Any advice for meeting step daughter

Kas - posted on 06/01/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Anyone got any advice on meeting my step daughter for the first time? She's 8 and will be coming to visit us in a few months. My OH has only just seen her again - the first time in 7 years! Needless to say, her mother is being a bit difficult. My In-laws will be bringing her over to visit (and probably stay for a week). My MIL thinks I should be less 'wonderful' while daughter is here, but bully to that! ;)

Any advice?

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I met my SD when she was 7 and it also had been awhile since my husband had seen her (he was in the military and his ex also liked to withold visitation). His ex was a piece of work that told his daughter all kinds of goodies about me (although she had never met me at the time). Keep in mind that it will be an adjustment for all of you and while you should be yourself, try not to overcompensate for your nervousness by being overly cheery.



Let her get to know her father and be more of a supporting role for the first few days. I'm not saying not to warmly welcome her, but let her come to you and let her set the tone for the visit. Kids are curious creatures, so I guarantee that she will seek you out in order to get to know you. You do not know the things her mom may have said to her, so she is going to need some time and space to come to her own conclusions about the situation.

Sonya - posted on 06/02/2009

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I think you should just be yourself naturally your emotions kick in as did mine when I first met my 2 SK and you ofcourse you will be nervous but so will your SD trust me you both will be curious about the same things make her feel welcomed and just be involved don't listen to you'r MIL be the great person you are and shine bright your MIL had her chance for her 1st impression now the spotlight is on you there are no second chances for 1st impressions and I think you will do just great everyone assumes the SK will not like them but I will tell you from experience its what you make out of the first connection you have with your SK that will determine the outcome of your relationship with them, look at it like this she is going to be a part of your life from now on and you want to make her feel welcome and to feel that she can talk to you and be open with you :) Hope my advice helps but you got it in you and you will do just fine :) Hope you post about your first meet :) Keep us updated :)

Julie - posted on 06/02/2009

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Just do things like going to a park or enjoying ice cream! Enjoy the visit and do not work about the ex-I have been through that and it is hard to accept but it is well worth it as I begun in the same place as you and have a wonderful relationship with my stepdaughter now-

Dominique - posted on 06/02/2009

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I'd say be "warm", personable... understand she may be shy. Maybe make up a special "goodie bag" filled with a stuffed toy, color books, crayons... whatever you think she'd like...

Jenn - posted on 06/01/2009

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Sounds like with dad just getting back into the picture (which is AWESOME) that your step daughter needs to first become comfortable with him. A week is not that long so have fun, stay busy because she will miss her mom if she has free time to think about it, she will be in a place that is strange to her so just acknowledge that is may be hard for her but don't put on a show, be yourself stick to your house rules, let her help with chores, be involved with your family (a family she is a part of). As for mom being difficult, I with every fiber of my being hate my husbands ex and for such good reasons, but I can imagine how worried & scared I would be to turn my daughter over to people she is not that familiar with and that just has to be respected by you, it also has to be done by mom. Take the first steps to help mom be more comfortable, promise a phone call everyday (and anytime the kido wants), get allergy info, medication info, find out with kind of schedule the daughter is on, ask mom what her rules are (like for TV, riding bikes alone...) get insurance info, contact info, emergency info, if custody is not shared then make sure you have a letter of consent to seek emergency treatment if necessary; these are things that I worry about just leaving my children with grandma and if mom is feeling better about the situation then that will have a positive effect on the daughter. Most of all when dealing with issues of bio mom make sure your step daughter is not involved!!

Erin - posted on 06/01/2009

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Well my girls were young when I met them for the first time. So I became natural to them, though thier mother didnt adjust so well. I say be yourself, you are going to face difficutly anyway. dad is new to her to.

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