Why do I feel so guilty for being a stay at home Mom?

Brandi - posted on 02/11/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I feel like I am some kind of bum. I feel like I am a little under-appreciated for all the things I do, but I also feel as though it is my job. The worst part is my husband is the supportive one, it is my family that seems to make me feel bad. I worked very hard through my first year of marriage. I worked full time and went to school full time. Then in my last semester of college I got pregnant. I EARNED my degree and it cost me big bucks! I took out student loans to pay for it so I do not understand my parents' urge to tell me that I am wasting my degree by being at home. I can work when my baby is in school right? Why do I let this bother me so much? I also have a brother and sister-in-law that love to take cheap shots at me for being a stay at home Mom. It is awful to want to be accepted so badly by your own family. I hate that I feel bad about myself, when deep down I know I am doing the right thing.

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Kari - posted on 02/14/2010

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You are very much doing the right thing. Who cares that you aren't working. You are raising a child to be respectful, smart, loving and all in all a good person. You are doing what it takes to keep your house running and keeping your family happy. You DO WORK - 24 hours a day / 7 days a week. You work more than any person without kids, they get to sleep at night, do what they want without thinking of others. You are a good person for what you are doing and never, ever let anyone tell you otherwise!!! You only get once chance to be with your children when they need you the most and this is it. *hugs*

Cortney - posted on 02/13/2010

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I feel the same way sometimes. To be honest with you I feel being a stay at home mom is a much harder job than given credit for. You aren't off of work until you finally close your eyes to go to sleep and even then you may get woken up by your babe. You wear the hat of the maid, chef, teacher, personal assisant to the whole family etc. Your family should take pride in the amazing job you do w/ your babe and how hard you work w/ out ever truly getting a break. They should also take pride in your husbands ability to support your family and make it possible for you to stay home and raise your lil one! I say enjoy this time w/ your babe and remind your family gently of the big things your doing at home when they start to get judgy judgy! Their comments may also come from a place of envy, they may want to or have wanted to stay home and were not able to so they try and make you feel bad!

now if i could take my own advise....lol

Lorraine - posted on 02/13/2010

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Who cares what everyone else thinks. Are they gonna raise your child or pay for daycare if you go to work. No! You have chosen to be a stay at home mom, not because you couldn't find a job but because you want to be there for your baby. Do you really think that your little one is gonna say, "Dang why don't you ever leave?" They are gonna say "I love you" and be attached to your hip. I went to school too! I have two degrees in the medical field. I worked for three years before I got pregnant, now I just want to see my baby girl's smile in the morning. Not some old guy puking out a lung. It is your choice, your degree, your debt and tell them to deal with it. Unless some how they are gonna pay for costs and lost time with the baby. Just tell them to shut it and to look at the beautiful baby in your hands. Tell them to look into those baby's eyes and tell them they are a waste of time. Enjoy being at home and know your decision is right for you and your family.

Shaquim - posted on 02/13/2010

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I can honestly feel your pain i mean i have ones in my family who take cheap shots at me also but i look at my baby and say thats their hang up not mine because i am raising my son and not society i know that he has a better way of learning and i dont have to worry about rather he has the proper supervision i consider being a stay at home mom a blessing because there are a great deal of parent who miss out on the smallest yet most important things so you keep your head and know that you are a great mother because you put you child first

Martina - posted on 02/12/2010

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The most important job you have right now is raising your child. You are blessed to have a very supportive husband in this area. I got a degree as well and have not used it in the so called 'real world" . However my degree is put to use everyday with my children because I studied childcare. It does not matter your degree there is time for that later. A lot of mom's and dad's feel guilty for not staying at home with their child and will take cheep shots at those of us who do. My mom was a stay at home all my growing up and I love her for it.I always knew she was there for me. Just remember you are making LONG term investment in your little ones life by you staying at home with him.Remember you have to do what is right for YOUR family not your extended family. I will pray for you. I know it is tough.

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I agree w the other two moms! If it feels like the rite thing to do, keep doin it! As long as you aren't lookin to your fam for financial support, they have no room to speak! What is important in your life are your husband and child. If all of that is happy and good, you're in the rite place. It can be hard to be at home all day everyday and that can make you feel "bummy". I understand that. You can find things to get rid of that tho. Find a playgroup or take baby to the library at story time. You could even get a part time job so that you have something that is "yours". But don't feel bad for dedicating yourself to your child or home!

Rebecca - posted on 02/11/2010

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Isn't it sad that we live in a world where being a mother to your children is seen as a bad thing?? I will never understand the way of thinking that if you actually choose to be a full time mother to your children, you are somehow a failure. I, too, have earned my college degree, and I decided to quit my job when my son was born to be with him through his first few years of life. To me, that is what is important right now. I completely agree with you that you have plenty of time to work!!! You will not always have this time with your baby. What you are doing is good!!! I am sorry your family is not supporting you, but ultimately, what you feel is right is what is the right thing to do. Try not to let other people's opinions get you down!

Laura - posted on 02/11/2010

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I have cousins who studied, got their degrees and are now stay at home mums (one with 5 kids 6 years and under) and loving it. It's awesome you have already achieved that, it means you have something to fall back on 1. if something happens to your husband and then you have to financially support your family and 2. when your children are grown you can go back to it. Too many people put career before family and then in their 40's decide it's time to have children but then have trouble conceiving. You are not wasting your degree, you will come back to it. But now is the time for nurturing your precious child. I think it is bothering you so much because it's coming from your family who instead of supporting you are bringing you down. Tell them to lay off, nurturing that young child at home through the first years is more important than a career, an experience that once gone you can never get back (whereas you can always go back to work later). Enjoy this time for what it is and what it means for your family, and if other family members don't understand your choice, at the end of the day it's really not their business.

Enjoy being a mummy:)

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