Amy other long distance Step Moms Out there?

Jennifer - posted on 11/08/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My step kids live in Utah and We are in NC. They are on a year round school schedule so we see them 4 to 5 times a year. They are 6 & 8 years old. They have been flying alone on a non stop flight since the youngest was 5.

I've added up the days.. We see them about 73 days a year. A parent that sees there child every other weekend (Sat & Sun) sees their child 52 days a year. So we feel pretty lucky to see them as often as we do.

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Quoting Julie:

I am a stepmother to 3 great kids. We live in NY and they moved to MI about 3 years ago. Letting them relocate was the biggest mistake my husband made, and he admits it! We had so many problems while they were in the same area, and now it's gotten worse. He thought if he gave her what she wanted it would get better for bother her and his kids... WRONG!!! Those kids have been put through hell since I have been with their father, and that's just about 5 years. I understand that she doesn't like me, and that's fine. I'm not looking to be best friends with her, but at least get along in front of the kids. She is incapable of doing that!! Since day 1 it has been noting but false police and CPS reports, she even had her oldest (at the time he was 5) lie to police saying I touched his 8 month old sister inappropriately while changing her diaper... They were about to arrest me ( I was about 2 months pregnant with their 1/2 brother) until he told the officer that his "mommy told me to say that". She got away with it, amongst other things!! She even got away with assaulting me when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant and was able to get an order of protection against me... WTF!?!? We got to see the kids every other weekend and every Tuesday and Thursday evenings, and every pick up and drop off was a problem. Again, he thought it would get better bit it hasn't and it still is a problem. We get them for a total of 4 weeks in the summer, every other spring break, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is court ordered that between those vacations a WEEKEND OF HIS CHOOSING" he has to give her 30 days notice of when he wants to go and see the kids. He has to stay in MI, that's not the problem. The problem is her.... He has given her up to 97 days notice and she responds back with "that weekend isn't good for me, how about another weekend?" What doesn't she understand about a weekend of the father's choosing?????? Anyone else have the problem with the bm and putting up with these kind of problems?


Don't get me started!!  Our court order says his visits take precedence over other things and that hasn't stopped BM from scheduling other activities on the weekend that works the best for our family.  Does the state your court order is in have a parenting time expeditor?  This is SUPPOSED to be a neutral party that makes decisions when both parents can't agree on things regarding visits.  If you get one appointed that may stop some of BM's b.s.  



A year ago in May we were supposed to have a visit with SD and BM didn't bring her to the visitation center.  She also didn't answer the phone when the director called her.  Well we told the director we'd wait about an hour or two at the shopping mall about 30 minutes from the center (since we had just driven 8 hours to see SD).  Why is it when we go into the first children's clothing store the first person we see is BM!  She immediately high-tails it to the storeroom and after we didn't stop shopping she runs out of the store!  The manager told my husband she ran into the stockroom telling her she was being stalked then later admitted it was her daughter's father.  The best part was  in court she testified that I was blocking her path and trapping her in the store.  LOL!  I was 8 1/2 months pregnant and all the clearance clothes were at the back of the store.  



Anyway, Julie leave me a msg if you ever want to vent or share "crazy" stories. 

Renee - posted on 11/12/2009

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Wow! You are VERY lucky to see them that much! My stepson only lives 30 miles away but we only saw him in our home about 5 times last year and so far about 3 this year. He's 16 - so he's too old to want to come & spend the entire weekend with us, so he only comes over for a few hours on a Saturday once in a while. Add to that - his mom hates me and resents his father....it's VERY difficult to get to know him. His father & I have only been married 15 months and my kids are much younger. This teenage attitude is quite a challenge - especially with the limited time we get with him!

Michaelina - posted on 11/11/2009

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Y'all are very lucky. We live in Texas and the SD lives in California so we only see her 2-3 days a year because her mother is a hateful witch. We filed for joint custody this week, so maybe we will get her during the summers at least.

Julie - posted on 11/11/2009

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I am a stepmother to 3 great kids. We live in NY and they moved to MI about 3 years ago. Letting them relocate was the biggest mistake my husband made, and he admits it! We had so many problems while they were in the same area, and now it's gotten worse. He thought if he gave her what she wanted it would get better for bother her and his kids... WRONG!!! Those kids have been put through hell since I have been with their father, and that's just about 5 years. I understand that she doesn't like me, and that's fine. I'm not looking to be best friends with her, but at least get along in front of the kids. She is incapable of doing that!! Since day 1 it has been noting but false police and CPS reports, she even had her oldest (at the time he was 5) lie to police saying I touched his 8 month old sister inappropriately while changing her diaper... They were about to arrest me ( I was about 2 months pregnant with their 1/2 brother) until he told the officer that his "mommy told me to say that". She got away with it, amongst other things!! She even got away with assaulting me when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant and was able to get an order of protection against me... WTF!?!? We got to see the kids every other weekend and every Tuesday and Thursday evenings, and every pick up and drop off was a problem. Again, he thought it would get better bit it hasn't and it still is a problem. We get them for a total of 4 weeks in the summer, every other spring break, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is court ordered that between those vacations a WEEKEND OF HIS CHOOSING" he has to give her 30 days notice of when he wants to go and see the kids. He has to stay in MI, that's not the problem. The problem is her.... He has given her up to 97 days notice and she responds back with "that weekend isn't good for me, how about another weekend?" What doesn't she understand about a weekend of the father's choosing?????? Anyone else have the problem with the bm and putting up with these kind of problems?

[deleted account]

We are the other way around. My hubby and I have our daughter 90% of the time and the bm gets her time for 2 weeks every 3 months (we have a year-round school schedule too). The bm lives in KS while we are in CA (it's over 1600 miles in between), and she is court odered to pay all transportation fees to and from visits.



I know how hard it can be on kids when one of the biological parents lives so far away. I commend all of you ladies who work really hard to maintain those long distance relationships with your stepchild(ren)! I think it takes wonderful women to maintain that relationship and work so hard to see their stepchild(ren). You are all so fantastic!!!



I know my daughter's bm does not try at all and it is so hard on our daughter. She hardly calls between visitations (if at all) and basically ignores her child until it's her "mom time" (as I have heard her put it). It has come to the point where our daughter (who is 7) came up to me after her last visit and told me she loves me like a mommy, but she feels her bm is just her friend. We just got our daughter back from her last visit on November 1st and the bm has not called once since... It's sad...



Good job ladies!!! I cannot imagine how hard it must be to be so far away from all these wonderful children - the 2 weeks every 3 months that we don't have our daughter just tears my heart out - I can't imagine longer! YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL WOMEN!!! :D

[deleted account]

We live in NE and my 6 year old SD lives in MN. We go up once a month for a weekend visit in MN. We are supposed to bring her here every other year for Christmas and her Spring Break or Thanksgiving and New Years, plus summers. (We haven't yet because of drama with BM) We get her for a week in June, July, and August this summer. Next summer it will be two weeks at the beginning of the summer and three weeks at the end of the summer, then we will move onto six weeks the following summer. We have to drive up to MN and pick her up and bring her back after the visit. Hopefully in the future when she's older we can put her on a plane. You're lucky BM your way cooperates and lets the kids get on a plane by themselves.

Britteny - posted on 11/10/2009

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That is pretty lucky that you get to see them so much.
I'm 24 and I have 4 step kids. 14, 8, 5, 4 and then one of my own 5. We live in Utah, and Their mom moved to IN. She had us take them while she moved. For seven months. It was hard. But even harder when we had to take them out there. You are so lucky that you guys can put the kids on the plane. That would not be possible for our group. I wouldn't trust them to behave good enough.

Michelle - posted on 11/09/2009

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im from australia and we see my stepkids extremely rare. i havebeen with their father nearly 3 years and in that time we have had my stepson twice,on his own. both those times were for 3weeks. his ex is a total ........ while she denies it, it seems the only time we can see both the kids is when she is invited to stay as well. the women shits me to tears.while my partner hasnt been with her for 5yrs, shes still telling my ss (8) that theyre still going to get back together and get married, and encourages this by still wearing the engagement ring.

im glad that theres mums out here that r going throgh the same stuff as me, as well as the good stories i see where the bio mum isnt a total cow and everyoneget to see their kids no matter how small time it is, its better then nothing. gives me hope that ifweend up in court thereshope for us.

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