Jenny - posted on 01/24/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )
We've been battling with this for two years now, ever since my son was born. We now have two young kids (26months and 8months) and im in full mummy mode. All my friends find it difficult to hang out with me as they work during the day and go out at night, but i cant really do that, i've got kids. And slowly but surely i've drifted apart from my friends. No one makes the effort anymore, but i dont mind so long as i have my husband, he truly is my best friend.
However, with my husband, he has at least 4-5 close friends who love gaming, fishing and playing soccer and always invite him to go out. Every time he asks if i'll be ok with it, im NOT okay with it. Because the result is me being home alone with the kids having to take care of them which is what i do every day all day long as a stay-at-home-mum. I have no one and i care about no one else but my Husband (and kids of course). But i let him go out every now and then because i dont want to be that wife that never lets her husband out. However, every time i let him out i am so resentful!
I dont know how we can possibly find a good balance here when I’m in mummy mode and care more about my kids being taken care of and having time for my husband than hanging out with friends, and he cares about keeping friends happy. Sure he loves me and wants me to be happy, but at the same time he wants to go out with his friends too. And that’s understandable, but when i dont have that same connection with my friends or even the will to have it, its real hard to swallow.
How can i possibly feel peaceful with him going out and leaving me behind? A few of his friends are married and i just don’t get how their wives let their husbands go out? Makes me look like the bad one for wanting my husband to hang out with ME. Don’t they feel that way too? I've tried to ask them, but they brush it off and laugh and say it does get to them, but at the end of the day they want to see their husband happy. I want that too, but its not enough to keep me happy and it does affect the way i view my husband.
To me, i married my husband because i wanted to spend every minute with him. He does not feel the same way. He loves me very much but wants a healthy balance with hanging out with friends too as well as some alone time. What is wrong with me (or him?) that i just cant see it that way. I really would be completely happy if he was by my side with every little thing i do, my companion that never leaves my side. (or at least that's what i feel is missing)
Do i need counseling or something? I dunno, it seems such a trivial thing compared to the real issues people have with their marriages, yet it affects me so much!
Any advice from someone who's been there or understands what i feel but can handle these feelings? Any advice at all on how to get a healthy balance?