To all the stay at home moms do yall have dreams?

Lovis - posted on 10/14/2011 ( 118 moms have responded )

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How do you moms really feel about being a stay at home mom? Do you feel trapped sometimes because you in the house all day with the kids? Do you feel like you really have an equal say in your marriage?

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Michele - posted on 10/15/2011

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That makes it worth the struggle too, having a healthy marriage, not one that brings you down.

Lisa - posted on 10/15/2011

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I absolutely have an equal say in my marriage. I'm a mostly SAHM because I'm self employed, and although my business has completely taken a backseat to my mom duties, it's still partially there, so no, I still feel like at least in some way I am still pursuing my dreams, even if they are on 'life support', lol.

I will say this: it's probably not going to be very popular, but it's the truth. I do have dinner waiting for my husband, and I am in charge of the house. While he does help out by not creating more mess, and by picking up after himself, he doesn't handle any of the primary responsibilities of running the household (cleaning).

It was definitely a learning experience with us finding our groove, but for us, it works.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 10/15/2011

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Same with both my girls (7 years and 7 months) Honestly compaired to my first marriage this one is wonderful.

Michele - posted on 10/15/2011

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That's good. I hear you, I have twin 10 month old boys and it's hard, but I look @ their little smiles and that's enough to wipe all those crazy moments away.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 10/15/2011

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Thanks Michele, but it's hard with the 7 month old. The bright side is we may be moving to Vancouver because there is a company down there interested in my husband. However we would be leaving his family. But mine could get to Vancouver easier than Kelowna

Michele - posted on 10/15/2011

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Well Meggy all I can say is you made a choice for your family and although it's hard, you will overcome. It's hard to be away from family and thankfully mine is close by but hopefully when your husband is finished you can go back to your old life. In the mean time make the most of what you have now, and try some crafty projects @ home with the kids or for yourself.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 10/15/2011

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Michele, trust me I know I'm working. But when I worked as a care aide I felt like things got done. Here right now I feel like I'm on a treadmill and I keep running but I don't get anywhere.

I moved from NY to BC to be with my husband because he'd finishing up school learning how to design video games. I don't feel guilty about my choice, I just get really homesick since Kelowna doesn't offer much in the way of things to do with your kids. I have to drive up to Vernon (and I do drive- I used to drive out to visit a friend of mine across the state just because I had the money and we hadn't seen eachother in a few months) to find anything for my 7 year old to do. Back in Rochester we had 2 museums geared to children including the National Museum of Play. Plus there was Seabreeze. We had better malls too (Orchard Park even with the Sephora can't touch East Veiw) and I really miss my family and Target. I haven't seen my nephew yet except in pictures and on web cam.

My husband's great, he does dishes, does diapers and we switch on who cooks dinner. He's been letting me drive what I believe may be 90Km from our place to his mom's so I can get used to driving on mountain roads and I just had my first Canadian Thanksgiving last weekend. I get to have the car (a 93 Acheiva which really makes me miss the car I had) when I want it and right now on Tuesdays he doesn't stay for the whole lab which doesn't get out until 9pm. But when I talk to my MIL I realise how much I miss doing my job (she's a CNA) and I can't wait to do my interviews from BC Health and go back into being a care aide.

Michele - posted on 10/15/2011

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I love being a stay @ home mom. I am an x-ray tech and worked for many years before I had my twins, so I don't feel like I didn't follow through on college or dreams of a career. I live in an area where things are close by, some in walking distance but I drive so to get to stores or the mall is not a huge deal. As far as having an equal say in my marriage I would say yes I do. We both have a say in what goes on with spending, my husband is an accountant and i am a shopoholic so he does get annoying about finances, but he listens to my opinions and I listen to his opinions and we meet so where in the middle. I also keep my kids busy on those inevitable days when we are in all day, I have a huge foam play yard they can play safely in together with toys or crawl around and cruise, they still enjoy the bouncy and exersaucer for a little while, they have a blast rolling around in their walkers and enjoy playing on the floor with me rolling the ball around or pop up books. I think that for the kids, keeping them occupied and busy is the key and with hubby communication, honesty and sometimes a bit of arguing is necessary to make your voice heard and to make sure you don't fall into the "stepford" pitfall. Just because we are not "working" doesn't mean we are not working! My husband says to me all the time, I don't know how you do it! That's I. Those glorious moments of 2 kids gone wild! LOL never be afraid to speak up for yourself or speak your mind!

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I do have dreams, and I am fulfilling them. My dream as a kid was to have art in an international exhibit; I now have several pieces in museums around the US and 2 in international traveling exhibits. It is not a career, I work on when I have time, usually January and February during school hours.

I never feel trapped. One, I don't spend all day in the house--I go out. I have brunch with friends, I take J to parks and other activities, I visit museums, galleries, libraries, shops, and anything else that peeks my interest. In addition to those things I do "Just for me" I volunteer at J's school and YouthBASE (a center for emotionally unstable kids) at least once a week, I am involved in the annual Walk for the Homeless, I organize a Christmas party for the elderly at a home each year, and I organize a silent auction to benefit YouthBASE each year. I'm pretty busy, and I get a wonderful sense of accomplishment from all that I contribute to our society.

I do have an equal say in our marriage. My husband works outside the home, I work in it. All money, including any that I earn through my art (which is usually not much) goes into joint accounts which I manage. It takes both of us to make our lifestyle work, neither one of us works harder or has a more valuable roll; we are both equally important--to each other, to our son, and to our family as a whole.

Stifler's - posted on 10/15/2011

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Yes I feel trapped sometimes I can't do anything without the kids following me or needing a nappy change. I feel like i don't make the money so I feel guilty about new shoes and handbag but feel like I have to buy my husband new pants and the kids new stuff it's totally irrational. I have all the control over what money gets spent where pretty much. I gave up my career to have the kids and stay home and move here to make a life for us. I shouldn't feel guilty at all.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 10/14/2011

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Honestly? I'm only a SAHM until I get my Visa to work here in Canada. Back in New York I was a care aide, I got to get out of the house, take care of people and feel like things got done. Now that I'm a sahm I feel like nothing ever gets done. I have a 7 year old and a 7 month old. Until the temps got to -3 in the morning and it wouldn't stop raining I was walking my 7 year old to school. Now my neighbour does it. The housework never ends. I moved from a medium sized city to a small city. There's really not much to do here except for infant/baby story time on Mondays and Tuesdays and I'm not too sure about some of the moms there.

I'm really self concious too because the city I live in is very expensive and we're low income because my DH is a full time student and obviously I can't work because of my Visa.

However my DH doesn't make me feel like I should be doing all the work. He only has classes Monday. Tuesday and Wednesday so he does help with the girls. And I have a say in financial decisons. I'm also thankfully close with my inlaws which is good because my family is back east in New York and I'm out west in British Columbia.

I don't mind being able to be home with my 7 month old, but I can't wait until I can get back to work.

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To answer the questions without writing a book:

I feel very blessed to be a stay at home mom. I couldn't imagine juggling work and a family.

I don't feel trapped. At home we have fun...crafts, games, cooking. I do have a car so we get out every other day or so...grocery shopping, play dates. If I didn't have a car I could still walk with the kids to the playground and library, but I probably would feel slightly trapped.

I do feel like I have equal say. I'm in charge of the budget and finances. We make all big decisions together. My husband will thank me for dinner or a clean house every now and then. I don't feel like I'm being taken advantage of, because he recognizes the hard work.

Valerie - posted on 10/14/2011

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Ironically I am harder on myself than my hubby is. I always feel I should be getting more done and my hubby point out that I'm 7 months pregnant while having a 2 and 3.5 year old underfoot. That said I love staying at home. but it is a difficult transition. the first couple if years was difficult because I was much loved and praised in my job. staying at home you lose a lot of that. but after almost four years my mindset has changed (and the kids are now talking and can say sweet things to encourage me) so I don't get as frustrated. just be sure to gt involved with some activities to get you out of the house. we found a church that had a lot of young families and activities for kids. that helps a lot.

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In my house I am more or less in charge, I do most of the work, and all of the accounting. My husband likes that I am staying home to bewith the kids while they are little, but when they are at school expects me to work. The kids are my job, so I have decided that next year I will study by distance, teaching so that when they do go to school I can still be there when they are home. My dream is to have happy heathy kids who make their lives the best they can be...my job is to teach them the skills that will help them!

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I definitely get cabin fever. We only have one car and nothing is in walking distance. My daughter is in swimming lessons and we just started going to a toddler reading session at the library. Those things get us both out of the house, and are thankfully on days I can have the car.

I would say that at sometimes I have more that equal say (when it comes to money at least). But really we are a good team. We are on the same page with almost everything.

As for dreams, I really want to open a fudge shop. That way I can keep my kids with me and make money. It most likely wont happen for a while. But I'm working on recipes, and learning the legal side of everything.

If it doesn't end up happening I'd be happy to volunteer at places once they are school age (which will be a while).

Lady Heather - posted on 10/14/2011

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My dreams are kind of general at the moment. I just want to make a positive impact on the world in whatever way I can. So right now I'm focusing on raising happy and conscious people. When the little ones head off to school I will probably focus more of my time on volunteer ventures. I only feel trapped when the weather is really bad because I don't drive so it pretty much means we can't go anywhere. I try to arrange regular play dates in my home to avoid having full weeks with no social interaction. Definitely have an equal say in the marriage. I wouldn't be married to someone who thought they got to make all the decisions.

Brianna - posted on 10/14/2011

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i dont find my say equal in my marriage.. my hubby thinks that because he makes the money that he doesnt have to listen to my oppinion if he dosent want to.. But I love being a stay at home mom so I think it worth having to put up with my hubby being like that. as for dreams.. sometimes i wish that i could have attended college before having my daughter (she was a surprise) i really wish i could of became a nurse.. but ill never be able to do that since i live in a small town and i would have to live in the city which will never happen because my hubbys work.. but if we ever split up i would move to the city and go to school but i dont plan on splitting lol

Heather - posted on 10/14/2011

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Some days are definitely harder than others. As far as an equal say, when I was with the father of my 2 girls I wasn't equal at all. He expected everything to be perfect when he came home from work. The house to be spotless dinner cooked and on the table when he walked in the door. And we only haad 1 car so I was literally stuck all day everyday sometimes 7 days a week. But we split and I have since met a man who has accepted and loves my girls as if they were his own and is ok with the fact that the house isn't spotless. He helps cook dinner, does dishes. It has changed my attitude about staying home a lot! But still miss that adult interaction

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