all these stories are like mine... (very long)

Blanche Myra - posted on 02/11/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have a SS who's 13 going on 14.. It has been a NIGHTMARE from the beginning and I should have seen it.. the first time i saw his biomom she saw me in the car and yanked my SS away from my husband and dragged him back into the house!! it has been a rollercoaster... there were times in the beginning after about 5 months where I was mediating my husband and biomom.. which worked out great.. I would go over and actually go in and pick her son up who was 5 at the time.. There were times where both parties took vacations and it was talked about who had my SS.. It worked out great.. THEN i got proposed to.. then all of the attacks came on.. *I want him on your health insurance* i don't want HER (meaning me) anywhere near me.. my husband has tried and tried it has been awful for him before i came along.. he never really saw his son.. she only allowed 6 hours a week!! is that CRAZY or what!! So the day she found out we got engaged she called my husband SCREAMING at him for buying me a diamond.. the funny thing was.. they were not together for almost 5 years!! she was IN a relationship for about 3 years!! So then my husband told her she had to get used to me being around because we were getting married.. well this GREAT PERSON went and filed a RESTRAINING order on my husband!!! saying ALL lies sat up on the stand and cried.. this biomom can turn on tears like you wouldn't believe!! she should have been an actress.. she made all FALSE statements we even hired a lawyer thinking that would help us.. Nope 1000$$ WASTED.. So when we got married she went on VACATION that weekend and told her mother NOT to let my SS to the wedding.. so my SS didn't even attend our wedding.. so sad because he looks at those pics and thinks why wasn't i there.. my father didn't want me there.. Its just sad.. so talking to her mother and best friend (because i'm a very good person get along with anyone!) and she is telling everyone that WE DIDN"T INVITE MY SS to the wedding!!! it's crazy!! then after we got married she got engaged to a man that was in PRISON.. the day he got out she moved him into her apt without telling her son!! she sent him off for the weekend and when he came back there was a man in his house that he NEVER MET!! of course he talked to him on the phone but come on people!! BUT once this man was there and she was "happy" our lives were alot easier.. Then almost a year later they got married 2 WEEKS before he went to prison for 10 years!!!! i know i know crazy!! the crazy thing is.. she even brought my SS to visit him in prison!! without consulting my husband.. when he found out he brought it up to her and she said "i dont care that is his step father!!" i was like ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! I was kinda bothered because i EARNED the "step" in front of Mom.. I ADORE this boy.. I do everything with him for him.. so needless to say he marriage didn't work out.. 5 months later.. she was "single" again.. Then we found out we were pregnant and we were going to court for MORE visitation on paper because we saw him then didn't.. depending on her mood.. we had to wait till after court and i was almost 5 months to tell my SS because his mother would pull a nutty in court and we NEVER know what she will pull... Since then its still been rollercoaster.. Never knowing when it will get better.. He is older now and seeing alot of what he couldn't see when he was younger.. Its hard because he wants to live with us but he feels bad because it's his mother.. I totally understand so there is no pressure whats so ever from us.. a year ago a verbal agreement between biomom and us my SS came and lived with us for almost 6 months there were 3 months where he didn't even see her.. She agreed to give my husband back his child support and only half the time she did.. SOO we served her with papers to have him live with us.. my SS went for a visit and we didn't see him for 2 months.. She kept him and countered for MORE CHILD SUPPORT!! So needless to say she got it.. she got more child support for NOT having her son.. we found out too that when she wasn't paying us.. she ended up going and getting a boob job!! drives me nuts.. how a person can be like this.. its crazy.. i could never.. and my husband and i ALWAYS try and do whats best for my SS.. we are the only ones that do.. so since then my SS has been living with biomom's mom.. So about 7 months ago the bio-mom had an altercation with someone and ended up getting really hurt (brain injury).. She will not give us my SS so she can get better.. we have said 6 months.. just so she can focus on herself.. because we all want her to get better for her son.. but even being near death.. hasn't changed her.. she contacted my husband and I and talked to us and said she wanted her son to live with us she didn't want her mother in total control so we were like ABSOLUTELY.. my SS didn't want to come he likes living at his grandmothers because she spoils him buys him whatever he wants waits on him hand and foot.. so the biomom turned it around on us to my SS saying it was us.. so he didn't want to come over for about 2 months because he thought we were going to take him from his grandmothers... about 3 weeks ago she had a Grand Mal seizure from her injurys and now my SS is living back with her and she said she has a doctors note to drive.. I'm sorry ive had friends that have had seizures and the doctor will tell you not to drive for 6 months.. my husband tries to talk to her but she gets really defensive.. We just don't know what to do.. she never thought of her son and obviously still isn't.. I'm going crazy thinking she's driving with him.. what if she has a one while she driving with him!! even without him.. she could be killed or she can hurt someone else! we don't kow where to go from here.. I wish we had more support from the court system but i just think they are really F*&^%! I think i have everyones story mixed into one! thanks for letting me vent and share my life :)

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Blanche Myra - posted on 02/11/2009

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thank you!! I appreciate it! I've heard that i'm really really good to her son from her mouth!! Because i do everything and anything for her son.. And she knows that.. but her actions and all speak louder than words!!

Laura - posted on 02/11/2009

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I think that is awesome that you have done that!  You will be rewarded down the road!  i am so sorry that you are going through this, and you will be in my thoughts!  We need more great step parents like you in this world! 

Blanche Myra - posted on 02/11/2009

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wanted to add that during this whole almost 9 years i have been with my husband i have not yelled, bad mouthed my SS mother because it's his mother and I don't want him looking at me like that. I am not his mother she is.. she ALWAYS will be.. So even though i cannot stand her.. I am civil for my SS because I LOVE him...

Blanche Myra - posted on 02/11/2009

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We have documented everything.. but the courts over here don't want to hear it.. Unless you have a high powered attorney that can do it.. BUT we cannot afford it everytime we go to court.. it's just a little rediculous.. I really wish i had a good story after her almost fatal incident.. but nope nothing has changed.. I really thought it would.. I was HOPING that it would.. Because i want nothing better for my SS.. To see his fatherand stepmother getting along with his biomom.. She is a really jealous person and i think because i have a good relationship with him and i get along great with her mother.. So she hates me.. I just want NO DRAMA.. I cannot wait till he's 18!!!! I cannot wait to move on from this.. We have been together for almost 9 years..

Laura - posted on 02/11/2009

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Well I am responding to this one, because my story is not like your other stories! I met my (now)husband almost 18 years ago, and met his kids for the very first time when they found me hiding in his bedroom (cause there mother and them dropped by without calling, to see his new place) He wasn't ready for me to meet them yet and we thought that that was the right thing to do! Obviously not, because we weren't doing anything wrong! There marriage was over for atleast a year b4 he actually left, and he was living out on his own b4 I started seeing him! Robert had asked me out for coffee before he moved out, but I told him, that wasn't happening until he had his own place and then I would consider going out with him! So you see, my first encounter was not good.....but....his exwife made it good! She came in when I was in the bedroom, and said oh.....hello! From there on, she was supportive, very kind, and very helpful! The youngest, didn't want this to happen, and the oldest started calling me honey! (like his father) Being that I couldn't have children of my own, and was literally just getting over surviving cancer....... and having a hysterectomy.........to be thrown into 2 SK was a world win situation! Without their mom, I could not have made it! I was right there for them on the hockey bench as a trainer! There father coached! We took them on every vacation, and had them every weekend! Through the week, because of hockey, we saw them every night, and we never lived more than 15 minutes away by bike! It was awesome! For about 7 years we all got along like a perfect family...until she met an alcoholic and started dating him! All bets were off then! She took us to court for more money( the judge laughed her out of court and told her she was lucky that she was getting what she was for the last 6 years) Then she got cancer for the first time! the kids watched while there mom went through horrible chemo and won the battle! Less than a year later she got it back and this time, it was futile from the beginning! She passed away........coming up 6 years ago, and I miss her every day! The youngest went through hell and quit school....was in and out of jail......ran away.....broke into our home twice and finally ended up in one of our big jails here in Ontario! That was the last time...thank god! It was a hellish. We hung in there, went to court all those times, and now he finally sees, how much we hung by him! We just got married almost 3 years ago and both my step kids were my hubbys best men! I am not saying that everything has been perfect, but I am saying that it has been close! My step kids are my kids, and I love them with everything in me! I thank god for their mom, and I miss her so much, and just wanted to share a good story with you all! God bless all you step parents out there, cause we need it!

Sarah - posted on 02/11/2009

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WOW!!! And I thought I had it bad with my bio-mom. My boyfriends and I have custody of his daughter and son and go through some of the same problems as you plus we also have a baby together. The best thing I can say is document everything. I buy a yearly calander/journal every year and write down everything. I keep emails that are sent to us. I write down what time she picks up and drops off the kids (the few times she comes) I write down everytime she calls with an excuse not to pick them up. When she has them and they are acting up and can't handle them and calls my BF I write it down. If I send her somthing in the mail, i always make a copy for myself and send it certified with signature required. We have even bought a little tape recorder and set it up to record while on the phone with her (you can buy a recorder or software for the computer). I know it seems long a tedious and not necessary but when it comes time for court you have everything documented. As per the money that was spent on her boob job while your ss was living with you go to the court and you should be refunded if you can document you were paying her while he was living with you and that money was spent on her boobs (i had a friend with that same prob and he was refunded). Th best I could say is hold on and brace yourself for a rough 4 more years. I understand your pain.

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