Who's selfish me or my husband?

Shaye - posted on 12/29/2017 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I'm new to this. I'm wondering if other sahm's have this issue. We have a 2y/o girl and 4 month old twin boys. One twin has medical issues that require daily attention. I'm exhausted to say the least. He works and he helps around the house and with the kids when he is home. When and if he wants to jump out of the house he goes leaving me with the kids. He will find a movie to see and his father has season basketball tickets. (He stays for 2-3quarters). Or sometimes he calls when he leaves the gym in the morning (6am) and says oh hey i stopped and had breakfast at (names the restaurant) would you like anything. Now he flip side to this is I appreciate what he does. However, if I want to just jump and leave he always says can you go later when you put he kids to bed? Well by that time I'm tired and want to sleep myself. Also, sometimes I want to go have a quiet breakfast with no one but self but i don't have that luxury. Am I being inconsiderate or selfish?

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Michelle - posted on 12/30/2017

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I agree with Ev, you need to point out what he is doing and how it makes you feel. He probably doesn't even realize it as men don't think about things the same way as us.
He helped create all the children so he needs to help look after them. That also means giving you some time out so you can do your best for the children. You aren't any good to them when you are exhausted.

Shaye - posted on 12/30/2017

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He definitely had the luxury to jump and go. It's so frustrating. I will try your approach and pray it works out. He's typically understanding. However, i wonder if he's nervous to be alone with all the kids. Of course it's easier when we are both helping. I'm going to figure out if it's a fear of watching 3 kids with no help. Thank you so much for your advice.

Ev - posted on 12/30/2017

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No you are not being either of those. You need to point out to him that you are there constantly and need a break sometimes too. Sit down and talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel and communicate you need some down time from the kids too. He gets to go to work and he is not with the kids all day or night like you are. But he has had to work. On the off chance he gets to go out suddenly, that is where I would state it bothers you that he will on a whim go out with someone to a movie or a sports game or out for a meal just because he can but you are stuck at home and can not do that. On a weekend have him stay with the kids for a few hours so you can take a nap, go to a movie, get together with someone to do something nice. He may not realize as well that you are suffering some.

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