when kids dont want to see their mothers? :(

Kathia - posted on 06/28/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have full custody of my 14 years old daughter, but for a very unfair reason she wanted to move with her dad. It was the worst decision I ever had to make, but I let her stay with him, because her happiness is all it matters to me ,and also because I was going through a very bad economic and emotional time. But now she does not want to visit me, and when she is with me, she is very angry hostile and keep asking me to take her back to her home. I don’t want to pressure her to be with me and to love me, but sometimes I feel like is not fair. I also have to mention that her father hate me and is always been and instigator. I always wanted for my daughter to be independent but this is ridicules and don’t know what to do? If any body up there have a suggestion, please don’t hesitate in responding.

Kathy

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Rose - posted on 02/25/2013

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I have two sons that have been so disrespectful and I have tried loving them through everything yet the woman they have chosen to be with are more important. i have tried and now i am just all tried out. one son had a baby and the mother won't even let me see it. i had a close relationship with my sons and i have learned in counseling that some women compete with mothers which makes sense because one of my son's girlfriend told him to choose between me or her and to me that is mental illness i would never thought about doing such a thing..i have decided to just go on with my life and let them live theirs. any advice?

Lilliana - posted on 06/30/2011

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Your daughter wants you to want her, she needs to know that she is wanted. I had a fried growing up in a very similar situation to your daughter. She used to tell me "i hate my mom for not wanting me".

I know you only want her to be happy, and that makes you a wonderful parent but you need to show her you will do whatever it takes to get her back. she is testing your loving and checking that you love her unconditionally, no matter if she doesnt live with, or treats you like crap. Show her no matter what she does/says, you want and love her.

Kathia - posted on 06/30/2011

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Thanks Melissa, but unfortunately he is so self conceded he don’t even return my text to let me know she is okay. I had waited a week before I get any response from her. Couple of times I was close to send a police to his home to see if she was okay.
I had tried many different ways to communicate with him, but is no use. He is the meanest person I have ever encounter. I know in my heart that he does not love her, because he manipulates and control her like he did with me.

I have been checking text messages he had send her, because she is spending vacation time with me. [I have full custody, but she wanted to stay with her dad] and I agree because I want her to be happy, but she is getting very cold, angry and distant with me.

As I was saying, I check her text messages, and he say things like “ I told you, you going to be a hostage by you mom if you go see her” he have always talk in this manipulative way, and he will not stop. I don’t know what to do, because she is 14 and before a judge her dad might win, based on her age and what she wants. Unfortunately is not a good situation for me and I don’t want to spend more money in lawyers. I feel emotionally drain and don’t want to keep fighting but some people don’t give up.

Melissa - posted on 06/28/2011

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I am sadden to read of your grief. There's a special bond between dads/daughters and moms/sons. My mother and father separated and I too clung on to my dad. It was my dad that helped me see that I was unfair and disrespectful to my mother. Maybe you should try to extend and olive branch to her father and ask him to help you resolve this issue with your daughter. If he really loves her then he will see that your daughter needs both her mom and her dad.Continue to be as loving and as patient as possible with them both. Although she may not see it now, there's nothing (other than God) greater than a mother's true love. I wish you peace and blessings.

Melissa

Kathia - posted on 06/28/2011

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For the past two years she have been pushing me away, and nothing I do for her is good or make her happy. I have been writing to her by e-mail or text, but in some occasion she had told her father that, I am harassing her, and she want to be left alone. All I do now is tell her that I love her and I am always there for her.
When I ask why she is acting this way? she shut down and tells me to leave her alone, walk away or close her door. Counseling is out of question, besides her dad told me that I am the one who needs counseling and that she is fine. I know my daughter we used to be so close up until the divorce.

Thanks for you suggestion.

Corinne - posted on 06/28/2011

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Could you arrange a councelling session through her school? Somewhere she could work out how she feels and why, while on neutral ground? I also think Katherine's idea of writing a letter could help. Also, and I don't want to upset you, but how is her relationship with her father? I was a cow with my Mum at this age too, she'd just gone back to work and thought it was that that had upset me. It wasn't. I won't go deep, but my Dad was a tw*t with me when she wasn't there, I guess I blamed her for getting a job. Give her all the love and support you can and hopefully she'll let you in. All the luck in the 'verse

Katherine - posted on 06/28/2011

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Awww. Maybe she is having resentment that she had to move? I wonder if she would agree to go to a counseling session with you?
That must be so hard. Maybe you could write her a letter and explain everything to her? Or sit down and talk to her?

Ask her WHY she is acting this way. My guess is that she feels abandoned by you. And I am in NO way trying to make you feel bad. I am just trying to give you some ideas.

But I don't know her like you do. So I would suggest the above.

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