What is your opinion on smacking?

Samantha - posted on 01/21/2010 ( 152 moms have responded )

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What is your opinion on smacking your kids? Are you for it? Do you dispise it? Or do you not get involved in it? And whats your normal discipline method?

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[deleted account]

Heidi, if it ever comes to the point when 'talking' does not work, I will still refuse to smack or spank my children thanks.

I’m sorry, I tried to refrain with my last post keeping it short and precise but Heidi has brought it out in me. Here we go;

I am really surprised by most of the opinions in here regarding smacking. I can’t understand how you can not see that smacking or spanking is an act of violence. To deny the violence of a smack to a child when the very same ‘smack’ or ‘spank’ applied to a patient in a nursing home or an adult with a disability would be unequivocally seen as assault. Note how I used examples with people who have ‘less power’ (nursing home patient and adult with disability) than we as functioning adults have. That’s because our relationships with our children are similar to this. We have all the power. It does not mean we get to use that power to be physical with our children. It has been said that the hitting and discipline we experienced as children is not really a sign that it’s OK because we turned out OK, (this kind of logic is fuzzy at best!!) but more that we are now desensitised to this kind of violence and we are insensitive to the pain (and I am talking about emotional pain more than the actual smack pain) and humiliation experienced when we as humans feel when we are hit.

Children that have enough communication skills to verbalise how they feel after being smacked typically speak of their wounded feelings, their ‘hurt’, their shock and their embarrassment. They rarely speak of the fact that they were smacked because they were doing something they should not have been doing.

I don’t know, aren’t we as parents suppose to be instilling values in our children that teach them the reason behind why they shouldn’t do something as opposed to what will happen if they do something they are not suppose to do. That way a child behaves in a desirable way because they know when and why something is wrong. That is, they aren’t refraining from doing something just because they know they will get a smack.

At least that’s the way my husband and I see it and it’s working with our daughter who is a well behaved, emotionally intelligent little girl with clear boundaries on acceptable behaviour. I’m not saying it’s easy parenting and sometimes talking to a two year old takes an ENORMOUS amount of patience but I know it’s the most fair and respectful way to teach my children and feel confident that treating my children this way will only enrich their lives.

Delmy - posted on 01/23/2010

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I despise it. What if you got smacked every time you made a mistake? I have a three year old and I never smack or spank him. I know other moms with kids the same age who do spank their kids and they don't behave any better than mine (in some cases worse). Belinda, I totally agree with you and your method of discipline. It takes ALOT of patience.

[deleted account]

No. No 'level' of smacking is ever ok. Talk, model, distract, pre-empt if possible, re focus are all methods that work for my family and our 2 year old daughter.

Lori - posted on 01/25/2010

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IMHO, smacking shows a loss of self control on the parent's part. how are you going to teach ''no hitting'' when your child is school aged? My son knows I'm the MOM, what I say goes.. and I have never ever EVER laid a hand on him. He is turning 6 next month and is well behaved, respectful and happy. How is a child going to know that it's not ok to hurt people if their own Mom hurts them... they don't have the rational to know it's 'for their own good'. And if someone else is hurting them, why would they tell you? you do it too.
I'm bias, because I got 'smacked' when I was a kid.. and I can remember VIVIDLY saying to myself, ''don't cry, don't let them see you cry, i hate them'' and that is nothing my darling son will ever say about his childhood.

Amber - posted on 01/24/2010

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This issue always seems to be so controversial, but I have 3 kids, and I spank my kids. I agree with Heidi, there is a big difference between spanking and hitting. I don't "hit" my kids, they get a spank on their butts that tells them they did something very wrong, and I also explain why they got spanked so they know not to do it again. All of my kids know I love them, as I give them lots of affection along with discipline when it's needed and are not afraid of me because I spank them, they are afraid of the pain it causes to their bottom. They know not to do certain things because they don't want to experience the pain again. I'm not saying I spank for every single thing my kids do...it's when they've been warned once, they get the spanking. Sometimes if it's a smaller issue, I will give time outs, but if they say...get into something when I have told them before they shouldn't be into, they will get a spanking.



Honestly, everyone has their own opinions on what works and what doesn't, just don't tell me how to raise my kids. I will spank my kids in public too, I am not afraid to discipline them when I feel they are out of hand. (most of the time it's a warning and they stop immediately!)



I feel that because of the way I have raised my kids, and with a spanking every now and then, they are so well-behaved, that in restaurants my 4 year old and 3 year old twins are complimented all the time on how well mannered and well behaved they are. It's awful to see parents that can't control their own kids, say in a restaurant or somewhere public where there kids are rolling around on a dirty floor, banging silverware on the table, running around all over the place and their parents can hardly control them....and the kids could hardly care about what the parents are saying or if they were to get a time out.



These days kids are so out of hand, not disciplined, spoiled like no other, and they are allowed to "express" themselves anyway they want, whether it's dressing in crazy clothes, dying hair, talking back, etc...they get away with it, because parents are "afraid" to be the disciplinarian their kids crave vs. the "friend" their kids want. You can still be a friend and a loving, nurturing parent and discipline your child. Spanking is NOT bad as long as you are not abusing your child by hitting and leaving bruises or marks on them. Know your limits and have the patience to talk with your child and tell them what they've done wrong so you don't have to spank them again for the same issue....it's not always a mistake, they KNOW what their doing, and they know they will get spanked, it's just what they've chosen to do and they need to learn that the decision they've made is going to have a consequence.



Oh, on another note, my kids don't hit each other, and are very loving and respectful to each other..(except for the brotherly/sisterly love of fighting over a toy or something small like that). IF they ever though hitting each other was right I would tell them it's wrong! Hitting is not acceptable, and spanking is what mommy and daddy do when you are bad and have done something you shouldn't do.

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Constance - posted on 06/19/2011

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I don't agree with it. I have other factors that play a role in my decision not to use physical contact. Simply because it doesn't work. My disipline is rules, consitancy and reward.
Our children are learning, they are curious, ad they do test boundaries. Making bounderies and following through with what you say then they will follow your lead. Giving rewards for positive behavior is the key to success. If you reward good behavior with special things gives them positive attention and they respond to it. If they only get attention when they misbehave then they will continue the behavior because they just want attention. They don't care what kind of attention it is.

In my house I have 8 children total 19, 16, 15, 14, 12, 10, 7, and 6. Not to mention the 19,16,14, and 12 year old are very hurt and pissed off right now. But still I just give them lot's of love and reward them for doing what they need to. I try very hard not to raise my voice but when I have to my kids know I mean buisness. In most cases I do not enven have to say anything about what rule they broke. I just say a name and I immedently get " I'm sorry" and they start reading the rules outloud. It isn't a perfect system but it is effective.

Sarah - posted on 06/19/2011

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I think If ur child isn't listening and is just testing you then yes I belive in the spanking. My middle child is a handful he likes to push my bottons all the time I have to woop him in order for him to take me serious or he think he's just running over me. It really has worked spanking him he's starting to listen and repect me alittle more everyday. He was to the point that he didn't listen to me b/c I worked all the time and i wasn't home to decipline him his dad was . So on my days off he thought that he could run over me on everything. He likes to get into anything and everything. Let me remind u he going on 5 yrs old. So yes I believe in spanking my children if there not listening!

Sarah - posted on 06/19/2011

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I think If ur child isn't listening and is just testing you then yes I belive in the spanking. My middle child is a handful he likes to push my bottons all the time I have to woop him in order for him to take me serious or he think he's just running over me. It really has worked spanking him he's starting to listen and repect me alittle more everyday. He was to the point that he didn't listen to me b/c I worked all the time and i wasn't home to decipline him his dad was . So on my days off he thought that he could run over me on everything. He likes to get into anything and everything. Let me remind u he going on 5 yrs old. So yes I believe in spanking my children if there not listening!

Alicia - posted on 01/31/2010

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I think it depends on the child. I'm the youngest of three children. I'm the one that got spanked. You have to find what works. My sister just had to get sent to her room and grounded from the phone. With my brother, he had no problem just sitting in his room and reading. It was what he did anyway. So my parents went back to the drawing board. They found out that writing sentences was his weakness. Me? A corner is technically the half diagonal of the square. The whole half of the room was a corner. Sentences? No problem. I'd practice different styles of writing. My room? Toys, books and a nap. What's to complain about? Grounding? I'd find something else to do. I could just count the clouds going by. Spanking was the only thing that worked for me. But it was never done in anger and was always explained to me why I was receiving this punishment and only if there was absolutely no question of my guilt. So it just depends on what the child's weakness is.

Alicia - posted on 01/30/2010

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i just read almost every thing on this page and i can see it from all your points of veiw i was hit as a child and i have smacked my child when nothing elase has worked but i dont like it and i know its wrong i have found that if i just work a little harder at stopping my son from doing the wrong thing in the first place i dont even need to go there with him (but that works for me like you have all said in your own way all our kids are not the same ) he is 2.5 now and can understand most of what i say i have found asking him to use his words in sted of chucking a tantie and listening to him and talking to him works best for both of us it is hard work but well worth it in the end ...

Alicia - posted on 01/30/2010

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i just read almost every thing on this page and i can see it from all your points of veiw i was hit as a child and i have smacked my child when nothing elase has worked but i dont like it and i know its wrong i have found that if i just work a little harder at stopping my son from doing the wrong thing in the first place i dont even need to go there with him (but that works for me like you have all said in your own way all our kids are not the same ) he is 2.5 now and can understand most of what i say i have found asking him to use his words in sted of chucking a tantie and listening to him and talking to him works best for both of us it is hard work but well worth it in the end ...

Glenda - posted on 01/30/2010

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I absolutely agree about consequences, there is a lot of evidence based research about the positive impacts of consequences following inappropriate behaviour; for me its about the consequences being appropriate so as to provide a learning experience and depending on the age/stage of the child's development and their capacity to learn.
In response to comparing to life consequences, the law of course does provide consequences, yet I'd be a bit horrified to see any Officer pulling over a car for speeding and then slap them because that consequence was faster and easier for them than writing a ticket or bringing it before a magistrate (for repeat offenders). As a child who was spanked (smacked etc), I never interpreted it as loving, maybe my parents viewed it that way ? and if they had the time to pull me aside and talk to me about why they were going to do it - then why not use another less physical consequence.
Re the definition of violence - power over someone can be interpreted in many ways as can force. The very fact that we are bigger, larger and more physically capable, provides us with power, force - well that all depends on the persons strength and their own state of mind at the time. The issue with power has been debated in many a court room and by feminist - sometimes power is not always about physical ability and presence it can also be an emotional/psychological fear/understanding.

Alba - posted on 01/29/2010

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Sometimes my older kids (ages 7 and 5) can make me feel like smacking them, but I am totally against doing so. I don't want them hitting, so I choose not to as an example of not using hitting to get what I want. I feel that problem solving is best and teaches them to better deal with conflict when they get older. I am not always great at it, but at least my kids learn how to be human and to try again.

Lacey - posted on 01/29/2010

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Oh and for the parents who say they don't leave physical marks what about the emotional marks. Poeple can be effected in ways they may not even realize. Your smacking children (under a year) who have yet to develop impulse controls. I just cant believe some of the stuff that I have been reading.

Lacey - posted on 01/29/2010

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WOW! I cant believe how many people think its OK to spank or smack hands. Especially on children under a year. Just because your parents did it doesn't make it OK. Look at all the other things are parents and older generations did that we now know are completely wrong. For children that are so young how about you baby proof. Baby's are curious you cant expat them to not try and get into things. How about tell them no then redirect them. There are so many better ways to handle things. My parents never spanked or smacked me as a child. My mother said I was a great child never threw tantrums in public I new what was right and what wasn't just from being explained or given a timeout. I will never spank or smack!!!! Anyway just my opinion.

Lauren - posted on 01/29/2010

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i definitely do not believe in smacking or any type of corporal punishment. it may be effective in that moment, but i do believe it has long term effects on the child. it is not an effective method of discipline. we need to take more time with the children and explain (yes, you may have to explain over and over and over and over) what the problem is and why they can't do what they are doing or whatever. it is so important for the child to be involved in their discipline... i know it is hard to do when they are young, but when they are young, just distract them into doing something else. they will eventually not want to do whatever it is that you don't want them doing anymore.

[deleted account]

I answered the original question in this thread, which asked for opinions. yes, I despise spanking. It's a lousy model for how to behave. You are fortunate your mum did enough of the good stuff to help you grow into a great person!

LauraBeth - posted on 01/28/2010

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Teri DeMarco- I really like how you say "hit" and I can only assume you mean spank!! I was spanked has a child, My mom is my best friend, and I am my daddy's girl! I grew up in a very loveing home with two brothers and a sister! My mom stayed at home while my dad worked. I have a very accoplished life I gradutated college went on to work in the medical field I meet my husband and immedatly fell in love with him, we got married, and now have a son and another one on the way!! I now am a stay at home mommy, I have very close "can tell all to my parents" relationship!! I also have a very strong bond with my husband (who was hit as a child) and we together make a great wonderful team!!!



But I guess, with all the books you read I am a complete screw up on society, When in reality I have a beautiful family and a very loveing extended family!! I am very blessed. I also am proud to write that my nine month old walking son in Always happy even after a tap on his hand to stop him from something he shouldn't get into.



I urge you to find another book to tell us (people that were hit, spanked, or tapped) how we don't have a GREAT relationship with our parents and how we will never have a trusting, strong, emotional relationships with other people!!! And quite frankly I find your remarkes insulting! I wish you the best with your children and HOPE that they stay very well behaved, compassionate and empathetic kids!!



We will all raise our children how we see fit! Some may not like the way some people raise there children and some might agree, but as long as you love your child and have there best intrest in mind you are doing a great job!! Also sometimes spanking does not work on children and sometimes it does each child is a unique person!! what works for you might not work for me!! I have yet to decide what my parenting style ( in the discipline department) will be but I know when the time comes, me and my husband will talk and make the right choice for us and ours!! Best of luck to all the other Mothers out there!!

[deleted account]

All of you who think smacking is OK, how 'bout I smack YOU for doing it to your kids? Would that make you feel mature, responsible, and teach you how to make good choices? Or would it make you angry and resent me, and teach you to make whatever choice is the one you hope doesn't result in you getting hit, which you never quite know, and oh, what if I'm not there? Then you'll make whatever choice you want, because I didn't give you the environment to learn what a wise choice is.

Smacking -- Absolutely not. You ARE teaching your child that when someone else does something they don't like, they correct response is to hit. Don't delude yourself.

Just talking? That doesn't work either.

Calm ACTION from you that shows limits and boundaries -- far more successful. To learn how, read "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood" by Jim and Charles Fay. It really, really works, makes parenting fun, and creates wonderful children whom people want to have around. Not bullies.

Maria - posted on 01/28/2010

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Also, *not* hitting your child in no way guarantees that your child will not hit other people. And spanking your child in no way guarantees that your child *will* hit other people. I think aggressiveness depends on consistency in parenting, rather than the sort of discipline used (short of abuse).

Anecdotally, my nephew is never spanked, and yet he has hit and bitten my daughter several times, and even pushed her down the stairs, among other things. My daughter gets an occasional swat and has never hit or bitten us. She did pinch me for a while when she was a baby, but that was not misbehavior, and was well before she got any swats.

Maria - posted on 01/28/2010

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One calm and firm smack to the bottom when all other more patient methods including time-outs have been tried and failed, and I cannot otherwise get her attention or cooperation. I never smack my daughter's face, as it seems too humiliating. I smacked her hand when she pinched me repeatedly. I don't despise limited smacking with a firm verbal correction, because it's useful and very effective for us.



I do despise screaming at one's kid and smacking them hard and repeatedly.

Kelly - posted on 01/28/2010

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I think discipline and consequences are important for chn to learn and am glad to see that a lot of ppl here are open to smacking (definitely within reason). I'm sick of the media talking about this and judging parents. I have memories of getting smacks and look back positively and seeing how it was good discipline.

Dottie - posted on 01/28/2010

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I believe in a good olde spanking when nessasary on the tushy... Spare the Rod & spoil the child it says that somewhere in the Bible! I think a little smack is okay but not a grown up back hand smack that leaves a horrible mark that would hurt you yourself pretty bad. My advice is tp smack yourself see how bad hurts and then you'll know the correct force to use! lol

Amy - posted on 01/28/2010

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smacking...do you mean spankings? or haul out smacks? i think smacking the face is disrespectful - no matter who or what age the smack is given to. i have seen people smack babies' hands for spitting out food - or their faces. i think that is ridiculous. they are learning, trying to figure out how things work, guaging your reactions to what they do and just playing. they aren't being malicious at that age. there are few things i really think deserves spankings/smacks. my daughter was going towards the fireplace so i did spank her once on the bottom. i'd rather her understand that if she goes towards it she gets a spanking than let her get burned. as long as she related "going towards fire will end in an ouch". but especially under a year or 18 months old...there are tons of other ways to deal with things. if you spank, i was told to only use your hand and smack the butt ONE time. other than that it seems like it could be out of anger. you really have to check yourself if spanking and make sure you are doing it for the child's benefit, not your own because they aren't doing what you want. i know a gal who spanked and spanked her daughter for not taking her nap.....gee, she'd pooped herself. the gal got so wrapped up in "you aren't doing what I said" that she didn't check her daughter's needs. i have a ten month old son and i have not had to discipline at all. we still have the fireplace, but i just go "uh-uh. nyet!" and he stops. sometimes he stops and cries, but he stops. my daughter is 3 and gets sent to her room or her nose in the corner. if she refuses to go to her room or nose in the corner we ask if she wants a spankin. she usually opts for the wall. she has gotten spanked before and remembered it wasn't pleasant. i would get involved in it if i saw someone doing it out of anger or to a little one.



as far as "the rod". i believe that is not only a spank, but more importantly, the rod of leadership. you are the example for which your child will grow. i was spanked - fairly, when i had done something i knew was wrong and did it anyway. i was spanked, my parents told me the loved me and did it so that i could be a better person when i grew up. at the time, i thought it was absurd to say they loved me after i got a spankin, but after we were spanked we were at full attention to hear what they said. we discussed why what we did was wrong and how to handle ourselves in the future.



you have to be open to other things than spanking though and not spank ALL the time. often taking away a toy will work just as well - or better. my daughter put chapstick all over our couch and daddy threw the chapstick in the fire. daughter screamed and i was told how awful we were to "traumatize" the child. as if chapstick wasn't traumatizing to me. but you know what, she learned and any time she sees chapstick/lipstick she goes "that only goes on lips!" that's right, sweetie. i don't have normal discipline method though. as she grows, different things work and other things don't.

Maria - posted on 01/28/2010

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Spanking is necessary if scolding doesn't work. My daughter only gets spanked when a reprimand doesn't affect her. We do what works. As long as it's not in anger, yelling and it's not abusive. Training is different for every child. Consistency is key. Just remember that you as a mom are a steward of your children. Just honor the gift God has given you and don't abuse it. That's what someone told me a while back and it's a great truth to remember.

Amy - posted on 01/28/2010

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smacking...do you mean spankings? or haul out smacks? i think smacking the face is disrespectful - no matter who or what age the smack is given to. i have seen people smack babies' hands for spitting out food - or their faces. i think that is ridiculous. they are learning, trying to figure out how things work, guaging your reactions to what they do and just playing. they aren't being malicious at that age. there are few things i really think deserves spankings/smacks. my daughter was going towards the fireplace so i did spank her once on the bottom. i'd rather her understand that if she goes towards it she gets a spanking than let her get burned. as long as she related "going towards fire will end in an ouch". but especially under a year or 18 months old...there are tons of other ways to deal with things. if you spank, i was told to only use your hand and smack the butt ONE time. other than that it seems like it could be out of anger. you really have to check yourself if spanking and make sure you are doing it for the child's benefit, not your own because they aren't doing what you want. i know a gal who spanked and spanked her daughter for not taking her nap.....gee, she'd pooped herself. the gal got so wrapped up in "you aren't doing what I said" that she didn't check her daughter's needs. i have a ten month old son and i have not had to discipline at all. we still have the fireplace, but i just go "uh-uh. nyet!" and he stops. sometimes he stops and cries, but he stops. my daughter is 3 and gets sent to her room or her nose in the corner. if she refuses to go to her room or nose in the corner we ask if she wants a spankin. she usually opts for the wall. she has gotten spanked before and remembered it wasn't pleasant. i would get involved in it if i saw someone doing it out of anger or to a little one.



as far as "the rod". i believe that is not only a spank, but more importantly, the rod of leadership. you are the example for which your child will grow. i was spanked - fairly, when i had done something i knew was wrong and did it anyway. i was spanked, my parents told me the loved me and did it so that i could be a better person when i grew up. at the time, i thought it was absurd to say they loved me after i got a spankin, but after we were spanked we were at full attention to hear what they said. we discussed why what we did was wrong and how to handle ourselves in the future.



you have to be open to other things than spanking though and not spank ALL the time. often taking away a toy will work just as well - or better. my daughter put chapstick all over our couch and daddy threw the chapstick in the fire. daughter screamed and i was told how awful we were to "traumatize" the child. as if chapstick wasn't traumatizing to me. but you know what, she learned and any time she sees chapstick/lipstick she goes "that only goes on lips!" that's right, sweetie. i don't have normal discipline method though. as she grows, different things work and other things don't.

Carly - posted on 01/28/2010

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I don't believe that you should smack a child before he/she is old enough to fully understand your reason for doing it. Being a very young baby to toddler if they make a mistake I believe you should use your voice and facial expressions to let a child no when something is wrong! They do respond to this and they pick up off the energy you are giving off. When they are kids and they are fully aware of there actions and understand the complete difference to right or wrong then I believe it's trully nessercary to give them a smack. I wouldnt dare slap, punch, kick a child in the face, stomach, back or anywhere that would cause alot of physical pain or damage the child but I do think you should let them no if there actions are bad they will most definetly suffer consequences! There plenty of children in the world today who have too many parents who quite frankly dont give a toss about there kids and they go around terrorising the public or other kids! In my opinion if they'd had a good couple of smacks and diciplined enough to no the difference between right or wrong we wouldnt have the same problem that we have in the world today!

Leslie - posted on 01/28/2010

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Almost everyone I know has doled out a swat on the bottom or legs at some point (hopefully not hard and infrequently) and almost no one admits it in publicly.

Michelle - posted on 01/28/2010

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Frankly, I'm getting really sick of people saying that parents who spank are lazy. That's completely untrue. There are parents who spank because they're too lazy to come up with anything else. There are ALSO parents who DON'T spank because they're just too lazy to bother with disciplining their children in any way. Spanking in and of itself does not mean laziness.



Have I once said that I think that people who don't spank are emotionally manipulated hippies and weak parents? That all children who are not spanked will be spoiled brats? No, because it's a quick conclusion to jump to, but it's not true.

Laura - posted on 01/28/2010

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i strongly believe in spankings! most of our parents did it to us! lol i have never spanked my 3 year old hard enough to leave a mark but he does know that when i say i will spank him that i will. I also believe that more parents should spank their kids, thats why so many of these kids are out of control and act up...i have seen 7 and 8 year olds act worste then my 3 year old and when asked how i get him to behave i am truthful and tell the other parent that if my child ever acted like that i would spank his butt no matter where we were! and i think that the people that step in and yell abuse and try to take kids away because a parent spanks a child on the hand or butt should just stay outta it unless the spankings are outta control and there are marks on the child!

Katona - posted on 01/28/2010

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They are your kids, do what you feel is right. I smack my son when he needs it. Whether it's mouth, hands, or butt. He gets it whenever, even if i'm in public. How will they ever learn if you let them get away with anything and everything. Smacking them hurts their feelings more than it hurts them physically.

Jenn - posted on 01/28/2010

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No spanking here, and no that does not mean that my kids are spoiled rotten brats. My son does NOT have temper tantrums, and is always very well behaved when we go anywhere - including shopping trips. I don't think it's the form of discipline that makes a child spoiled, it's a learned behaviour that comes from inconsistent parenting. Time-outs work if they are used consistently. My personal opinion is that spanking is done out of anger and frustration, and sends the wrong message. Would you spank an adult that did something wrong? NO So why do we allow our children to be hit?

Heather - posted on 01/28/2010

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Well, Britni - I'm glad I got to you! You can call me whatever you want (ie a bible hugger or whatnot) and you can tell me all you supposedly know about the bible -but I know where my heart is and that it's in the right place. you are not going to change that about me. I was also putting that in there because someone already brought up the bible verse about spare the rod and spoil the child. And no I was not comparing children to sheep or any kind of animal. A rod is a rod is a rod no matter what you use it on a child, sheep, or tree. As for the bible being a matter of people writing it over and over again - if you think it's a matter of opinion, what makes your opinion better than the bible? And as far as I can see, it seems to all pan out in the end and has held up for 1000s of years prior to now!! Experience and Wisdom and Love holds higher in my heart than an new age style of parenting! And why point out the one person who mentions the bible over all the others on here that support spanking? What is it about that? We can all disagree and have our own opinions except those that support the bible?? At least I have a basis that has held up!

I do spank, I'm not scared of it, I'm not harsh, mean, angry, nor am I leaving any physical mark on my child. And she is a very loving, very strong willed, and very well behaved. I don't spank just because she's learning - when it's an act defiance against the rules of this household! She makes a mistake I go together with her to clean it up or learn from it. I also take away treasured items, use 10x more encouragement than I use spankings, and I use treats and good rewards to enforce good behavior. Stop focusing on what you think is sooooo terrible! Neither me or anyone else on here are spanking every time a child does a childish thing!! I, and I'm sure that no one else here is spanking constantly! There are times where I go weeks without spanking. And yes, when I spank it is loving. For example if I spend age 18 months to 2 years teaching and telling my child not to go near the road because it's dangerous and ouchies! By the age of two she can tell me that the road is Ouchie and a No-No. She then knows it is unacceptable to go near the road. But one day she decides to go out in the road anyway, even after mama reminded her not to. I take her inside tell her why and give her two spankings. I love her, hug her, kiss her, and we go back out to play. I have just taught her in a controlled loving manner that the road holds bad consequences and hurtful danger. That is a healthy fear of the road. What are you really teaching your kids if you don't give them a consequence when something is dangerous. Defying authority is dangerous!! I think your putting your children into more danger when you don't teach them a healthy fear of something. When my child is approaching danger, they need to listen to me IMMEDIATELY!!

And no I don't live in fear of the CPS I leave no bruises, or bumps on my child from my spankings. I have nothing but love for that child and I everything I do and live is out of love for my child! There are thousands of parents out there doing so much more wrong and harming their children that people need to focus on rather than those who spank! My children are my responisbility and I'm doing what I believe is right to bring them up to be loving parents themselves and a benefit to society! I personally can't stand people who don't have a healthy fear of the consequences of doing wrong - especially those parents who in a subtle manner teach no fear of consequences!

And when it comes to spanking in a loving manner - it takes a lot more self-control, love, patience, and guidance for a parent to do that than what you apparently know. You can't blow up, you can't yell, you can't scream, you can't just walk away, you can't just let someone else do it, you' can't take offense, you can't be angry, you can't be aggressive, you have to be firm and loving, and most of all you can't just let it go until next time because you don't want to deal with it! Does that sound easy to handle??

So what will you do when your boy refuses to sit time out? You're not going to force him into the time out spot are you? that's exerting physical force. He just keeps standing up and goofing off...it's funny to push mom's buttons because she can't really make me do anything!!

My mother disciplined us in the same way I believe and support. I have gone to my mother and told her thanked her for raising me in the way she did - especially when I look and people my age who weren't raise as I was. Have you? I Love my mother more than anything and I want to raise my children to be that way too. My parents raise seven very successful and loving parents!!

Mary - posted on 01/28/2010

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Here's a quote & Bible scripture that I like and it's so true:



* Too many parents are not on spanking terms with their children.

* Proverbs 13:24 - He who spares his rod hurts his child. But he who loves their child disciplines him diligently.



My thoughts: I believe in spanking only when a child is out of control (not an infant or a baby though) and they need to know when to stop and realize right from wrong and learn that life is not about getting everything you want and doing whatever you want but setting boundaries and working towards what you want in life with discipline to head in the right direction. - My parents spanked me when I misbehaved....I was not abused...it didn't effect me in a negative way...I'm not mentally disturbed... I was only angry when I was younger but now as an adult I realize that they only did it out of love and to protect me and my siblings from danger. Both of my parents always explained why they spanked and always referred to the Bible scripture. That have always stuck in my head until adulthood. I'm so thankful for my parents way of disciplining because who knows how I would have ended up.

Sarah - posted on 01/28/2010

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quick question to belinda, do u let ur child watch tv? there's so much violence on tv & video games etc so was I just wondering how u explain it all to your child.....

Suzie - posted on 01/28/2010

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i believe if they need a smack to wake them up or get their attention then yes i will smack. but i dont want them to think it is only form of discipline or that they can put their hands on other people or each other. i have 4 daughters ages 9, 7, 5 and 10 mths and there is alot of fighting and not listening in my house so i will tell them what they are supposed to b doin or not i give a 3 strikes and ur out rule. then its in the corner, to ur room or something like that then i go from there. smacking is a last resort and i only do it when i really need to becasue something bad has happened. we were smacked as kids and we turn out fine. i do not beat my kids nor use anything other them my hand when im discipling them but again only as a last resort and i will do other things first especially taking tv or computer time away! oh man they hate that becasue they only get about 30 min of coputer time and 30 min to an hr of tv time a day so to loose that they will do whatever i ask! lol

Kathy - posted on 01/28/2010

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Cristina M.---I dont understand the 'below the knees part'. Am I reading that wrong or do you really mean to spank on the shins or feet? I'm not being sarcastic, just wondering for clarification....thanks, Kathy

Teri - posted on 01/28/2010

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so, what have the kids learned with all these "models" of teaching (smacking)? seriously?

Most kids under 3 have no impulse control and are being curious -- it takes years of repetition to get kids to stop doing things that some would call "bad" --

If I smack my kid for being curious, am I just stopping them from having a natural curiosity that will help them in their future lives?

I'd love to get the demographic information from this list. It might be illuminating.

Angela - posted on 01/28/2010

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To smack on their little hands is wrong. You are teaching them to be afraid of what they learn with,their hands. Disipline means to teach. Teach yourself about child development and you'll be able to manage your frustrations.

Michael - posted on 01/28/2010

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ok this one is a good one for me.i think it is ok to smack ur child on about the hand and butt(3 times) that is not child abuse this is discipline and teaching them "no"!i used to use the corner for time out and that didnt work bc they would play around in the space,so i took their space and made t smaller and i make them stand nose and toes to the wall and hands behind ur back! they dont like this method bc they cant move and play in open space when in time out! i actully just had a child protective case closed on me yesterday(jan 29th) ssomeone told them that i tie my childs hands behind their back and make them stand there for hr's.my case was unfounded.i would never tie the hands there is no reason for that, i make them stand there quietly and still for 5 min.if they dont stand still or quiet thaey arnt allowed to move till they are!!! hope i helped..have a great day

Kelly - posted on 01/28/2010

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I smack my toddler's hand when he keeps doing things that he shouldn't after having to repeat "NO" or such like. He was being particularly naughty the other day, he'd been playing up all afternoon & evening. He started thrashing out when I was getting him ready for a bath, I admit that he did then get a light tap on his bum with no nappy on. It wasn't hard but it shocked him & then he behaved himself.

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absolutely no smacking my children. I think it shows the children its ok to hit others there are other forms punishment like sitting in the corner. if my son is getting into something he shouldn't I tell him NO thank you and give him one of his toys to play with. I think smacking leads to spanking and spankings can just get ugly. I was hit as a child by my step mom but my dad never once laid a hand on any of us kids, My children are respectful and well mannered children and I never once had to spank them to have them tun out they way they are.

Tennille - posted on 01/27/2010

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i think a little smack is fine. look at it this way our parents and grand parents were smacked had the cane ( which is definatley not necassary) but did happen. kids then had so much more respect. now it illegal as such and ppl have so many opinions on it and look wat the world is coming to. i dont think smacking your child would teach them that its ok to hit others. fights dont involve hitting any more they use glass bottles and knifes. THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LITTLE SMACK AND BASHING YOUR CHILD EACH TO THEIR OWN I SAY

Jo Ann - posted on 01/27/2010

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Yes we use loss of privledges, time out, and various other things,depending on what they have done. I kind of meant that just like a hammer can be used to kill some one doesn't mean we should throw a way the hammers, just use them properly=D

Britni - posted on 01/27/2010

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This reply is to Heather Day... obviously your a bible hugger as your sitting there talking about the bible and what this means and what that means have you ever understood that the bible isnt the actual bible? That it was written over and over and over again by people who wanted to make it a certain way? Like i said in my last post that hitting your children with a object is not ok... what if someone called someone such as social services on you? Do you think that they would think its ok to hit your kids with an object? Nope they wouldnt... I dont care what the bible says with what is ok and whats not ok does the law go by the bible? These are little kids were talking about not adults as you say in your post that when adults do something wrong they have to go against the court or whatever for there consequences... O and also in your post your talking about that your children or anyone elses children are sheep? or cattle? They are humans just like you... and your saying that o lets spank our kids then tell them you love them? What message does that show? Nothing, disiplining and then showing them love doesnt teach them a single thing.... Why is it that when someone has an issue with something that people have to bring the bible into it..I think that moms who spank there kids on the butt or uses an object obviously cant handle being a parent and i love that they say they do it because they love them.. i mean seriously people errr this lady really gets at me

Britni - posted on 01/27/2010

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No smacking your kids i dont think is ok.. and ive read some moms on here have done it since there babies were 9 months old? are you kidding me? There still babies and your going to hit them... that is not ok.. i dont hit my son never have... i warn him once and if he does it again its time out in his room and it works he knows what not to do and he is three... I dont think that hitting solves anything my son is very good and sweet as everyone tells me i have had friends that are parents and tried hitting they even said that it doesnt work because they become more agressive and are agressive towards other kids...i think that hitting is extremely wrong in so many ways and levels... and i dont think that anyone should be using items to hit there children either im suprised someone hasnt said something to them about it

Courtney - posted on 01/27/2010

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I dont smack my children but I will spank my little one's hands or bottom if necessary.

Heather - posted on 01/27/2010

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I am surprised at those who call spanking and act of violence. The definition of Violence is the an unjust or unwarranted exertion of force or power. Unless it is done in anger and you are lashing out at your child for doing something that you didn't like...then it is violence. If you are taking your child aside in a loving manner and telling them why they are getting spanked, give them the spanking, then comfort them and love them, it's not an act of violence. I would rather go through the pain myself of displining my child with a spanking so that he/she doesn't grow up and have even more pain and anguish later on in life because i didn't teach them that with bad action and selfish behavior, comes bad consequences. The human brain forms at such a young age. Threatening a spanking but never fullfilling it until you at your wits end tells the child that they can go as far as they want until parents explode! That's not how life works. True consequences come, often swift and fast!! You break the law, you get punished to the extent! You drink and drive - you just may die! The law isn't going to take you aside, sit you down, and just "talk things out."



And for those who are more biblically inclinde, if you look up a shepherd's rod, it was used for disipline, the staff was used to guide and count. If a sheep was headed towards danger, wandering, or going to eat poisonous weeds, they would smack the sheep with the rod, There are lots of biblical verses that support spanking with a rod, but it also talks about it being a comfort to a child. "Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me Psalm 23 I am glad my parents spanked me! It created a loving world with boundries and discipline! Children need both!



Children who have the ability to look at you and do what you just told them not to do...have the ability to be able to handle a little bit of a smack! Also a good flick of a finger on a head immediately when the defiance starts is a good tool as well. It's gets the focus aligned so a spanking isn't needed



But I'm not saying that other punishments don't work! For me my mother could spank me several times and I would get back up and do it again. But make me stand with my nose in the corner of the fridge and wall was torture to me! And that didn't start until I was old enough to understand what I was standing for. And if I didn't stand, I got spanked for disobeying and sent back to the corner to fullfill my time. You have to know you child's response to things, not just use one baseline.



So let's compare the lovingly spanked children to those who are not in 15 years and see where we lie!

Kirsty - posted on 01/27/2010

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After reading all most of what the ppl have said is putting questions in my head. I have smacked my son sometimes worked. But i have found other ways that work is time out in corner and pressure points work doing that helps with stress. I think smack your child when it is a life threating way.

Jackie - posted on 01/27/2010

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Glenda,I'm with you on the learning and reading/hearing to find out about different or alternative ways parents choose.

When I say opinionated I mean that it is easy to interpret the occasional smack on the bottom as hitting a child (the smack on the bottom mentioned could be taken laughing by the child) - two completely different things - also the reason for doing so has to be heard in context otherwise it is easy to label someone as a bad mother. Nowadays society is very quick in doing so.

Every mum wants to have a healthy and happy child and every mums way of disciplining their children is different. I don't want to slap my childs hand away from a hot cup for example but by the time I said a frantic NO the contents of that cup could have already scalded my baby. A slap on the hand and of course the explanation why that hand just got slapped is probably more effective.

Teri - posted on 01/27/2010

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I think word tools are when you use a word that differentiates it to mean "listen to me right now"



for our family, we do not use the word NO -- I use the word "unh unh" and it is only used when they need to listen and realize it is not something they should be doing. it has to be a word that is only used in safety or big no no's. I fyou say no alot, then you're bound to drown out the real bad things.



that's why setting up a world fo ryour kid with fewer no's allows for bette rlistening over the long term,

Glenda - posted on 01/27/2010

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I was also wondering why people think it works - how does it change the child's behaviour eg short term or long term - does it work? and those who think it doesn't work - why? For me when my son was younger and I did not have the alternatives I use now (due to lack of experience and knowledge), the tap on the hand or bottom (with nappy) never worked, he kept doing it. I was smacked as a child, it was much more acceptable back then and it never worked on me as a young child or older child, I became more clever at what I wanted to do (especially as an adolescent) and if I was caught I knew it was only an instant smack so it didn't have any consequence. Someone else mentioned this and it appears the key to most forms of positive discipline which change the behaviour for the person/child to have an appropriate consequence, depending on what their currency is - like hanging out with friends, wanting to play with a particularly toy, going out somewhere. When my children were babies I usually found that something else was underlying the behaviour, eg. tiredness, hungry, nappy change, wind or illness and even today with older children and a young child, it hasn't changed. My 16 yr old still gets grumpy and tired and is rude, yet knows to handover his gaming machine or hard drive to his PC. There are also some very good children's stories to read to younger children eg. When Alice gets angry - does anyone know of any other ? Then there is all the other issues like hormones and puberty - I know even as an adult (in that.....age group) I have days when I need to be alone and have my own time-out - a child's brain has not fully developed and they are incapable of rationalising their actions and behaviours at different stages, every opportunity is a lesson, a chance to teach them positive behaviour and communicate an alternative way to use their frustration, anger etc

Glenda - posted on 01/27/2010

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Hi Terri, I enjoyed reading your post, re education, some great positive suggestions on here regarding communication, education, redirection, preventative action. Its great when people share there stories about not using smacking and how positive it has been.

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