids when you yourself have 2 or more i dont understand that esp in older ppl who were probably married already by the time they were my age and with 5 kids ya know but yeah i just told my grandpa and his wife and family this last weekend over easter and they were happy my husbands mom told him to get fixed can you believe that and my husbands dad and step mom are happy and his grandma is very excited as well so we have some but cuz we also dont live near any family except for my grandpa we have the support i guess but we dont at the same time you know its hard sometimes i wish it was easier esp sometimes i wish my mom still talked to me but most the time im ok with it but yeah i totally know what you mean on not having much support and all that

Cassie - posted on 04/07/2010

I've also recently moved to a new area and have pretty much no support, and was wondering if there was anyone else out there like me