Tired of people judging how many children I have or want to have

Jill - posted on 02/24/2013

I'm a mother of one. I get it! I had my son at 37 and up till about 45 people kept asking me if I was going to have more children. Not sure how or why they believe it is there business. I'm now 47 and don't look my age and every now and then a stranger or acquaintance will inquire. Maybe I should ask how much money she makes.

Pushpa - posted on 02/24/2013

@Samantha yes i am a SAHM of 3 girls of which the youngest is Twins. I am getting judged everywhere. and my stupid inlaws are not taking my gals seriously. its now 4 yrs since my twins and they havint touched my babies and it makes my husband cry at times thinking of his own parents not caring for his girls. now he wants to try for a baby, but i am afraid if it turns out to be another girl and to be rejected by his family so i have asked him to hold up for another year.... you are true we do not go to others to ask them for anything even taking care of the 3 i have done it on my own or when they were too small i had my parents assistance.

Eileen Liu - posted on 02/12/2012

yes i totally agree with you. how many kids you want to have is none of anybody else business.

Lorrie - posted on 01/31/2012

I also know those with only 1 child and yet people always ask "r u going to have more" or " when is the next one coming" Bottom line, u can't please all and u shouldn't have to. Each family should be able to have whatever amount they decide with out any outside comments from anyone.(As long as u can afford them) I also no of a family who has 11 children and they r not getting any type of assistance yet r doing just fine. & of these beautiful children would have been left on the street had this family not had the hearts to adopt them. Would u take in 7 kids that were not ur biological children and raise them? I say thumbs up to this fam and all the "larger" families out there that r truely taking care of their own "and others" with out any neglect.

Ashleigh Jade - posted on 01/31/2012

Children are a blessing. The greatest miracle there is. Some people want none, some want one, while others may want a lot, its all personal preference. We have 3 beautiful children and are trying for a fourth next month after mirena removed.. When people say things to me I don't pay any attention, if they aernt paying my bills or aernt involved in my day to day life, their opinions don't mean a thing to me. Be proud that you are able to bring children in to the world and enjoy raising your children :)

Melysa - posted on 01/28/2012

I feel more offended when a mother of 1 tries to justify why she choose to stop at 1 I am a mother of 5 a full time uni student and full time mum I made my choice for me and I am happy with it but I know it is not right for everyone

Theresa - posted on 01/27/2012

I know the feeling- we are expecting our fourth and I have my parents and relatives asking how many we want, if we're "done" after this, pressuring me to tie my tubes, etc.. It's do aggravating after awhile and I've learned just to keep to myself whether that's good or bad. Based on bad reactions from the first three from family I haven't shared the news with even my own mother, just let her see the growing bump that shows so much earlier this time than before! I just want to show some support and empathy that I completely agree that people's comments may be out of concern or curiosity but it really is a privelage for anyone to know anything about me and unless I want anyone to know

t hen I not sharing my plans, especially of I've gotten negative critical reactions in the past regarding the same topics!

Paul & Donna - posted on 01/06/2012

While I haven't read all the responses, the first few were enough. I had six pregnancies and lost four. I'm now a grandmother. All I can say to you is that children are a blessing, a joy, and folks who think otherwise are missing out.I am always happy to meet a young mother loving and enjoying her children. These are the best years. The decision lies with you and your husband. Don't look to the naysayers for support. Enjoy your family and enjoy your life. God bless you.

Sarah - posted on 01/04/2012

I have a boy and a girl 17 months apart. Everyone says, "Lucky you! Once of each!" However, I really want a third and am currently trying to get pregnant. None of our family members are supportive of our decision to have another child. My mother cannot understand how I would possibly want another- she was very happy with two. I am tired of trying to defend our decision to have another.

Elizmare - posted on 01/04/2012

Know how you feel!! I am 27 and have 4 kids. Have been married for 8 years to the most wonderful husband and dad ever. I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom. I have no need for a housekeeper, gardener or nanny. I take care of my family and our house myself. Even my OBGN keeps joking with me and asking me "when you having no 5?". Every 1, including my family and family in law think we need a "reality check" and thinks homeschooling and having 4 kids is just plain "wrong". They have gone as far as say that we are "losing it". I have 2 children with CF and 1 with autism, if it wasn't for that we would have had at least 6 children. We pay our own way and I have told every 1in the family to keep out of our bizniz!

Lorrie - posted on 01/02/2012

My gf has sev young kids so people r always saying "r they all urs?" Her reply, yes and u should see how many more I left at home.

Lorrie - posted on 01/02/2012

When they say something neg about how many u have or want to have or about home schooling simply look at them and say"well I guess God just blesses some of us with alot more patience!" LOL

Krista - posted on 01/02/2012

im having this problem with my mom.. she only had me and my sister and after i had my two she thinks i should stop having kids after i told her i wanted one more.. i mean 3 is not a crazy number. but she just looks at me in discust and like im stupid.. i just found out the other day im pregnant with # 3 and i dont even want to tell my mom. but ya, as long as u arent on government help (like my sister in law who keeps having more when she cant afford them) i dont see why people should give a fuck how many kids you want.. its not right to judge how ppl wanna live their life.

Joy - posted on 01/01/2012

I made the decision to have no more children after my first son.... then I was surprised by my second son 6 years later. It is difficult for us to take care of them because we are a low income family, with a little help from WIC and the baby has medical from welfare because he was a total surprise after a medical issue that resolved itself. I am not having anymore at all. Making sure. But I have to give credit to those who can take care of and afford more children. I love all my children and if you want more, who is anyone else to judge? How many kids you have is up to you.

Rebekka - posted on 12/29/2011

Hey I think it's a great thing, and as a mom of a 21 month old and a 2 month old, I have a huge respect for a SAHM because I am as well! It's exhausting and my husband and I plan on having 2 more. In about 10 years all those people who question you will wish they had more kids to have a big and happy family!

Elena - posted on 12/29/2011

It's for noone to judge.It sounds like you have the perfect situation to have as many children as you want! I however do know people who continue to have more children because they love the newborn phase, but forget that they do grow up at some point. Then they end up neglecting the other older ones. I can't lie, I cant stand to see people who have multiple children, but don't have the patience or energy to tend to the rest. I have a newborn and a pretty self sufficient 10 year old and it still is a struggle to give each the attention that they need. My husband and I do it, but it still can be difficult. I am also a stay at home parent. If you have the time, energy, and love then more power to you!!:)

Tasha - posted on 12/28/2011

I agree with Kristie! Being on assistance while working a fulltime job is one thing. Sitting on your butt doing nothing is another. If you can support them have them! :)

Kristie - posted on 12/28/2011

I think in this economy that the parents should think responsibily and if they can't take care of the children that they currently have then they have no business having more. I ended a 7 year friendship because I had a friend that had 8 kids and was constantly on and off with work, was on state assistance and kept having more kids. Tattoos, beer and video games plus cable was never sacrificed. If you can have kids and provide for them yourself without the taxpayers footing the bill then I say it is your own business, don't let anyone discourage you from doing what you and your husband want. And for the comment someone had left about people knocking family's on assistance, I am not doing that completely. I truly understand people fall on hard times, everyone needs help sometimes, I am only opposing those that continue making their families grow while they are on assistance.

User - posted on 12/27/2011

i think thats great! although im recently a single mother (due to abuse) id love more. i have 2 kids and one due in march and with my oldest child (my son, age 4) my sister kept telling me to abort the baby or put the baby up for adoption. she even made the appointment! of course i refused. my parents werent too happy but they told me it was MY choice. for my daughter (which i had with my ex husband, and shes 11 months now) my parents were ok with it but my dad told me i should i think about getting my tubes tied! and for this one, NO ONES happy! except my best friend. ive always wanted a big family and i even want to homeschool as well. my sons in pre-school now but next year i want to be the one teaching him.

Tasha - posted on 12/26/2011

Sorry I find this VERY funny! I have 3 kids and my youngest just turned 1. Well shortly after my older two turned one i was pregnant again. My kids are 22 months apart then 20 months apart. We can't have anymore kids (vasc.) but anyway over Christmas I don't know how many people asked me if I was pregnant yet!

Your kids your life do as you please and ignore all the haters! If it was up to my MIL we would have none haha! From one Mommy of 3 who is going to homeschool and stays at home to another GOOD LUCK!

Jenna - posted on 12/25/2011

Tyra--It is people like you who think you know everything but really know nothing when it comes to family size. If a family has 16 kids, as long as they are cared for, it should be nobody else's business. Not enough resources, that's a complete falsehood. This planet has enough resources for all those on it currently and any who will be on it in the future. If people were God-fearing and had a knowledge of God and his power, nobody would be spouting this nonsense of not having enough resources. That's why religious people tend to be the ones who have more children, because we understand that God has made this planet plentiful for ALL his children who come down to it. It's those of us living on the planet who have made it seem like there's not enough by the way in which we manage the resources. There are so many ways in which there is an abundance of waste of resources that could be better allotted to the countries that need them. It's comments like those that make me angry when people see my family of five children. I can handle the ones who tell me that I've got my hands full, do you know what birth control is, do you know how this works? But the ones who tell me that I'm SELFISH for birthing five children and giving up most of my comforts and things I might want in order to provide for them and raise them are the ones that I want to slap in the face. There is nothing selfish about raising five children up right.

Terri - posted on 12/25/2011

Haha I have loved reading these comments absolutely hilarious I have six children and get the comments too not just from strangers from family too especially around Christmas you shouldn't get them this you shouldn't get that I have found that when it comes to booking holidays unless you get a villa the all inclusive holidays don't cater my family has never been abroad they don't all share the same interests so one holiday wouldn't suit all so we have days out and this time of year we enjoy spoiling them so if you don't pay to clothe feed or entertain my brood why should you have a say in how we like to spoil them another thing I have come across at the supermarket one rude man once said six oh god another family on benefits that I am supporting well he got a mouthful my husband works very hard and so do I I have never claimed he soon shut up

Colleen - posted on 12/24/2011

Amen! I'm with you.

Tyra - posted on 12/24/2011

Hi Samantha,
I don't usually post but I decided to try and explain why large families aren't seen as a benefit to most people. First off, yes you and your husband are meeting all you financial needs and that's great. But overall, your family needs more resources than other families and their needs will continue to grow.
Most people today (in the Western World) are very well educated, often better than they themselves realize. Though most people wouldn't put it into words, we are aware that we live on a limited planet.

The acknowledged number one threat to human survival is our success. We're overpopulating. Regardless of the 'consciousness' of that awareness, people in general feel uncomfortable around large families, they see them as greedy/selfish. Though I doubt many could even put that thought into words. There is a feeling that people today choosing to have large families are selfish and this is reenforced by religious groups that promote large families. They openly express that large families mean more political power through voting and consumerism (more people have more needs).

As for people choosing to have one child there is the sense that they aren't 'replacing' themselves. After all we are under pressure from advertisers (to be good consumers) and traditions (that go back generations).

What's interesting is that it has been proven mathematically that if everyone on the planet currently choosing to have children would voluntarily choose to have one child, it would solve over population issue in less than two generations (without violence) and bring our species back to a sustainable number that all could have a high (Western) quality of life.

Interestingly, most organized proponents of large families also express (though it's rarely said outright) that population control should be done through military actions not choice of parents because this is good for the society and especially the economies that they envision.

An interesting thought is the why you are choosing to have a large family. Many sociologists point out that the same pressures that are causing some persons to choose to have one child is why others are choosing to have more children. Since we are all aware (consciously or not) of our species current and forth coming issues regarding survival and quality of life, by having more children, such individuals are increasing the odds of their genes surviving.

As to how you can be better received by strangers, perhaps understanding the underlying issues will give you understanding of where others are coming from. Joining organizations and groups that promotes large families within their memberships could help in some areas.

Good luck.

Jill - posted on 12/23/2011

Right on!! I currently have 3 boys. My hubby & I want 2 more. When we tell people that, they look at us like we're aliens or crazy. Not to mention the rude comments. Like you, we are the sole providers for our children & dont depend on gov't or people either. I dont understand what business it is of other people & completely agree with you! I have learned its best not to say anything when asked or to even let people know that the number of children you will have will be up to God. That's how I deal with it. Good luck! Any stay the course...its your life!!! : )

Keema - posted on 12/23/2011

Same here Im married 3 boys 2 are twins and ppl ask me "omg, are you having more" um if i want to it depends on me and my husbands decision not your.what we eat don't make them S&*% so what's it to them. Or they see my kids and say they look alike... that's what happens when all your kids have the same daddy grrrrrrr.

Amanda - posted on 12/23/2011

i know how you feel!!! i have two boys (2 years and 8 mos.) My husbands family is constantly telling me I dont need anymore kids...like its thier decision. And my husband listens to them....funny thing is, when we got married....we both wanted four kids.....so i feel like its not even my choice anymore.

Leah - posted on 12/22/2011

Totally relate!! I have a five yr old,3 1/2yr old ,one yr old and am 21wks pregnant.im so tired of the looks and comments...are u crazy,im so sorry,i feel for you?! I happen to love mt big family!mt kids arevery well taken care of.next time someone appologizes to you ...say why?im sorryyou dont get joy out of your kids. Weird people

Yesenia - posted on 12/22/2011

https://www.facebook.com/YESENIASCREATIONS#!/YESENIASCREATIONS

Lisa - posted on 12/20/2011

Love it! As long as you are supporting your family its no ones business the more the merrier if its what you want

Heather - posted on 12/20/2011

I have 5 kids and I totally understand what you're saying. Why do other people like to judge others without knowing them?

Sanaa - posted on 12/15/2011

Good for you! I am mother to four children my oldest is seven years old. I actually do not want any more but I honestly see it as not my decision as I believe God can give me whatever He wills to despite the contraception I take. I am asked all the time by mother's with more than four ' When are you having your next one?'. I get annoyed with them and those who ask me 'You are stopping now, right?' lol I am under the impression having large families is frowned upon for many reasons. I think from you (the parents, mother especially) enjoy the whole parenting life and have the emotional and physically strength to cope with multiple children then it is no one else's business what any of us choose to do. I often get questions posed to me regarding 'welfare' or 'benefits'. I smiled inside because they assume I am living off the state with 'all my kids'. They are shocked when I tell them can't advise them regarding what they ask. I also have been very offended at some people's reaction when I have told them I'm expecting in the past forgetting I am a married woman and pregnant for my husband and not the postman!

Joy - posted on 12/14/2011

I am a mother or 6 between the ages of 9 and 2 months, happily married and it urks me when people ask the question then come back with there negative opinions. But I have made up in my mind that the question is never going to stop so I smile and say Hmmm.. that's a good question and leave it at that. Children are not a curse or a burden they were a blessing back in the bible days and God is the same yesterday, today and forever more.

Tiffany - posted on 12/14/2011

I understand the select few who will make rude comments towards having a certain number of children, however, I don't think a simple question of curiosity hurts anyone. It's fun to see if people remain the same after having one, two, or even three kids. Some people you don't think have it in them (they've made comments about not wanting kids etc). Sometimes the complete opposites make a 360 and throw you by surprise. It's a good conversation starter. It's something nobody can really sway you to think one way or the other- it's your way or the highway. Sometimes I imagine myself years from now...I don't know my path but to think of having other kids, and then how they will look, and who I/others will grow to be is fun to think about and takes my mind off the boring stuff in life:).

Yeidi - posted on 12/14/2011

Deciding how many kids you wish to have is something very personal. If you dont fit into the idealized two then peole have something to say, and ive learned that people always have something to say. Your responsably planning your children and most important of all your happy and you want to take on the challenge. I myself love big families and the fact that you can and want to stay at home with your kids and do homeschool is just wonderfull. I myself on the and contrary have a baby boy and dont wish to have anymore children. I know that i can be a great mom if im happy, and two for me is to double the workload. I love to spend time with my son, hes made my life happier than ever but i also love having time to myself and my hubby. I hate all the very unfundamented comments of only children. So, yea dont worry about the people, they dont support your family nor they take care of your kids. Let it slide :)

Miri - posted on 12/14/2011

I agree, the public has no place in my husband and my bedroom. The first comment posted I found disgusting, as if the writer was asking this stranger for her approval rating.

Kandice - posted on 12/14/2011

@Corrine Tams, I get that too, my two are 3 years and a month and 1 day exactly and we are trying on our 3rd, same time line. Many people find out the age and ask oh did you plan that, uhh yeah i did. They may not mean anything by it but it still sounds sooo rude. Not to disrespect anyone and no offense meant but is it really that unusual to "plan" children and age gaps that they just assume that my children were unplanned? I mean to each their own but why am I a freak because we do family planning.

Kandice - posted on 12/14/2011

I agree, my usband and I have one of each ages 6 and 3 and we just decided a few days ago that it was time for another, I could not believe how much flack I got for it. Some were supportive but said things like don't you think you should wait another couple of months or are you really sure you guys can do this. I am so frustrated that I even considered backing out. My husband said not to second guess it. This is what we want and we are the ones raising and taking care of and figureing out how to juggle all this so it is our decision. I understand though it sucks when you think you are making the right choice for you and everyone thinks they have the right to rain on your parade. I'm not even pregnant, and I feel so stressed about another baby.

Bernadette - posted on 12/14/2011

I have two children so far, and constantly get people saying "so now that you have one of each, are you stopping?" Not, "do you want more" but "are you stopping" as if having one of each should make me satisfied and leave it at that. Even my mother in law said the same thing. Come on, she had 4 kids! Why would she assume that I'd stop just because I got my "pidgeon pair" as everyone keeps saying. I have no intention of stopping at two, and people keep looking at me as if I'm crazy when I say so. Then try to cover up that they think I'm crazy by saying things like "oh, you're keen" or "you must have more patience than me"

Brittany - posted on 12/13/2011

I really dont care how many kids someone has . I have one and one on the way and I think that is going to be it for us. Everyone keeps asking if we are going to have more and I say no. Its funny the ones who ask alot is my brother in law and his wife they have 3 and dont even take care of them they have no job no car living with his mom and they are 30 years old, its sad. Im getting to the point of telling them off if they dont stop asking they think Im bad for not wanting a ton of kids. Now my other sister in law has 3 also and is great and she wants one more and i hear people make comments about her and saying she doesnt need anymore but I think she should have one more that is what she has wanted ever since they were married so more power to her.

Sarah - posted on 12/07/2011

Iknow what your saying I hve 4 children myself. I am also a stay at home mom who has a wonderful supportive responsible husband and we have been married for 10 years I am 35. My mom have me the lecture when I was prego with my 3rd ugg it really does erk me i feed them cloth them and do anything for them i teach them manners they are respectful I don't see a problem. lol anyway i 100% know what your saying.!:)

Jenelle - posted on 12/07/2011

AMEN !!! I know how you feel ! I simply smile and remind them if they don't "agree" with my choices they can bite me ;) I was over being nice after my youngest baby Cole was born after I had my tubes tied......

Melissa - posted on 12/05/2011

I hear you! We just had our second and we know we want at least 2 more. We also plan on homeschooling (our oldest is 2, so we haven't started any kind of scheduled schooling quite yet, but I've been looking into unschooling, so we'll have to see how it goes) but people look at me like I've got 3 heads. Meanwhile their kids are eating garbage and hanging out with kids teaching them all kinds of terrible mannorisms and the parents are none-the-wiser because they're not the ones raising their kids! Schools and fellow students are! If you can financially afford to care for your family the way YOU want them cared for then do your thing. My best guess is a lot of the mothers we get negative feedback from are simply jealous they don't have the ability to stay at home and school their children themselves. Which is understandable, not everyone has the luxury and I'm sure every mother wants to be with her children, but instead of manifesting those feelings negatively how about doing whatever you can to simply spend more time and better QUALITY time with your own children!

Melissa - posted on 12/05/2011

@Sarah Legros You may be right! I have had a few people tell me that I look pretty good for having 5 kids, and I dont look my age. I never looked at it that way, thank you! Maybe if I think of it that way everytime someone asks me that it will be more like a compliment.

Debbie - posted on 12/05/2011

Hi I'm going throught the same thing. I have three children, two boys and a girl. when I had my daughter everyone said well you have a girl now so you don't need to have anymore. The thing is I never wanted a girl, I wanted 4 boys and don't get me wrong I love my daughter. I still want 4 kids. People think I'm mad and some people are quite rude about it. Like you I don't get anything from the goverment. I just have my husband who works very hard so I can stay at home. I tell people that it's nothing to do with them I don't tell them how to live so they shouldn't try and tell me. How many kids you have is up to you and your husband good luck to you and your family

Joann - posted on 12/01/2011

Hi Samantha, I agree and totally feel you. Its really NO ones business how many children you want to have. I am the same way. Children are a blessing and gift from God. Most of all you dont even ask for help. so they just need to back of... :) I am one son and married for 5 years. My husband and I are looking forward on having more in the future.
continue to do what your doing...God bless to you and your family.

Kelly - posted on 11/30/2011

I soooooo understand where your coming from! Even my own family balks at the issue! I'm not on government help and also stay at home and take care of my 4,plus 2 step children(one is in college now though,and the other lives with his grandmother but we still provide support for him),and now I'm expecting another one! I really hate when people roll their eyes and say how in the world can you do this? God has helped us with his blessings and who are they to question that! I just wanted you to know I understand.

Jenna - posted on 11/28/2011

My own parents who have six kids themselves, when we announced we were expecting #4, they said, "you know how this works, right?" And when we announced #6 to my side of the family, all we got was, "I hope you know what you're doing." and that's coming from a family where my parents had six and each of my siblings has at least three or more, one of them with six! When the pregnancy went south (not a miscarriage, but a molar pregnancy), not one of my siblings or parents or in-laws expressed their condolences and acted like it was a good thing and not in any way hard for me to deal with.

I just get tired of people asking me if we're done. Whether we're done or not done is nobody's business but mine and my husband's. Sure, it makes for interesting conversation probably (not really that interesting to me). I don't go around telling people with one that they need to have more, so people with a few or no kids shouldn't go around telling me I should have had less.

Janice - posted on 11/28/2011

I agree Nicola, I too sometimes ask just out of curiousity(SP) or general interest. Tone can say a lot. Example: I am due for #2 and it was a surprise we were not financially ready for right now. However, we also haven't ruled out having a third child someday (4+ years). My MIL knows this. Yet while discussing storage of my daughter's baby clothes I said I was saving them for if we have a 3rd and its a girl. My MIL was a bit drunk and blurted out in a very mean tone, "your going to have another?!" Well now I know her real feelings on the subject... grrrrr

Nicola - posted on 11/27/2011

I have 2 children and personally if i asked this question it wouldn't be in a negative i like finding out about people and what they want in life. I would ask people with one child or many children if they plan on having more just to find out more about there views and what they want.