Why do people frown upon stay-at-home moms?

Dawn - posted on 06/24/2010 ( 718 moms have responded )

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I get so much grief being a stay at home mom. I have had people tell me that I am just being lazy staying at home with my son. That i need to pull my weight and bring home the bacon also. I thought staying home is a good thing to do for my son, why do I get crap?

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Bridgie - posted on 07/07/2010

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Well done Dawn.I'm a stay at home mom too even though I used to work full time in childcare and am qualified.I always said if I had kids I would look after my own not other people seen first steps,talking,eaten on their own etc as a mam that is for me and dads too.Ive friends telling me look for job but I say no straight to them pay to mind mine then mind others no thanks.
Bridget

Natasha - posted on 07/07/2010

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Jealousy makes you nasty that is all I can say!!!

It is the hardest job in the world! AND the most rewarding! You must be proud that you can do this!!!
I worked it out if I go to work and have to pay a daymother or nanny I am just working for that so I am doing what I love best...be a busy stay at home mom!!

Enjoy the baby years because as they start going to kindergarten and activities...you will get very busy!

My hubby says that being a mom is a 24/7/365 job!!

ENJOY YOUR KIDS

Joyce - posted on 07/07/2010

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I'm a stay at home mom trying to build my business and doing a small side job that I can take my kids with me. Your husband sounds like mine LOL. Every time I ask him for money for the kids he tells me to get a job even thought I do work in and out of the house plus take care of the kids and clean and cook.
Joyce

Tara - posted on 07/07/2010

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In my opinion, people who say that (especially other women) are just jealous! I'm lucky and got a year maternity with both children. I had to go off early the second time, but it was such a joy to be able to stay home with my son. I knew it would be the last time it would be just him and me. Now, I have to go back to work, but only enough to pay the mortgage. I would never tell anyone it was a bad choice! I'm jealous of the women who can afford to stay home!!
When I had about a day left of maternity leave, I had someone in my family say "welcome to the 'real'world" when I said I had to go back to work. WHAT?!?!?! Can you tell that was a man? lol. I have an almost 3 yr old boy (VERY active!!!) and a 9 month old girl. What about a job is the 'real' world? I almost lost it! Good luck!

Lisa - posted on 07/07/2010

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LMAO!!!!! LAZY?!?!?!?! being a stay at home mum is far more challenging and exhausting and might i add rewarding... than going back to work and dumping your kid onto someone else to look after.....!!!!
I cared for my 1st full time till she was over 1yr and weaned. Then only went back part time. My 9 mth old goes to daycare one day a week so I can work (I had to financially) but going to work is like a holiday in comparison. YAY for stay at home mums. Our babies are only little for such a short time and it should be milked for all it is worth otherwise why have them only to miss all those precious moments with them that you will never get again. keep up the great stay at home work... no mum has ever not worked, if they don't call cooking, cleaning, washing, feeding, bathing, picking up toys, entertaining day and night a full time job then what the heck would you call it? Definately not sitting on your bum thats for sure! It is also challenging financially and stressful to be a stay at home mum but I would recommend it to anyone that has the courage to give up work at least for the first year of their babies life. Any baby will agree!

[deleted account]

People need to mind their own business and realize you are doing what you think is best for your child. I've been a stay at home Mom most of my son's 17 years and get crap about it to. My son is severely disabled with health issues and when he's ill there is nobody else to care for him, or do doctors appointments. I quit paying attention to what the haters/jealous have been saying a long time ago. Do what you need to and tell them to mind their own business!

Ave - posted on 07/07/2010

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they are just jealouse because you are spending time with your son and see him growing and developing :) i hope i can stay home too when my son is in kindergarden or school so i could spend more time with him :)

Aisha - posted on 07/07/2010

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when I had my son I was working for a very well reputed company but after i went on mat. leave I quit my job because I thought that me bieng with my son instead of any child care provider is the best thing I can do for him and he deserves all of it......than the money i was bringing in, which was definetly worth ...but not more than my need for my son and my husband and family supported me 100%....and i tell you this is one heck of a full time job with no money but the love and nourishment of my son is everything i need......I wish and hope every one's family understands your sacrifice coz bieng a full time mom isn't easy job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! good luck every one..

Sherry - posted on 07/07/2010

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I'M AN OLDER SAHM - I HAV WORKED IN THE PUBLIC ALL MY LIFE...I HAV A 13 YR AND A 37 YR OLD...I WORKED WITH MY OLDER DAUGHTER AND I H/S MY SON....I CAN TELL U - SAHM'S WORK TWICE AS HARD AS MOMS WHO WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME...ITS A MENTAL AND PHYSICAL THING BUT, AT LEAST UR WITH UR CHILD AND U R THE ONE TEACHING THEM...IT'S AN AWESOME RESPONSIBILITY TO RAISE A CHILD SO U SHOULD DO IT NOT SOMEONE ELSE IF THE FINANICAL SITUATION ALLOWS IT...UR CHILDREN R A SOURCE OF LIFE SO DON'T LET SOMEONE ELSE WHO DOES NOT LOVE THEM LIKE U DO (IF POSSIBLE) TO ENJOY, TEACH AND LOVE THAT CHILD.....JUST MY OPINION....

Lisa - posted on 07/07/2010

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Funny how some people think. Or maybe there are a few types of mums, those who believe they should stay at home the first few years and actually enjoy the idea of being with their babies; those who feel they need to work for some personal space and sanity (because raising kids isn't the easiest job on the planet); and those who want to stay home but can't afford to. Maybe there are a few more that fall in between these few categories as no mum is the same. I personally believe that NOBODY has the right to judge what a mum chooses to do. I was a workaholic and through-and-through corporate kinda lady before I had Aidan. For goodness sake, I worked in advertising - i.e long, long hours and working weekends too. But when Aidan came along, I wanted to give him as much of my time as possible and going back to advertising would mean I won't see my only child! Being a human being, there were moments when I wanted to jump off the balcony and I even tried to get hired help to do the housework so I could give my attention to him. I ended up getting a cleaner just to do cleaning but I could not bring myself to even let her bathe Aidan or change his diapers because I knew one thing would lead to another. I'm not saying that every mum should stay at home because we're all different personalities. Some mums feel they will go insane if they give up their jobs. Others really can't afford to and they have to make a pretty tough decision to work while they miss their kids. I feel bad that my husband has to work so hard to support us but I don't let him spend on everything as I have savings from 15 years of being the workforce. It's hard to see the hard-earned savings dip but I know it's a good sacrifice for my kid and when I need to - hopefully by that time, Aidan will be older - I can always do part time to help financially. Just do what you feel is right for you and your kid. By this, I mean, if you feel the strain of looking after your child exclusively and need a break, don't feel guilty for getting some help either or going back to work if that's what will help you.

Melissa - posted on 07/06/2010

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Are you kidding? Most of my employed friends with children envy people like me who stay at home. A stay at home mom is not being lazy, its a full time job in itself. Don't listen to those who don't support you or are negative towards you.

Teresa - posted on 07/06/2010

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I am a stay at home mom as well and I fortunately have never gotten any grief for it. I am fortunate to be able to stay at home as my husband has a pretty good job and I dont have to work at least not for now. I would tell people to mind their own business as long as you are not asking them to borrow money they have no business telling you what you should or should not be doing. Raising children is the best job there is and I would prefer to care for and teach my own children instead of paying someone else to do it for me.

Victoria - posted on 07/06/2010

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I am so sorry you get grief from people! you shouldn't I have had more then one mom tell me they were jealous of me because I could be with m girls all day and they HAD to work. It is hard I am sure but try to ignore them your son will learn a lot from you and benefit greatly form having you around so much. Enjoy the time you have now they grow up so fast. Don't let others bully you or make you feel like you don't have a hard job!

Narelle - posted on 07/06/2010

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you only have one chance in life to raise your family......so make the most of it...cos i am......i want to reach the end of my life and have no regrets that i didn't spend enough time with my kids....i will know that the men and women they become will be from what i have taught and instilled in them and not someone else.....so good to see that there are still some real loving mothers out there who want the best for their children x x

Samantha - posted on 07/06/2010

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they are just jealous a-holes, im a stay at home mum of 2 kids, and i think it will make my boys be come great men. my hubby works 5 days aweek paid and we make his money work n still have all we need (and yes we are a low income family) and we are happy!! my job is 24/7 i cleanin home, do dished, cook, washing which there ie always loads of!!,food shopping, pay bill, bath and get kids really, get up in the nite if have to and still have to be up at 7am...... and it goes on n on LAZY is not one of them, we get no real time for us as a stay at home mum. it is one of the most slefless things anyone can do... put your kids/ family 1st to make a happy home and make happy people.

Sharlene - posted on 07/06/2010

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I hate it when people tell you 'you're so lucky to be able to stay at home'. er, actually, it's because I'm in a low paying profession, so it really isn't worth while going back to work when you take the cost of childcare into consideration!

Wendy - posted on 07/06/2010

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I have met many working women...and SAHM's....I was a working career minded women, but then I had kids. I watched a babysitter literally a verbally and physically abuse a child in the park. She was calling the boy all kinds of names and smacked him in the face several times. Yes the boy was out of control, but I think it was because of the babysitters attitude....at that moment I swore I would not let that happen to my child. I have been a stay at home mom since my lil ones were born and when I come across someone that criticizes me....I tell them they are just jealous that they can not afford to stay at home with there kids. Many people can not live without cell phones or many luxury items..... This is why they work. I tell them that the cost of there luxury is what they pay to have someone else raise there kids. They shut up very quickly

[deleted account]

WOW! That is not my experience at all. All of my friends (myself included) have careers that were put on hold... teachers, nurses, lawyers, even a PhD student. I feel sorry for those who have to work to make ends meet.

I agree with Ella B. Get out more and meet new people.

[deleted account]

Jealousy. Not to be mean but everyone I know who works tells me how lucky I am. And I will admit I do feel kinda lucky getting to stay home. Its not easy peasy but its worth it. It does kinda get on my nerves when someone says how do you guys make it with only one income. I wish I could say my checking account balance is none of your business but I dont I smile and say we budget and dont spend more than we make. GASP what a concept maybe some of these familes both work might be in debt because of poor spending habits and honestly couldnt really understand how another family can make it off of less money. Im not sure but.. just enjoy staying home and just ignore the comments.

Donna - posted on 07/06/2010

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I hear about it alot too. And I'll tell you what I tell every other person that makes any comment about it. I love being able to stay at home with my daughter. I did actually sit down and work all the finances out to see if me going back to work would, well, work for our family. We'd have to get another car if I didn't get a job in town. And I'd be paying just a little less than I'd make each day for daycare. So really, I like my job. Hell, I love my job! I love seeing my daughter laugh and smile and cry and grow every single day. I am PROUD to be a SAHM. We should all be proud.

Beverly - posted on 07/06/2010

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You do have your single moms who have no choice but to get a job and support their kids, but if you are not single and your husband/boyfriend supports this decision, then it does not make you lazy, we do so much more than a lot of other woman do in one day! I am a mother of 4 w/ 2 step kids, I have chosen to forgo several luxuries, I do not have a car, just so I can stay home and take care of my children, We do have one car and its an 89 model ford escort (pony)...LOL....but this was a decision that we both made so that I could stay home w/ my children! I have wanted to go back to work b/c not having a car can get a little old and being stuck at home all day is exhausting! But I am happy w/ my decision, I feel that my children will be more well rounded because of my decision. We have a nice home, that needs some minor/not serious repairs, but these are things that we are going to be doing w/ out! So what, let them talk all their bs, what we do in 24 hours time is more than they do in a week.

Katie - posted on 07/06/2010

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I get that from my FIL and his wife(his 2nd wife) that i should be working and not staying home and i'm not pulling my weight. I say oh well, they dont' help out and I know what it's like to be raised with a mom who is always working.. sorry we can't afford daycare and gas if i work, so yeah They are just jealous that they can't/couldn't stay home with their kids

Beth - posted on 07/06/2010

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I didn't know they did frown at stay at home moms. I always admire women who can stay at home. To me, those families that can have the wife stay home to tend to the children and home must have things pretty well together if they can afford health insurance and college saving funds and retirement accounts on one income. That is an accomplishment and something to be proud of. I felt such guilt taking my son to daycare while I worked my traditional 9-5 job and my heart ached to be home with him. When he was 7 months old I couldn't stand it anymore and switched to working 3- 12 hour night shifts so I could take him out of daycare and be at home with him. I am tired a lot but i am so glad that I am raising my child and still providing our family with affordable major medical and dental coverage. It sure would be nice though to not have to leave at night and just take care of my husband and son. Anyway, I admire moms who can stay at home.

Heidi - posted on 07/06/2010

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I have to laugh about who is telling you this...I have been home with my children now for 8 years (tomorrow). I found this wonderful article about SAHM....I do not know if you can google it, but it is pretty cool. The Virginian Pilot, The Daily Break section, Thursday, May 24, 2007 titled "Stay At Home Moms Say Busy All Day." It is by Carolyn Hax. I have it on my refrigerator to remind me of working moms v. SAHM...Enjoy

Priya - posted on 07/06/2010

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I am a stay at home mom also so i understand how you feel. I feel that if you can stay at home then do it. It is really good for the kids i feel. I dont think that its being lazy at all. Stay at home mom is a big job title its self, so whoever says its "being lazy" must not of done it.

Heather - posted on 07/06/2010

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Women who make those comments generally are jealous that they don't have their stuff straight(finances, doing with less, etc...) to they can stay at home and/or feel guilty and try to un-do their guilt....
people who put their kids in daycare.... don't they get it... you have to pay someone good money for their job of keeping children... so why is it when a mom stays home its no longer a job....

Mahwesh - posted on 07/06/2010

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lol! Its becoming so much of a luxury that I find working moms or moms that have not figured out that it actually costs more to work are simply envious of what they can't do. It takes commitment to figure it out firstly cause its installed in our minds throughout college that the education that we are funding for will be justified by the career we will hold in the future. As a result we feel as though we are failing not just ourselves but our ancestors and our future generaltions. We feel that we will be setting a bad example and our kids won't be motivated to be something or someone. I feel the modern mom realizes the flaws from the feminist movements and cherishes the rewards from the very same - the freedom of CHOICE!! Be happy you are amongst those that have decided to stay back and raise your precious munchkins who will be wellrounded individuals as they learn balance and so do you....Also a quick comeback to those that think its being lazy to stay back @ home.....most working families dish out upto $1500 per child for the hours they are away from their kids...and that does not account for the unhealthy take out meals >> future bad habits!!

Martha - posted on 07/06/2010

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Its weird how people complain about how society has lost values, and how young people are misled.....and still....they ##$%&$&/ us stay home moms?
Don't they see that society is like that EXACTLY BECAUSE there are less and less mommys at home? .
We are the guidance these children (or should I say FUTURE ADULTS) are.......pay no attention to people who just see $$$$$$ as the way, our job as MOTHERS is to guide our kids, and STAY and BE here for them :)

Jamia - posted on 07/06/2010

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I understand exactly what you are saying I am a full time college student & sahm & my family are contantly asking me why I wont get a job but my hubby doesnt want me to neglect our child and neither do I. I dont know why they act that way i guess its because they dont realize that staying at home caring for a child or children is just as difficult as punching a clock. My hubby realizes it though he has tried to trade places and he says that is just not cut out for that. i just simply ask them if they wanna walk in my shoes if not they can worry about what they do for a living

Renee - posted on 07/06/2010

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Bless your heart honey!!!!!! Well I am very fortunate that the vast majority of my family are teachers and counselors and they know the value of staying at home. I've gotten some grief from family members on my husband's side but his parents think what we are doing is awesome. Why do we get grief. Well a few reasons I can think of - they've not done their research and they think staying at home is the easy way out. No way. One person who gave me a hard time recently had to stay at home with her kids for a few months, her attitude is so much different now. She said she wanted to go to work to get a break!! Just smile at them and find something to say that you always say when you are given a hard time. Like, "You really don't get it do you?" or "Have you done any research on this or is this an opinion b/c research is on my side." or you could just do the opposite which shuts people up every time....."Yep, well, you know me, I love to be lazy." or "I figured I'd be lazy for a few years" and then laugh. Just an idea. I've found that I tend to go for the "you don't know what the hell your talking about" approach. I've got a degree with plenty of early development training - trust me your doing a good thing. Also, my best friend is a lawyer who doesn't have kids yet. She mostly does juvenile cases. She said to tell them that if they knew how kids who have little parental involvement turned out they'd stay at home too. Its dangerous in her opinion. Also, some families don't have a choice so I hate it for them that they can't stay at home. We down sized to one car and never spend a dime to make ends meet. We live on a shoestring but its worth it.

Jennifer - posted on 07/06/2010

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People who tell you that is jelouse of the connection you will have with your children. Being home is pulling your weight, you are able to take care of your own child instead of a daycare, you are able to cook and clean at anytime you want. Also you are home for your spouse when he needs you not when you are off able not tired. There are so many benifits staying home. They just wish they could. Hold your head high and smile. becus you are doing more for your family than some can.

Tara - posted on 07/06/2010

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Wow, I can't believe people would actually say that to you. I wouldn't give an ounce of credit to what those people say. You know you are making the right decision for your children & you will never regret it. I agree that people who say that are probably jealous because as SAHMs we love our job!!! I would definitely spend less time with those who feel that way & more time with those who are supportive of your choices and who have made the same choices for themselves. These are the people who will have similar values to you as well, which are the kind of people you should be seeking to spend time with for your own sake and that of your children. Just ignore the negativity and know that you are doing the right thing for your kids.

Jasmin - posted on 07/06/2010

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I can't tell you how many times I've heard those words as well. I think many SAHM can relate. However, these people are ignorant. They just do not understand exactly how hard it really is to stay home 24/7 and not only take care of your children but clean the house and cook and do everything else that we do. I think there is a misconception that we just sit around on our butts all day watching soap operas and eating bon bons lol but it is the exact opposite. We barely ever get a break. Being a stay at a home mom is the hardest job there is. Don't let anyone make you feel differently. You are doing a wonderful thing for your son. Thank you!

Sowmya - posted on 07/06/2010

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hi im from india....and you wont beleive how much grief i get for being a stay at home mom...people talk to me like im an illiterate who cant go to work....they dont get tht i choose not to...and yeah i agree we do a lot more of work...not only are we always mentally alert but physically too we dont sit around for a minute....

Dawn - posted on 07/06/2010

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Those that give you grief are jealous because they work. Staying home with your child is choice and sometimes situation make that decision for you. I am a stay at home mom and my friends and family support me in this decision all the way.

[deleted account]

sadly, society does not value relationships with people anymore they value things and what it takes to buy those things, this world seems to have become very selfish and alot of women work because they want to. They would rather keep up with the Jones' than raise their kids. There are circumstances where some moms have to work and I have no problem with that but most do not. We live on a very modest income and barely make it sometimes but the more money you make the more money you spend and that is fact, you have to spend money to work and many could do with less than they are. I get the same comments from my husband, mom, friends and even strangers but I have to be loyal to my children and my values/beliefs first.

Lourdes - posted on 07/05/2010

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I feel that some women dont even know what they are really talking about, I think that their is time for every thing and if your husband supports you dont mind about those things, some how this is a very important time for you and your son and their is no one that can take care of your baby as you, so see it as a temporary moment and then you will deside whats the best for your Fam.

Misty - posted on 07/05/2010

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I am also a stay at home mom. My feeling on this is that women tend to be insecure about parenting. If you are doing something another mom is not and she feels insecure about it she may try to make you feel like you are not doing the right thing. I believe staying at home with your children during the early stages of development is the best thing you can do for them. It is a sacrifice for your kids. Far from being lazy if you ask me. I don't have a moment to myself most of the time with 2 girls but this time will pass before we know it and it will only feel like a short moment in life. It is worth it!

Kimberlee - posted on 07/05/2010

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There is a certain amount of ignorance about the amount of work that seems endless to the mother at home. I think I have just written it off to several things that are possibly in play. One the person has not realized the ramifications of being the out of sight mother to her own children and their deep expense to their character development and future in society. The guilt of the fixed position of over extending the family finances to the point of having to work plays into the have to of their lives. Maybe they don't see the purpose of being in the home. I have always shared the joy of teaching my children at varies stages and times in their lives. Also what I am learning about myself as a mom, person and a wife. Honing these skills are rewarding for the knitting of my family to weather the storms that do come against our house. The abiding memories we are creating everyday for our little ones and the example of our lives before them give me great purpose and I have not lost sight of the goal to raise my children up. I hope to be contagious even to the skeptics in our lives. Continue to show your joy remembering you get to comfort, encourage and teach your children. They grow up so fast! Enjoy this time and be contagious about it.

S - posted on 07/05/2010

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You know, I hear it a lot too. My husband's coworker has a wife who is a Doctor and they have a live in nanny and also a cleaning lady to clean for them. She actually asked me what I do all day and if that was all that I wanted out of life. I was just shocked. We are upper middle class, I do not need to work. Yes, this is all I have ever wanted out of life. It is enough for me. I had college and a career. I was not happy until I became a mom and decided to stay home. I never understood why people just can't see this as being a job that is totally fulfilling. I also have heard from women who have to work who tell me that they do all the stuff that I do around the house and they go to work full time. It's usually said with a tinge of anger and jealousy to make stay at home moms seem lazy. In both of these situations, I just tell them that I'm blissfully happy with my choices in life and they are right for our family. I am very blessed in being able to do what I am doing and would not trade it for the world. Whatever makes you happy is what you should take pride in doing. Hold your head high and know that you are doing exactly what is right for you and your family.

Sarena - posted on 07/05/2010

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For one.. I am a SAHM also... I am raising 3 children and it is very hard work! In my opinion, I think we should get paid also. I've had my share of 8 to 12 hr. regular jobs, and none of them were as hard as what all I have to do here at home all the time!!! I think that letting other people raise your own children b/c you have to work isn't right! Maybe that's what is wrong with our children today.. because their own parents never have time for them because they are both always @ work or something else! Spend time with kiddo's today.. let them know you care and are there for them. It is a wonderful thing to do if you are financially able! :)

Terra - posted on 07/05/2010

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Not too long ago in society women had to stay home with their kids. And if they worked they were frowned upon. Its a good thing if you can afford it to stay at home. Ignore those people who give you crap.

Shannon - posted on 07/05/2010

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I think people are jealous that they can't. I also think alot of people assume that being a SAH mom means sitting around doing nothing. I dunno about you but it takes me all week to clean the house and get things done. Its hard work staying home with a baby all day. My son is 4 months old and LOVES having Mommys attention as much as possible. Its difficult but fun :) Good luck....and tell the frowners to "kiss it" lol

Emily - posted on 07/05/2010

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Who cares about those haters. They are just jealous. It's wonderful to be able to be a SAHM. They don't know that you can stay-at-home and still bring home the bacon. Hell I do it and i have two kids( a 4 yr.old and a 1month old). As long as you belive you're doing the right thing for your child then thats all that matters.

[deleted account]

It isn't a hardship to stay at home.. open your heart and mind to the opportunities that arise from being a stay at home mom!

Janet - posted on 07/05/2010

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People do not realize that is a job taking of child. Daycare expenses is too high and they do not do the job right. I am stay at home mom with my 4 year old. Much respect to you. Whoever is telling you this is jealous and they need to get a life. Keep up head up Dawn.

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