what is the funniest thing your kids have said?

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010 ( 299 moms have responded )

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here is a simple and fun conversation . what is the funniest or most clever thing your child/ren have said?

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Just last week my five year old yells out to me "Mom, Zeke has a poopy diaper and Oh GROSS a poopy finger too!"
LOL yuck.

Kristi - posted on 04/14/2010

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my son just today was kissing worms from the garden. A bit later he was inside and saw a bird and asked what the bird was doing. in reply i told him that the bird is eating worms. He said " no mommy those are good worms bird cant eat them." Naturally i then explained that this is how nature works.

Brittany - posted on 04/14/2010

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My four year old asked me the other day "Do you want to see my brains?" I was confused and asked "What?" He said "BRAINS, my brains.. see" and then he held up his arm and pointed to his VEINS!!! :)

Jessica - posted on 04/14/2010

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well my kids arent really old enough to say funny stuff yet but my two nieces are pretty funny.. my 3 year old niece said we live in Textus (texas).. and my 1 1/2 year old niece said "i diva".. funny!! i cant wait til mine are old enough to say cute and funny things..

Tammie - posted on 04/14/2010

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when my youngest daughter was 6 yrs old she accompanied me on a business visit when I was doing a makeover on a client. After I was done she spoke up and told the lady "aren't you glad my mommy made you pretty. Now you're not ugly anymore". I was so mortified! But she didn't stop there. She proceeded to tell the lady that she needed to learn to do what I do so she could help other ugly people. That was the last time I took her with me. LOL.

Tammie - posted on 04/14/2010

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my nephew once said to me...."remember when we did that thing that we didn't do?"

Christine - posted on 04/14/2010

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well my 2 year old now uses the word LOST. when she can't find anything she says it is lost. Like if she can't find her juice she would say " my juice is lost". So this morning i was laying in bed and she comes around and my husband looks at her and she says "mommy is lost" so i turn around and say here i am, and she says "i found you".

Mandy - posted on 04/14/2010

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OMG...I just thought of another one. I reading my 3 year old daughter a bedtime story and we were cuddling.....I was wearing a tank top and apparently forgot to shave my uunderarms....all of a sudden I noticed she was staring right at my armpits with a weird look on her face, so I asked what she was looking at. She said "mom, why you have nasty hair in your pits". LMAO!!!! I don't forget to shave anymore...ha ha...kids are so brutally honest.

Dawn - posted on 04/14/2010

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when my oldest girl was a little over a year old and learning how to talk she was going somewhere in the car with her daddy and when someone cut him off in traffic he blurted out "bullshit". well shortly after that, she started saying it only she would say booshit.a week later while visiting her grandpa in the nursing home he was complaining about the food he was served and she blurts out "dat's booshit ganpa" he was surprised and couldn't help but laugh about it, but he gave me a good piece of advice just try to ignore it and she'll stop saying it.

Dawn - posted on 04/14/2010

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my youngest daughter would always say the word buttcrack at the wrong times and in the wrong places. in the check out at wal mart: "mommy, i had to pick a wedgie out of my buttcrack". in a local resaurant: "my buttcrack is itchy mommy" or when picking on her older sister "you have a stinky buttcrack" and when we would tell her to stop saying buttcrack, she would repeat it over and over. "buttcrack,buttcrack,stinking buttcrack". it was one of her favorite words.

Nitesha - posted on 04/14/2010

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well my kindergardner was trying to figure out why people are different colors. So let me start off by saying he is mixed with black and white. He says my friend ben is always eating saltines, and my friend sam likes wheat thins and at this point im still clueless to where this is going so i say ok and he says i get it now your color is based on the kind of crackers you like so im a graham cracker

Jeannette - posted on 04/14/2010

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I have 3 boys so I could go on forever on this one, but the one I am most proud of came from my 9 yr old. He was looking for a snack and I gave him his options of string cheese, apple, banana or orange. He shut the fridge, looked at me and said "your the meanest mom ever, you always make us eat healthy" and then stormed off to his room... I hope I never forget that moment because he was so mad at me and I couldn't help but smile :)

Kiela - posted on 04/14/2010

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we just bought a new weenie dog....she came in from outside being walked and peed right on the carpet my daughter un hooks her leash....shakes her head and says stinker if you keep this crap up ur gettin shipped to the pound my friend....my daughter is four...shes always full of hilarious stuff.....not one day i dont crack up laughing at her...

Pat - posted on 04/14/2010

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The other day my husband picked something off of our 2 yr old's plate. When she scowled at him, I asked, what's with the face? She replied "It's my angry eyes!" I laughed so hard, I nearly cried.

Amy - posted on 04/14/2010

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well this may be a little personal but here it goes. My daughter was 5 she was able to go on my first date with my now husband. I was getting ready she was in my room when I was putting on my pants and saw that I didn't have panties on. I thought nothing of it she was always a round when I was getting dressed. Well my husband shows up I put her in the car I had forget to get my ID. While I was in the house less than a minute she had told him "My mommy isn't wearing any panties." he told her that they were going to keep that between them. 3 days later I was told about this. the moral of the story is mommy wears panties now.

Eva - posted on 04/14/2010

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A couple of weeks ago my 6 year old son Austin was eating bologna & said to me "Mama, do you know ham comes from bats?" I gave him a strange look & then he said "Mama, I'm serious" :o)

Mandy - posted on 04/14/2010

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LOL.....there are so many too pick from, my 3 year old is hilarious but just the other day she was misbehaving a little and my husband told her if she didn't stop she was going to get a time out....so she replies with just the right amount of attitude..."Dad, are you serious??" Maybe you had to be there but I couldn't help but laugh.

Sheri - posted on 04/14/2010

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When my ex and I were about to get married, my Mom picked up my then 4 year old son and took him to her place to get ready. When she brought him to pick us up she told us that he was upset and mad at us. When we asked why, she told us that he was expecting a bear costume to wear because we told him he was to be the ring bearer. He eventually got over it and I still tell him that one to this day and he is now going to be 15 soon.

Kel - posted on 04/14/2010

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LOL Jana, that's so cute! Last year my daughter's first grade class did a fill in the blanks questionaire for Mother's Day. (My mother is______. My favorite thing my mother cooks is ______. That sort of thing...) On the one that said My mother likes to_____. She wrote "clean"


LOL...How could she get something so basic, so WRONG!...LOL

Katie - posted on 04/14/2010

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My son, Daniel, asked me " How did I taste?" I was quite confused w/ this question! He knew he was in my belly so he assumed that I had eaten him!! LOL

Jana - posted on 04/14/2010

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There are so many that it's hard to remember them all. The one that comes to mind is a story my son wrote for school. In it he said the he had been fertilized! That is what we keep telling him. He thinks we threw dirt on him or something! I'm sure that isn't the funniest, but the only one I can think of at the moment.

Rebekah - posted on 04/14/2010

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Yep that's it! Lately when we play I SPY while driving or on a walk he will say "I spy with my big nose something...". That comes from that show too. Love it! :)

Kelli - posted on 04/14/2010

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The other day Trinity was having a sleep over and her a her two friends played a joke on me about her friend's mom being pregnant. When I was in shock and asking questions Trinity shouted "YOU'VE BEEN PONGED"!!! and her little friend said "No, it's 'punked', Trinity.
It was so cute. She's pretty filtered about what she can watch so they must have preplanned this and she forget the real word.
MY NAME IS KELLI GUILLIAMS, AND I JUST GOT PONGED. LOL!

[deleted account]

I am rolling reading these. My most recent 2 were -

My 3 year old came up to me after daddy got home from work. I work from home and was trying to get some stuff done. She said, mom, I want apple juice. I said, go ask your daddy. I'm off duty.

She said, (giggling) no you're not, you're mommy.

So true, never off duty, always mommy.

Then my 13 month old who doesn't talk much, this just cracked me up though. He bit me while nursing the other day. When he bites, I pull the shirt down and say, ok, you're done.

When he bit me this time, I looked at him and said, Christiano! I went to pull my shirt down, he looked at me, slid off the bed, and toddled off saying, done done done done done.

Darn right buddy, you're done. ROFL

Rebekah - posted on 04/14/2010

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My 5 year old came up to me about 4 months ago and said, "Mom I have a hypothesis."

Okay. I proceeded to ask him what a "hypothesis" was...because of course I didn't think he would be able to give an answer anywhere near the true one. But to my surprise he proceeded to tel me that it was "an idea you can test". Let's just say after picking my jaw up off the floor and realizing that he explanation was way better than I would have even done...I gave him a big hug and a kiss and decided that maybe just maybe TV wasn't as bad as I was beginning to think it was. Loving all the educational stuff on TV these days. :)

Becky - posted on 04/14/2010

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I took my son into the shower with me when he was about 3, trying to get him used to taking one. (I was the only parent at the time) We were washing our bodies and he told me "Mommy, you have dirt on your butt!" I said "Honey, that's not my butt....that's my pee pee." To which he replied "Oh. Well then you need to wash your pee, 'cause there's dirt all over it!" He didn't get that it was a little hair...geez....LOL

Schmoopy - posted on 04/14/2010

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My daughter, who's now 7, said some pretty funny stuff. When she was 3 years old, we were using the bathroom in a public restroom. I always used to tell her to hold onto the handicapped bar, and one day she asked me why she had to hold on but I didn't. So I said, "Because your bottom is so small that if you didn't hold onto something you might fall into the potty." To which she replied, "And your bottom is BIG!"

And my cousin's little boy was taking a bath with one of his girl cousins. She pointed at his penis and said, "What's that?" He said, "That's my penis, but you don't have to worry about that."

Becky - posted on 04/14/2010

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My 5 yr old, Jake, usually ends up being the "free entertainment" at get togethers. He is a nut with a big vocabulary, so it turns out pretty funny.

Most recent clever thing: he informed me of what metamorphosis means, saying it completely correctly, and gave me examples of it. (it means very big change...lol)

The other day he told me he didn't want to marry a girl when he grows up, because they're too girly. Haha The next day he told me he had changed his mind. He would marry a girl, but only if it could be his little sister London, because he loves her and she's cute.

Emilie - posted on 04/14/2010

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My mom said that when I was a child I call black eye peas "black ass peas".

Kel - posted on 04/14/2010

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since I am seeing so many stories involving anatomy...



One day while sitting on the potty, my daughter Rylie (age 4 at the time) said, "Mama, Did you know I have a thing inside my tee tee place that kind of looks like a little wiener where the tee tee comes out?"



I nearly fell on the floor...I know grown men who haven't figured out that much about female anatomy!

Sarah - posted on 04/14/2010

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Jake was in the bath when curiosity got the best of him. I said, "Jake stop touching your peepee!" By the third time, I said "Jake stop touching your Penis"! He then replied, "Penis, why are you talking Spanish?"

Sunny - posted on 04/14/2010

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HAHAHA I was arguing with my 2 year old son about brushing his teeth. I kept telling him it was time and he kept yelling 'no'. (He was so over tired) I replied with 'i dont care if you dont want to we are brushing our teeth than going to bed Noah David!' To which he replied 'well that sucks!' I could growl at him for his language because i couldnt stop laughing, to which Noah told me off because i was laughing when he was being naughty, which made me laugh even more!

Michaela - posted on 04/14/2010

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my 5 year old was watching tv with me one night and saw a Dont drink and drive commercial and it talked about going to jail and stuff, The next day we were going somewhere and I was drinking pop and my 5 year old said "mommy you know you cant drink and drive right the cops will come" i thought it was really funny

Stefie - posted on 04/14/2010

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18 month old while playing with large stuffed animal of Grover and little people tricycle: I sorry Grover, but you CAN NOT ride a tricycle today!

Penny - posted on 04/14/2010

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these are all very funny. this is probably only funny to me. my 18mnth old lil boy when he winges for something and i say no he says' "but im a baby"

[deleted account]

My 3 year old son at the time was taking his bath. While I was washing him he decided to explore himself and said Mommy, I have balls. I about died laughing.

Allison - posted on 04/14/2010

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I had to get my son to his street dance lesson one afternoon, so it was a a rushed type of lunch. I turned the tv off and ushered my boys to the table. I then proceeded to put some music on. My oldest Mingus protested "I don't wanna listen to music"
I said just eat up and we'll leave, you'll prolly only have to endure 3 songs. Well he took his time, and more than 3 songs played. . . and he called me on it. "Mom thats more than 3"
So I jump up on my soapbox and begin. "you mean after all the Dora and Diego and Fifi And her stupid Flower friends the Blues Clues The peter post and Bruno I've had to watch! You're going to hold me to 3 SONGS!!??"
"Mom" he said
"What"?
"You forgot the Backyardigans"

Selina - posted on 04/14/2010

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our daughter was around 3 one Sunday morning we were all in our bed, she started to look at our bodies and said, when I get bigger will I have boobies? I said yes darlin, then, when I get bigger will I get hair on my peach? again yes darlin, then, when I get bigger will I have a willy? to which we tried not to laugh and just said no, you will be a lady only men have willys...lol... but then she just burst out crying sobbing saying that she wanted to have a willy when she got older....... sooo funny.. I'm sure I'll be telling her all about that day when she gets older.....lol

Sarah - posted on 04/14/2010

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I was showering while my 2year old and 3year old daughters were bathing recently when my 3 year old starting laughing and pointing at my chest, I asked her what was so funny and she said mummy you have big funny ovals...to which I replied don't laugh you made them this way =)

Sarah - posted on 04/14/2010

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my 3 year old daughters latest thing is trying to spell words, we were driving along in the car when from out of the back seat my husband and I hear C-O-C fish....we asked her what she was saying and she said she was spelling fish... C-O-C = fish we couldn't help but laugh =)

Dominique - posted on 04/14/2010

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My son Bran has a knack for dry conversations...

2 years ago we both stood at the window and looked outside. One of our cats (Joffe) was sitting up on a cut-off tree, when al of a sudden he spotted a squirll.

Bran smiled and said: Joffe's head is filled with squirls.

LeahDawn - posted on 04/13/2010

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My mom is a very modest person. She gets imberessed and annoyed anytime someone talks about anything remotly body or sexual orinented. Well when I was pregnant we checked out a book about where babies come from.After reading it I decided that it was deffinetly not a book for grandma but my son thought otherwise. He asked Grandma to read it and when she went to skip the "making" part he told her that it wasn't right. He then proceeded to tell her " Well first they mommy takes off her clothes then the daddy. After that she lies down and he lays on top of here. Then some little tadpoles, I mean sperm swim into her and into her uteraus where they meet a egg. So that is how it is done. Do you know that Grandma? You have kids." I about fell on the floor. My mother said that the story was done and it was time to go to bed. Then she brought me the book and told me to take it back and complaine. I was trying so hard to not laugh at her I just nodded. He then tells me " I don't think Grandma knows how to make babies, maybe you're adopted?" I just kissed him and went to go laugh.

Candice - posted on 04/13/2010

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lol my daughter is just learing to talk and she has alreday come out with "oh bugger"

Chantall - posted on 04/13/2010

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My eldest daughter was hospitalized due to a severe allergic reaction when she was just 4. The nurse who had just placed the catheter in my daughters wrist with my daughter bravely watching and never cried explained "it's a straw" which made my daughter bust into tears and a frantic cry. I asked "what is wrong" and she replied...."I don't want them to drink my blood!"

Chantall - posted on 04/13/2010

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I was tucking my 2yr old in one night and had a terrible cold. My nose was running like crazy and I said "mommy has to go blow her nose" my daughter took a very close look at my nose and said "mommy it's CRYING!"

Kristy - posted on 04/13/2010

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My mother always tells this really embarassing story about me!! I was about 8yrs old and we were on a holiday to go to a family reunion, well apparently i had found my mothers tampons that day and asked her what they were for, and she explained. So that night at the dinner table with about 10 little old ladys and little old men sitting around i turned to my mother ad said "So when will i be a woman and get my period" she said the shock on the oldies faces was priceless!!

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