why won't my son sleep?? i'm starting to loose it!

Monica - posted on 06/18/2012

I feel for you and even though we all have our own formulas to help a baby sleep, that doesn't mean it will work for you, I certainly hope it does. This is what I tried with my little one if you want to give it a go:

- dark or almost dark room, day or night

- no distractions in the cot or anywhere he could find it

- sleep bag to keep him warm and cozy at all times

- a full bottle (he was only breastfed for 2 months) with a bit of rice cereal (yeah I know people say it's force feeding bla bla bla, it worked for me specially because he had reflux and it helped keep it down)

- a wedge under the sheet to keep his head higher (again reflux)

- a cd player playing gentle lullabies for 20 minutes on low volume

- a white noise cd with sounds of rain, heart, etc

- not running to him everytime he makes a sound, give him time to re-settle

- rocking him and putting him down when was very drowsy

- shushing him through the monitor when he wakes up crying before he wakes up completely, that would put him back to sleep without me having to go in the nursery



I tried all that during different stages in his first year and they all helped, he's been sleeping soundly and on his own from 5 months and hardly wakes up at all. Having said that, he had his 'separation anxiety' phases and then I used controlled crying which worked beautifully.



Good luck!

Christina - posted on 06/18/2012

I'm going to guess that by the time I've posted this message, your LO's sleep patterns will have already changed. I know mine has frequently! I have a 12 week old that is going through the same thing. No regular sleep pattern, even though we do bed time at the same time every night with a routine. He used to have one long stretch of 4-6 hours, but then it disappeared for two weeks and he was up every 2-3 hours (5-6 times a night)! However, it has since reappeared, and we're back to 3 wakings a night. I have a feeling it was growth spurt time (or sleep regression, or whatever the hell they call it). I'm sure it won't be the only time this happens, but for now I'm just grateful it's reappeared!

So basically, wait two weeks. If it doesn't change, it could be medical. But probably not.

However, on the put down sleepy thing, I recommend this blog article: http://www.troublesometots.com/what-you-...

Basically, try for 95% asleep (so, 95% into deep sleep), then work your way down through the 10 minute light sleep stage to put down immediately after unlatch.

On the swing thing - Yeah, right there with you. Very poor...can hardly afford batteries for the damn thing. We bought our classic Fisher Price Nature's Path Papasan Swing on Craigslist for $30. Good luck to you. Look high and low for a good deal.

Gerrika - posted on 06/17/2012

Sometimes when young children do not get enough food before bedtime they have a hard time falling and staying asleep. It sounds like to me, he may not be geting enough food during the day. It might be time to start introducing baby to caeral. Gerber is a great brand to start with. try it and see what happens. Start out with 2 ounces and see if he responds to that...good luck

Belinda - posted on 06/17/2012

Babies need 3-4 naps until age 6 months , from 6-8 months they can drop down to 2-3 naps. Depriving needed naps makes children more tired - not less.

Sharlene - posted on 06/16/2012

Cut out the 3rd nap a baby that age should only have two nap morning and lunch nap then put him to bed at 5/6pm and get him up between 9/10 for a feed and hopefully he will wake up for a feed at 4/5 am .good luck I hope it works

Charlotte - posted on 06/16/2012

I could write for an hour on this topic as my daughter was exactly the same - she has always been the kid who needs a little extra lovin'. I highly doubt the lack of sleep is a medical issue, but definitely make an appointment with the pediatrician to rule out GERD etc. You could try a co-sleeper crib that attaches to your bed. They are not very expensive and you can find one on craigs list I am sure. The material in the leading brand is synthetic so no bed bug issue there. Alternatively put his crib in your room temporarily and push it right up next to your side of the bed. I think it is easy for people to say to use CIO, but 14 weeks is a bit young. He will cry a lot, and your stress level will increase. Your hormones are still crazy at 14 weeks, so do whatever is easiest for you. Make sure that you do not have any kind of post natal depression as a result of sleep depravation. You do sound on edge, which I can completely relate to. Sometimes it is difficult to detect mild depression in yourself until you come out of it. Perhaps a trip to your OB can rule it out. Also, ask your mom or someone to babysit while you get a solid chunk of uninterrupted sleep. Next step is to find a lactation consultant or go online for free la leche league help (they email back very quickly and are so helpful) as your nipples should not hurt at this point. I know you say money is tight, but try out different carriers - keep the receipt and keep labels on until you have tried it out. Again craigs list could help, or ebay. An alternative is to make sure you are using the baby carrier correctly - check You Tube for great videos for various baby carriers. The most popular are the Ergo and Baby Bjorn, as well as the sling styles. The Ergo is great for secret nursing while on the go. Bottom line is that this will get better, and your marriage can handle these few bumps.

Nikki - posted on 06/14/2012

This feels like exactly my story!! My son is eight months old and has been going through the same thing ever since I can remember. It's been so bad I haven't been able to sleep at all or do anything. Just the past couple weeks I've been doing the cry it out and it's been a whole new world!! I've done sooo much research on it and some people said its cruel and all. Well what I've figured out is you have to do what works for you in your life. So I reached my limit and had to do it. I don't just leave him to cry for hours though. This is how I started: We change diaper, PJs, night time calm lotion, feed him in the rocking chair while listening to lullaby music on his sound machine, then give him his binky and read a book, then we wave night night to his monkey lamp and turn it off. He's sleepy, but still awake. I kiss him and hugs and lay him in his crib. Here comes the hard part... He will probably cry for you but comfort him and then say night night and leave the room. I leave his lullaby music on a timer to sooth him.Let him cry for a couple minutes and go back in. If he takes a binky you can give him that. Comfort him without picking him up for no more than a minute. Leave. Let him cry a few more minutes each time before going in to comfort or give binky back. He WILL sleep eventually. I will feed him once or twice during the night, but by that age they should be able to go all night without it. So after several nights of this he should be sleeping a lot better. It trains them to be comfortable sleeping on their own. Sorry this is so long, but I've been in your situation and want you to know there IS an end to it and I hope this advice will help you.

Ashley - posted on 06/14/2012

Are you using a sother or sucky my son was exacly like yours worse acualy but he was sick, he may just need something to suck on to sooth him, you will need to continue poping it back into his moth for awhile till he will keep it in and wrap him, i co sleep and if your not comfurtable thats fine but i find it realy helps with sleepfor everyone that way if my daughter wakes up she can feed amediatly and go strait back to sleep and im still comfy i dont have get up and what not. You can get him checked refux maybe easy way to figure that out is to prop him up sleeping so hes almost sitting up sleeping i have seen people use those bath tub seats in a crib for this. With my son i would have to have him in a frunt carrier and walk him till he fell asleep then carfully transfer him and carrier into crib and hope for the best it had a 20 percent sucsess rate lol. Also remember if nothing else works verry soon you can start feeding him and that will realy help him sleep. Good luck i no its hard but it will get better soon also i would wait a 5 min to see if he will fall back asleep some babys just like to test you lol.

Belinda - posted on 06/14/2012

Is your baby waking up crying during naps? does he spit up at all? I wonder if he has reflux which is interrupting his sleep. Consider talking to a doctor .Could you consider getting a swing from craigs list or a consignment store? This might help a little.

How busy is his room? at 3 months he is starting to be more alert and noticing more around him so it is harder for him to lock out interesting sights and sounds. It is important that his room is darkened, more than just the regulation blinds that you see everywhere. Also consider getting a fan or white noise machine to provide a bit of white noise especially if it is noisy around your house.

Try to sit with him and pat his bottom / try other soothing techniques such as saying shshsh for about 15-30 minutes after he wakes up from his nap. Usually when they wake up after 20 minutes they are mostly asleep (even if they look wide awake).

Lastly, at night are you keeping his room somewhat dark when you go into see him in the middle of the night? use a 12 hour diaper so you shouldn't need to change him from 9 pm to 6. This should keep interaction and stimulation down to a minimum. Don't let him cry too long when he wakes up to be fed at night this will make it harder to get him back to sleep. Also remember that everyone wakes up in the night, the difference between adults and babies is that we know how to put ourselves to sleep so can in turn put ourselves back to sleep. This is why it is important to help your son learn how to fall asleep without nursing. (at some point when you are well rested :) When you decide to do this work on bed time not nap time initially as this is generally the easiest time to fall asleep).

Eileen - posted on 06/13/2012

Sounds like he is just being a infant. :-) My oldest is now almost nine years of age, but did not sleep through the night until he was 5! As long as baby is happy, not sick, or too cranky just give it time. My boys breast/bottle fed every 2 to 2.5 hours until they were 7-ish months,

Danicia - posted on 06/13/2012

chris, i find your statement ignorant to some degree. not only has that method helped my child, but it has also helped some of my family friends (one with a set of twins). if you haven't tried it how do you know how it works or doesn't work? and with every system/routine, there has to be some parental tweaking to fit your lifestyle and to make sure you feel comfortable with the system. within the book itself it repeatedly states, these are just suggested guidelines, if you feel your child needs to eat an extra meal or nap a little longer, have at it! your link notes more of the religious disagreeances (churches not liking him etc) than his actual work. the book that i recommend is one of the later versions. his theological disagreeances should not determine the view on one person not to mention isn't his book just a documentation of a routine/system that worked for many families and children successfully so he's sharing the information? isn't that what we're all on this website for in the first place, to ask questions and get different answers from different viewpoints and then use our own judgement and methods to fix the problem? just b/c you disagree with the man, his system works. if you disagree- try it before you bash it. one system may work for some and not for others, but if you're at your wits end, it's good to have a couple more options to look into vs none at all!

Chris - posted on 06/12/2012

I do not recommend a book by an author who's advice have been warned against by the AMA. His books have been the cause of failure to thrive and malnutrition. He is a liar and a charlatan in m;y opinion. Even his children have nothing to do with him.

http://www.ezzo.info/resources/timeline

Stifler's - posted on 06/12/2012

Except that that doesn't always work to make them sleep through. I did that from the start with both my children and they still wake through the night. Waking through the night is normal at this age they need the feeds.

Danicia - posted on 06/12/2012

i'm not a book pusher but this book saved our sanity when it came to getting our daughter to sleep. it's called "on becoming babywise- giving your infant the gift of nighttime sleep" by gary ezzo, m.a. and robert bucknam, m.d. it stresses making sure baby gets full meals during the day instead of cluster feeding and or snacking constantly throughout the day and then having a routine of sleep eat play repeat during the day vs eat sleep play repeat. seriously, it is worth reading this book for sleep, we started this routine with our daughter starting at birth and by 10 weeks she was sleeping completely through the night and still does (as long as she's not in a teething phase). it does have a section specifically for parents starting this routine later in life vs newborn so that should help out.
we also used the cry-it-out method for day naps to get her used to taking naps in her own room without a bottle (she was well fed earlier than play and nap time) and after about a half week the cry times got shorter and the sleeping ensued.
keep your head up, take a deep breath, and remind yourself it's all temporary and you and your husband will make it through this. good luck, you can do it!!!!

Stifler's - posted on 06/12/2012

Do you burp him? Sit him up on your shoulder for 20 after a feed? A sling is good if you can't do anything without them screaming you might at least get washing and dishes done. i carried Logan around a lot to to do washing and empty the dishwasher when he was really small because he never shut up. Putting them in the pram and rocking and walking around the house doing things with them in it is good too.

Erin - posted on 06/12/2012

I have a different view point than poster 1.
I have three children. Here is my suggestion:

1st have a medical check up (a breast feeding specialist would also be a good resource) it is possible even though the baby is latched he may not be getting much milk.

If the milk is plentyful he may need a pascifier. All babies are different as to when they start finally sleeping more through the night. So he may just not be quite ready. If you don't have any, get some Lanolin for the nipples it really helps alot.

I do suggest allowing the baby to fuss some it is not cruel or mean, but it is suggested you make sure to check baby and let baby know you are still there. Baby is a little young to be amused by much playtime or activities my son hated swings, bouncers etc too. It can be very frustrating. idk how you feel about pumping into a bottle, but if that's something you eant to do perhaps you can pump every other day for some a couple of bottles for night time and switch off days with dad, one night you get up each time with baby let dad sleep, next night maybe dad can just feed with the bottle at night for the night? As for chores, dad is gonna have to step up and do them if you are too busy breast feeding. Breast feeding can make you lathargic if you're too stressed doing to much other stuff. He needs to do extra until you can get back to it. Also it took until baby #3 to realize if you need to take a shower, as long as baby is safe just go take the shower, the baby is ok. It's ok to let baby cry a bit. Don't let anyone including you make yourself feel guilty about it.

Melissa - posted on 06/12/2012

My son is four months, the only way he sleeps for longer periods is if he is swaddled. Like you, I would rather my son sleep in his crib. At night he is in his crib unless I am nursing him, during the day he has one nap in his crib but the rest are usually in my bed. When my older son goes down for a nap, I nurse the baby in bed and try to get a nap in with him. The housework is usually the last to get attention. Another thing you could try would be to wash his bedding, then sleep with it in your bed for a couple nights before putting it in his crib. This way his bedding will have your scent and he may feel closer to you even if he isn't.

Brie - posted on 06/12/2012

Yeah...the whole "sleep when baby sleeps" doesn't work since he doesn't sleep! and what am I supposed to do when we have NO clean clothes to wear, NO clean dishes to eat out of?
My husband is a big and tall guy and we have a small, full size bed. He's shoved me out of it in his sleep before, so I don't feel like it would be safe to have my son sleep in our bed at night.

The closest LLL group is over an hour away. and CIO isn't abusive, as long as you do it right...but I feel like my son is too young yet, because most doctors don't recommend doing it until 6 months.

Chris - posted on 06/12/2012

Welcome to the world of new parenthood. Forget the housework; sleep when your baby sleeps. If you can't co-sleep at night (although co-sleeping does wonders for both sleep-deprived parents and it's easier for breastfeeding), co-sleep during the day when your dh is at work. You could find that your baby is sleeping better at night because of the co-sleeping during the day. Some babies need that almost constant touch. We celebrated my son's (our 4th) first word around age 2. It was down. We co-slept until he was around 2 1/2. But everyone slept better because my son was getting what he needed. And babies don't, as a rule, sleep all night (defined as 5 + hours, not eight) until much later, usually after their 2nd birthday.

Are there any new mom groups near you? La Leche League meetings, baby wearing meetings? If the carrier is cutting off the circulation in his legs, you might have the wrong carrier. Almost constant nursing is common right now as your baby's stomach is only the size of his fist. He could also be nursing so much because he needs the touching and cuddling that it provides. Breastfeeding isn't just for food. Don't CIO! It's bad for the baby and bad for you and bad for breastfeeding. All you'll teach him is that you are not to be trusted to respond to his needs.