what is the funniest thing your kids have said?

Elizabeth - posted on 04/18/2010

Here are my faves:



"So mom, who is coming out next?" - Hailey age 4 poking my fat belly...I wasn't pregnant



"Have you thought about what you will look like when you lose your belly?" - Hailey age 5, after I explained I was going on a diet....right as I was about to eat a burger....needless to say I didn't eat.



"Mom (pointing to stack of money) that is the money you could be saving with Geico" - Hailey, age 5



"Barrack Obama is our president. He sits in his office all day and watches tv or something. I think he takes our money to buy jewlrey for his wife. I know cause I watch fox" - Hailey, when asked at school about presidents day...posted in school newsletter. eek.



"I know he's a boy dad, he's got that hose thing. Your a boy too...does that mean you have a poofy thing?" - Hailey, age 5....in public. Husband mortified.



"I'm excited that you are having another baby. Wait. That means I have to be a big sister to two kids....that's a lot of work, mom" - Hailey this week



"Uh Dad, he pooped in your tub. Should I get out?" - Hailey tonight

Misti - posted on 04/18/2010

I was a first time Mom, (I now have seven and know better!) and I had my two year old son almost potty trained. My husband and I decided to go to an opening of a huge new restaurant. It was packed. My son pipes up that he has to go potty potty and I can't see the walls let alone a restroom. I told him he was going to have to hold it and asked him if he thought he could do that until I found a bathroom. He nodded yes and I grabbed his hand and began walking through the crowded room asking people if they knew where the bathroom was. I had asked at least five people and all I got was odd looks and head shakes no. I was getting worried that my son would have his first relapse and that it would be my fault (that guilt died after the first baby) and that no one apparently knew where the bathroom was by all of those odd looks. I finally got to a lady who looked at me, then my son then back to me enough times to make me look down at my son and see that he had taken his penis out of the top of his pull up and was holding it in his palm (almost displaying it)! I was shocked and told him to put it back it his pull up and told him that "you don't do that!" By this time a crowd of people were staring and I was purple with embarrassment. He looked at me and said, "But Mom you TOLD me to hold it!" No wonder no one wanted to answer us! I told him that I meant hold it with his mind, and he looked at me as if I had lost mine. The lady was laughing so hard I thought she was going to be the one to relapse.

Patience - posted on 04/18/2010

My oldest daughter was about 2 1/2 i was pregnant with my 2nd daughter and i used to tell her there was her little sister so she used to look in my belly and said she saw her and gave her a kiss i thought that was the cutest thing she had to do it everyday. Now her sister is 5 months and at least she still has to give her a kiss before she goes to bed wondering how long that is going to last?

Amber - posted on 04/18/2010

Embarassing* but one night our daughter over heard us having grown up time, the next day she came to me and said you and Daddy getting married? I said yes this summer.. she said ok but next time get married quiet.. That was a hard one to explain to a three year old!

Heather - posted on 04/18/2010

My mom had just had a major surgery and had a lot of boo boo's ( as my son would say) and I had told him that we would not b able to touch mamaw. When we got to the room he asked to see the boo boo's and she showed him and he made a L with his thumb and forefinger and said no touch mama and turned to my mom and said the same thing...Every 1 in the room including my mom busted out laughing...

Alicia - posted on 04/18/2010

My 3 year old telling me about my growing pregnant belly

"Mommy your belly is getting big! It's gonna pop and then Tristan will be here!"

Julie - posted on 04/18/2010

Another one from my son was when we were on the process of purchasing freezer beef. I told him that we were going to get our cow. So we got in our van and my son asks me where the cow is going to go in the van. I said in the back. He looks back there in all seriousness and says "mom, a cow wont fit back there"!

And speaking of cows. I told him a few times one day that his dad will have a cow if he sees this thing in particular. My son says "but I want a horse". He's so funny!

Julie - posted on 04/18/2010

Oh, my son cracks me up everyday! A few of my favorites are just the other night after his bath I went into the bathroom and there was water all over the floor. I asked him why there was water all over the floor and he replied "I didnt want to get water on your new bath rug"

Also the other night: He was supposed to be in bed but I heard lots of jingling noise coming from his room. I called in "What are you doing?" to which he naturally replied "Nothing" So then I said "What's all that noise in there", Then surprisingly after a pause he says "I'm not answering that questions".

Candice - posted on 04/18/2010

miss charlee abigale 11months was asked " charlee why do have to hit your head on the wall like that?".....replyes " it feels good".......

Caroline - posted on 04/18/2010

My 7 year old was 3 when he said this. We had put a Sabretts hot dog sign by our pond and he saw it and asked if we were growing hotdogs! It was hilariously serious when he asked it, and there was much excitement in his voice as he is a hot dog lover. I still laugh about it.

Vanessa - posted on 04/18/2010

My daughter now 15, was about 8 when we were watching tv a commercial came on for Blinds to Go, we live near one so she has seen the store, we just never went in. I looked and she had this confused expression, when I asked her what was wrong, she said "the sell blinds? I thought that was a place where blind people go"

Rachael - posted on 04/18/2010

my youngest son asked when trying to open the child proof cap on a bottle 'how does the calpol bottle know I'm a
child?', It strangely had my wondering for a while!!!

Shannon - posted on 04/18/2010

My 2 year old boy has started to call his privates "big"?! We now call "big" our "p.p"..

Jen - posted on 04/18/2010

I was wearing a tank top last week and lifted my arm. My 2 year old pointed to my armpit and said (in the sweetest little voice) , "mommy, need haircut?"

Sarah - posted on 04/18/2010

this wasn't my child but my four year old niece , i was about eight months pregnant at the time we were sitting at the table having dinner after a little while she said oh my your still eating i said yes she then said but aren't you full i said no and she said well you look really full, i will always remember that and so will everyone else they always seem to bring it up lol.

Beth - posted on 04/18/2010

one night we were talking about dinner and we commented that we hadnt had much to eat that day, our one year old stood up in front of the coffee table put his hands on his hips and said "me either"

Kate - posted on 04/18/2010

My daughter who is three said to me after playing at a friends house a couple of weeks ago and following him into the toilet...mummy my friend has a tube that comes out of his bum and water comes out of it.....followed quickly by mummy..I want one. So I had to explain to her that it was a willie and that only boys and men have them. For a few weeks after that every time she went to toilet she would say...look mummy no willie...LOL

Janet - posted on 04/18/2010

I was coaching my daughter's t-ball team when she was 4 1/2 and when it was her turn, she hit the ball; She ran and I yelled to her to touch first base. Well, she bent down and touched it!. Then after advancing to 3rd base, before the next batter was up I reminded the kids where to run. When I asked my daughter "Where's home?" She replied by stating our home address.....

Anna - posted on 04/18/2010

"BIG MAC IN MY RIDE" haha I thought it was funny when my daughter said this...."MY HOOCHIE HURTS", referring to her private part haha wow...

Joy - posted on 04/18/2010

My daughter was 4 and looked at her sister's boyfriend and said "You are boy" he said "yes" she said "you have a penis."OMG!! I taught both my kids boys and girls private parts in case something happened to them.Never expected that to happen.

Kristy - posted on 04/18/2010

We were watching a movie the other day and one line in the movie was " I like pushy girls"...well....my 2 year old, that can't quiet pronounce all letters properly told my other half..."I like pus*y!" So, for the next couple weeks(until she forgets it) she will be staying with her nanny while I have to go to the store.

Darcie - posted on 04/18/2010

My 6 year old daughter informed me the other day that she never wants to get married. I asked her why she had decided such a thing. She then told me its because she never wants to have kids. I then once again asked her why. "Because I heard its REALLY painful mommy!" I told her that it is painful for a short time but the reward is to amazing. "What's the reward mom?" I told her that I have two rewards, her and her sister, having a new baby is the reward. She pondered for quite awhile on this thought, infact an entire 15 minute car ride. She finally blurted out from the backseat, "Yep, I am definitely NEVER having kids!"

Simone - posted on 04/18/2010

My daugher is 2 and a half and she runs up to me and goes my mommy and gives me a hug. also i asked her to get my phone, she stairs at me and says what then say oh on the coffee table... it's so funny her whole head moves side to side. and today my eye was watering and she says to me mummy you upset and i said no my eye was watering and she turns to me and say ok. and she reads her animal picture book and says monkey and starts making monkey sounds i just cracked up laughing and she thought that was just hillarious.

Iza - posted on 04/18/2010

Last year when I was still pregnant with my second baby, my son was about to go to bed when he noticed me wearing a tight fitting long dress for the night, he asked me why I am wearing that clothes and I told him because I feel comfortable with that dress and he said okay then I gave him his milk. Just when we thought he was already sleeping my husband and I got carried away when he got up off bed and went to my closet to look for another pregnant clothes and told me, " mommy hot yan damit mo (mommy ur clothes seem to be hot for you) palit yan para ka kain watermelon (would you mind changing it coz it seems that you swallowed a very big watermelon).." my husband and I looked at each other and we laughed out loud coz he already knew whats the proper dress to wear when you are pregnant..hehehehe

Kim - posted on 04/18/2010

Ok my son is three and obsessed with trains! He has a bunch of the small soft tonka cars, he likes to line them up in a big row and call it a train. One time when he was two I asked if I could play he said "NO!" I was trying to teach him sharing so I sat down anyway and asked again if I could please play he replied "Mama no touch!" I told him that wans't nice and he should share and I picked one of the cars up then he huffed and said "Mama I said no, shou need time out!"

Tara - posted on 04/18/2010

My youngest son Kade who is 4, says to me and my husband " When we die do our Weiners turn to hotdogs". We laughed for so long!

Christina - posted on 04/18/2010

I was watching the Little Mermaid with my 2 year old daughter and every time a fish was on screen she would point and yell "Nemo! Nemo! Nemo!" LOL.

Christina - posted on 04/18/2010

I was watching the Little Mermaid with my 2 year old daughter and every time a fish was on screen she would point and yell "Nemo! Nemo! Nemo!" LOL.

Kathleen - posted on 04/18/2010

My son is nearly 3 and the other night when i was putting him to bed he said to me! Mammy i'm sick of you when i asked him why he said cause you tell me i have to stay in bed (cross face) so i dont like you!! I said ahhh mammy loves you he turned and looked at me and said love you too mammy but im still sick of you lol i laughed so much!!

Ghada - posted on 04/18/2010

I& my two suns were at my mother's house (their grandma) & she asked the 3years old to give her some sweets ; the boy refused; his brother 5 years old told him that he had to give grandma sweets so the 3 years old do but grandma refused so the 5 years old told her don't be with black heart ; be with white one & foreget that he refused to give u

Stephanie - posted on 04/18/2010

well my son is 2 and very vocal well he tries to be right now he is learning words well... he tries to say certain words that sound like very bad words we were in walmart the other day in the toy section. he pointed to a truck and said mommy f u c k. i was beet red i grabbed the truck and left. keep in mind it was not intentional or anything but he is trying to learn to annunciation certain words.

Tanya - posted on 04/17/2010

I was traveling home from my sisters place with my 4.5yr old and my mother. Mr 4.5 fell asleep, upon waking, we told him he'd had a big sleep. He replied, NO, I had a nanna nap.

Allyson - posted on 04/17/2010

My 9 yr old son was wiping the kitchen table one day, and was having trouble with something that was stuck on. He told my fiance he couldn't get it, and my fiance told him to use some elbow grease. Shortly after, my fiance walked into the kitchen to find my son digging around underneath the chemicals cupboard. When he asked my son what he was doing, my son, dead serious, said "Well, I'm looking for the elbow grease, u told me to use it to wipe the table!"

Andrea - posted on 04/17/2010

Sometimes when I put my son's diaper on he says "Bye bye pee pee." He is 21 months old and cracks me up!

Ashley - posted on 04/17/2010

My son and I play the "you stink like... daddy's socks ect." One day my whole family was over and he started playing the game with my younger sister. When she leaned in my son got all exctied sniffed her breath and yelled "you smell like dink!" He meant drink (like booze) but it was sooo funny what came out I still cannot tell the story without laughing as I tell it!

Kate - posted on 04/17/2010

he he thats funny

Jessica - posted on 04/17/2010

Shortly after bringing home our baby boy, my 3 year old daughter was watching me change his diaper. All of a sudden she exclaimed " Mommy! He has a tail ! "
I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard that I was crying.

Jessica - posted on 04/17/2010

Okay, I still do not completely understand foruming. Ali Marie Po responded to my comment on here and I can not find her response. I did not see her on here at all.

Rowena - posted on 04/17/2010

This past Christmas, my 7 year old son was reading a story about Jesus to his 5 and 2 1/2 yr old brothers (the younger not really paying attention of course. He then turned to me ans asked "if there were no hospitals in the olden days, how were babies born?" Trying to make it as easy as simple as possible, I explained that mommies could have babies anywhere because babies came out of mommies' vaginas. At this point I was hoping that would suffice...I guess it did because his response was to turn to the 5 year old and exclaimed " Can you imagine a baby coming out of your penis? That would really hurt!" ...and for the next 1/2 hour the 2 of them showing each one another what their faces would look like if a baby were to come out their penis'.



Another lovely moment was one morning we were running late and I was trying to get my 7 year old out the door so we could get to school. I told him I was running outside to start the car and when I come back in the house, he should have been able to put his boots and coat on. When I left to start the car, he apparently turned to my husband and sarcastically said " You know daddy, she gets like this 3 sometimes 4 times a day!"

Schmoopy - posted on 04/17/2010

We live in New Orleans, and we were in the French Quarter one day. We passed a mule-drawn carriage, which led to a conversation about what, exactly, a mule is. My husband and I explained to my 7-year-old daughter that a mule is a cross between a horse and a donkey, to which she replied, "Then why isn't it called a Honkey?"

Alycia - posted on 04/17/2010

well Connor is only 3months old so he's not saying all that much but a little girl at my mom's daycare asked my mother one day 'Did they cut the baby out of alycia's tummy?' my mom replied no the girl looked confused and asked 'then how did he come out?' this girl is only 3 years old and my mom quickly said 'yes yes, they cut her tummy open to get the baby out!'
I thought it was funny when she told me.

Tanja - posted on 04/17/2010

On a drive to the dump with dad my son was comenting that when the window is down
;it makes his hair look crazy". Daddy then said to him "it just adds some personality" My son then informed his dad that " no Chezz Whiz adds personality". mabey he watches to much tv but that was funny.

Kaytie - posted on 04/17/2010

The other day I was home alone with my 2 kids and I was in the bathroom, I had the door open so I could hear them. Well when I was done I told them to go out so I could have some privecy to clean up and I shut the door. Well my oldest tryed to open the door and I told her no stay out. She layed on the floor and yelled under the door "MOM your ruining my life!!" I laught so hard. Shes 3 1/2 and the biggest drama queen.

Renae - posted on 04/17/2010

My mom & I were driving past the horse farm & stopped so that Emily (my 3 yr old) could see the horses. There was only 1 outside, I kept saying, "it's right there Em" she finally sees the brown and white horse and says..."oh...silly mommy, that looks like a cow to me"!

Cynthia - posted on 04/17/2010

Okay, well, one of my daughters, when she was younger, wanted more cheese than I had cut and served, so I told her to go ahead and use the knife and cut some more. That is when she said very seriously, "How do you cut the cheese?". It was very funny and had us all laughing,

Tana - posted on 04/17/2010

Okay have to add this one...It is just too funny! Catch is that this was me as a 2yr old not one of my kids. SO here goes...



When I was 2yrs old my mom took me out to the local mall one day. At some point in this particular outing I took off running towards this big, muscular, handsome black man and jumped into his arms saying "Daddy! Daddy!" (My mom was a single mother my first two years) As my mom approached the man to reclaim her child He responded.."No honey I ain't your daddy but with how purty your mama is I sure wish I was" I can only imagine how embarrassed my mom was.



Hope someone gets as big a laugh over this as we have over the years.

Lauren - posted on 04/17/2010

My three year old son was holding the tv remote and asked me what I wanted to watch. I said, "The back of my eyelids." Then he said, "What channel is that on?"

Alex - posted on 04/17/2010

My 4 yr old told me very matter of factly that when a mummy has 2 babies in her tummy they are called twins but when she has 3 babies they are called Twiglets! Here's to giving birth to marmite flavoured snacks! Probably a damn sight easier :)

Lauren - posted on 04/17/2010

I was trying to buckle my 3 year old son into the car. I was in a hurry and he wouldn't be still. Me- "Sit down, we're in a hurry" My son- " Hold your horses, Princess. I'm trying to find my toy. "

I have never said this before and I have no idea where he heard it but I laughed so hard i almost peed my pants.

Karen - posted on 04/17/2010

When i was pregnant with my youngest i took my eldest (who was 2 at the time) with me to buy some new bras. I took him into the changing rooms with me so i could try them on and as soon as i took my own bra off he started shouting at the top of his voice " i can see your boobies, i can see your boobies" i was absolutley mortified lol