Trouble with the In-laws

Rosa - posted on 03/04/2011 ( 30 moms have responded )

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I'm having problems with my in-laws. I don't really like to see them that much and they always want us to come over. I think once a month is just fine but they want us to come over every weekend. My husband and I always argue about it. I stay at home all week and on the weekends I want to go out with my husband and do fun things that doesn't include seeing his parents and grandparents. Do I have to compromise? I really don't want to! Help!

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Kelsea - posted on 03/09/2011

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Hi! I'm in the same position. I'm a stay at home mom & student without a vehicle (right now). So I don't get out of the house durring the week while my fiance is working. On weekends I love to spend time as a family... but not really with his family. I got along with his mother untill I had our son. Now she is too pushy with her ways of doing things and I'm a very independant person, so I don't like being told what to do, espeacially with my son! But I had my fiance agreed after a Christmas Dinner fiasco that we (our son and I) didn't have to go over to his parents except for holidays. Lately, he's started to go against it and will say we're only stopping there for a minute or two... and it turns out to be hours or even all day! I don't think we (you or I) should have to compromise. I know in my case, if I'm going to have to copromise to visit on weekends, then she should have to compromise to respect me, which she has openly refused to do. So I say No. You shouldn't have to compromise unless there is compromise on both parts! Best of luck. =]

Margaret - posted on 03/07/2011

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You and your husband BOTH need to agree on what works for the family FIRST; marriage is ALWAYS about compromise and bargaining, no matter HOW much we love it or hate it. I'd say do something twice a month to balance things out. Have them come over on a weeknight for dinner (that way, it's not a WHOLE day, but they get to see the grandkids, and hopefully, they'll be gone once the kids are in bed so they'll respect your alone time w/ your husband), and on a weekend day (maybe go someplace like the zoo, the park, the mall, etc., so that they're not in YOUR house, or maybe they'll have you at THEIR house?). This way, it's not too much, and not too little time w/ them, and then, your husband won't get an earful from his Mom? Just some thoughts. Hope that works :)

Kitty - posted on 03/06/2011

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well tell him you will see them with him every second weekend! he has to cut the cord he married you NOT THEM!!!
Just my thought :)

Eve - posted on 03/06/2011

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How about you, your husband and your kids all get to pick one weekend to do whatever each of you would like to do (if your kids are too young to come up with places, you can give them some choices) and on the 4th weekend is grandmas house. If this is your weekend and you want to leave the kids with a sitter and have a movie night with your husband, he would have to go with you whether he likes it or not and If your husband want to use his weekend to go to grandmas house again, then it's his choice and everybody's gotta follow. At least it's fair this way.

Julia - posted on 03/05/2011

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I feel ur pain on this one. My in laws are the same way, then they would get made when we didnt come over (like they couldnt drive 10 min to come see us). Weekends are for family and i think ur husband should understand that you cant always be with his family, that you all need alone time to. Give it time and keep pushing and finding ways for him t see ur side of it. Let him know you two have ur own family to build which is just as important if not more at times then his family time. Good luck, and try not to stress.

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Andrea - posted on 03/10/2011

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Maybe rather than every weekend you could go over once a week for dinner. Limited amount of time to spend due to needing to get the kids in bed so you still do what they want, seeing them once a week, you get dinner cooked for you and you still get most of your weekends free.

Mabel - posted on 03/10/2011

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@ Victoria PERFECT ANSWER!!!!love it and it gives mommy time off and Daddy can show off the kids.Hahaha

Victoria - posted on 03/10/2011

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Send him to his paents with the kids and take some time for yourself! Perfect compromise!

Nayuribe - posted on 03/09/2011

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not EVERY weekend, i'd go crazy!!! i have my mother-in-law come spend the day every couple of weeks, but i don't have to "entertain" her, she plays with the kids all day so i get to do stuff around the house, which i usually wouldn't be able to, or i just sit and watch tv all day! haha!!
i don't know why, but males always are more attached to their parents (specially mother) and it's important for them to have quality time with them, and grandparents are VERY important for kids, even if they're lousy grandparents. but not every weekend, i think once a month is fine, if your hubby NEEDS to see them more often, then he can go on his own some other time.

Jami - posted on 03/09/2011

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maybe you could compromise by letting them keep the kids some weekends WITHOUT you guys having to be there, you know, so you could go on a romantic date or something fun for adults... because, dates with kids . well.... LOL is all I have to say to that. :P If you wanna go to Chuck-E-Cheese, sure haha!

Audrey - posted on 03/09/2011

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oh i totally understand where you are coming from. i have never got along with my in-laws and they always wanted to see us. thankfully my husband likes my family better than his so it wasnt as much of a battle but there were times when he wanted to go over every weekend for a little while. i dont think you should have to go every weekend. thats not fair to you. maybe just a couple tomes a month or something. i dont know what your relationship is like with them but if its anything like the one i have with mine its not healthy to go very often. we always get into fights and finally they screwed my husband over so bad that we cut off all contact with them and dont have to deal with it anymore. hope its not that bead for you.

Aaryn - posted on 03/08/2011

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I don't really love seeing my in laws every week either...but what I've found that's a nice happy medium is that once a week we meet for dinner. That way if my Hubby's Mom is the only that can come it's fine. But his grandparents and aunt and uncle can come too...doesn't matter, they just seat us at a larger table. And because we're not in anyone's home it never last longer then 2 hours, everyone gets dinner, no one has to clean up and do dishes and my weekends are my weekends!

Elfrieda - posted on 03/08/2011

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My parents are EXTREMELY fond of my son, their first and only grandchild. They feel like seeing him once a week is not quite enough. So we have decided that we'll get together for supper during the week, one week at our house, one week at theirs. Also, they babysit him one evening a week from 6-9 pm while we go out for a bit. Then we come back and drink tea with them, then wake up our son and take him home. He's used to it now. It's nice to have involved grandparents, but it's also nice to do things with them during Mon-Fri so that the weekends are free for other things.
So I'd suggest that you get together on a weeknight, if possible.

Jamie - posted on 03/08/2011

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Of course you should compramise. That's what marriage is all about. Give a little here, get a little there. Anyway, I would suggest only going 2 times a month for an hour or so. Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 03/08/2011

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compromise comes with the territory of being married but in saying that it needs to be realistic and fair. I would let my husband know i like spending time with his family but i also miss him & so do the kids and it would be nice to do things just us and put it back on him ask if he feels the same then have a few suggestions up your sleeve. Let him feel as though he has made the decsion so he doesnt feel as though you are trying to drive a wedge between him and his family coz that only drives him closer to them and will make him put up walls & barriers. Im sure there are things he would like to do with his kids that doesnt involve his parents and start off by doing these he will then see the benefits of alone time with just you him & your children.

Emily - posted on 03/07/2011

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hon, try all u can to come up w some kind of compromise. My mother in law and (step) father in law have zero involvement with my family. She has dug herself into a hole she could not get out of. So we have nothing to do with either of them.. My babys first bday is coming up and they are not invited to the party, i dont want things like that to happen to u guys.. im sure something can be done.

Lisa - posted on 03/07/2011

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Marriage is about compromise so yes, you do need to come to some sort of agreement that you can both be happy with. Maybe one weekend, you plan an activity with them that involves most of the day together and a second weekend, you plan to meet somewhere for breakfast or dinner like on a Friday nite. Friday nites wouldn't be cutting into your weekend and a breakfast would leave most of the day free for family things.

Erin - posted on 03/07/2011

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I would compromise either i live near my in-laws and we are lucky to see them once every 2months some times due to our busy lifestyle and they understand that we need time just as us as a family and time with all the family would there be any way of telling your in-laws that you love but not every weekend and explain to them that you need some time with just hubby and kid/kids and have a set weekend that you see them every month if they are unaward of the problems it is causing between you and hubby they might understand

Kell - posted on 03/07/2011

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There needs to be compromise on both sides - perhaps each month spend one weekend with his parents, one with yours, and the other weekends have as a family yourselves without havnig to go to either. He can't expect you to give up your time every weekend to go ad see his family and never go/do anything/anywhere else - that's just not fair. And perhaps every other month, they could come to you instead of you always going to them? (Same with your family) so you only have to go out there once every other month. It seems only fair to have time to yourselves and to also have people come to you instead of you always doing the travelling.

Mabel - posted on 03/06/2011

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try this on for size..My in laws come over after they go out to eat so my MIL can take a shit in my bathroom because she can't wait to go at home...I see my IL more than I see my whole family......YAY!!! =(

Amanda - posted on 03/06/2011

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How far away do the in-laws live? Do you guys have to stay overnight? I do think you might have to compromise. What about every 2-3 weeks? I don't know how old your kids are, but they will probably have birthday parties and things to attend to, so even if it's not family time, the family will probably have busy weekends. Your in-laws need to understand that! Believe me, from personal experience, it doesn't mean they will! :)

Karissa - posted on 03/06/2011

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OMG this sounds exactly like my husband and I! I live in a town where my closest family member is at least 3 hours away. My husband's entire family (large family) lives mostly in the same town. His parents are separated so every weekend, we end up seeing at least 1 person from his family, if not more. My husband and I are constantly arguing about me want a weekend here and there without them. I like my space too. I, like you, am a stay at home mom of 3 kids, my husband works many long hours and weekends sometimes, I would like time alone with my family too. However, if I say that I am not up for company today, they take offense and start some big drama and my husband ALWAYS sides with his family. I guess if my family ignored what he said when it came to our kids and told our kids that they didn't have to listen to him like his family has done to me, he might feel differently. I wish you luck, as I have not had any... after almost 10 years together :(

Jane - posted on 03/05/2011

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i understand. just prepare yourself that nobody will care for your child the way you do...and then let it go! i have come to understand that my kids will be well taken care of and well loved when i leave them in the care of my inlaws but they will also, not be given naps or anything to healthy to eat. but usually i am sooooo in need of some sanity that i just chalk that day up to a loss for those things and go on my merry way!

Rosa - posted on 03/05/2011

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that's so true! and i have thought of leaving my son with them for an hour or two, but i'm kinda nervous about it

Jane - posted on 03/05/2011

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if they want to see the baby, let them babysit and you and your hubby get out of the house. don't burn any bridges, you will need their help later on. if you have more kids or go back to work, you will need their help at some point.
being in a family is political, you have to be pc. you have to bend. maybe they'll grow on you over the years. :)

Rosa - posted on 03/05/2011

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no i wouldn't want to see them once a month but i would understand that they have they're own life and I feel like they don't understand that

Alicia - posted on 03/05/2011

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compromise? go 2 weekends a month. just a couple hours one of the days. im sure theyre just missing all of you. put yourself in their shoes when your kids grow up and get married and have kids of their own, do you only wanna see them once a month?

Stifler's - posted on 03/05/2011

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I wouldn't want to either. Stuff that, I don't see my husband enough as it is without spending every weekend with his mum or my parents! How annoying. What about every second weekend or something.

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