Marcie - posted on 01/27/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )
I have been reading lots of the post on here with advice of ways to deal with the bio-mom, but I am just curious if anyone else feels the same as I do..
Lots of post say that as a stepmom I really should have a backseat to the issues we have with the bio-mom, but I feel when she does things that directly effect myself and my children, as a mother I have to defend my child. The ex in our situation feels that I should be a nonexistance in her daughters life, (as she wishes my husband would be as well) but she tells my SD that my children are not her family and that since she has siblings at her mothers house there is no need for her to have a relationship or spent time with her sisters here.
We all live 4 states away from each other so we only see my SD 8 weeks a year, Which was a HUGE fight in court to get, but she has made ever effort to make it as miserable for my SD, my children, and my husband and I. I have been in my Sd life since she was 18 months old, she is getting ready to turn 13 soon and it has been a never ending battle from day one.
She goes as far as telling my SD that she is an outcast at HOME because she is the only one out the 6 of them that has a different last name and since her dad left them he doesn't want her and she needs to get him to sign over his rights so she can change her name. What kind of mother makes her child feel she is not wanted by ANYONE?? I do not understand. It is very hard for me to take a backseat to this situation. I do not confront her, I do let my husband do all the dealings with her, but he is extremely nonconfrontational and would rather not deal with any of it and let her do what she does....
Is my only hope, that one day my SD and her mom will butt heads like every teenage does with their mom and want to leave the situation?? We have never wanted to take her from her mom and would never push that issue, but have made it very clear to my SD that she is ALWAYS welcome here no matter what the reasoning is...
I feel like when the situation starts to effect my children that is when SM roles change a little bit and it makes it hard to sit back and see children be hurt for no reason other than adults being childish and immature...
Any Advice as to what I should do?