Katie - posted on 02/28/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )
lately I haven't been myself. I'm very sluggish, I'm finding it near impossible to get to sleep, I'm very cranky and get defensive and irritated at everything. I am unable to focus, I can barely make it through a magazine article, or a blog post. My eating habits are very messed up, I find myself over eating one minute and then going hours upon hours with out eating. I have no enthusiasm for anything that would normally excite me, I have no desire to do anything, but at the same time I find myself antsy and cleaning and organizing things that are very out of the way. (ie my storage closet, or spare bedroom, areas I don't use on a regular bases)
Info about me: I'm 19 and I have a gorgeous soon to be 11 month old son. Me and my bf have been together 3 years. There is a history of depression and alcoholism in my family, my father had both.(I do not drink and I am determined to defeat the alcoholism gene from my family) Ever since pregnancy we started fighting more and more and since then we just haven't been working out. I'm at the point where I really think it is in my best interest to leave him, but I just don't want to do it. I don't want to take my son away from his dad, and vice versa, I don't want to leave my home, lose the combined income and the support of having someone else to look after and help with the baby. I don't even know how to leave him.
We've gotten into plenty of fights where he has said if I were to leave he wouldn't be in either of our lives because he'd most likely be dead. This scares me more then anything. Three years ago my father committed suicide and it devastated me, if that happened to my son, and to me I don't know what I would do. I feel so lost, and hopeless and like such an awful mother for wanting to break up our family, and because I'm so short tempered with my son.
How do I approach my doctor about this?
**Just a note* I would never hurt my son EVER, I posted a similar question on yahoo answers and one respondent stated I was a threat to his well being and that I would physically hurt him because of my being so irritable and finished off with I needed psychiatric help right away and shouldn't be a mother. Having someone say I would ever hurt my son has devastated me and now I can't help but think that I am an awful mother.
*also I am not a harm to myself, or anyone else. I'm not having suicidal thoughts at all, I just need some advice, and I will be talking to a doctor, so please only helpful advice.