When is it enough?

[deleted account] ( 49 moms have responded )

Ok so how many of you moms think people are way too wrapped up in what EVERYbody else is doing and how its being done. Everything from disiplining our children to taking away some competative games in school. And what are your thoughts on the "everybody's a winner" policy? Is it right that children are being taught that competition is bad or unfair? Are we really helping our children grow into healthy independent adults by not making them actually try for something they want, or what about going into job interviews with your child? Is that really showing an employer that your child is a go getter and capable of going at it on his own?

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Margaret - posted on 06/22/2011

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I agree w/ Nichole B. on here. Not teaching our children basic coping and life skills in a competitive world is completely unrealistic. I've been very blessed to have found a gymnastics facility that teaches children gymnastics while letting the children make friends and socialize with supervision. This facility also makes suggestions for kids to compete full-time, as long as the parents stay involved and as long as the kids WANT to commit to their own talents. I never see a parent, coach, or a child irate or angry when I'm there, and I generally feel a sense of comfort that MY child is learning skills from ME and her FATHER FIRST, all gymnastics, dance, sports, school, etc., aside :) Children need skills to cope and survive in this world, I can't imagine MY kids not knowing how to get a job, how to negotiate with other people, or how to not get taken advantage of, etc., but most of those life skills come from PARENTS. It's OUR job to be hated and not liked all throughout a CHILD's upbringing...however, once that CHILD is an adult, the gratitude towards US and the finesse they have to handle themselves will return their weight in gold based on how well THEY blossom. And, if they stumble, fall, and have meltdowns, well, it's up to THEM at that point in how they CHOOSE to resolve their problems. As the saying goes, "you take a man to fish for a day, he eats for THAT day, but if you SHOW a man how to fish, he eats for the rest of his life". We do NO justice to our kids by doing EVERYTHING for them as they grow. It was heartbreaking to watch, but I remember watching the movie "Ray" about Ray Charles, and the scene that involved him really listening when he was blind was just amazing. His Mother was there the WHOLE time, but she didn't help him, and when she witnessed him being successful on his OWN, she was SO proud :)

A parent gives his/her children roots and wings. The rest is up to them :)

Toni - posted on 06/22/2011

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I can't believe that they are taking away competitive sports. People need competition, they need to lose to figure out how to win! This no bullying, no fun, no touch, no competition in schools is really just turning our kids into a bunch of pansies. I must point out, I do not want any children to get bullied, but it does teach them to stand up for themselves. Look back 20 years, if your child was being bullied, you say give them one on the chin, and it usually ended after that. I still tell my kids that. I know they will be in trouble, but they need to stand up for themselves. Now I will tell you that if my child was a bully, I would smack the bully right out of him. ;) We teach them that we need to accept everyone, pick on no one, and help whomever we can.
I can not even imagine someone going into a job interview with their child. I can guarantee I wouldn't be hiring that person.

That is just my thoughts on the whole thing. America is becoming a very sad place....

[deleted account]

I've heard of people doing that. But what is more typical is splitting classes with other like minded moms who have different strengths. So one mom might teach reading and another science while another teaches music class... But as for my friend I think she does most of the teaching herself. But you find a curriculum and so it's not like you're just pulling this stuff out of your @$$ or anything.

[deleted account]

see, schools are a silly thing to send your kids to:) hehe, that's a little joke from a home schooler. I don't need other people teaching my kids such foolish things.

Leigh - posted on 06/20/2011

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I don't agree at all with the everyones a winner policy I'm an extremely competitive person when I compete my horse I ride to win I get it from my dad he raced side-cars and my eldest son is also competitive he likes football and try to be the best he can, footballs great though as he learns to be a team player aswell as in control of hs individual performance and has just won managers player of the year of which I'm very proud, wanting to be the best is great for kids as longas they understand they can't always win with the good times come the bad but if at first you don't succeed try try and try again, determination is a great tool to set you up for ife in my opinion, it doesn't matter if you don't win but its even better if you do. I also encourage my son to congratulate and be happy for his friends who do well, so its all good :)

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Stifler's - posted on 11/26/2011

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And there can only be one winner. Whether school wants to teach kids that everyone is a winner, whatever but they will learn that there is one winner in a game. It's doing kids a disservice.

Stifler's - posted on 11/26/2011

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I don;t think it's a bad thing to question other's parenting,. Let's all just ignorantly let everyone else do what they want... that's why abusers get away with abuse.

Camille - posted on 11/26/2011

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We can teach our kids to be good competitors, competition is healthy because it helps people work harder. Bad is teaching kids that in order to win they have to ruin the work of others and be envy, jealous of others. I've seen that competition with my girl and it's sad. There's another girl in her classroom who seems to be jealous of her (and both are 7, the girl so young to have this kind of behavior). She used to make up stuff about her so the teacher would send my daughter to the principal's office. Agree with Kel...

Maree - posted on 11/26/2011

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I think this is a HUGE problem. Don't know where you are from but where i am from,the young people (so maybe up to age 30 or so) seem to be completely useless at everything they do.

I can't seem to get good service ANYWHERE. Whether it is at a restaurant or a shop...schools are just as bad,especially the young teachers. I am so frustrated with people in general. No one has any respect for anyone or anything anymore and they take no accountability for anything,it's always somebody elses fault !!!. We have little asshole teenagers riding dirtbikes round the neighbourhood all hours of the night and when we call the cops all they say is " we can't do anything because if we chase them and they fall off the bike we will be in trouble"... you know you have a big problem when even the cops refuse to do anything.

The other day i was reading a post by one of my facebook friends. People had commented on it and this one particular little shit was going on about how he knows his rights,he is 16 years old and has freedom of speech etc etc,the filth that was coming out of this kids mouth was appauling and the worst thing was,his dad was also commenting and saying that he agrees with his son....in my opinion he is setting this kid up for a lot of problems in the not too distant future,if not already .

So my point is that i think we have gone way too far with what we allow and expect from our kids...there is too much "oh you tried your hardest darling" when clearly they didn't...and as for everyone being a winner,well maybe at 5 years old then they need to make more of an effort and win "fair and square" as long as it is among other kids their age.

This sort of crap where people pretty much expect NOTHING from their kids and they are not expected to make an effort and to respect other people,is the reason why kids grow up unable to cope in the big bad world and are incapable of doing their jobs...we need to stop babying our kids and setting them up for failure !!!! The last thing they are being taught is independence ...they are being taught nothing other than how to be unhealthy,disrespectful adults whose only contribution to society is a bad one.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/22/2011

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That sucks. My dad is SO bad at any games, he can't play a single board game, video game - nothing, without freaking out if he doesn't win. He gets SO mad. Talk about issuessssss...... lol poor dad

[deleted account]

My husband me and my son (9) were playing monopoly one night and my husband whipped our butts! Lol really good game but my son was soo upset that he lost he was almost in tears! And its like that with most games to, they will play video games and my son wants my husband to LET him win. I would understand him acting like that if thats what we were teaching him but its so not in anything we teach any of our kids. For some reason he doesnt understand that if he wants to win something he needs to try.

Elisa - posted on 06/22/2011

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I want my children to have fun and I encourage that, but I have also made it very clear that in many things in life there are winners and losers. Losing isn't bad. I have been from a young age allowing my children to win AND lose and helping the be okay with that, which normally includes a "good game" (win or lose) at every game Candyland to soccer.

Jenni - posted on 06/22/2011

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Hmmm? I'm not sure. I think people have always been wrapped up in other people's business, it's not some new phenominem. People always push the cultural norm of the time. People push for human rights. I think that's a great thing, I agree with progression to further human rights. I think that's why parents involve themselves in society's discipline of the younger generation.

I've never heard about competative games/sports being taken out of school? Is that something happening in the US? Nothing wrong with healthy competition. I do think there are some people who take it way too seriously to the point it can be detrimental but I think most people just love the fun of sports and competition. My husband's very competitive in sports but even he knows there's a time for healthy competition and a time to give it all you got and push for the Gold.

His dad was a professional rugby player for a team in England, his entire family is very competitive and way into sports. As soon as my son is 4 we're signing him up for soccer and hockey.

I was in track and field, myself. They did hand out "Good effort" ribbons. But we knew the ones that really counted were 1st 2nd 3rd and 4th because those were the ones who went on for their division.



Sure, failure is part of life and for most people you're going to experience many failed attempts before you succeed. I would never save my kids from failure or tell them "everybody's a winner". Like Ashley said; that's illogical.



I don't know of anyone who went to job interviews with their kids. I imagine, if anything that would give the employer a reason not to hire them. I went to my first job interview, by myself, when I was 12.

Toni - posted on 06/22/2011

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I hear ya Nichole. It stinks when all you can do is laugh to keep from crying. I will be praying that your situation gets better soon. ♥ It is very hard to focus on the good, when so much bad is flying at you at 100 mph!

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/22/2011

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Sorry to hear :(

It's getting so bad at this point I keep trying to focus on the good but it's hard when you lose 1/4 of your income, can't find a job, not buy a house, or have to move? I'm down to just hoping for the sake of keeping hope alive.

Toni - posted on 06/22/2011

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It has! My husband was making 20 an hour and then his company downsized, and he lost 4 an hour. It doesn't really sound like a lot, I guess, but it sure made a difference in our lives. We were buying a house, and now we are renting. :( School systems, economy, and moral....I am scared too, for my kids. They are inheriting this mess.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/22/2011

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Sad indeed. With our school system failing it's just going to get worse. I'm scared, seriously. I don't know what everyone is going to do. There's nothing great out there right now and the government isn't proposing any new great ideas that will help the economy so we've been reading articles that say the next 5-10 years will be just as bad. Can you imagine? My boyfriend 2 years ago made 20 an hour, he collected unemployment after spending all his savings and cashing in stocks.. but he still hasn't been able to find even a 10 dollar an hour job. It's so bad.... I'll probably never own a house in my life time. My parents don't have retirement. What are we all supposed to do? No health or dental benefits usually. I spent most my life not having them. And yet, 40 years ago my grandparents owned a home, raised kids, went on vacation, celebrated every holiday, had benefits and retired raising their kids on 20 an hour the whole time......... it's gone so far down hill

[deleted account]

It is absolutly healthy. Losing in my opinion builds character, its good for them to lose sometimes, it'll teach them to just try harder the next time.

Tina - posted on 06/20/2011

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I think competition is healthy, it teaches kids to strive to be the best they can be HOWEVER I don't agree with a win at all cost policy. Sometimes it's better for a kid to lose knowing they tried their best than to win all the time. And I would never accompany my child on a job interview. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I personally believe wrapping kids in cotton does more harm than good.

[deleted account]

oh ok, i didnt know you could do it groups like that, im gonna have to check that out. Because i dont agree with more than half of what schools do and teach these days. :)

[deleted account]

My nephew is home schooled, the town they live in had an overflow of kindergarden students, from what I know a teacher goes to work with him two days every week and the rest of the time its like homework. Is that how it is for you and your friend or do you guys do the actual teaching?

[deleted account]

yeah the ones that are old enough to be homeschooled are all in different grades... she has a couple toddlers and an infant, so they're not homeschooled yet.

[deleted account]

It is not :) Wow 7 homeschooled!? How does she manage it? Im assuming they are all different grade levels right... or does that even matter with homeschooling?

[deleted account]

buahahaha! Ah, society is stupid. That's the way it goes when you send your kids off to learn from the government.

[deleted account]

Lol.Yeah my husband says the same thing every now and then, and public schools are crap anymore I know that. I would like to homeschool, I have four kids my oldest is 9 and my youngest is 5 months. i dont wanna take away the social part of it I guess for my oldest two which sounds stupid because I know the kinds of things kids hear at school lol. And I dont think it would be fair to them with my two youngest ones always causin a rucus you know?

[deleted account]

The two tie together so its one question. The people that are wanting to dictate how everybody else does things are the same people that have banned say dodge ball from schools, field days are no longer fun not even for the kids, there are no first second or third place winners because of those people that think we are all doing something wrong by wanting our kids to be better and compete. And yes it called "everybody's a winner" They want to spare the feeling of kids if they were to "lose" in say a race during field day so its basically one big recess. They tell the kids ( your all winners, nobody lost good for you!) Ive heard it repeatedly at schools.

[deleted account]

I am not sure what the actual question here is.

If the question is are people too wrapped up in what everybody else is doing? I'd say yes. But I have a very different lifestyle and have chosen to home school so everybody else would seem that way to me.

If the question is what are your thoughts on the "everybody's a winner" policy? I'd say I don't know of such a policy, but it is logically incorrect. Not everybody can win... only one person (or one team) can win... that's what makes it winning. So that's just silly.

Victoria - posted on 06/20/2011

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Kids are not stupid, they know how to keep score on their own, and know who has won and who has lost. And the whole policy gives them nothing to work for.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/20/2011

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Exactly....... we're worthless as a society now. Other countries every single person has to go into the military for a few years before starting their life......... could you imagine if someone invaded us now? What would we do? Sit on our couches and throw cheeseburgers at them? It's pathetic. We're so oblivious it's not even funny. Right down to our day to day lives, our kids and even ourselves. This new generation has so many self centered issues. I'm scared.............

[deleted account]

Yeah thats insane my jaw dropped when I saw that news clip about parents goign to interviews. Im always telling my son, hes 8, 9 this week that he needs to learn to do things for himself in order to survive. I told him one day, he got mad that I wouldnt help him with a gam eor something, I said do you think im always going to be here to help you when you need it? Well yeah, your my mom. I said honey one day im not going to be here, please figure it out. It sperfectly ok to be dependant on your parents especially at a youn gag ebu twhen your gettin up in your teens and twenties thats when your supossed to start branching out and wanting to do something on your own... not now a days though.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/20/2011

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Very true. Heck, we live in a city and the first time I met a 'mommy group' I brought my boyfriend. Screw that, not having some idiot 'meet me in a park' to abduct my kid. Don't care how paranoid that seems. I'm freaking pregnant with muscle spasms and that's just not a good fighting scenario lol

Nadine - posted on 06/20/2011

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Her mother had to drive her becuase she doesnt have a license but this I can understand a little better because you never know what people are like and her daughter would be in our home by herself and getting rides home at night from either myself or my husband. On the same hand considering she is 17 her mother should have stayed in the car becuase she is a very quiet girl and her mother did most of the talking. lol She however was great with my daughter and my daughter took to her right away which she only does if she really likes the person so I over looked it and tried to look at it from her mothers point of view.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/20/2011

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Wow, I wouldn't be hiring that one. I'd look at them and ask "Is your mommy going to help babysit my kids while you do? Is that why you brought her?"

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/20/2011

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I'd be like KIDS GET BACK, THEY'RE CONTAMINATED IDIOTS! lmao my poor kids are going to grow up with such a twisted sense of humor....... crap.........

Nadine - posted on 06/20/2011

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Yeah this girl was about 5 and even after a few glares at the child and then to the mother she still just stood there and said nothing. I was at the store last night with my daughter and husband, we dont let or daughter carry on or cry and scream when out and about. Its very rude to everyone else around us and she needs to learn now how to behave when in public places or she will think she can do what she wants and if she doesnt get her way scream about it. However it is very clear to me that not everyone feels this way, there was the same kid screaming his head off because they wouldnt let him play with something and even after 10 minutes the parents still hadnt done anything about his behavior. I understand kids misbehaving but to stand there and allow it to happen for so long is rude to everyone within ear shot which was like half the store. At 2 my daughter says please and thank you and we will continue to teach her to be respectful to everyone. Also what is this about parents going to inteviews with their kids? I got my first job at 16 and never would have considered allowing my paretents to go with me. However I resently hired my firs babysitter who is 17 and her mother came to my house with her to meet me. Now that I can see the parents going but for an actual job? How are they going to know how to get a job on their own as an adult or cut those parent ties and be able to with confidence do anything without their parents?

[deleted account]

Oh I hate that! Nobody has any respect for or knowledge of boundries or personal space. And kids that just run a muck in the store um.. WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS! Oh there overthere thinking your doing nothing wrong. And nobody say sanything you know because its politically incorrect to get irritated with your fellow man these days. @Nicole At least you got a sorry lol all I get is a stare back (and a blank stare at that) like im the one with the problem, not the 5, 6, and 7 year olds bumping into my 2 and four year olds.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/20/2011

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Yep. Some guys kids were so close to me I thought they were cavers trying to excavate my butt. No joke. They were young, probably 5 ish? They bumped me TWICE. I glared at their father and he goes 'Sorry' and tells the kids to get back. Then what happens? He gets really close while they start wandering off....... I'm like no wonder your kids have no boundaries. And hey, you might want to go chase your brats now.

Nadine - posted on 06/20/2011

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I completely agree. My daughter just turned two and I am due again in August and am seriously worried about this when they get to that point. For example we were at the beach the other day and this little girl kept crowding my 2 year old like basically right on top of her in her face while in the water then would get between my daughter and I and splash us an swim away the come back and do it again. All while her mother watched from the beach and never said a word to her. I wouldn even let my 2 year old be that rude. Its even worse when you go to the store.

Bridget - posted on 06/20/2011

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I think kids needs to learn that sometimes they win sometimes they loose. It's a part of life we can't take away competative games in schools etc. We will be raising kids who have no idea what the real world is like sometimes in the real world they will not get what they want then what will they do. I think they will be more damaged then if we just introduced them to the concept of compitition at a young age.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/19/2011

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lmao awwwwww man that is crazy... it really sucks being what feels like the 1 smart person in a store full of dodo birds. Seriously, the species never went extinct........ it just mutated....... and bred!

[deleted account]

Lol! I know, people are so, dense I guess I would say and completley oblivious to whats going on, its almost like society as a whole is getting dumb'r by the day its really sad and a bit unnerving, im scared for my kids and what its going to be like for them, im afraid they won tmake it you know. My poor son the other day saw a preview to a movie where they were playing dodge ball and he had no idea why they would play something like that, he tells me "why are they playing that wouldnt you get hurt?" Yeah but you'll live lol. It really worries me.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/19/2011

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Yeah don't tell that to my thread on 'Compassion and common sense, gone forever?' because those people in there are just waaaaaaay too happy and idiotic about society. I didn't think it was possible to get so many excuses for human beings being jerks and A holes. Seriously? "just smile" "their thoughts are in other places" why do I have to smile to idiots? Why can't they pay attention? Seriously, it is a huge issue. It's a freaking epidemic lol

[deleted account]

Thank you! I was starting to think I was the only one who thought that. That is EXACTLY what is wrong with our society today.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/19/2011

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Horrible unrealistic pansy idea to teach kids if you ask me. Because you are right. In the real world, it's a struggle to survive. If these kids never struggle?! They will be so emotionally unready to face real life when it hits them they will flip out. It's so dumb. Expecially with the 'my kid can do no wrong' mentality. Mix those two together with a dash of not diciplining children for things they do wrong properly and voila! We have a new society of sissy brats who think the world should be catered to them. That nothing they do is wrong. Talk about issues. Wow, no wonder our society is crumbling.........

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