What do you do when your stepson lies and manipulates?

Mom - posted on 08/21/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I need help. My husband and I have custody of his son, my stepson, full time. He sees his mother three weeks on even numbered years and 4 weeks on odd numbered years all spread out over the year one week at a time. It took us two years and a lot of money with a lawyer to get all of this hashed out. Prior to that she did not see him or talk to him at all for a year and half--all her choice. She pops into his life when she feels like it and then pops out again. When our son sees his mother he lies and manipulates and so does she. This last round of guilt tripping one another is now a burden on the rest of us. She moved within 100 miles, however, the parenting plan we have says that the boy will see her more if she moves within 60 miles. However, no matter how you slice it, it is going to be another legal battle for us and I am just sick of it. My husband and I have had fight after fight with this "biological host" as we like to call her because she has yet to parent the poor kid and we are just exhausted both emotionally and we are done spending money with lawyers. She is a drug and alcohol addict who says she is not doing these things now, but we never know for sure. She is a habitual liar and she is just an awful, evil person who lies, twists things around and most importantly does all of this to our son. He so much wants to believe she is who he dreams her up to be only to be so disappointed in the end. What do we do? We just don't know how much more we can take..... The problem is our son participates in all of this behavior as well and we, who live honest good lives, always are stuck cleaning up the nightmares they create. I could really use some advice, thank you.

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Ashley - posted on 09/02/2012

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I deal with parts of those issues too. To protect your son, I'd pay the money and deal with the headache of fighting the bio host. I don't know how old your son is, and it stinks sometimes when kids are so loyal to their bio parents that in reality are harmful to them... but they are loyal, and we just have to deal with that. It's not their fault who physically had them. Most kids will stay loyal until they are older and wiser to know the full truth. And even when they are older, you know it'd only hurt them if you told them the full truth about the bio parent anyway so it may never come to light. It's in his best interest for him to be with y'all and see her as little as possible (from what you are describing), so I'd do what's in his best interest even if he is being a turd to y'all. I mean, it'd only get worse if he were around his bio host more, right? Maybe you can do some investigating of her to get something to use against her case in court.

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