Wanting a second...

Leah - posted on 03/10/2011 ( 20 moms have responded )

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I have been struggling with the idea of wanting a second child. I feel our family is ready. My dd is 2 1/2 and now potty trained (which was one of my stipulations before having another child). My husband and I decided before we married that we wanted at least 2 children but things change and feelings change.
I know I could get my husband to agree if I could convince him our finances are not that bad. We are caught up on all bills and I am already a stay at home mom. We have the conversation about every 6 months since dd was born and his excuse to wait is always finances.

What are some good ways to convince my husband that finances, though important, are not everything??

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Bonnie - posted on 03/11/2011

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Well there you go. At least that is something, something to lean towards. I hope it works out for you Leah. Good luck!

Vicky - posted on 03/10/2011

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My children are 10 and 4. although I love both of them unconditionally it is an absolute nightmare when going out. They both want to do different things, go out when other wants to sleep, can't go to some places because of of age and height restrictions between them both, they fight more because 4 year old wants to go with 10 year old and she doesn't want him to. School runs are terrible as they both finish at different times so it means 6 trips to school every day. Tell him all this is a nightmare that I wish I could have avoided by having them closer together like my brother did his girls are within 2 years and they look after each other brilliantly, loving, caring and look out for each other at school. If you leave it to long between them you also feel like your freedom is taken away from you just as you are getting it back again. Personnal the sooner the better the rest will fall into place and you will not have to buy all the nursery gear again if you leave it to later. Personnel experience and a very expensive lesson learnt. Good luck hope he comes round soon for you. XXX

Bonnie - posted on 03/10/2011

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I agree with Nita. Also, you could be ready now financially, get pregnant, and then by the time the baby is on the way or here, you could run into problems.

IMO, there are always ways to work around things. It seems that men always worry about the finances when it comes to having another child.

Chrissy - posted on 03/10/2011

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when we planned our first we talked about having two (and not too far apart) and that was that but then.... my pregnancy was hard on me and my partner both financially and emotionally we got through it and had a gorgeous healthy boy whos nine months old and still were ok about having a second one untill two months ago when my partner finally admitted to me that he didnt want to go through that again and although i agree completely and DONT want to go through that again im finding myself wanting a second baby for many reasons, like yourself we are caught up on bills and can afford another child and i am trying to convince my partner that im in a better place in life now and it might be different but still to no avail he tells me he can just focus and give all his attention to his son im not sure how to convince him either but im going to give it abit more time and more converations on the matter and state my case fairly each time

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Sarah - posted on 03/25/2011

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I got pregnant with my 2nd while I was still breastfeeding my 1st... unplanned, so I didn't get much of a choice! lol. I always wanted to wait at least 2-3 years before having another, but things have turned out differently and they will be very close in age. I'm excited though! Maybe it's better that way too, because I think there will always be some excuse to wait before having another. If it's not money, it's something else. You always find a way to manage though.

Brandis - posted on 03/25/2011

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i want a second child too, its one of our frequent arguments..he wants another too but not yet, it doesnt help that everyone around us is popping out babies left and right and i cant...i mean i just want one or two more..i want a semi big family since we dont have one..i feel my 3 year old is ready for a sibling...i know he would be super helpful..he carries our min pin around the house and will say look mama i got a little baby..it makes me sad

Leah - posted on 03/25/2011

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Thanks a lot ladies. My husband was an only child until he was 11. Then he became the father figure because of a crappy dad. We are in agreement to wait a bit longer. I am going to go back to work teaching soon and then in a year we will discuss it again when we are used to 2 incomes. I really appreciate all the comments. They really do help.

Nita - posted on 03/15/2011

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i agree with Eve. we originally discussed having 2 but i had complications with my delivery that were quite painful and i was in no hurry to relive it, lol. but i too enjoy the relationships i have with my siblings. but, God has other plans for us right now because so far we've been trying for two years and nothing yet. i think Eve has a great idea though!

Eve - posted on 03/12/2011

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In my case, my husband wanted the 1st and the 2nd more than me, so there isn't too much discussion. But if he didn't I think I would respect that. I have a friend who finally convinced the husband to have second, and the husband ended up resenting my friend and the child :/ he started blaming them for everything that went wrong. And they ended up with a divorce.. Of course this is the very worse scenario... I don't mean to scare you with it .. Sorry if I did..

Thinking about my own reason to give my son another sibling is because the bonding I have with my own sibling and how much I love her.. Does your husband have siblings? Maybe you use that angle to make him realized how much baby#1 will benefit from having a sibling to grow up and share memories with....

Casually bring it up about his siblings then end it with.. Yea it would be nice if our kid has a brother or sister so they can have the relationship like you and (his brother or sisters name) ...if he still respond with no second .. Then I think you should just leave it alone for now...

Tracey - posted on 03/12/2011

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but they do get older and they do eat more as they grow and i wish i had someone telling me no you can;t afford cus now i'n tapped no money ...

Leah - posted on 03/11/2011

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I talked to him again and he said if we can live like we have another child for the next 6 months and things are okay then we can start talking about it.

Bonnie - posted on 03/11/2011

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Aww Leah, I know how you feel. I am going through somewhat of the same thing. I have two children and want one more. I haven't brought it up to my husband in at least 6 months. There is too much going on right now. I am going to wait a bit longer. It really is heart breaking when you really want something. I don't want to wait much longer. I am pretty sure if my husband says no the next time I talk to him about it, I am just going to say forget. I am tired of the going back and forth and thinking about it.

Leah - posted on 03/10/2011

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Well, I talked to him and he said no again. I was so stupid think I could get a different response. Definitely heart broken.

Leah - posted on 03/10/2011

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Thanks so much ladies. You have all given me the courage to bring this up tonight. I feel we are ready but if he still has an issue with it after I explain, then I will just continue to wait, heartbreaking as it is.

Michelle - posted on 03/10/2011

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I have 3 ages 3,2, and 3 months. They make me crazy sometimes but I love them. Lots of people wait for financial reasons. The truth is you'll never feel like you have enough. Honestly it always works itself out. For one thing you won't have to buy new gear and if you breastfeed you'll save lots of money. You can reuse at least some if not all your clothes. You don't have to pay for daycare so that's a load off too.

Christy - posted on 03/10/2011

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Tell him you want a sibling for your child. Explain you don't think it's a good idea to have them too far apart (if that's how you feel, btw). The larger the gap, the more expensive it can be. One in school and the other in daycare (if you go back to work) or staying home. I think he will be OK with it regardless of the reasoning you give. It's the whole idea of another. Don't let him overanalyze it. You are still young, too!



I had my kids 14 months apart (second baby was an "Uh OH!"-I was 33 and 34 when I had them) But I love her to pieces and her brother does, too. BTW, the oldest is in Progress of potty training and the younger one isn't yet. :) I say GO FOR IT!!!!

Leah - posted on 03/10/2011

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I told my husband that because I believe it is very true. He is so hard to convince of anything. It will have to be his idea and that isn't gonna happen any time before I'm 30.

Nita - posted on 03/10/2011

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my mother always told me, "if you wait until your financially ready to care for a child, you'll never be a parent".
very true!

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