when grandparents has there favorite

Alicia - posted on 11/27/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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i have a 6 year old and a 3 year old boys..my 6 year old is my husband parents first grandchild.and it made my parents 2nd grandchild now my parents have 4 grandchildren and one on the way..his parents have 6 grandkids and one on the way..but my problem is my husband parents have a favorite grandchild which is my husband brother little girl she is 5 they never call and ask about our kids the only time they see them is when we go to there home or at birthday parties.and now my 6 year old is starting to realize that she is the favorite to them they buy her stuff all the time and they baby her..my boys get into trouble all the time because of her and i am tired of it..they give her stuff in front of the boys all the time...my parents do not have a favorite they buy all the kids the same thing...how do i talk to my son about it when he asks me y? i always change the subject cause i don't know what to tell him...plz help...

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Stephanie - posted on 11/28/2009

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oh, that's awful.
unfortunately, you can't control your in-laws behavior. but you can teach your sons to be thankful and gracious when they do receive a gift, no matter what someone else is given. not jealous and greedy. While your in-laws should be fair about their gifting, especially in front of their g.children, they don't have to be. It's their choice... miserable though it is.
As for spending time with them, I'm with Christi; you may have to limit the time spent with them. My parents did this with my father's parents, who also lived 3 blocks from our house my whole childhood. They saw my cousins in Arizona more than me and my brothers. :) still do, and we're all grown up. Anyway, what I wanted to say about it, is you'll inevitably have to spend some time with them. (they are related, after all...) but spend time with them on your terms with what works for your family. so if you have to leave early, then leave. Make sense? For example, we never spent Christmas morning with them. We did Christmas at our house, and then went over for a couple hours around lunchtime. We invited everyone over for Thanksgiving at our house. things like that.
oh, make sure hubby tells them your visiting plans when it comes up. and preface it with something like, we want to spend some family time together or something neutral. so they don't feel attacked and you're not the bad guy. like i said, these people are relatives, they're not going away.... :)

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Mellissa - posted on 08/31/2012

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WOW! i really felt alone in the fact that my monster-in-law not only favors my husbands sisters 2 kids but also my MIDDLE child! my middle child is a girl and really sweet and well behaved is the only reason i can think of, and my boys are well.....boys! she buys my daughter gifts but not my boys, she takes my daughter on outtings and "playdates" at her house with her other grandchildren but not my boys, my baby boy needs physical therapy and i can't even get her to help me out 1 hour once a week and i told her i would go to her, she does daycare in her home and i offered to pay her her going rate to visit with my kids, we payed for her to go to disneyland with us so that my kids could have a memory with her. i have cried to her telling her that specifically my oldest son feels really left out, he calls her by her name and not "grammy" which my daughter calls her. i have messaged her and sent her letters, explaining how unfair it is to my son and i asked her to commit to 1 day a month to spend with him and i would pay for whatever they went out to do, she has yet to spend 1 day with him. at her house she has walls of pictures, most are family, lots are my sister-in-laws kids, 2 are my daughter and NONE are of my boys, she doesn't have 1 picture displayed of my boys. She is currently "facebook ignoring" me, she hasn't "liked" a picture of mine since 8/10/12 cause she is mad that i told her how my kids felt, i can go on and on with the dysfunction, she lives 2 miles away, drives right past our house everyday when she goes to pick up her other grandkids...she told me on the 7th day that we were at disneyland how much she missed her other grandchildren and yet she doesn't even see mine 1 time a month and NEVER complains to missing them, she spends all holidays with her daughter and other grandchildren and we are not invited- my moral of this story is it doesn't matter how hard you try with some people, she is a sweet lady and an awesome grandma to her other grandkids, sometimes for no reason at all someone wont like you or your kids and the best think i have found is don't constantly complain to your husband, i feel so bad that he gets put in the middle, and yet i don't want my kids hurt. so when my monster-in-law sends a gift for my daughter, i hold onto it until i have one to give to my boys and then i give them all their gifts together and say it's from "grandma" i don't care for the credit, i care for my childrens happiness! and i can tell you all 3 of my kids LOVE THEIR GRANDMA, no thanks to anything she has done but cause of my awesome parenting! Talk to her first and if it doesn't work, just live your life with your husband and kids and keep your distance from anyone who interferes with your familys happiness!

Mandy - posted on 11/28/2009

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My family is the same way my inlaws favor our nephew, and my daughter is 3 and already notices. I think it has alot to do with the fact that our nephews mom (their daughter) has more contact with her mom than my husband does, so they are more likely to do stuff together. And she works some weekends so needs help w/ kids, and I stay home but she'll hear that they had just him and feels really hurt, But grandparents should make more effort to include all there grandkids! They realize alot more than anyone knows.



In your situation though I think I'd end up saying something to my inlaws about the gifts for sure, I hate confrontation but I really hate when people make my child feel bad. Maybe say your son feels really hurt when he sees you giving them gifts when hes around can you give it to him after you leave or before you get there so he doesn't feel left out. It's cruel to do things like that.

Christi - posted on 11/28/2009

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my poor son gets the raw end of the deal. my husband has twin sister and their children always come first. one of the children is older than my son, but the other two are younger. my son was the first grandson but she really doesn't talk about him. people at my husband's work (he works at the same place as his mom) don't even know she has a son or a grandson! she sees our son every six months or so and she lives literally, three streets over from us. her daughters live thirty minutes from her and she goes and sees their kids almost daily. she gives the other children presents and gets mad when tyler cries because she didn't give him anything. i am sick of it and the only thing that solves that is to just cut her out of your lives. i had it out with her and told her that if she was not going to be nice to my son and treat him like he is equal to all the other children, then i didn't want her around.

Sheba - posted on 11/27/2009

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You neec tell your husband to tell his mother, It shouldn't be a fravoite child All children treat the same ways no different at all. The child will feel jealous. They will figure his mother don't love them.

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