The damn dishes!!

Christina - posted on 01/03/2010 ( 128 moms have responded )

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So I'm a stay at mom, I quit a good job to stay and take care of our 2 kids (3 and 1 year old). I take our 3 year old to preschool and then pick him up, clean the house, do laundry,go to the store(I'm always missing something) , cook dinner, and then clean the kitchen, all and watching the kids....is it so HARD for my husband to help out and wash the damn dishes!!!

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Michelle - posted on 01/04/2010

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I would like to know that myself. When anybody figures this out please share. Apparently while my husband claims to need "down" time after work my job is 24/ 7 365 days a year. I especially like when he says I should take a break and it will get done. One time I finally asked how it was going to get done (noticing that I ended up doing it anyway whether I did right then when the dishes were a manageable load or later when the sink was over flowing with dirty dishes) and he said that I could just do it later because they wouldn't go anywhere. I love my husband but he's clueless. For the record my husband also says if I need help I can ask but when I do he won't actually help. Go figure.

Kelly - posted on 01/04/2010

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I need a place to vent. As I was doing the dishes, I asked nicely if he could go out and get the garbage and recycling bins at the curb and put them in the garage. He said, yes, no problem.....lol...then proceeded to pull the blanket onto himself and go to sleep. He's snoring away and I'm so frustrated I could scream. We had a great conversation the other day about getting things done around the house. We both felt really good about it. I'm not too sure what happened between then and now.
He tells me that if I need or want help to just ask! Is there a joke that I'm just not getting?!

Cindy - posted on 01/04/2010

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When you figure out how to get them to help Please let me know! Men can be such pains!

Amber - posted on 01/04/2010

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Oh, Lord, the great dish war begins again!

I think every stay-at-home mom experiences this in one form or another. In my house it's taking out the garbage. It's as if not leaving the house to go to a job everyday equates in their minds to having nothing to do. I can't imagine why, but that's just how it is.

I think you need to write on a piece of paper what you do all day. For instance, Wake up, 6 am. Breakfast for kids, 6:30-7. Do your entire day until you drag your butt to bed. Show this to him so he can physically exactly what it is you do during the day. Explain that compared to him, you are working double shifts every day, with little to no breaks, and frankly need his help. Tell him you need him to do this dishes every night.

If he doesn't get it then, well, you need to get out the old rolling pin. Kidding!

Katie - posted on 01/04/2010

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i think that your husband should help out. my husband does. but the way i look at it since i am a stay at home mom, i think the wife should cook and clean and that way when the husband gets home he can relax...my husband offers to help and i am very thankful for that. what i do so i dont have to do everything everyday is split up your chores..one day do the kitchen and the bathroom and the next day do this other room. it helped me out alot and i think it could help you out too. hope everything goes okay. good luck

Dalaynea - posted on 01/04/2010

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yeah have the same problem. i know he works all day but what does he think i do and i never really get a break like he does. he at least has the weekend to get away frm wk. sometimes i let them pile up until one of mainly me gets tired of it. and the trash, don't get me started! men think it will get done on it's own!just like the rest of the stuff around the house.

Celina - posted on 01/04/2010

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My hubby comes home from work and then cooks dinner. I hate cooking, he hates dishes. That was our solution.

Jennifer - posted on 01/04/2010

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Oh Honey it is hard for him to do the dishes. Simply because he thinks of ALL household stuff as your "Job". My husband tells me all the time when I complain one of these two statements every single time. 1.) You get paid very well to do the dishes. or 2.) You have 4 very capable children, make them do something. I then reply, no I don't get paid to do anything, and "Our children" have done their chores already....It does get easier as they mature, but you have to wait until they hit about 35...LOL Hang in there!

Jennifer - posted on 01/04/2010

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FORGET DOING THE DISHES!!! I just wish mine would stop acting like our house is a dorm room. He never puts the ketchup back in the fridge after using it. He has no idea what our clothes hamper looks like, because he throws all his dirty clothes on the floor. If he leaves his cup in the living room and wants another drink, he will just get another one and at the end of the day I have about 4 dirty cups on the entertainment center. If the trash can if full, then he puts all his garbage on the counter beside it instead of changing the bag. I don't want my man to do any of the house work. I just wish he would pick up a little after himself!!!!

Heather - posted on 01/04/2010

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I've given up trying. I have a 7 year old, a 2 year old and a 7 week old and its easier just to do it myself then get him to. But I'm overly picky too and I dont like how he does them when he does do them...

Renae - posted on 01/04/2010

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My husband can't manage to load the dishwasher. The only thing he does is take the bin out to the curb (I take the rubbish from the house to the bin) once a week. 10 years ago he would occasionally do the dishes or put on a load of laundry (notice I said put it on, not hang it, fold it or put it away).

Misty - posted on 01/03/2010

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I have to say that i'm lucky in the department. I do about 99% of the cooking and my husband or our roommate (husbands best friend & business partner that is going through a divorce) do all the dishes. It's actually pretty great. I can cook and make as big of a mess as I want and I just throw the dishes in the sink and walk away. I would rather change a hundred dirty diapers than do the dishes.

Sarah - posted on 01/03/2010

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I got into this argument tonight. But I only have one kid - he's only 5 weeks old though HAHA. I feel like I am going a lil crazy

Crystal - posted on 01/03/2010

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sometimes use paper plates also linig the bottem of pan's with with foil when baking chicken or anything that sticks then you dont have to scrub greasy pans.. good luck

Michelle - posted on 01/03/2010

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When my husband and I decided that I would quit my job, actually he asked me to, I told him o'kay on a few issues. One was that I was staying home to take care of the kids and not the house. I'm not a 50's style stay at home mom. I'm to busy. Activities, playgroups, busy at home with activities, etc. I told him either I can spend time with our children or on the house. And if I'm spending time on the house I'd rather go back to my career.

Not saying it's all been perfect, rosy, whatever, but he cooks, cleans, and does laundry just as much as I do if not more. It helps that he's so anal.

I might suggest figuring out what your expectations/goals are for staying at home and what his are. And maybe if you think your doing to much at the house get out of the house and be gone all day with your kids. Alright, I know naps and such, but I think you get my idea. And the other commenters have great ideas. Like when my husband gets home it's not just me being the primary care taker anymore it's also him. So he helps feed the children, plays with them, bathes them, etc

Figure out what you want and what he wants and hopefully you'll find a common ground.

Good luck.

Christy - posted on 01/03/2010

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this sounds JUST like my household, minus the 3 year old (i only have a 1 year old). anyways, the last time i did the dishes i realized that 75% of them were his, including the pots and pans from dinner and my daughter's stuff! i found it absolutely ridiculous that someone who's only home for about 5-6 hours a day could be going through that many dishes so i decided to make him do his own. i have a 2 basin sink and half of it is my dishes, baby dishes and dinner dishes and the other half are his dishes. i let them sit as long as he decides to let them sit and explain to company why there are dishes in half of my sink. i told him that when he starts using only 1 cup, bowl, spoon, etc. per day i will start washing them again but not until then. it's as though he thinks i have nothing better to do with my time! it may sound harsh but when they act like children you have to treat them like children haha.

Nicole - posted on 01/03/2010

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maybe you could negotiate having your husband help out more with some of the evening child-care duties so you wouldn't feel like you are doing it all. My husband is in charge of bath-time and the bedtime rituals. I am too worn out at the end of the day and it gives him a chance to have some time providing hands-on care to our daughter. We've had this arrangement since she was 6 months old (she's five years old now) and it works out great. Makes me not mind doing every single other thing that needs to get done all day long knowing that I can sort of sit back after getting the kitchen cleaned up for the night. Plus he is awful at any type of housework so I would rather do it myself. Full disclosire, although I am a stay at home mom I do employ a housekeeper for full housecleaning twice per month but that doesn;t mean I don't clean floors and bathrooms etc almost everyday too! If there is anyway you could cut corners and pull it off I highly recommend it!! I don't go on vacations or have money for any extras like new clothes or luxury items but to me it is totally worth it!

Dawn - posted on 01/03/2010

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I got the same problem and when he does the dishes. He loads the dishwasher all wrong and ends up wasting space. Then he acts like he is super husband. Lord help me! I'm actually waiting for my soon to be 6yr old to get a bit taller and then he will do the dishes (minus the steak knives) for a chore! heehee. I'm soooo looking forward to that! I know its evil. :-)

Brandi - posted on 01/03/2010

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I'm forever doing dishes. I'm also a stay at home mom, but I don't have the luxury of a car, so my hubby usually runs all the errands, I do ALL the housework. On the weekends, he will take over SOME of the dishes *he did them today as a matter of fact* but usually that's my "job" I don't have a dishwasher but would ADORE one. Oh well. I think since men could live with dirty dishes forever and it not really bother them, while women tend not to be able to tolerate the filth, we will always do them first. Maybe have a talk with him and ask that he do dishes on his days off or something. This particular subject has been a bone of contention for 10 years (our whole relationship) lol. I HATE TO DO THE DISHES and so does he, so we ALWAYS were fighting over who did them last, why do I have to do them when they sit for 3 days *early on in our relationship, not now* THEN i became the stay at home parent and lost the war on dishes lol. MY duty. Sucks, but I don't have to go to work, I don't have to run many errands. Not too bad, i guess.

Cassy - posted on 01/03/2010

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I have sat down and asked nicely, I have also said everyone can wash their own dishes that they dirty and still to this day I have a sink full each night.

Stevie - posted on 01/03/2010

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yeah i know just how you mean my husband said that I wanted to stay home and not work (cuz i dont have to work) so its MY job to do it all with no help my son just started walking a week or so ago i miss work but i just dont trust anyone else with my baby (s) but its sooo frustrating

Cherice - posted on 01/03/2010

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It's not that hard at all. I think if you sit down & talk with him maybe he would realize your concern when it comes to doing house work, managing the kids & keeping the house running. Try & talk with him, explain your concerns & see there's a way where he can help (ex: you cook dinner, he does the dishes)etc...Now thats just a thought, but maybe Im wrong I always thought managing a house and family involved teamwork.

Amy - posted on 01/03/2010

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i know what you mean! luckily, i have a dishwasher now, but before i gave him a choice of doing floors - sweeping, vacuuming and mopping - or dishes. He chose dishes. lol. Then bought me a dishwasher. he he.

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