What's the hardest thing for you being a SAHM?

Laura - posted on 06/25/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Hello everyone!

The hardest thing for me is the loneliness. I have a routine with my kids and I go to the gym and have some friends there but I'm new in the town I'm living in. I've yet to find a friend or group of girls I really click with. My husband works long hours on top of that.

I'm curious to hear what your biggest struggles are?

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Kate - posted on 06/25/2010

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Having a clean, organized home. As soon as l straighten up the toys, there's a child right behind me to spread them out again. When l try to dry mop the hardwoods, there's a child trying to grab the mop. l'm at the point where it's so overwhelming l can't even get the diningroom table cleaned off. But this is what you get when you have 3 kids age 3 and under. My house before kids was spotless. lt always looked like a spread in a magazine, and l liked it that way! This caos is driving me crazy. Along the same lines, l also miss cleaning, then going away for a couple of hours, and getting that wonderful feeling of walking into a freshly cleaned house. Almost as if someone else had cleaned it while l was away. l think if l still worked, l'd be more motivated to keep up with it better because l'd have 'less time' to get it done. And the kids wouldn't be home so many hours to tear it apart, too. That's why it's the hardest thing for me as a SAHM.

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Sarah - posted on 07/02/2010

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the hardest thing for me is being alone no family or friends its just me and my husband and that gets lonely and being a first time mom its even harder on me

Angela - posted on 07/02/2010

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I am still trying to figure out what it is that is causing me such agony. I have been a sahm for almost a month now and it is driving my crazy. Trying to figure out if it is lonliness, being stuck at home with no adults to talk to, or feeling like I have accomplished something. I know I have accomplished something but it is hard to see it sometimes when it is a never ending job and you never leave for the day. Also I am a very task oriented person and do miss not working with my hands all time. I hope I don't sound shallow. I think I may have figured out what my problem. I think it may all the above. Is that a bad thing to feel this way?

Amanda - posted on 06/29/2010

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I agree with you. I'm lonely. I just moved to a new state as well and my husband works nights and half the day and the other half of his day is devoted to sleep so he can work. I feel like I have no one to talk to and I haven't really had a chance to really meet anyone here in this new place or connect with anyone. I love being a stay home mom and I love my kids but sometimes I miss having friends and adult converstations.

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I think the hardest thing for me is feeling appreciated at times. I dont expect my kids (3 and 1) to really say thank you but sometimes I miss the feeling of having some tell you that your job was well done.

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It can definitely be lonely. I don't really interact with adults very often anymore and sometimes feel like I don't have anything interesting to talk about when I do. But then I think about working all day an dealing with all of the drama that goes along with my old job and I am so grateful for my peaceful little world.
I know this is going to sound really shallow, but I really miss wearing nice cloths and having time to do my hair. I used to wear dresses all of the time, but now that I'm bfing I'm stuck in yoga pants and t shirts...sigh...

Alina - posted on 06/29/2010

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Moving from the North to the South was a serious adjustment for me - I was very depressed. I didn't meet my friend until our second year here. The hardest thing for me is being so tired all the time! I never wanted to look like people say SAHMs look, but I do. I'm tired all the time, never seem to get time for looking good, and I don't have the energy I used to have. I never knew being a SAHM was so much WORK until I became one. Now I understand why some of us look so worn out - it's an exhausting job!

Vicki - posted on 06/28/2010

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I too have stuggled with loneliness but was lucky to find a neighbor SAHM with little ones close in age. My biggest struggle is feeling overwhelmed with so much to do( I work from home couple hrs a week). I feel like I am always needing to clean or cook or work that I don't get enough free playtime with my little girl.

Trina - posted on 06/28/2010

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Hi... I'm pretty much there with you. One of the hardest things for me is the loneliness which leads to boredom. Our daughter's not even two yet, so of course the conversations are limited. I do love having the time to teach and invest in her, bond, but I miss adult contact. Another thing that's hard for me is financial independency. Having to ask if he can spare 6 bucks for pads or whatever my personal care needs are...or him just going to get it to make sure I have or asking me in the store to go ahead and stock up.... yes, that's great but not being able to do stuff like that myself....then there's the monotamy of the day...being stuck inside these walls. He works long hrs too but is also constantly sick. That all limits/stiffles our together time and communication (i.e. "i can't talk now...talked all day at work". or "i got a headache"....) I want a job and do look, but nothing's in our area. It's kinda a town u just drive thru if u know what i mean. I'm limited on the bus and don't always have bus fare. Churches are few and far between out here, so no socializing there and kinda segregated (I've visited a handful). I've been out here for 1 yr & 7 months and still know no one outside of his family. 2 siblings live out of town, 1 teenager is still @ home, but again, he's a teen and his mom lives 50 min/miles away and is right now terminally ill. I've tried searching for social groups, but the lack of money halts me there. Gyms are out of the question....the 2 local libraries closed, but reopened w/ weird hrs hwever I can't go there due to none being on my side of town (too far to walk to). So, needless to say, I feel rather isolated. As a Christian, I feel bad that I have to admit I've been depressed and most likely am right now, I can feel the change. A lot of times I'm sad. He doesn't know it or can't understand it when i do tell him how i feel or it comes off like an attitude. To have a change of environment, something to do, FRIENDS, people to talk to would make such a difference. I'm from CT, and though my hometown wasn't major like NYC, things were still convenient to get to, there was still a social scene. I moved for love, moved for family, moved to help. He goes outside the house (work), knows ppl, but he likes to be inside...he plays xbox, wii, and ps2 on weekends. I feel like i'm surpressed, sometimes closed up in a box. Long answer to the question, sorry, but to simplify, i need an out...i need my identity. Those have been my biggest struggles. Thanks for letting me share.

Morgan - posted on 06/28/2010

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I'm pretty lucky when it comes to being a SAHM. My bf is self employed and works out of our garage and my family lives less than a mile away. But the hardest part for me is trying to do all of the housework by myself. Laundry, dishes, and cleaning in general. My bf never helps me with housework. There is also a level of loneliness as well. When my son was younger, my bf and I were really close but we have some stress in our relationship and I'm just lonely a lot. So when I feel lonely and need to have some conversation I can at least go to my parent's house and spend time with them.

Virginia - posted on 06/27/2010

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well it is not a problem per say just a pet peeve. When someone asks "do you work" or Says "why don't you go get a job" Then I want to say I HAVE a job I homeschool 3 kids ALL Day 24/7 then I have a house to clean and a hubby to spend time with... I'm On Salary I have to work as many hours as needed without Pay though :P I Am frequently called on in the middle of the night for farous ailments, and I get no Sick days, The holidays often I'm doing MORE work.... now I ask you do I really need to go find a job? lol
as I put my soapbox away

Jessica - posted on 06/25/2010

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mine is the same.... I get soooo bored... I have the house cleaned and i'm outta chores by noon or so lol my lo is only 4 months so she is not able to do much as far as playing in the park or coloring lol So I like to get her stroller out and go for walks... but I also have learned that I am a pretty good cook. So in my spare time I search the web for amazing recieps and try to do them... some take a long time. So we go grocery shopn for what i will need then cook :) maybe i'm wierd but I enjoy making meals.... even though there are only 3 adults in the house so we have lots of left overs. Good luck finding girls ya click with... I do not get along with many girls or honestly like alot pf people peroid lol My fiance works many hours aswell so when he gets home he gets to listen to me talk about what we did all day needless to say... he gets an ear full about how busy walmart was or how hard it was to find a parking place lol He understands and smiles and sorta acts interested lol But I hope some of this ramble helps.... Oh ya also might try meetup.com its like playdates and stuff.

Laura - posted on 06/25/2010

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I'm loving all the feedback. Thanks :) Its nice to know I'm not the only one with these struggles.

Joanna - posted on 06/25/2010

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Mine's not really loneliness really, because my daughter keeps me pretty good company (she's 2 1/2 and I love hanging out with her). But for me is partly missing the adult interaction, and working... I liked doing my own thing, being responsible for something at work and completing the tasks. More like being an adult than just being mommy.

Nicole - posted on 06/25/2010

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Mine is patience. I have a very testy little boy that loves to push everyone to their last nerve. I'm working on discipline with him and it's working but it's a VERY slow process. I have to lock myself in a room by myself sometimes to keep from exploding.

Jessica - posted on 06/25/2010

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i would have to agree. loneliness is one of my biggest problems. my boyfriend works nights, so it seems like he is always gone or asleep. and we only have one car so i cant really go do anything even if i could afford to. and all my friends and i lost touch a ways back or are also stay at home moms with only one car......
My second biggest problem would be that i get next to no "me" time for five days, and sometimes none what so ever. makes for some very long frustrating days, and sometimes weeks. but then again i use my "me" time to take a nice long shower, so if i dont get it, i get very upset.

Jessica - posted on 06/25/2010

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Mine is also loneliness, but it's my own insecurities keeping me lonely. There are lots of stay at home moms at my church that get together all the time. I'm a new mom, my baby is 6 months and I feel insecure about being with all the experienced moms. Especially since they all have kids that are up and moving so they go do things where the kids are up, moving, socializing, etc. I need to just get over it and call and join in the fun. It's hard though.

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