Who feels they are in fear of losing their identity with everything they do at home for their family?
Teresa - posted on 01/15/2015
Hi Layon, everyone will take many different paths throughout their journey of life ,in the journey we constantly have a check in moment to ask ourselves the question of 'who am I ' and what is my role in life?
Sometimes we go with the flow of what is going on around us, becoming a teenager, meeting, new friends, and recognising our own identity while doing all of this. However when we settle into a relationship, and have children, the time we take to think about ourselves and what we want, and do is reduced, and the focus is on the care of family.
You have not lost your identity ,you have just shelved it for now, you sure and always will be Layon, and everything that means to you and the people around you, you may be 'Mom, but find a place when the focus is about layon. I don't know how old your children are, but they will understand when 'mom 'needs some me time.
You must have some interests just make the time to do something for Layon and make sure the rest of the family recognise that sometime in the week is for Layon alone. As the children get older work on the time that you allocate for yourself take a class , think about the future when once again your children leave home , what would you like to do with that time , plan now and begin to recognise who you are once again. Good Luck and nice to chat always leave a message and will get back to you.
Iayon - posted on 11/13/2012
Very empowering statement:) To create a new identity with the creation of your love for your family. I believe we are ALL mothers first and must be their for our husband and children. For me I needed to breathe a bit and reenergize myself and understand my purpose in my life. Just seeking who I was as an individual first and then where I fit in with the world.
I am a work in progress and enjoying the journey.
All the best,
Bobbie - posted on 11/13/2012
I feel that staying home with my family has given me my identity. Before I fell pregnant with my first child, I was just a high school girl. But now I'm a mother to wonderful children, aged 11 to 3. My 7th is due very soon.
Motherhood has certainly improved my life, God has blessed my with my kids and it is my duty to raise them as best as I can. Seeing my husband and children happy gives me satisfaction and happiness. I believe my role as a homemaker is very beneficial for my family, as I am there to greet my kids when they come home from school and keep the house in good shape.
Since I had no identity to begin with, I have instead gained one.
Iayon - posted on 11/12/2012
Love your quick tricks to pull yourself out of the day to day of giving to your family. I had a tough time for 12 years. Stay at home mom since 2000 with 7 kids and I home school. I finally decided to do something for me about 5 months ago and started a home biz. I needed something easy, automated and paid well. Found it, found time for me, found my happy self, found that life does not have to be too difficult. I found the balance I was searching for, for so long.
Nice to hear what you are going through and love your solutions to feeling better.
Iayon - posted on 11/12/2012
I know exactly how you feel. Yup, I was "Trevor's mom", or "Tathiana's mom." I do have a name too. I too treasured all my time with my children (7) and still do. My oldest is 16, my youngest is 19 months. I constantly give and exhaust myself.
About 5 months ago I declared I was going to do things for me. I have reorganized my daily schedule and set 1 hour just for me every afternoon. This is huge!! I also home school. I usually work out during this time, as I find I acquire lots more energy. I have realized that only I am in charge of my happiness and I want my new happy, positive, energetic self back. I have started my work at home biz which is automated, easy and generates money while I am busy with everything else.
Find a passion, a project, something you can call your own. I did and I feel much much better. I have got on the social media craze and met people just like me, going through things just like me!! It feels great to not be so alone.
Stay positive and make the change. We ALL have a beautiful person in us waiting to say "here I am!"
All the best,
Noell - posted on 11/12/2012
It is not easy trying to keep in touch with yourself while spending every moment with your kids but some easy tricks i have used and feel are helpful is i try very hard to take a long shower if my hubby is home to watch kids also i try to do something for my self at least once a week example i buys cute underwear! it makes me feel better and like i have actually done something for me or i buy new nail polish and try to keep my toes painted which i love! or even taking the family to the mall for a walk and i get to just look around and window shop truly there is no straight answer for your question you just have to find little things you can do for yourself and i emphasize on the LITTLE if you try to do big things the kids usually get involved and then it is not for you it is for them good luck hope this helps
Katie - posted on 11/12/2012
Not to be depressing, but I already feel like I have lost my identity. I've become distanced with a few childless friends who don't quite understand just how time consuming a baby/child can be. My son is 11 months old and has been walking for about a month and is the worst napper, so I literally spend my day chasing him around. With the few moments I have "to myself" I am busy trying to catch up with dishes or make a grocery list...something like that. I'm lucky if I have a chance to shower. Most days I have to get up super early to try shower and get ready while my son is still sleeping or while my husband is still home before work so that he can keep en eye on him. I don't know what new songs are on the radio, have no clue what is going on in the world since I keep the TV off most of the day, don't know what the latest fashion trends are...wish I did, but it wouldn't matter because I spend the majority of my day in crappy old clothes or sweats/pajamas. I used to really enjoy working out, but haven't been able to fit that into my day for the past 4 months or so...thank goodness breastfeeding keeps me slim! Did I mention my husband works super long hours and is hardly home? That factor makes everything harder because I never get a break. I feel like my identity is "my son's mom" and nothing else right now.
It's really pretty sad. It's very depressing. But I just keep telling myself that someday he'll be in school and I'll have a good chunk of time to try and get things done (while dressed in normal clothes-ha). He won't be little forever, so I'm just trying to cherish this time despite it being really hard sometimes. Even though there are some days where I just want to bang my head against the wall, I wouldn't trade staying at home for going to work and getting to have an identity for about 8 or 9 hours a day. I'll get it back someday.
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