When to have "The Sex talk?"

Ragan - posted on 09/16/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I had this conversation with my daughter at age nine, and some have been appalled by this. What do you think?

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Vicki - posted on 09/17/2009

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with my daughter, i did every way to early,but she was playing with older kids, and she kept coming home from school asking me what this ment and what that mean't so when they are ready they will ask but please dont do it to early. my daughter now 10 and knows more about sex than most 13-14 year olds.

Jennifer - posted on 09/17/2009

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I started with age appropriate stuff at 4-5. There is no big sex talk. Just the gradual addition of more information. A kid should know good touch/bad touch by 3-4, the basic mechanics of how a baby comes to be (sperm, egg) by 6-7, puberty and more mechanics detail (penis entering) by 9-10, masturbation and pregnancy and disease prevention by 11-12, and the emotional aspects of sex, oral sex, consequences above and beyond pg and disease by the time they are 13-14. It breaks the information up into digestable chunks, it keeps an ongoing dialogue which is vital, it kills the whole sex is taboo embarassment, and makes sure they have the info they need before they need it.

Works for me anyway. My parents raised us that way and 2 out of 3 of us have a healthy view on sex without promiscuity or risks. I am hoping for the same thing for my kids.

Trisha - posted on 09/17/2009

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It all depends on the child. I know in my town, they start talking about it in school and the 9 year olds hear about it from the 11 year olds. You can't get away from it. I told my son, he is not to discuss what we have told him to his peers b/c their parents might not want them to know things yet.

Rebecca - posted on 09/16/2009

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when they ask where they came from and how and that is when i would be looking to sit down with them but my kids started younger due to school and there sex ed course being in 3rd grade so they asked me ? and well just be honest with them nothing to be hideing or ashamed about its all natural my daughter was 9 when i had the talk with her but she always asked about things with me so it was natural to tell her she is now 15 yrs old and she started her montly just this year. so she was ready for it.

Julie - posted on 09/16/2009

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Quoting Ragan:

When to have "The Sex talk?"

I had this conversation with my daughter at age nine, and some have been appalled by this. What do you think?



It really depends how you go about it.  I think children need to know where they came from. It doesn't have to be intensely descriptive and answering their question casually just like any other question they have hasn't harmed my children. In fact I would rather my children be informed.

Clare - posted on 09/16/2009

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I think the 'Sex Talk' always needs to be age appropriate. Be it a 4 year old asking/wondering where babies come from or a 14 yr old starting puberty/periods etc



I have a 6 yr old daughter & 2 yr old son. My daughter has asked a few times wondering where & how her baby brother came to be. So far,I have just said that they both come from mummys tummy and when mummys and daddys love each other very much,babies can be born.

She's happy with that.



I think perhaps at 10 or older,can perhaps explain more about the mechanics of it all..eggs,sperm,periods..and not to scare them(so perhaps even older when puberty starts?)explain that the mans penis actually has to enter the vagina and once sperm is released,that's how babies can be conceived if they enter her egg.

Then explain about birth control/condoms so they understand that they can control if and when they want babies,as well as STDs.

Hearing about actual intercourse might scare/frighten a 10 yr old,never before realising that's what happens..but a 13/14/15 yr old won't be fased at all and will be glad to know the truth from their parents and how it all works.



Explain that masterbation and orgasms are healthy and normal. Being told/taught that only 'dirty weird' people do that/enjoy that..will screw them up from having a normal natural healthy sex life as teens/adults.

Yes,it's a private thing,a special thing,but listen to their body..it's normal.



All in all,I think it's just about what the child can handle and need to know without scaring them or making them think something is wrong with them. They need to know the truth eventually,but just be matter of fact and sensitive. Have lots if books around too!

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