Trouble in my marriage...

Lacey - posted on 08/26/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I am going to give a little background on my story before I beg for advice.

About a year ago my husband and I took few months off on our marriage to figure out all the silly, stressful, normal marital issuse. After about 3 months, we got back together and I assumed we were both on the same page and working towards the same goals. My daughter is 2 1/2 and I am 6 months pregnant. Last week end I found out my worst fears in life came true. My husband had a small affair. This is a new wound and I am fresh to the healing process. Now as to where I am begging advice: What in the world am I suppost to do? I am not leaving him over this, stupid, you may say. But I feel that it's worth working out. He lost his job, making 80 grand a yr to nothing with a new baby and a 2 yr old, having trust issues and scared my life has just hit rock bottom. I know I am strong enough to deal with this, and I know I will find away to take care of my kids. But in my heart I am so scared of this "new", "unknown" path in front on me.. Anyone please, any feedback will be greatly welcomed, positve or other wise. Oh and this December makes our 5th wedding anniversary.

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Sarah - posted on 08/26/2010

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hey girl, I totally understand....I am so sorry. It is a very hurtful thing to go through. Marriage is so hard, but can be rewarding. I have been through many things in mine, and have found God to be my answer. I have been married almost 6 years this December. Here recently we hit a rough patch in our marriage. I have three little ones under the age of 4. My husband starting acting like he had hit mid life crisis. I was afraid, and turned to God..it has really helped. There are lots of issues, and we are going to counseling this next month. Check out Debbi Pearls book created to be his help meet on the no greater joy website. Marriages are really falling apart these days, and they don't have to. If you want to talk im here...i know how hard it can be to go through this. Just take each day at a time. It will get better. :)

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Katie - posted on 08/26/2010

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Stress can make us do things we really regret afterward. You said that he has just lost his job. That is stressful. I am in no way condoning what he did. It is wrong. However, I know exactly how you feel. I wasn't married yet but when I was pregnant with my first daughter, my boyfriend ( who is now my husband), left me for a few months, then after we had gotten back together he cheated on me with his ex, who cheated on him. Greanted he came home that night, told me about it and then said that he didn't want to be with me anymore. Extremely hard under normal circumstances, even harder when you are 7 months pregnant. It took a very long time for me to trust him again. We just kept working at it. If you really love him and want to stay with him, then by all means work at it. It is hard work. It pays off in the end though. Rough patches happen to everybody. You just have to keep working at it.

Ricky - posted on 08/26/2010

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It will take some time but you can work through it. The trust will come back, not right away but it will. My boyfriend cheated on my when I was pregnant with our son and now he is 15 months and the trust has finally come back and I am over it, so it can be done. Some advice I can give you is to not bottle anything up and to talk to him about it when you need to. If you bottle anything in it can cause you to go in depression and explode on him.
Its not stupid to want to try to work through it to stay a family. Have you asked him why he cheated? For me it helped to get over it knowing the reason (it stopped all the thoughts running through my head and blaming my self)
There is a group in this site called "moms who have/had a husband who has had an affair" its nice to talk to and get advice from others who have been there.
Just hang in there it is worth all the effort into bringing your family and relationship back together.

Ruth - posted on 08/26/2010

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First, I would like to know what is a small affair? I think an affair is an affair, however, I think it very noble of you to continue onward and find forgiveness. It sounds like the two of you have already been through alot. First, you cannot blame yourself. This is his problem that the two of you can work through. Was the affair during the time you "took off?" I would have a hard time trusting him again if it was not. I suggest you and he both read a book. It is called The Five Love Languages, it is by Gary D Chapman. It is not specifically about cheating but more specifically about things you can both do for eachother to make you feel loved the way you need as an individual. I would also not rule out marriage counselling.

I really hope this helps you and once again I truly commend you for standing behind your vows!

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