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At the end of my rope!!!! Full time Step Mom

Sharon - posted on 08/22/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. We have a blended family. We have my 2 girls and my husband's son. My husband and daughters get along great. He thinks of them as his girls and they think of him and their dad. My step son is another story. He will be 4 next month. I love him to death his can be a great kid. His bio-mom is not allowed to have any contact with him whatsoever. He doesn't talk about her at all; He calls me momma. You would think that everything is allright. Well its not. For one thing I try hard to get the bond with him, but I just cant. The other thing is he never listens to me. I tell him to do something or not to do something and he does the exact oppisite of what I tell him. My husband is constantly telling him that he has to listen to me. I dont know how to deal with this. All advise is appreciated.

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Michelle - posted on 08/24/2009

I know how you feel, been there gone through hell and survived. I had my to SD from they were in middle school til they were 18 and sometimes after, IWe also have 2 kids together, its tough because they go through emotional battle because they know that you are not their real mom and sometimes they have a hard time believing you can love them (especially if their real mom isnt around). Just stay strong, your house your rules, and let them know that you love them, like reading them a bed time story or just watching tv or just saying that you love them, believe they will push your buttons as all kids do even biological but show them that you are there to stay and you love their dad and them and they will turn around once they see you mean what you say

Latesha - posted on 08/24/2009

Advice Im looking for some myself lol But I have had my stepson since he was two and it was never really clicked because the bio mom kept interfering turning him aginst me while he was being raised in my home. He listens to dad instantly but when I tell him to do somthing there is like a 30 sec pause Im sick of it Its like you do it all no credit while the mom somewhwere sitting on a high horse Im here if u need a shoulder i know i need one lol

Carolyn - posted on 08/22/2009

The best advice I could give you is keep trying. I have an 8 year old SD, who I have known since she was 1 1/2. It has always been a struggle on the respect front. Stick to your guns and always be consistent. If you tell him he is going to be in trouble unless he cleans up his toys then put him in time out or whatever your method of discipline. He is always going to test those boundaries because maybe he thinks you are going to go away like his bio-mom. I always have a problem with being too strict. everything is no, so I am learning that not everything is no. there has to be fun and playing and getting dirty. Its hard and its been an uphill battle but once he gets older it will be easier to talk to him and having him understand what you are saying. I don't think they ever get out of that testing stage! It will get better just hang in there!

Mildred - posted on 08/22/2009

I know how you feel. we have been going through the same thing, but my SD is almost 9. She has no respect for me and tells lies on me every chance she gets to her bio-mom. I also have another daughter from a previous marriage. I have tried to get a bond with my SD, but as of this point I have been unsuccessful. I have also been married for 3 years, but now the bio-mom thinks I am the problem. I treat the girls the same when they are here, but it is clear that I love her I just don't have a bond. I don't think that I will ever have it. So all I know is to be good to her and love her. I wish I could help you more and give you some great advice. But I can tell you that they do try to push your buttons and test the limits.