Age Appropriate?

Christine - posted on 07/26/2010

Well, not having a daugher, I guess I'm not really sure how I would react in that position (I can, however, tell you how I would feel if my SON was in VS undies, lol) but now that I think of it, I think I actually had some VS cotton undies in my young teenage years. My aunt/godmother was on the mailing list and would get all these coupons for free panties, and (for some reason) would always give me the free underwear. It's not like we went shopping there, but a few times a year she'd come over and have some VS panties for me. Yeah, I guess that is kinda weird, now that I see it in writing. I guess it also depends on the type of kid your SD is... Some of the young'uns take themselves SO seriously, and think/act like they're much older than they really are (if you catch my drift...) When I was that age, I just thought it was kinda cool I had 'name brand' clothes, but didn't think too much of it.

If you're really concerned, I suppose the best course of action would be to discuss with DH and possibly, eventually BM if it gets to that point/if you have that kind of relationship.

Holly - posted on 07/23/2010

I can see where you are coming from with the name sticking out (on the band of the panties - it happens to all of us! lol). I honestly didn't think of that since my daughter wears mostly dresses, so it's not really an issue that i have had to deal with. I would probably not let her wear them unless she's wearing a dress or something for that reason alone, but I will still buy her some of the fun plain cottong ones when she gets big enough for them to come in her size. Like Terri pointed out, they are a quality product and I enjoy them for that alone.

Terri - posted on 07/23/2010

Hahaha. My mom is 64 years old and buys the cotton VS panties, because she likes them. If they are just plain panties I do not see a problem. I only buy my bra's from VS because they fit the best. And as far as price goes, we get most of our panties for free with the $10.00 free gift cards that they send in their promotional items. I too buy the cotton ones, and they last so much longer than the other brands. I see no problem if they are the plain ones. What is the difference? If they were thongs of any brand I would have a problem.

Terri - posted on 07/23/2010

So are they just the cotton VS panties, not thongs?

Mandie - posted on 07/22/2010

Or the other problem can be divorced parents competing and trying to be the one who gives the most. Our BM is like this but I thank god every day that my hubby isnt- we said to the kids very early on that we cant give them everything b/c we cant afford it and even if we could, we wouldn't. They know now mum's is where they get 'things' and our place is where they get 'family'

Elizabeth - posted on 07/22/2010

Stephanie....that is yet another good point about waiting. The two older ones waited to be allowed to have certain privelages and her Mom gives her everything at once. At least she isn't wearing makeup yet and the being 13 rule has held. Tell me why does a 9 year old need a cell phone? Or an eleven year old need a laptop...what is wrong with using the family computer? I think this is one of the major problems in society today....kids get way too much way too early because parents can afford it and want their children to have what the other kids have.

Vanessa - posted on 07/22/2010

*loves the differing opinions this thread has brought out* goes to highlight how each of our children both bio and step grow up as individuals. If we all thought the same way life would be boring!

Stephanie - posted on 07/22/2010

Try not to be concerned about the name brand...but more the style. Although I agree a $12- $25 pair of underwear is wrong for a twelve year old, I worry about the kids being into pervocative clothing.
My 13 year old SD's are asking for Thongs...and yes it makes me uncomfortable. I sometimes wonder why parents let their kids have so much so early in life...what ever happened to waiting and the anticipation of reaching a certain age to get something?

I have no real advice (because everytime we say no...mom says yes. So we are always the bad guys. If you have some advice on how to deal with this, please let me know), just understanding!!

Elizabeth - posted on 07/21/2010

Welll first of all they are black ones grated with polka dots and some other black ones with some design on them. I have always associated Victoria's Secret with "sexy" things. I have clothes and usually always buy my bathing suits from them. Even their clothes can tend to be on the "sexier" side...not all but a lot. I have two older girls that will be 21 and 19 this year and I would not let them wear any VS stuff at 12 because it does imply "sexy" to me and that is something I don't think a 12 year old needs to advertise in anyway. I believe that just because everyone else is letting their children do it does not necessarily mean you have to let your kids to do something. Also lets not rush the growing up...they all have plenty of time to be adults without rushing it when they are younger. My oldest actaully said thank you and told me she appreicates it that I let them be kids and didn't push them growing up to fast. Granted when she was younger I heard the whiny about all her friends were allowed to do or wear something. So eventually your children do see the reasons by your decisions and actually can appreciate your actions. I honestly don't see a reason for a 12 year old to have Victoria Secret underwear even if they come in funky cute patterns. There are plenty of cute patterns on the underwear at Target or Walmart too which don't imply "sexy". I think in the day and age it is very important to give our kids boundaries and to stick by them. But please keep the comments coming....I apppreciate all the imput!!! Oh my 18 year daughter thought it was weird that she had them.

Mandie - posted on 07/20/2010

You're right Vanessa- we cant live totally obsessed with the idea of people possibly harming our kids and I by no means think others should change what they are doing if that's what they, as parents, feel comfortable with. I'm just saying I agree with the OP's thoughts and wouldnt allow my daughter to wear them at such a young age for the reasons I listed. Clearly though, she's not comfortable with it. I have to say I have alot of respect for the old-fashionedness of letting kids be kids, they dont get much of a childhood these days and I see no point in rushing them into adulthood. And you're also right that there's a world of difference between funky cotton knickers that can be worn by young girls and lace, racy ones that cant. But I dont see the difference in them wearing funky cotton ones that are by Bonds or some other brand, rather than a label that's known mostly for the racy stuff. Each to their own though and I'm not condemning those who do.

Vanessa - posted on 07/20/2010

Even after reading the other ladies comments, I respectfully still stand by my original comment - there's nothing wrong with a little bit of fashion? I think it's so easy to let your mind run rampant with images of pedophilia etc. but if she's a good kid who doesn't put herself in dodgy situations- then where's the harm? If she likes them (and remember we are talking about funky bright cotton knickers here) then let her wear them.
If you are uncomfortable then don't buy her anymore, but she's 12. Let her have a little bit of fun. Fun and funky knickers doesn't mean she's going to be sexualized too young or preyed upon by pedophiles.
VS can be sexy - yes - but she's not wearing the slinky sexy stuff and I don't think it's reasonable to assume she's going to progress into these before she's 13!
Respectfully, i'm thinking your a tad old fashioned.
*grin*
Yes there are bad people out there who might want to hurt our kids (I have 3 myself) but we can't let that fact dictate everything we do or assume that they lurk on every corner - place some trust in the kids to keep themselves safe too. (yep - I'm another whose hubby is a cop)
Let us know what you came up with!

Mandie - posted on 07/20/2010

I have to agree with you Elizabeth- unfortunately what is totally innocent to us 'normal' people can be taken in ways we cant even conceive of by those who would harm children. Sadly there are those in the community who need no prompting to be sexually attracted to children and in my mind, we need to make that less accessible to them. What people need to understand about paedopholes is that they dont believe what they are doing is wrong, they believe it is love. That is literally what the name paodphile means- child lover- and they believe that they are in love with the child and they express their love in adult ways.
My hubby- who is still a Police Officer- and I were just discussing this yesterday, the way young girls are dressed in thigh high boots, leather skirts and other 'sexy' clothing from as young as 5- most mothers think they are jus being fashionable BUT there are those that will deveolp a sexual interest in a child dressed this way. I realise underwear is not outer wear but as you've sid, in today's fashions kids underwear is often exposed, both purposefully and accidently and the brand name just send the wrong message on a child of that age- even to boys of her own age and older, that she may be interested in sex.

Dawn - posted on 07/20/2010

I will not allow my daughter to wear VS when she is that age. She is about to turn 10 so I'm not that far off either. I am with you, it's the brand. Even the cotton ones have the name around the band and if her underwear shows when she bends over guys will see it and read it. VS = sexy to every guy I know! But, since she already has them I would look at the whole picture. Is she trying to be "sexy" in other ways? Does she have a one track mind toward boys? Do you guys have the kind of relationship where you can sit her down and explain what boys might think if ever they see VS on her underwear band? (or better yet, let dad explain) Will she understand and agree it's not a good choice for a girl her age or will it cause rebellion? What does your husband think? If I were you I would talk with her if you think that will work. If not, or if it's going to cause mass choas, then just make sure she doesn't get anymore, and maybe "lose" some in the wash.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/20/2010

Well I am a retired police officer's daughter and have many police officers in my family so maybe that is why I don't like the idea of her having Victoria Secret underwear. I understand that they are the plain cotton ones but to me Victoria Secret's name alone implies sexy and I don't believe a twelve year old should be dressing or thinking "sexy" yet. I think one of the problems nowadays is that parents let the kids grow up way too fast just becasue their friend's parents are letting their children act and dress older than they are.

Mandie - posted on 07/18/2010

I agree with the other ladies that if they are plain cotton ones- maybe. But that said, I'm an ex-police officer and have seen some horror stories that have resulted from young girls being sexualised too young so I'm a little paranoid. So I probably wouldn't let my daughter have them at that age.

Karen - posted on 07/18/2010

I agree. If they were slinky, sexy things then yeah it would be icky, but the cotton ones are very comfy and high quality!

Vanessa - posted on 07/18/2010

I wouldn't worry - go to the VS website - the clothes there are fantastic too - she obviously likes the brand, look at some of the awesome clothes for teenages and the shoes! (I buy from VS and get it sent to Australia) glad it's only the cotton underwear - but even if things are a little sexy, its all about making yourself feel good (my mum bought me sexy stuff when I was very young - didn't mean I was letting boys see it!)

Holly - posted on 07/18/2010

I really don't see an issue with it if they are just the cotton ones and not sexy undies. I know VS has a line called Pink that's for girls around that age (maybe a couple years older). I would, however, see an issue with it if you find out the bm actually took your sd to the VS store and explained exactly what all the fancy and sexy underwear in there was for... But that's another issue entirely.

My daughter (almost 8) thinks my underwear from the Pink collection is cute and has asked for some for her (NOT the sexy ones, just plain cotton that covers everything). I really would order her some (the next time I'm ordering online), but they don't come in her size.