what is the funniest thing your kids have said?

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010 ( 299 moms have responded )

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here is a simple and fun conversation . what is the funniest or most clever thing your child/ren have said?

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Tania - posted on 05/03/2010

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well my daughter is about to turn one and is not yet saying funny things.....but as a Primary Teacher I have a million! I used to teach five year olds...and the best one I ever had goes like this.........One of my little girls gets up of the floor and suddenly a noise comes out! She says "Oh my god......something amazing just happened! I just did a bottom burp out my front butt!" And it still makes me laugh ROFL!

Christina - posted on 04/18/2010

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I was watching the Little Mermaid with my 2 year old daughter and every time a fish was on screen she would point and yell "Nemo! Nemo! Nemo!" LOL.

Kel - posted on 04/12/2010

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I know, right? I have no idea how she came to that conclusion! I love her logic, though. ; )

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Shannintipton - posted on 08/24/2011

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This post is sort of old so I an going to lock it but thank you for your response. :)

Christina - posted on 08/23/2011

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Anytime anyone passes gas, my daughter (3) say really loud "Mommy, they have bumblebees in their potty". I have no idea where she came up with this but we love it!

Tracie - posted on 05/04/2010

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We were at the check-out at the supermarket when miss 3 said to the cashier "I've got two Hottie's at my house" She looked at me wide eyed and said "really... thats very lucky" I had to explain that she was talking about her two hot water bottles with rabbit covers! (i secretly did wish there were two hotties just waiting for me...or at least doing the housework!! lol!)

Arminda - posted on 05/04/2010

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my 4 yr old granddaughter says , her boyfriend is jimmy neutron... and her sister , who is 1yr and 8 mos. old talks like an alien.. she's so funny . we could not understand what she says.. when she asks for water.. she says ke. ke.. hahahaha!...

Heather - posted on 04/28/2010

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Wow ... it's really tough to narrow the list down (my girls are unintentionally hilarious), but I'll do my best to give one story for each of them.

When my stepdaughter was 3, I was pregnant with her little sister. She knew that the baby was in my tummy, but was confused as to what my breasts were (her mother is VERY flat-chested). One day, she was over out house for visitation, and came up to me, placed her hands on my breasts, and said quizzically, "The baby's in here?" To which, I moved her hands down to my belly and said, "No, honey, the baby's in HERE." She moved her hands back up to my breasts and said, "Then what's in here?"

Not wanting to step on her mother's toes, and not knowing what anatomical information her mom would be comfortable with her having at this young age, I simply replied, "That's where the baby eats."

She tipped her head to the side, stepped back and said (totally confused), "Her HIGHCHAIR is in there???"

(I fell over laughing, then *had* to explain that the baby would drink milk from me just like the cows we saw at the farm a few days ago.)

This morning, I was dropping my 5 year-old (the "baby" in the prior story) off at school. On the way there, I heard her singing the song "Bingo" in the back seat ... except that she was singing the wrong letters and clapping in the wrong places. Her version of the song went, "G-I-*clap*-G-O ... G-I-*clap*-G-O ..." I asked her if she was saying "G-I-G-O", and she said yes. laughed and said, "Honey, the song goes *B*-I-N-G-O, not G-I-G-O. G-I-G-O spells 'Gigo'."

Apparently, she thought I said "Geico", because she giggled and asked me if that was the dog who lived with the lizard and saved you money on car insurance. I laughed so hard I almost went off the road.

Berenice - posted on 04/25/2010

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My 3 year old:



A few days ago we were in the bathroom, I was combing my hair and she was using the potty and she must have been thinking this because out of nowhere she says "Oh so a boy's private is something that sticks out of their butt and so it squirts when you need to go pee?"



Yesterday I was laying in bed and burped when she was next to me so she asked me why I burped, I just laughed and a second later I heard her give a little toot (fart) so I said "why did you fart?" and she said "no, my butt just does that" LOL



Also a few weeks ago my husband was putting the kids to bed and he had to go to the bathroom. He was rushing out when my 3 year old asked why he didn't use their bathroom (the one in their room), he said he couldn't and she said "why, because your butts too big?"

Sabrina - posted on 04/25/2010

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We have a male puppy. My 8 year old son was tying his shoes and the dog started humping my son. Not knowing what was going on he said, look mom the dog wants a piggy back ride. I couldn't help but laugh.

Katie - posted on 04/25/2010

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My son is VERY funny! I had to go to the ATM one day, and he said, " mama, this is daddy's favorite store." I said , " what is daddy's favorite store" looking at him in the back seat, and he said, " the ATM!" I never laghed so hard in my life.

Jennifer - posted on 04/25/2010

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Between my five children, I think I could write a book!



A couple of months ago my husband had a vasectomy. We didn't tell our kids much about it except that daddy was having a surgery and that they would be staying with grandpa and grandma for the weekend. My son Jacob must of heard my husband whining about his procedure before the day came.



The day came of the blessed event. We got the kids off to school and to grandma's.



Our son Jacob is 5 and is in young 5's. We are very good friends with his teacher and her family. Later that day we had gotten a text message from his teachers husband.

Apparently during circle time our son Jacob had told Miss Liz and the class that " My daddy is getting his weiner fixed today!" So his class made my husband a "Thinking of You" card and all signed it.





Another funny.....From our three year old son, Ethan.



We live in the country so when our mail is delivered, the postal workers deliver the mail out of their own vehicles. Recently our mail lady had gotten an actual mail truck.

My son Ethan was looking out of the window and said " Mom! That ice cream truck is stealing our mail!"

Lea - posted on 04/23/2010

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Something my son did, not said: I was laying on my bed on my stomach and he comes up to me and pretends to check my (non-existent) diaper and pats me on the bum!

Lea - posted on 04/23/2010

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Mispronouncing words: Frog or Fox sounds like F*ck, and shirt sounds like Sh*t.

Kristine - posted on 04/23/2010

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When my youngest daughter was 5, she was petrified of ants and we were having a carpenter ant problem in the house at that time. She was sitting at the kitchen table eating Oreos and spotted something small and black on the floor several feet away from her. She, of course, went right into the "THERE'S AN ANT!!!" mode. I assured her it was not an ant and just a cookie crumb. Still not convinced, she turns to me and yells, "COOKIES DON'T HAVE LEGS!!!"

Erin - posted on 04/23/2010

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I have another one, when my now 11 yr old daughter was 4, we drove past a cemetary...and she said, "mommy look, dead signs," she is so funny! Tombstones are now dead signs for us all!

Melissa - posted on 04/22/2010

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Hi, my son Jordan is three and a half! and last night my son asked for some strawberry milk, i said he would have to drink some water first. but he didn't want any water. my husband told him '' Our bodies need water to help us grow", My son replied, " No my body is made of HEAVEN"! ------------ Is that not the sweetest comment out of the mouth of babes???? LOL!

Jenni - posted on 04/22/2010

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Last year for my daughter's 5th bday, my mother flew us to London. On our visit, we spent time in London and Paris. When we approached the Eiffel Tower, my daughter said "Look Mommy! It's the Aweful Tower!!" Classic

Danyel - posted on 04/21/2010

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Kids say the funniest things....there are so many but I will have to say this morning my son asked me why I was married to his Dad because he farts which is gross. I didn't know what to say to that one. Just glad we were at home and not in public.

Shirley - posted on 04/21/2010

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my 2 yr old son and i were walking on the path and i spotted some dog poo. i said to my son mind the dog poo. he then turned round and said no it's daddy's poo! i had to laugh. it was the way he said it. a few days ago he accused his bob the builder who is as big as him, of drinking his milk!! kids definatly say the funniest things.

MARTHA - posted on 04/21/2010

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MY GRANDDAUGHTER HAS ALWAYS HELPED ME IN MY GARDEN PLANTING MY BULBS AND FLOWERS, LAST YEAR AN ELDERLY NEIGHBOR HAD PASSED AWAY AND I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO HER ABOUT HER "PASSING". WELL ON THE DAY OF THE FUNERAL, I CAME HOME AND WAS ON THE PHONE AND SHE HEARD ME SAY THAT THEY HAD "BURIED" HER,SHE CAME UP TO ME HUGGED ME AND SAID"IT'S O.K. GRANDMA CAUSE IN THE SPRING MRS.WILSON WILL BLOOM AND WE WILL SEE HE AGAIN, SO DON'T CRY"!~~~MADE ME FEEL SO GOOD, BUT,I DID EXPLAIN TO HER THE TRUTH.

Amy - posted on 04/20/2010

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My son was about 2 years old and we were at a sick visit at the doctor (not his regular ped) and he very clearly asked me in front of the doctor, "Mommy, where is his hair?" I tried to ignore it and keep listening to the doctor, but my insistant son then said, "I will fix you and started grabbing at my hair and pulling it toward the doctor's head saying, "Have some of mommy's". I was very embarrassed.

Nikki - posted on 04/20/2010

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When my eldest daughter was around 3 my husband caught her coloring on the kitchen floor with a crayon and he asked her if she had a brain fart and she said no daddy I had a crayon! We never laughed so hard!

Jamie - posted on 04/20/2010

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story two- my grandson was having a sleep over at our house and close to bed time he got teary eyed and asked where is mommy I told him she was at his home (thinking he might need to phone for reassurance) I picked him up to walk over to the phone he puts his hands on either side of my face presses my skin back and says to me Hi mommy-mom! I love you, good night kisses, I asked him if he wanted to phone mommy and he shakes his head no I good now!

To this day he still calls me mommy-mom and we keep saying"Grandma" he just laughs at us and says Noooo sillies you're mommies mom! (so i think he relates Grandma to daddy's mom)

Jamie - posted on 04/20/2010

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two stories first one- when my mother was turning 65 we were all in the park having bbq and playing games ...well my mom in her glory days was a very good athlete so she was out in the field teaching my son how to play soccer(football) and after a while 3/4 of an hour she excused herself by saying Ok son Gma's old I need to rest for a moment and cool off ,very dejected my son says with a tear in his eye" AWE Gma your not OLD just your skin IS!"

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What a great conversation. Thanks! When my youngest was 5, we were new to our small community. We enrolled him in Cub scouts so he could meet some other kids his age. As the Dad's were congregating outside before the first meeting, the kids were running and chasing one another. One kid yelled "get back here peanut face," at which the Dad replied, "Hey now, let's be nice!" Just then, my son went running by, looking over his shoulder as another boy was gaining on him, yelling at the top of his lungs...."SH@T!!!" My husband cringed and smiled sheepisly.(smile)

Esther - posted on 04/20/2010

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A couple of months ago my 4 year old daughter and I were lying on the bed and she was coming up with ideas for her to be a superhero. So i suggested glitter girl and when people be mean to eachother you can sprinkle glitter on them and make them nice...so she says "No mom i got an idea! I can have a TAMPON wand and glitter can come out of it!"....all i could do was crack up!!! What can u say after that??

Carolee - posted on 04/20/2010

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Yesterday, Corbin sat next to me, puffed out his belly, and had me rub HIS "baby" instead of him rubbing mine. I can't wait to see what he's going to come up with when she's born!

Cassie - posted on 04/20/2010

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my daughter is only 8 months, so she has very very limited vocabulary, but her timing is impecable, I had just come home from an extereamly bad day, and walked thru the door to see the whole house was completely trashed (I still have no idea how 1 man, 1 baby, and 2 dogs could make such a mess in 9 hours)

I looked around in dismay, and yelled out who the heck made this mess, my daughter promptly looked up and smiled and said DADA!



A few years ago I went 2 pick up my neice and nephew from daycare with their father, who had recently had a car accident, and had his car in and out of the shop, so they had been having various rentals... while getting their oldest son from his classroom, he looked up and asked how all of us were going to get into the truck, his father responded, I dont have the truck today, we're walking, his son, without missing a beat said "Oh noo Daddy, what did u hit this time?" he was only 4

Donna - posted on 04/20/2010

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everytime y daughter see something she likes on some one she say oh I like your shoes or I like you dress. but on Saturday Night for the first time in a long time I went out to my uncle's 50th birthday due, so my friend came round to baby sit, so she said to here I like your shoes give us a go. Cheeky child,

Kelly - posted on 04/20/2010

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This morning Simon (who is 4) told me he has two grandpas. Tony Stark (IronMan) and the Incredible Hulk. Both our fathers have passed away so we let him believe what he wants.

Christine - posted on 04/20/2010

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When my now 12 year old son was about 4 years old, we were driving by a farm and there were two cows that were "mating". He says "Look mom, the cows are playing piggy back!"

Christine - posted on 04/20/2010

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When I was 5 months pregnant with my third child, I was out shopping with my 5 year old daughter. When we got to the register, she looked at the cashier with excitment and said "My mom's having a baby!" The cashier said " Wow, how exciting! Do you know what she's having?" And without hesitation, my daughter responded with "Um, my guess is a human!" I almost pee'd my pants right there in line from laughing!

Tiffany - posted on 04/19/2010

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he was about three . We were driving by a gentalmens culb. When he pointed right at it an said. (that place is going to make me go crazy) lol he had no way of nowing what kinda place it was. It was very funny. I'll remind him when he gets older.

Lea - posted on 04/19/2010

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Recently my 5 year old asked if we can give back his 2 year old sister and get a dog instead. I have to say the best one I have personally herd was , thankfully not out of my kids mouth but a strangers child waiting in line. I was at an upscale children's store. while waiting in line there was an older lady in front of my and a very pregnant woman and her daughter about 6ish was in front of her, the child was getting restless waiting, the older lady starting asking her questions. one question she asked if she was going to be a big sister soon. The little girl replied very very loud "yes, I wish Mommy would just poop her out now!" The whole line lost it, the mom quickly grabbed her child and left with out buying her items.

Karen - posted on 04/19/2010

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one day my son (who was 2and a half at the time) was in the bathroom with his dad when he pointed to my sanatary towels and asked what they were, my husband couldnt think what to say so he just said they were nappies for woman. A few weeks later i was out shopping with my son and i picked up some sanatary towels and infront of everyone my son shouts "mum is that your nappies" lol

Marietta - posted on 04/19/2010

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while watching my 2 boys and nieces and nephews play hide & seek i couldn't help but laugh as A- they made my 3yr old "it" and B- my 3yr couldn't understand hide & seek, he was just happy to be running around with them. I couldn't help but laugh when i heard him shout out when he found someone.. " I found Me" .lol.. Even though i try to correct him, he still says i found Me..lol...oh to be at such at innocent age.

Rindy - posted on 04/19/2010

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My daughter was about 18 months when her daddy had training to be an army recruiter. He had classes and had to take tests. We would talk on the phone and i would try to get her to tell him good luck on your tests. One day we called to leave him a message so he would have a surprise after his test. Well, this time our daughter actually said good luck but it came out 'good fuck daddy!!' He saved the voice mail and shared it with everyone in his class!

Sherry - posted on 04/19/2010

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Another thing that's cute, is when they are learning how to talk or in the early stages of talking and still can't pronunciate words the correct way. Sometimes they'll be meaning to say something, but they'll say it different, cause they can't pronounciate the word correctly :oD
So when my daughter was born, we named her "Zaneta Lizette". At the time, my eldest (24yr old now) was 2 years old and he couldn't say her name correctly. If you asked him what his new baby sister's name was, he would say, "Bonita Mazette", instead of Zaneta Lizette. :o) {CUTE}

Sherry - posted on 04/19/2010

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When my 17 year old son was little, he use to call his private part "Willie", Well, one time when he was like 3 or 4, he was with a babysitter, while my husband and I went to play bingo. The baby-sitter and my son took a little walk to the convenient store (7-11) at the corner, by the baby-sitter's house, just to go buy a little snack (candy, chips, etc) for my son. Well, there was another customer in the store, actually the baby-sitter had told me they were standing in line and there was a man standing behind them. Well, I guess the man asked my son what his name was? My son told him, then asked the man, what his name was? The man told my son his name was "Willie". LOL My son started laughing and thought the man was SOOOO funny, cause he said "Willie". Then my son started pointing at the man saying, "Ha, Willie-Willie-Willie-Willie, Willie-Willie-Willie-Willie" (but saying it sort of fast). The baby-sitter said that the man was just smiling at my son, cause my son was just laughing at him and kept saying "Willie-Willie-Willie-Willie" (you know how sometimes we just smile when we don't know what other people are laughing at? Or maybe we walk into a room where people are talking and laughing, so we just smile to be polite, cause we don't really know what they were talking about? Well, the way I understood, that's what the man was basically doing, just smiling cause he didn't know what my son was laughing at. IF HE ONLY KNEW). So anyways, after they were done paying for their stuff, before they walked out of the store, the babysitter tells him in a whisper tone, that the reason the baby is lauging, is because he calls his little pee-pee (she nods her head and points her eyes downward), Willie. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA The babysitter said that he just started laughing hisself then.
This is another one of those "funny moments" that will never be forgotten. "Willie-Willie-Willie-Willie" LOL hahahahhahahahahaha

Charmaine - posted on 04/19/2010

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my son jordan is 5 just last year he would ask me all the time mom can i take a tub, meaning can he take a bath. also one day we were in the mall's food court and he asked mom can we go get some eat fresh meaning subway! were does he get this stuff LOL!

Clare - posted on 04/19/2010

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my daughter is 18 months and crazy about TInkerbell she has a big stuffed tinkerbell that she has in her bed every night.She has just started sleeping in a 'big girls bed' as she could climb out her cot and was told she had to stay in it and go to sleep. Though sure enough the second i was downstairs there was footsteps on the landing. As i went back up the footsteps ran back to the bed. When i went into the room I said "who got out of bed?" At this she showed me her stuffed toy and with a big cheeky smile said "Tinkerbell".

Heather - posted on 04/19/2010

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My 2 year old daughter is always dishing out hilarious comments but the one that is fresh on my mind is from last week. We had to take her to the emergency room because she stuck something up her nose at school & we had no idea what it was. We kept asking her what it was & she said it was a heart, and that they were making treasure boxes at school. So when my mother-in-law called to check on her, my daughter said "I have to go to the hospital to get my heart taken out!!" We all fell out of our chairs laughing!!

Becky - posted on 04/19/2010

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When I was pregnant with my daughter, my son ( 3 yrs then) said he wanted a brother. Once I had the ultrasound that said it was going to be a girl, everyone would come and ask him, "Are you going to have a baby brother, or a baby sister?" They already knew the answer, they were just trying to get him involved. He kept saying "it's a boy!" He got tired of everyone correcting him, and by the tenth time someone asked him at church that day he interrupted them mid-correction and yelled, "No! It's GONNA be a brother, or we're sending it back and asking God to fix it!"

Becky - posted on 04/19/2010

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My 5 yr old says the same thing! "Gosh mom, you're so MEAN sometimes! You don't let us eat sugar all the time even though it tastes so GOOD!!" haha



Mommy-1 Sugar-0

Latasha - posted on 04/19/2010

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i remember when my son was 4 yrs old and my husband had a couple of his buddies over.My son walked right in the middle of the room and said" daddy look at my big stickers,which were all stuck to the front of his shirt and one across his forehead.My husband mouth was hanging in shame and his buddies laughed so hard when they realized the big stickers were mommies feminine pads. lol

Ann - posted on 04/19/2010

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My son is 2 years old and when he wakes up from his nap he has a cold and he told me "mommy my nose is not working"..=) haha..i love those moments...

Ann - posted on 04/19/2010

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My son is 2 years old and when he wakes up from his nap he has a cold and he told me "mommy my nose is not working"..=) haha..i love those moments...

Kanchan - posted on 04/19/2010

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I am about 5' 2'' tall and my husband is 6 ft. we have 2 kids, my elder one when she was almost 4 years old one day says "Mommy, u always tell me to eat vegetables to get taller and stronger like daddy ; then why dont u start eating your vegetables, we both will grow taller like him one day." :)

Maude - posted on 04/19/2010

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While driving to a place three hours from our home, my three year old daughter and I shared a Snicker candy bar. Later she came up to me and said, "Mom, I want some cigarettes." I didn't understand until she explained that that she wanted to eat it....more Snicker bar.



Quotes from her:

After drinking some water, "Mom, I can hear my neck dripping into my tummy."

"My heart is laughing and I can't make it stop."

"I don't need a night light by my bed because God gave me glow in the dark eyes."

After telling her never to smoke: "I won't. I'm not even human yet." (She meant she's not grown up.)



From my son who loves pumpkin pie and wanted me to make some: "Pumpkin pie likes me."

Elizabeth - posted on 04/18/2010

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Here are my faves:



"So mom, who is coming out next?" - Hailey age 4 poking my fat belly...I wasn't pregnant



"Have you thought about what you will look like when you lose your belly?" - Hailey age 5, after I explained I was going on a diet....right as I was about to eat a burger....needless to say I didn't eat.



"Mom (pointing to stack of money) that is the money you could be saving with Geico" - Hailey, age 5



"Barrack Obama is our president. He sits in his office all day and watches tv or something. I think he takes our money to buy jewlrey for his wife. I know cause I watch fox" - Hailey, when asked at school about presidents day...posted in school newsletter. eek.



"I know he's a boy dad, he's got that hose thing. Your a boy too...does that mean you have a poofy thing?" - Hailey, age 5....in public. Husband mortified.



"I'm excited that you are having another baby. Wait. That means I have to be a big sister to two kids....that's a lot of work, mom" - Hailey this week



"Uh Dad, he pooped in your tub. Should I get out?" - Hailey tonight

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