anyone else feeling the need to vent and rage about the bm?

Laurie - posted on 06/30/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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this is likely to be long but everyone around me knows the story but for some reason i feel like i need to keep telling it, i'm not sure why, maybe its a way of venting, maybe its part of me wanting sympathy, not really sure and would love your thoughts on this.

first of all i'm gonna be upfront about this the bm of my ss is on this site so i wont say any names even though i highly doubt that she is even aware that i am on here.

so me and the bio have a definate hate hate relationship, i wish this could be otherwise but she thinks i'm trying to steal her child and i think that she is generally a bad mom (this is based on what i have heard before i came into the pic and the conditions i see my ss when she drops him off). my biggest problem is how she chooses to conduct herself with her boys and her bf (which ever it happens to be at the time). she never waits to bring her boys in to her romanic relationships, shortly after my ss was born she left my hubby for a married man who got her prego 6 mo after my ss was born and a few months after their son was born they had an incident with stolen property, babies, guns and no rent as a result he ended up in prison a few months later and she ended up with child endangerment charges. not one week after man #2 went to jail does she show up with a new man (#3) her "fiance" who soon moved into her parents house with her and the boys at this point there were 10 ppl living in a 5 bedroom house, they were engadged for about a year before he left her cuz of her bullshit. within a month of him leaving she shows up with man #4. this man is married, he has two children and his wife is prego, he currently sings the "oh baby i love you im gonna leave her" as far as we are aware they havent even started a divorce yet. she uses him as her babysitter and spends all of her time and her boys' at his long stay motel room. and now from what she has posted on circle of moms she is prego agian, this is three kids by three different men in about 3 years. does anyone else think that this is rediculus???? what also disturbs me is the amount of parental control she gives her men she lets the boys (including me ss) to call all of them some variation of daddy or papa, with a couple she has encouraged and taought them to call them that. my ss although he is only 3 has told me how man #2 used to smack him around (he was infintile to 14 mo when he was around) and how man #4 will spank him before putting him in time out, everytime he has a time out. i am frustrated and saddened by what she thinks is "good" parenting.
like i said before im not trying to start trouble here im just tierd and frustrated. does anyone have any advice for me? i just dont know what to do anymore, i feel useless unable to protect my ss from bad parenting and bad living conditions. what can i do?

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Larissa - posted on 07/08/2012

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Sorry to hear how much of a mess this BM is. I agree with Penny, if the BM wasn't such an idiot, we wouldn't have to vent about them! We had SO MUCH on BM in my situation and the judge just told her to stop all that behavior. Yeah, we'll see how well that goes. The hardest part of being a step mom is loving these kids so much and then not being able to protect them when they are with their own flesh and blood BM, the one person who is supposed to love and care for the the very most, more than anyone except for God. I feel like I am my SDs mom, but I have to let them return to a freak show of a BM every other weekend. We have to control what we can, and make sure they have a safe, happy, and loving home with us, and when they are with their BM we have to pray hard for them for God to shield them from everything. That's all we can do. I think out of love we worry so much about them, but really these things happen all over the place and nothing gets done about it, it's not our fault, and we are not their mom. Every thing we do for them is something great that's happening in their lives, without us, they would only have/know the life of their BM. We are a bright spot in their memories as they grow up, they will always remember our homes as happy and warm. It will all come out in the end. Is what I'm trying to say making sense? At the end of the day I have to remember I am a bonus in their lives (as they are in mine) but I am not their mother, and as long as the court keeps custody in the BMs hands, there's nothing I can do. I hope this is coming out the right way.

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Jessica - posted on 07/29/2012

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First off I'd like to invite you ladies to my group....its called step moms with full custody, but its really a place for step moms to go to vent seek advice and help others...

With that being said, I feel you pain. In the ideal world we would all get along and do holidays and family functions as on happy unit. Unfortunately thats not how things always work out.

I agree document EVERYTHING!!! even if you think its nothing document it, Also have you looked into changing the 50/50 custody? If her living conditions are that bad and her choice of men are not any better. she obviously is not seeking out what is best for her children. Maybe, as fun as it is, going back to court is something your hubby may want to look into.

I understand you to a T, when you say you feel useless and all you want to do is protect him. My hubby and I have primary custody of our son (My SS). There are times though, that I just break into tears because there is nothing I can do, I've said this many times I wish I could just put a blanket over him and protect him from all the hurt she is and will continue to cause him.

Best of luck to you :)

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:( Sounds like you guys have your back against the wall. Just keep documenting things that are happening, stuff the kids are telling you, when you have conversations with social workers, etc.

Laurie - posted on 07/07/2012

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right now he has 50/50 but as things stand there really isnt anything we can do, social workers/dhs has already seen the living conditions and didnt say anything, at this point the only thing that will really give us the edge is a valid drug charge or something else on that level of innsanity

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Oh I can always vent about BM. If she weren't such an idiot, I wouldn't have to.. Just saying..

Can you and hubby try to get custody of his son? It doesn't sound like she has ideal living conditions or can fully provide for him as you two can.

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