Alyson - posted on 09/19/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )
I have been with my boyfriend/finance for 2 years (we are soon to be engaged but have not made it official to family yet). When we were dating for 3 months he got a paper in the mail saying he was being served for child support... Well apparently he didnt know he had a child out there and now the mother wanted money so she filed for him to pay child support. She said initially that "she thought it was in the best interest of the child to know her father" But has not done a single thing to back that statement up. She made everything difficult and drawn out. At first she would randomly cancel weekends because she "had plans" and she didnt "have to" let the child come over. We had to travel 2 hours away from our home and stay in his parents house to have visitation. The mother would only let her spend a few hours with us on saturday then after 3 months she let us visit for a few hours on saturday and sunday. Finally she let us have her for a night.Then we found out in the middle of this that we were pregnant and due in January right around the first visitation would be at our home. Obviously with having a newborn it was hard to drive for 8 hours(at first it was only allowed sat at 10am until sunday at 6pm) every other weekend. We had to invest in a lawyer which is not cheap, still paying out the butt in child support and doing ALL the driving every other weekend with a newborn.... Needless to say it was HARD and draining on out relationship.
Finally this past June court was over and now we have visitation every other weekend from Friday at 730 pm( he has to leave right from work at 530, drive 2 hours to pick her up then head back, usually not getting home until close to 10pm) until Sunday at 6pm. (Its been a year and a half since we first found out) We still do ALL the driving and she still causes problems... She is allowed to call once on the day she doesnt see the child so Saturday... but She calls 4 or more times that day and at LEAST 3 times on Sunday. We only answer and let her talk to the child once because she gets the child all upset with " I miss you baby" and "I love you SO SO SO SO MUCH". The kid is 3 1/2.. not a "baby" and then the kid gets upset and says she doesnt want to be with us and the mother always says "I know you dont but you only have to be there for one more day" Just making it OK for the kid to say those things. IT makes me so mad because my BF wont do anything about it he just gets pissed about it then usually we fight.
We fight after EVERY VISIT. So enough was enough and now he barley sees the child. We havent seen her in since the beg of August and we have been really happy. The mother still sends bills and has said NOTHING about him seeing the child. We are almost positive she only came after him for the money.. She has never made a decision that was in the best interest for the child, she always says "im not comfortable" or "Im not ready for that" "So if im not ready neither is the child". I just cant deal with it anymore, she just wants all the money she can get from us and there is nothing we can do about it. She enrolled the kid in a private top of the line preschool that he has to pay half of... in gymnastics... which he has to pay half of. He doesnt even get a say in it.. she just sends a bill and we have to fork out the money. And let me tell u.. the child support should WELL cover all this extra bs she sends our way. I just cant hold in my hatred for this woman anymore. And whenever the kid comes over she acts JUST like her mother and gets all mouthy.. and i cant help but get so angry and want nothing to do with this child. I feel so horrible for feeling this way.. i really do because I LOVE kids... just not this one.
I even made him go to counseling with me to hopefully help and it did for a little while until her mother caused more drama and made us fight. I love him more then anything, i believe he is my sole mate and the father to my daughter. I couldnt even dream of being with out him. I just want his BM and her kid to not be involved in our lives :(. He wants to be her "father" but he missed 2 years of her life, we live 2 hours away and the mother is NOT helping with ANYTHING because "She doesnt HAVE to help" All she has to do is send bills.
Does anyone else have issues similar to mine? If so how do you cope with the feelings and the stupid BM?
PS: they were never married or dating. It was a hook up type thing so its not like there is a chance of feelings nor am i worried about feelings between them.