what do you do when your baby's daddy doesnt want to help with his baby?
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Nadine - posted on 03/08/2010
You need to talk to him. Let him know that his job is 24/7, so how can he expect yours to be. get him to understand that if you are always stressed out and tired your child is going to suffer. You need some help. if this doesn't work, when he gets home take off for a while and live him with the baby. If this doesn't help. then the threats come out. tell him you are my baby daddy, act like it or I will find a new baby daddy. Sometimes men don't get it until you tell them. I think sometimes we expect men to read our minds. Men are not intuative, you gotta tell them what's on your mind.
Is he not helping because he's scared or because he doesn't think it's his job? If he doesn't think it's his job, it's not going to get any better. In which case i would take my child and go. Make him pay child support, if he's not gonna help physically then he can sure help financially. If he's just scared, then i'd try to help him. Sit by him, help him learn how to hold the baby, change the diapers and such. Some people think new babies are so fragile that they just don't know how to react. Which I can understand. Especially if it's the first child for them.. I see that you have two children on your profile pic and if the daddy of this baby is not the daddy of the other baby (no insult intended..just a guess) then maybe he was around the other child when it was older and, more independent. He may not be used to a child that needs more intense, immediate and involved care. I am lucky that my husband had 2 from a previous marriage and was very involved from day one. I was the new mama with no kids and to him it was no big deal. I was scared to be alone with my daughter at first because what if she cried or if she needed something and I didn't know what to do...I am the oldest of 24 grandchildren and baby sat from the time i was 12, but having a new born that is your own is not easy (as you know) It's hard if he's new at this. Try to reassure him and take baby steps..If it's just a case of the "i shouldn't have to cuz I'm the dad" syndrome..then well..like i said above..leave and make him pay..Sorry...hope it's that he's just scared...Good luck you have two beautiful babies..
Lorie - posted on 03/09/2010
I use to be where you are now and its NOT FUN by any means.
What I ended up doing was leaving him. So he had nothing to worry about and it really got to him.
YOU CAN'T BE A GOOD MOM IF YOU ARE ALWAYS STRESSED OUT. You have to take care of you and your child before anyone else.
I found it was easier to be on my own with a baby then have a baby and a parent that doesn't help. I also lost ten pound ( I called it lossing Denis weight, my son's dads name ).
You desever so much better, Iam now married with two other children with a house.
That just goes to show you and you can do so much better and have someone that cares about your feels and needs, someone that will be there for you all the time and listen. :)
good luck and I hope things change for you
Brittney - posted on 03/09/2010
Well if he doesn't want to help out then I guess he should get to see your baby. Iam goin through the same thing. The only thing I have got from the father of my daughter is 25 dollars and a package of diapers in the whole year she has been on this earth. I didn't put him on the birth certificate and she has my last names. He has no rights to her cuz when I found out what i was havein he got really mad cuz it was a girl and after that i didn't hear anything from him until the day after i had her. My advice is either he helps or he don't get to spend time with your baby. See when my daughter gets old enough and wants to see her dad i will hunt him down for her and let her make up her own mind about him. Im not goin to put her through this mess of him hurtin her. I want her to have a wonderful life and not a life of disappointment and saddness. Iam only 18 tryin to do the best I can by my daughter. My parents have been there for my daughter more than he has.. well he has never been there. he don't know nothin about her. only when she was born and how much she weighed when she was born. All you need to do is be the one that is there for your baby. screw the dad. he is the one missin out on something amazin. our children are kisses blown to us by God. the are the best gifts we could ever recieve. I hope my story and my advice helps you out.
Alison - posted on 03/09/2010
i wouldnt put up with it if they dont help they dont deserve to be a dad there are a lot of single mums i was one my self its very hard at first but it does get easyer wen you get in to a routine then you will think to your self you are a good mum who needs a man to help wen you can do it your self sum men make very good dads and others are so useless both my ex's were useless dads got ride of them spent time on my own then meet my other half who i am marrying this year he's very good with my to he treats them like his own and helps me loadswith them and its nice to have help wen i need it
Maura - posted on 03/09/2010
Randie, I agree with those who say you should put him in the situation where he just HAS to be a dad, on a regular basis. Join a gym, start a weekly coffee night with a friend, take your shower or bath after he takes his, take a class, go food shopping, or hit the mall at least one night a week or in the day on the weekend. Don't give him a choice. Once he starts doing this regularly, his confidence will build and he'll start to get pleasure out of his time with your daughter; he'll start pulling his weight. If you don't do this now, you'll be one of those whiny women twenty years from now (trust me I know these women and they deserve their unhappiness for doing nothing about it).
Cindy - posted on 03/08/2010
they think that they are bringing the $ to home so they don't have to do nothing else, sometimes I really want to divorce for this problem.
When both of my kids were born, he was active duty so when he was coming back I was a perfect single mom and I guess he loved that so now he doesn't help me at all.
In my case is nothing that I can do about it, He doesn't clean, he help me to put clothes and diaper if I tell him not because he uses his brain and see that I need help, so I jusst living mad LOL I don't care anymore, 2 more years and my kids will be at school all day so I will be working and I gonna show him the real life.
Randie - posted on 03/08/2010
see he also likes to play video games all the time. he works all day and i understand that, however he doesnt have to deal with a crabby baby either. dont get me wrong i love my daughter to death but it gets really stressful. when he come home from work around 5, he will shower,eat and sit down watch tv or play video games and when our daughter is crying he wil just sit there and look at me like "well are you going to get the baby?" . . he just makes me soo mad, i have told him that i need time to relax too, and that he is her father. ive tried the threats but nothing works. .
Penny - posted on 03/07/2010
i think your hubby is using that as an excuse rebekah. this blog got my attention, i worry my hubby doesnt have the bond with my son i think he should have. i did have to beg him to bath him, feed him etc. he would make me feel bad about it saying mommy doesnt want to do it cuz she wants to watch telly. when i often would be doing washing or some other cleaning job lol. i got very upset about it and cried. since then when i ask him to do something, you can tell he doesnt initially want to but he says yes. i still have to ask though. i think because we are so confident in being a mom and we know what our lil ones want, we expect dad to aswell, but i think maybe men just arnt programmed the way we r. my nan said something a couple of weeks ago "i had to teach our grandad how to be a family man" i thought my grandad was the best but it shows this isnt a problem with just todays guys
Rebekah - posted on 03/07/2010
My husband is 6"2' and 255lbs, he doesn't help because he is scared he's going to hurt her. he'll hold her when i need rest and feed her but he can't change her diaper or give her a bath, so I can't go out. Lynn I do the same thing lol.
Medic - posted on 03/06/2010
Show him the door and tell him to not let it hit him in the ass on the way out....It's not my job to make sure he sees his kids but I wont let him just be there and pay attention when he wants.....your either a parent or your not. Sorry that might seem mean but thats how I say it.
Charlotte - posted on 03/06/2010
I just let him do his thing. I cant stand waisting time on begging him to help me with the babies. Sometimes when Its been about 2 weeks since ive touched him I think he gets the hint and will help but I just deal with it. I have my babies to worry about and dont have time to stress about the lack of help from him!!!
Seren - posted on 03/06/2010
seriously alot of naggin + wit each child d helps got slightly beta he also has time 2 do sumit he wans in a wk 2 keep his sanity + i get me time 2 usualy round 2 a m8s 4 a cupa mb u shud giv him a choice but u av 2 b serious 2 eitha start helpin or 2 start packin gd luk
Ashley - posted on 03/06/2010
I personally told my boyfriend to either help out or move on. lol.... Ok I wasn't that harsh but I told him that he was also responsible for the fact we had a child together, and that I wanted him to have some responsibilities. I always got up at night with baby excpet one feeding on sunday night/morning. He also took over bath time so I could get a little rest or some work done that got neglected... Once a week my boyfriend also did the whole bedtime routine (after boobytime) and I got to relax for that time too!
Rebecca - posted on 03/06/2010
When our first was born it was the hardest on us. He never wanted to help at all and one day i just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't even take a bath without getting yelled at. So, one day i handed him our son and i walked out the door and got in the car and took a drive to a quiet place. I was only gone about 30 minutes but i think he got the hint some. He helped a bit, which was only expected as he was off on the parental leave and I was back to work when our son was 6 weeks old. He's military and he gets 97% of his pay for PL and civilians only get 55% so it made since but i thought he would have done some stuff to help. Anyways, now we have a second child and i get a lot more me time. I sold my business and am now a stay at home mom and at night once the kids are in bed i head out to the gym and that's my me time. I love it and if i've had a rough day i just work it all out of me.
It does get easier, i promise. The key thing is to sit and talk about the day together. Yes everyday. He'll get a glimpse in to how your day really was and maybe find an understanding for it.
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