When is it my day off

Kristin - posted on 08/12/2011

He tries...we are both new at this parenting thing and resentful at each other in some ways. I'm assuming that's normal. Honestly, the only thing that I feel resentful for is that I haven't gotten to sleep in in the 10 months that we've had him and every day off of his he stays up as late as he feels like-playing video games drinking beer...and sleeps in usually until 11 or 12. He does get up with him during the night sometimes and I'm not saying I don't appreciate what he DOES do. He is always saying he hardly gets to see us etc etc. It makes me angry to see him there sleeping (after he's been up playing around until 3am or whatever) while I am up at 7 or 8 every morning and probably will be until our son is a teenager and refuses to get out of bed!

Charleen - posted on 08/10/2011

Today we both got a day off but he got tortured instead of going to some car parts store to get for him we got a a babysitter and I got my hair done at Milan insititue and he sat there the whole time then went and grabbed lunch for me him and my friend (hairstylist) then we went and got the kids then did some other things with family even if I left him at home as requested I figure let him get a chance away too but tomorrow he is all kids and I am out and about hmmmmmm it does get lonely though without the sounds of screaming in the back seat sometimes I look back and think I left them at the store lol

Kim - posted on 08/09/2011

LOL. First, a whole ENTIRE day is in fact asking too much, they are only men after all. Second, it's not babysitting if it's your own kids. Third, don't ask, just do. Tell him, "tomorrow I have an appointment for a at . You shouldn't have to ask permission to do something for yourself once in a while. I schedule mani's, pedi's, I go to friend's hosted parties whenever I can and I just tell my husband I'm going. I work for 2 different work from home jobs, I do MOPS and book club. You can make it easier by leaving the frozen chicken nuggets out or just tell him "honey, you're smart, you'll figure out something!" My hubby is good about being home on time and watching the kids when I have things to do. They are his kids after all and he understand that I need a life outside the home. How would your hubby feel if he worked at his job 24/7/365 with no breaks? @ Amanda H: SHHHH! You'll give away our secret! ;) LOL

KATY - posted on 08/09/2011

And to reply to the "when your sick", FORGET about it...They couldn't help any extra. Its unbelievable sometimes. the care you give them when there dick, dont expect it back. its bad when your kids or husband is sick, but way worse when its you. because everything falls apart, nothing gets done, and now you have so much more to do when you start feeling better, it takes longer to feel better at all...Im sounding a little bitter. Im not really. haha.

KATY - posted on 08/09/2011

Yes, men have a problem seeing what we do as a job because we dont leave the house and we dont get paid. All we do is get to "play" with our kids all day!! Yes, not really all that we do, and even so not that stimulating. It can be physically and mentally exhausting. And beacuse they rarely spend the kind of alone you do with the kids, they say its not that hard. I love my fiance but he just doesnt get it. LOL.

Cindy - posted on 08/07/2011

I did work a 60 hours 5 days a week job... I was also a Foster parent of 3 more kids! I was in charge of the kids, the yard and the house!! And many more things. Now I'm 50 years old with 5 grandchildren and I'm tired! So stay home moms,or working mom its all the same! We work harder then or husbands and don't always get pd for it!

BRANDY - posted on 08/07/2011

I can. Okay, so I have one child at home, am 5 months pregnant and go to school full time. My husband has been working as a contractor for a couple hours a day, sometimes more, sometimes less. I have been sick all week, now my son is sick and now, u guessed it my husband is sick and I swear he acts as if he can not lift a finger because he's sick, he's been a jerk ALL day, and here my son and I are still ill and have to deal with him. So, it's kind of the same thing, but a little different, but I TOTALLY get it.

Charleen - posted on 08/07/2011

My husband works an average of 12 hours a day 6 or 7 days a week when he gets a day off I feel bad having him change diapers or anything really but then again I dont get sick days i cant just not do anything because my head hurts or i have the flu I cant call in so I just leave and do my own thing while he takes care of the kids for an hour or two or ask him to watch them so you are able to go to the store real quick just the little corner store and then I would stay in the car and talk on the phone for 30 minutes or something just to get out of the house really quick

Bonnie - posted on 08/07/2011

I started doing home daycare 4-5 days a week for the past couple of months, so i'm bringing in some money and still don't get a day off. That's what comes with being a mom. No such thing as a day off. Maybe a few hours if I have somewhere to go alone, but that's it. I usually don't even get 5 minutes alone in the bathroom.

Cindy - posted on 08/06/2011

Oh sweetie it never ends!!! even when they are all grown up and out of the house... they will alllways need something from you! for your husband now thats a different story, my husband finally helped me when my children were all grown up and out of the house!! i told him that I needed his help with the kids and the house when the kids were still younger and at home!!! now that my kids are 33-31-30-29 I just go as I please beacuse my husband does work alot of hours... but once in awhile we will go places together!! your a mommy and you allways will be, so not all men are the same, and it sound to me like you have my husband when my children were younger lol

Marlene - posted on 08/05/2011

Well said Melissa!!!

Melissa - posted on 08/05/2011

AMY: Glad your Stay at home life is like that...glad you don't WORK while your home with your kids...I take careing for my child as a job and I have a schedule and wake at 7 and stop at 10 pm....Some of us cant always go get a job and while we are in the most part thnakful most of us believe that our husbands take advantage of us being at home....being a SAHM doesn't mean we get no life outside the home! Think about other situations before judging!

Marlene - posted on 08/05/2011

We never get sick days .. we never get time off ... what you should do is this .. when your husband gets home, have dinner ready, the kids fed & clean and say I'm going to the store for _____ and what you're really doing is going to Starbucks or some other place to have 30 min of quiet or adult conversation!! Don't give him the option just hand off the kids and go. I had to do that but then my husband realized how much easier I was to deal with with time off so he gives me a week every year!! I hope this works for you as well!!

Shannon - posted on 07/31/2011

I think that was my biggest shock when I became a SAHM. I worked full time after my oldest was born and hated not being able to have more time with him, feeling like daycare was raising him, not me. So six years later, when we finally had our second son, I really wanted to stay at home with him. When he was about 5 months old I got a really bad cold, and that's when it hit me. I don't have sick time! My husband has to work, we don't live near family so it's just me. I can't call in sick, take vacation, or have a day off. I work at my job 24 hours a day and never really leave it. And even when I get the occasional time away from the kids, I'm on call! I was really shocked at how trapped that made me feel. I realized that I have to TAKE time off, not just wish for it. My husband is really good to help with the kids, but usually only after I ask him. So every once in a while I plan ahead for a night with my girl friends and have some adult time to myself. My tricks are to make sure I have dinner ready before I leave, or if my husband is really tired or stressed out, I wait to leave until after I put our youngest to bed. If he doesn't have to deal with those things he doesn't care how late I stay out! I also give him a night out with the boys when he wants it, with no guilt trips! If I need a night out sometimes, so does he. This has worked really well for us for the past 2 years.

Kelly - posted on 07/31/2011

I was JUST thinking about that this morning. When I think that I feel guilty, like since I get to stay home and my truly wonderful husband works his butt off that I should be grateful I don't have to get up and go to work every day. But then I realize that I NEVER get a day off. When I am at home I AM working, when I am away from home I am thinking of things I should be doing AT home. I am either cleaning, going to the store, taking care of my girls, my husband, my pets. It is a never ending job.

Heather - posted on 07/31/2011

Listening to you ladies makes me see my situation a little differently and I am a little more grateful that I am a single mom. I don't ever get a break, but I knew that going in and I have noone to resent. Good luck ladies!

Lori - posted on 07/16/2011

@Christy...I have no idea, but if you find out I think a lot of us would like to know what it means & more importantly how do we get one? lol

Erin - posted on 07/15/2011

then I'd just tell him that we can do things during the work week. See how he feels about that. lol
I bet the weekend would look more appealing

Tasha - posted on 07/15/2011

I honestly have no idea when ill have a break, according to my husband ive been given a "free ride" and dont do enough around the house. Ive been asked what the hell i do all day if the house isnt clean, apparently taking care of our son all day does not qualify as doing anything, my husband would rather have a spotless house than a happy family, at least thats how he acts. I do what i can, i usually at least do some laundry, dishes, a bath for me and the boy, vacume, get dinner going or at least prepped, and when he gets home he wants to relax, and id like a minute or two to just relax as well. But because he leaves the house and makes money doing what he does, its more important and deserves praise and time to unwind, as being a SAHM requires none of that, i should just be so happy to stay home and never have a break, because mind you ive been given a free ride, god sometimes i want to slap some sense into him. I just cant make him realize what i do is important, stressful, tireing and all that. I just spend every second i can enriching my sons life and loving him endlessly, that is my ultimate reward!

Christina - posted on 07/14/2011

My answer to that same question is "when I'm dead."

Melissa - posted on 07/13/2011

oh dont get me started...very sore subject around here....I finally took one just up and left and he had to cancle his plans...he was not happy but I said thats what you get for not listening to my for the past 2 years...I took control!

Kat - posted on 07/13/2011

I CAN RELATE!!!! Specifically to...well, everything. I have to lock the door if I want to use the bathroom by myself. I've finally started delegating tasks to family members. My son's in charge of his room and playroom, and the rest of the group has their own responsibilities around the house. I think what you need to do is plan in advance i.e. tell hubby on Monday that Friday night you're going out with the girls and he'll have to watch the kids. That way he sees you've already made other plans and he's watching the kids: no debate, no "my day off" speeches.

Tiffany - posted on 07/13/2011

SO after I posted this I started to make a bigger effort at getting the house clean and keeping it clean. When my husband woke in (he works from 6pm to 6:30am) ans so how clean the living room was he said, "Wow, you've been busy". Then when he came home from work he left his shorts in the middle of the room. We had to have someone come in to fix the cab;e so we needed the kitchen clean by morning. He was up all night because he didn't have to work that night.....When i got up he hadn't done anything so it was up to me. I manged (with help from my son) to get it clean, the hallway and bathroom picked up. Why is it that when I am home all day he expects me to clean, cook, and take care of the kids. But when he is home and up all night by himself he can't even run the damn dish washer!?

Soni - posted on 07/13/2011

I think every women in this world can relate to this, so dont be disheartened. its part and parcel of our lives.

Valerie - posted on 07/13/2011

I def know what your going through. I'm a stay at home mom of 2 boys and my husband says the exact same thing. He helps me clean but im expected to keep up on everything so that when he gets home he can relax.

Kylie - posted on 07/11/2011

i told my husband he had no choice we each got a day off on the weekend. i had saturdays off, it's wonderful to sleep in, and not have to cook or wash up, or have a shower when i want to. we hvae a NB atm so we aren't doing that right now, but in a few months when we are all sorted sleep ins are back on!

Krystyna - posted on 07/11/2011

When my husband comes home from his full time job, he is a full time father at home. He helps out 100% with feeding, bathing, housecleaning, bedtime, etc and is very hands on. They are OUR children and the responsibilities should be shared equally. Just because we are SAHMs does not mean our "jobs" and time should be minimized. We are just as tired and sometimes sick, but we get no days off and no breaks. They leave their jobs at a specific time are done for the day. We do our jobs 24/7.



We had the children TOGETHER and all our responsibilites are shared TOGETHER. That is our firm belief. Be firm ladies, and stick to your guns. Stand up for yourselves and do not allow your spouses to make you feel that you don't deserve a break or time off.

Mika - posted on 07/11/2011

One thing I can honestly say is that with my first child's father, I never got a break unless I just TOOK one. And whenever I did that, it was a major problem. Now with my bf I'm with now, if I have sat in the house too many days in a row, he says, "babe, what are we doin today?" Or he will tell me to call my sister, or he will ask me if I have anything to do. He tells me all the time that there's no good reason to sit in the house all the time, and won't let me even if I wanted to lol. And thank goodness too. I was just so used to sitting at home, not doing anything. Not even shopping, unless it was for groceries. Now, it just doesn't make any sense to sit in the house if I don't want to, sooooo....I don't lol. Ladies, you have to learn how to be a woman before anything. Once you figure that out, the rest just kinda falls into place. Woman, significant other, mother. No matter what, if u don't take care of yourself, how can you take care of anybody else?

Amanda - posted on 07/11/2011

I wanted to be a SAHM basically my entire life. Until I stayed home, I was a 2nd grade teacher. I left my teaching position to stay home and raise my kids. I had no idea how hard it would be to stay at home. I want to slap people who don't think what we do is a job! I can't think of any other job where you are on the clock non stop! My husband works so much that if there is a day he has off, he wants that day for himself. Most evenings the kids are already in bed when he makes it home. But if they're still up, he wants 30 minutes of down time before helping me out with the kids (age 3 & 11 months.) I wish I got thirty minutes of downtime! I tell him all the time that I would kill to be able to drive in my car for 45 minutes without 2 small kids. He complains about his commute to and from work. I'd give anything for 45 minutes of driving if it meant I was alone. If I get a "day off" courtesy of my husband, I'll be shocked.

Charity - posted on 07/11/2011

LOL! Sorry but I can't help but laugh because if I didn't know any better I would have thought I wrote this, LOL! PS. The only way I get 5 minutes in the bathroom is to lock the door, and then my kids stand outside the door telling on each other and asking me 20 questions; What are you doing, How long are you going to be in there, My brother is being mean to me, Will you play a game with me when your done, Sissy hit me, Are you done yet, What's taking you so long, Can I have something to eat now, etc...

Lisa - posted on 07/10/2011

Your day off is when your last child turns 18, same for your hubby.

Wendy - posted on 07/10/2011

Hi Tiffany, I can totally relate to that! At times, I just stayed in the bathroom longer for a break, as my husband knows it's really a time that I can't be available.

Lyndi - posted on 07/09/2011

The funny thing about the timing of this question is that this past week was my husbands vacation. He actually said to me that this is his vacation this week, why does he need to get up and take our son to tennis lessons? Why can't I do it? I said because this is your vacation from your job that you get a paycheck from so I can have a somewhat vacation from my job that doesn't give me any money while you're home. Because next week things go back to just me running the kids around to where they need to go and hearing them fight with each other all day long. Vacation now means doing something different than what you normally do. It doesn't mean you get to take your waverunner out whenever you want, or sit and play the wii until you're hungry and have to get up and get yourself something to eat just for you. If that's the kind of vacation you wanted then you shouldn't have married me because you knew I wanted to be a mom, but that doesn't mean I want to be YOUR mom!

Lyndi - posted on 07/09/2011

The funny thing about the timing of this question is that this past week was my husbands vacation. He actually said to me that this is his vacation this week, why does he need to get up and take our son to tennis lessons? Why can't I do it? I said because this is your vacation from your job that you get a paycheck from so I can have a somewhat vacation from my job that doesn't give me any money while you're home. Because next week things go back to just me running the kids around to where they need to go and hearing them fight with each other all day long. Vacation now means doing something different than what you normally do. It doesn't mean you get to take your waverunner out whenever you want, or sit and play the wii until you're hungry and have to get up and get yourself something to eat just for you. If that's the kind of vacation you wanted then you shouldn't have married me because you knew I wanted to be a mom, but that doesn't mean I want to be YOUR mom!

Jenny - posted on 07/05/2011

There isn't a "day off" when it comes to kids, family & house stuff... but you should be able to have time to yourself. I go out one Saturday a month for brunch with my mom, grandma & sister. I'm only gone about 1 1/2 hrs max 2 hrs, but it is my lady only time. Now taking a bath... I have at least everyone come in and see how much longer I'm going to be or what I'm doing cause I'm not where I "should be" - lol. Oh and going potty is about the same as bathing anymore... it's a party - lol.

I also try to get up a little early for some me time... it's the only time I can just do what I want.

But all that being said - my hubby is good about helping when I ask, cause I don't ask often. He knows when I'm at my max and understands I do need time as well. We do go for walks in the parks as a family often, most of the time he is the one that ask us to all get ready. I also use the play room (Eagle Nest) at the grocery store and do my shopping as a way of getting me time, although I still have the 1 yr old with me, sometime it is nice to just have 1 insead of 4 kids.

Now my hubby and I switched roles about 2 yrs ago when I lost my job after 12 yr service... so he does understand how hard it can be. And he understands that I do more then he did as a stay at home parent... since when I worked I still did the laundry, dishes and cooking and I don't have him do it now that he is working - I still do them.

Sorry, but make plans and just let him know this is planned and he is going to have to deal with it... a little nicer way if you can. Set something us where you go out once a month with your mom or a friend for a few hours. Or if he wants to relax - take the kids to a park or something you use to like to do together and have him relax there.

Good luck!

Margaret - posted on 07/04/2011

I can relate...however, once we become parents, ALL free time as we once knew it has completely gone out the window...even as the kids get older, things get a bit more manageable, and seems like your husband doesn't respect how hard you work. Have you thought about asking a neighbor or friend (whom you trust w/ the kids) to watch your kids once in a while so that you CAN go out and get your hair done, get errands done in peace and quiet, or even date night for you and your husband?

Does your husband listen to you, your feelings, your needs, etc.? Have you told him how you feel or what you need? Or, no matter WHAT you say, does it go through one ear and out the other?

If your children aren't that young, and they're big enough to help out w/ tasks around the house (sweeping, cleaning their rooms, take out garbage, etc.), then maybe you should go on strike for at least ONE day - don't do ANYTHING in the house - maybe THEN, your husband will get the message?

I'm a SAHM, and luckily, my husband gets it most of the time, and even when he doesn't get it, I know he's at least trying...if your husband doesn't listen, help out, and is perfectly fine w/ taking you for granted, then something's gotta give...just because we're "at home" ALL day w/ the kids doesn't mean that we sit on our humps inhaling bon-bon's! Just because we don't work in an office, or a warehouse, or a courtroom, or a jail, or at a construction site does NOT mean that we're NOT WORKING!

Next time that you ask for help and don't get it, leave the house for an hour - then, maybe, you'll be heard :)

Hope that helps, good luck, God bless!

Toni - posted on 07/04/2011

I can!! My husband works 3-4 12 hour days a week, and when he is off, he goes out usually once a week, and if I say something about doing anything, he is relaxing because it is HIS day off. I say When do I get a day off?? He says I would like to see you work in a factory for 12 hours a day. I say I would like to see you be a mom for 24 hours a day! It gets me nowhere, but I try. I at least make my opinion heard. And I will tell you right now, he comes home from where ever, be it work or somewhere else, and after just a few minutes, he is ready to be out of the house and away from the craziness that is having three boys. I tell him, now you see what I go through ALL day EVERY day.
I go on strike sometimes, and son't do anything but the 100% necessary things for the boys, and when he says something about it, I tell him it is my day off. :)

Darlene - posted on 07/04/2011

Tiffany, I have so much compassion for you. I was an at home mom since 93' and now my young adults are 18 & 21. For the life of me, I can't understand how some men can be so foolish to think because a woman stays home that she should do All the parenting and taking care of the kids. It should be a shared experience, after all, it took both of us (primarily his sperm) that started the process of a beautiful life. I had an understanding with my husband and he was gracious to realize (especially by my moods) when I needed some time to myself. Everyday, whether its a calgon bath creating a warm and tranquil atmosphere with music or whatever soothes you and takes you away from the dismal daily routines (not complaining, but doing the same chores can produce boredom) you HAVE to find a way (whether its hiring someone or if money is an option maybe trading something or a service (I'm good at baking and I could use this as a treat for babysitting). You just have to get creative and try something new. Get you a calendar just to put something each day/week or whatever you feel is necessary to refuel your energy. As women we got to find time for ourselves so we can stay motivated and focused or it can effect not only our relationship with our kids but with our spouse. Its easy to get resentful, when you feel unappreciated, so make sure you make an effort to change this scene in your life...everyone will benefit from it. God Bless

Kitty - posted on 07/04/2011

well time for Crash test mommy! let HIM do this for 3 days and YOU get a break and see if HE can handle it :)

Natasha - posted on 07/03/2011

Ha yeah I asked my bf when i get to go out and have some "me time" ha he goes out EVERY weekend as I sit here with the baby...Tonight is actually the 3rd time he went out this weekend! I "tried" to talk to him today about it letting him know I feel he should spend more time with his daughter. And all I get back is "I don't wanna talk about this or go away". Its getting ridiculous somethings gotta give because its not fair that he goes to work maybe 3 to 4 times a week and I am home all week long, doing his laundry, dishes, everything for the baby, ect. So I don't find it fair at all...Btw he works with family members so he seems to have it pretty easy at work he makes it sound like he goes to work and hangs out...I mean don't get me wrong when he is here with me and the baby I love it hes wonderful with our baby and is nice to me and helps out WHEN hes here...but thats just the problem he seems like hes almost running to the door when he leaves I feel like he doesn't wanna spend time with me or the baby...Idk what to do anymore...My babys the only one that keeps me sane!

Gale - posted on 07/03/2011

Sorry your going through this. I can't relate tho, my hubby helps out alot, not even having to ask. He cooks, he will clean if I ask for the help. He's always taken care of things. I understand that women don't get a day off, even if were out of the house working moms, some work at a fulltime job then have to go home, cook, clean, do laundry, food shop. Some men just work all day come home and expect dinner to be on the table.

Melissa - posted on 07/03/2011

when the kids are grown that's when your days off will be sorry.

Tiffany - posted on 07/03/2011

I will admit that my husband has gotten better.....but the day before I posted this he had been sleeping all day then got up and got right on the computer. Then it's like he gets made at me because it's midnight and I want to get some sleep and we have had no time together.

Stifler's - posted on 07/02/2011

I expect him to get up on Saturday night. Oh God last night was hilarious. He'd get up, feed the baby and put her back down and she'd cry 2 seconds later. I was just like WELCOME TO MOTHERHOOD BABE whenever he groaned when she started crying after he'd gotten up to pat her back to sleep.

Amanda - posted on 07/02/2011

Emma - I don't expect anything from my husband, or anyone for that matter. I'm too used to doing everything myself. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can truly rely on is yourself

Tasha - posted on 07/02/2011

Jane- I'm so sorry to hear! I cant imagion how you feel, and God help you with everything. He loves you! Also makes you rethink about what you complain about...life is to short and to fast to worry over little things!

Lori - posted on 07/02/2011

I even get asked, while on vacation, what's for dinner? When I ask the same question back...I am on vacation, I want to relax. lol

Adrienne - posted on 07/02/2011

I hate that!! I have a 1 year old (just turned on June 29th) and am almost 8 months pregnant with our second...my (in the process of becoming ex) husband did work long hours and usually 7 days a week but would come home and just sit on the couch drinking a beer playing on his phone/watching tv or falling asleep, while I was watching my nieces (I watch them every day before and after school and now all day in the summer), trying to feed our then 5ish month old daughter, cook dinner, then play with our daughter and keep her entertained and learning, then get her ready for bed and in bed then tidy up the house a bit then eat something myself and then clean up the supper mess then I can finally go to bed myself! He wouldn't even take the trash out for me when I asked or even put his clothes in the laundry basket...he did NOTHING to help around here and would say "I had a long day I'm tired" blah blah blah....well excuse me! I am pregnant and take care of our daughter all day and cook and clean do laundry and take care of my nieces on top of it! lol I don't think men will EVER learn!! Now that we are split up, it's actually easier! I was already doing EVERYTHING by myself (except bringing in any pay) and now that he is gone I have actually less house work to do because I don't have to pick up after him! lol

Alison - posted on 07/02/2011

I think it is essential as mothers that we do something for ourselves. It can be really challenging to take time out, husband or no husband. I started with taking an 1 1/2 hours per week out to do yoga just for me. It was a challenge at first to take the time away from my family.
I understand what you are saying Tiffany and I find that conversations occur like this with my husband only when neither of us have been making adequate time for ourselves.

Stifler's - posted on 07/02/2011

We're one of the only species that actually expects things from the male I guess.