Verbal Abuse

Denise - posted on 10/18/2011 ( 20 moms have responded )

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I know that millions of women are going through this right now! I have two sons from a seperate relationship, and three children with my current marriage. I have a husband who is verbally abusive and it seems that the longer I'm in this marriage the worst it has become. From the start all I have been called is a fat b*tch, a nasty wh*re, and like an idiot I have stood around to deal with it; all for the sake of my children. However after seeing the way things are going this evening with my 13 year old son and my husband I have decided that it is enough. I had a moment to myself and realized that this is my childrens time; their time to grow with those who really love them and support them. They cannot do that here! They have to ask permission to eat, permission to play games, permission to do anything. They get yelled at if they go to grab something out of the fridge and get told that when they want something to eat or drink to ask me, that I'll do it for them. "Yes" I don't have a problem taking care of my children but these are grown boys who can cook up their own food. This be-littles them and makes them feel worthless and useless. It's the same way I feel! I also have to ask permission for everything. To make things worst if there's a partial mess like sneakers thrown around in the living room and some book bags all hell breaks loose. I'm the pig who never does anything so he says and I can never explain without raising my voice or losing my temper without trying to make clear that the living room was nice and clean prior to them gettting home from school, but yet I'm a pig. If I make an honest mistake with my cooking he'll tell me how nasty it is and throws it in the trash then tells me he'll go out for a bite to eat! It's the slap in the face, back then when I was on the heavy side he would constantly tell me how nasty I was and that no one wanted me. Still till this blessed day he says that if I leave him no one will ever want me not with all these f*cking kids as he calls them. After going through this ordeal for 8 years the only man I will allow in my life is Jesus Christ. I'm traumatized by his verbal abuse and so are my children and just like these many brave women who have taken the first step to leave I just made the decision to do so too. My kids deserve happiness and I deserve peace of mind!

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Terri - posted on 10/19/2011

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TOUGH TIMES DON'T LAST BUT TOUGH PEOPLE DO & ur looking at one! Be strong & know u will survive without him. It's a huge step, but a positive one.

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Felicia - posted on 10/21/2011

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Oh and as for the whole "no one will want you" bit? Been there, done that, and once you get from under and God heals your emotional wounds, you will have to beat men off with off with a stick they'll be all over you lol!! He says those things to scare you into staying, because HE knows you're a good catch...Be strong!

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The way he talks to you is verbal/emotional abuse and its a control thing for example, " im insecure with myself so im going to make her feel like shit." the more he tells you your fat,nasty, pig, or lazy, nobody BUT me wants you... the more it works into your head until you start believing it. And once you do believe it, your stuck in a way you could never imagine. Its an ugly place to be, your sons could very well turn out exactly like your husband if you stay and continue to let him treat you this way, and if you have daughters they will grow up thinking its normal to be in a relationship like yours and that vicious cycle just repeats over and over. You need to break that chain for your kids if nothing else.

I know from personal experience that its not easy to just leave the relationship, ANYBODY who says it is has more than likely never gone through something like this. An abusers first and main concern is to break you and from then on the rest is easy. If someone has never been broken they have no idea what its really like. Its hard, but women find amazing strength to pull through anything.
I hope everything works out for the better for you.

Felicia - posted on 10/20/2011

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It's sad because my mother in law is like him...bullies just like power, and YOU have the power to stop it. I can't wait to be able to liberate my family from the bullies in my life. Do what you have to do and I totally understand your plight. The kids do not benefit from living through that, because whether or their parents are together become irrelevant. I applaud you for trying this long, but when will enough be enough? Stay encouraged. I will pray for you and your situation.

Terri - posted on 10/19/2011

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U better do it! Mine started with the verbal talk after 18 yrs of marriage b/c I needed to "get a job." Well, after leaving isolated Wyoming for SWFL 5 wks ago with our 6 yr with me, it was the best thing I could have ever done for my son's interest! Too little, too late isn't good enough. I left WYO with $587 in my pocket & things are great for us here. U have to have faith & just...believe. And, it's nice having lost 180#!!! Lol, him. :-D. Do it for ur kids then u

Tina - posted on 10/19/2011

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I'm sorry you have endured this for so long! I'm glad you finally decided that you are worth more than what he is trying to make you think you are - and that your children come first! Nobody deserves to live with a Tyrant like him - and sadly he is the one with the self-esteem issues - but they are his to work out not yours! You do not deserve to be treated like that - especially after giving him 3 beautiful children! Pack your bags now - I don't advocate for kids to grow up without their fathers - but in this situation they are better off - especially if you have a strong support system and male role models in your family! God Bless!

Jen - posted on 10/19/2011

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Good for you for leaving. I read a quote the other day that 'if someone truely loves you their love for you will not cost you anything. If not then they don't really love you.' This guy sounds like a control freak. It is not healthy for you or your children. They will respect you more by removing yourself and them from that terrible situation. You should be thankful at this point nothing is in your name because then he cannot ruin your credit. Your family sounds extremely supportive. Take them up on their offer. Jesus is opening this door for you, he will not close it on you. Be prepared though, he will come after you again with the same empty promises. You may also want to seek a Women's Services on domestic violence. Verbal abuse is abuse no matter how you look at it. And sometimes takes longer to get over because of the scars that cannot be seen. Remember you are a strong person for leaving and yes you can stand on your own 2 feet. You have a support system around you. Try if you can to document what was going on, the Women's Services can help you with that too. There are community services all around to help with your children. Stay strong, lean on family for awhile. they I'm sure looking inside can see things even you can't.

Shannon - posted on 10/19/2011

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(((hugs))) "I only attract loving people in my world for they are a mirror of what I am." Repeat this a million times a day until you are it!

Michelle - posted on 10/19/2011

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You are strong, capable, brave & GOD"S DAUGHTER! Don't forget that!!!! We are here for you (you can pm me or look me up on FB) you don't deserve this and if you doin't leave now, your 13yo may either think this is how you talk to women or resent you for not standing up for yourself
HUGS!!

Beth - posted on 10/19/2011

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I will tell you what my attorney told me when I was in your shoes, "You've been miserable for years, where will you be in another 5 years if you stay?" What example is this man setting for your boys? Your children are strong, they will be happy and healthy as long as mom is Strong, Happy and Healthy! Do what you need to do for you and your children! This man is not good for any of you. I have walked in your shoes, The men do belittle, they smash your self esteem so you feel you will fail if you leave. Trust me... You will only flourish! Leave, Leave him now!! Best of Luck to you! You will be happy again, you will be fine and your kids will appreciate you for it! God Bless!

Kelina - posted on 10/19/2011

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Denise I am standing in my kitchen making my kids breakfast and trying hard not to let my kids see me cry right now. You have no idea how happy it makes me to see someone as strong as you posting on here, it's wonderful. I'm so glad you've made this choice, good for you! Remember that whereever you go, God will provide!

Denise - posted on 10/19/2011

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@ Katherine this is his house, I have nothing in my name. He has everything all under his control. I have family who live an hour away, that have urged me many times to leave. In fact I had left once and he came for me and filled my head with empty promises he still yet hasn't fulfilled. My mother told me times before leave that man and like an idiot I have stayed for fear of not having control of my own life. I told my son last night that when we leave we have to make sure there is at least a place to live and a job established. So far I have taken many steps to ensure that I have a place to go so that's taken care off, now I have to make sure the kids get into a school and since my youngest has down syndrome I have to establish a support system for him where ever I decide to go. I'm a wreck right now!......ttyl

Donna - posted on 10/19/2011

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Shit if i were you id pack up the kids and never look back. no one deserves that.

Erica - posted on 10/19/2011

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Isaiah 545 For your Maker is your husband—
   the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
   he is called the God of all the earth.
6 The LORD will call you back
   as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
   only to be rejected,” says your God.
7 “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
   but with deep compassion I will bring you back.

Erica - posted on 10/19/2011

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This brought huge alligator tears to my face that is now burning. No one should have to go through that. That is not a normal loving relationship. He does not love you he just needs someone to control and take out his anger on! You are a beautiful woman inside and out you deserve to have a man that is deeply in love with you. You have 5 beautiful children and they desevered to be in a loving home. Your boys could grow up to treat their children and wives the same way they are being treated.

My thoughts and prayers are with you! (((((HUG))))

Katherine - posted on 10/18/2011

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That is completely unacceptable. I am so glad you are leaving. My ex used to do the same thing and I obviously left him.

It's not something your kids need to be around. It's not fair to you OR them. He sounds like a miserable person and you definitely need to leave. In fact make HIM leave! Why should you have to with kids?

Do you have a place to go?

Denise - posted on 10/18/2011

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Thank you so much! I'm glad someone like you can understand how I feel. I will not change my mind also I shared with my 13 year old son my plan and he's so excited!

Christy - posted on 10/18/2011

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Verbal abuse is abuse, plain and simply stated. I am so glad you are leaving and please don't change your mind under any circumstances and continue to walk the other way with your children! No one deserves this. And yes, Jesus will provide for you. You just need to get out ASAP and listen to your heart! If you ever need to chat, I will send you my info via private message and you can go from there. HUGS!!!!!!

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