When is enough, enough?

[deleted account] ( 13 moms have responded )

My son says I'm a mean mommy and my daughter says I'm her best friend...l0l!! My husband at times I can't stand to be in the same room with him. When Braxton was born, he was my first and I wanted to do it all and won't let Casey help at all and then Lindsey was my baby and going to be the last so again I wanted to and did do it all.... Now after 4 years later I need help and don't seem to get any. What should I do to get help? If I try to take a mini day for myself I feel guilty how can I get over that feeling because truthfully its not fair to any of them, Casey, Braxton, or Lindsey. I take all my feeling hold them in and explode one day on all of them....what can I do? Any Suggestions please! and don't get me wrong I love being at home with them everyday but why can't i get a break.

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Rene - posted on 03/27/2010

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Your husband wants to be there for you so go for a pedi just an hour then try something really crazy goto bingo or a comedy show and come home after dark start small then get bigger your husband will value the time to bond with the kids make mistakes and get told "thats not how mom dose it" when you get home let them tell you all about it The first time will be difficult but it gets better keep trying we all need a break now and then

Jessica - posted on 03/27/2010

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Take more time to yourself. The more you take the easier it gets!! LOL!!! I am feeling very frustrated right now and need a break also. It happens about once a year where I am just overly frustrated. Usually 1 whole entire day away or overnight helps me feel better. Remember that you need a vacation too. You be surprised at how well things get done when your gone. (don't expect to come home to a clean house though.) Also if you have family that can take them for a week in the summer it is good to get a vacation for just you and your husband without having to worry about the kids and have fun! This definately helps my husband and I. My husband and I try to take 2 vacations. 1 with the kids and one without. (usually the one without kids is something close by, to the coast for a couple of days or touring around the state visiting all the historical sites that the kids would find boring, etc. Also just sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband when you haven't just finish blowing your top and have specific things you would like him to help with. Pick 1 or 2 items. You can add more later. As much as we would like to say they should know when you need help, they really don't. If you give him specific things you would like him to do, you might have a better result.

Jamie - posted on 03/27/2010

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First-What are you feeling guilty about? Second- Leave the house and don't look back,Dad knows how to use a phone so if in the 1/2 hr that you are gone your worst dreams have come true and the house and kids are like the cat in the hat movie, he can call you. I've always had this rule of thumb reaction: Is it bleeding, broken, on fire or choking ?! No! okay so the world isn't ending and it can be fixed, forgotten about in 2 mins. or replaced, no worries, mom.

Kristin - posted on 03/25/2010

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Enough is when you are ready to blow up at all of them and I think you have gone past that point. Don't sweat it, we all go there.

First and foremost, do not feel guilty about needing help or time to yourself. There are good mom's, but I'm pretty sure that there is no such thing as a super mom. If there is, she's getting help somehow. Second, sit down and talk to your husband about things at home and how he can help you. It sounds like he and others wanted to help at some point. Pride is a tough thing to swallow, but for your mental health go for it. Trying to take a day may be more than all of you can handle initially. Maybe shoot for an afternoon or an evening off.

Your son sounds like he is testing boundaries with all of you and he's about to launch into puberty. It is definitely time to chat with him about what will be expectd of him, tolerated from him, and what sort of consequences are reasonable as he is transitioning into manhood. Sometimes, they just need to be reminded that if they are going to act like a three year old, they will be treated like a three year old. Pretty sure talk like that should not be tolerated. It's okay if he is angry with a decision you've made, but personal attacks are just disrespectful and you deserve better.

He is old enough to have some responsibilities around the house and soon he will be wanting $$$ for everything that catches his eye. Excellent time to start teaching him about earning money and instilling a work ethic. Your daughter can even start "helping" with things. I know, sometimes their help just results in more work for you, but she will try. This will teach them to take care of themselves, and isn't that a major goal of parenting.

Good luck. I hope you can find even an hour or two for yourself.

Melissa - posted on 03/21/2010

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Everybody needs a "me day", especially moms like us! I had somewhat of the same issue, and I would never say anything and it just started building up to the point where I thought I was going to explode as well. I am still breastfeeding my daughter because she would never take a bottle or sippy cup so she is solely dependent on me, so I never get any time away from her and it's really hard not to lose your cool. So, finally I just sat down (in a calm voice) with my other half and I just explained to him that I can't clean the house, do laundry, walk the dog, and take care of our daughter all the time and that I understand that I'm home all day and he works, but taking care of a young child consumes your entire day and that during her 2 naps I don't ever get to sit down because I'm doing housework, showering, etc. So he has helped with either stuff around the house or taken care of her so I could do it since then. Men just honestly don't know if you don't tell them. They are totally obvlivious to the "common sense" things that we think they should understand...it's just how it is. Just try and talk with your husband when you start to feel overwhelmed and hopefully he will see your side of things. Or, tell him ahead of time that you are going somewhere for a few hours on his day off and let him see first hand how it is in your shoes with TWO kids. You should NEVER feel guilty about having time to yourself...we all need it to keep sane! And I definitely agreewith Carolee...we work 24-7 with no lunch break or day off (for free) so he should be able to sacrifice a few hours of his free time for you!

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Katie - posted on 03/27/2010

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just ask your husband if he doesn't mind watching them for an hour or so and go outside for a walk or to a friends and then come home and take care of them u DO need the time and the break for urself every once in a while. u cant do it all no ones a super mom

Brenda - posted on 03/25/2010

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Wow....I totally understand that one, my husband goes out all the time even to the corner store...ALONE. N the kids will ask him sometimes, dad can I go, and he just says NO and leaves. I don't have that luxury, Why is that? What makes them better than us? I don't get it.

Stacy - posted on 03/22/2010

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Missy I too feel this way at times and there is no great answer for us but to say there is friends out here that understand and if you need to talk just send a message. Don't you think its funny how the men dont feel guilty going out with out the kids?

Jane - posted on 03/22/2010

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don't ever feel guilty for being a great mom. pick one day a week to go to the salon, lunch w/a girlfriend, window shop, etc. stick to it. he'll adjust and your kids will like their "dad time".

Brenda - posted on 03/22/2010

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I so totally know how you feel. I don't have an answer but wouldn't mind hearing from someone too

Jessica - posted on 03/21/2010

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i do the same thing try to be super mom and do everything cuz he has a rough job but then i'll get strained and snap or yell at the girls who dont deserve it and then feel horable!! i feel like im a bad mother some times they dont undersand that mommys stressed and i cant get a brake cuz daddys hardly ever home and when he is his mothers constently needing his help. i feel bad for him cuz hes got sooo much stress too but what do we do?

[deleted account]

Sometimes when I get overwhelmed with my kids or husband I just go straight to the bathroom and take the longest bath possible. While in there I try to just take a deep breath and enjoy my time alone.

Carolee - posted on 03/21/2010

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Tell your husband that you need a break. If he asks why, tell him that you would never expect him to work for 4 years in a row with no vacations WHILE working weekends! Why does he expect that from you? You need a "you" day, and you DESERVE it!

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