It is just so hard!

Tara - posted on 10/21/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

I have actually been a step-mother for almost 5 years now. My husband, while being a great father, has always waited on the boys (9 and 12 now) hand and foot when they are here. He never punishes them or makes them clean up after themselves. I started taking on a lot of responsibility with them very early on. Their mother never used to take an interest in them outside of the child support money we have to pay her. So I took over a lot of the education area (I have my degree in elem. ed.) Their mother was happy to let me do whatever I wanted because it meant she didn't have too. The younger one, whom I have been with since he was 4 has always been so easy to love. He is sweet, caring, easy-going, etc. The older one, whom I have been with since he 7, has always been a struggle to love. He really resented me for a long time at first. He did whatever he could to avoid me. Well, we made it all work. The older one finally warmed up when he saw that I really cared and wanted to be involved. I worked hard on making my house be a place they would want to be, in hopes that they would want to be here, as their primary home. It would definitely be a better environment. Their mother has since remarried and has a very rocky relationship. Their step-father has a very bad temper, and they are always fighting. He breaks things and screams and involves the kids. But the boys have never wanted to come live here, which has been a hard thing for me to come to terms with, the fact that they probably never will. My husband and I have never hidden from the boys our plan on having more kids. (I am 26 now and 14 years younger than my husband) Last year, I had out beautiful twin girls! The older one, of course, had a huge problem with the twins. He told his mom he was jealous, he didn't want to come to our house, and that his dad loved the babies more than he loved him. He was 11! I just thought that was so childish, especially since, when the boys were here, I felt like a single mom, because my husband would be glued to the boys, in their room watching movies, outside playing baseball and football, etc. So now I am a stay at home mom. My husband has to work overtime to make this happen for me, so a lot of times, the only nights he is home are the ones when the boys are here, so I never really see him. The boys have certain chores they are supposed to do: clean their room and bathroom, do their laundry and walk the dog. When they don't, they are supposed to go without tv, but my husband doesn't ever want to punish them! He makes their sandwiches, pours their drinks, etc! I can't get him to change a diaper, but he practically wipes the boys' butts!!!! I feel really guilty saying this, because I have felt this way a lot more since my babies were born, but I really feel like the boys are a tornado that hits my home once a week. They leave a mess that I end up cleaning up and my husband doesn't see it. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn't understand. To make it all worse, the older one is starting to get the whole teenager attitude and he is starting to be disrespectful to me, but he is very subtle about it and so my husband doesn't see it so he doesn't discipline him! I realize this is a pretty long rambling rant about the step-kids, but I am just having a tough week and the boys just went home this morning so I have to go clean their bathroom (which is the main bathroom for company) and pick up their dishes they have left all over the kitchen table. Am I just being selfish?