bio mom making threats

LeeAnna - posted on 07/11/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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ugh so the BM of my wonderful SK hasnt seen the kids in 2 years hasnt sent 1 birthday/christmas card and only calls on birthdays and at christmas my DH has full custody and has for the last 7 years.....
Now out of the blue decides she wants to take us to court and try and gain full custody of both children....
she keeps throwing out threats towards me and says i have no rights ( sorta true i guess) so we have decided that i am going to file for guardianship of the kids to not only protect myself but the kids as well
my DD wants nothing to do with her BM not even phone calls and my DS wants only phone calls but dosent want to talk to her all that often..
i guess im looking for support from anyone who is or has gone threw this as well as any advice on going to court..id like to be able to adopt the kids but i know it will be a full out war with BM.....feeling like im stuck:(........
sorry to ramble the story is so long its hard to give all the details guess i just needed a vent any other SM's going threw this??

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14 Comments

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Tifani - posted on 07/25/2010

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I don't guess I have the same issue SK wise. I recently got a divorce and have joint custody with me being primary. I have our son (6) during school year (BD getting weekend visitation) and BD has him during summer (BM getting weekend visitation). I went to pick up my children (I have a daughter (11) from a previous relationship and she looks at him like a daddy). Upon picking them up I found out they were not giving my son his daily medicine and had every excuse why not to, and my daughter was bite over 40 times by ants and they failed to give her any Benadryl or anything. When I say they, BD lives with his parents, so I feel they are all just as responsible. The excuse for my daughter was she is not allergic to ants. That did not matter. She was itching and hurting they should have gave her something. She called me crying wanting me to come get her so I did and she said she did not want to go back. I don't have to let her go back. I also decided not to let my son go back either. (Even though that is against my divorce papers.) I have been keeping everything documented in a jornal now for almost a year. I have what I need to back me up as well as my son sees a therapist who says he tells her he does not want to be there because he is ignored all the time. Same thing my daughter says. They are saying they are taking me to court and I said "Let me know when you are ready, but I am not stopping you from coming over her to see the kids". They have came over for 30 minutes in a 3 week time frame.
My SS is very defiant (not sure of sp) and refuses to eat when he is with us but his BM said he is doing the same thing there. He is supposed to be going to a therapist too but BM won't take him saying it is because he lies about everything and she fears his lies will cause her to lose her other 3 children or me to lose my two. We have suspected abuse in the BM house for a while but can't prove it. They have been reported to family and children a few times (not by us) and everything always comes out good on their side. We would love to fight for full custody of SS but can not afford an attorney to do that. For the most part me and BM get along fine as long as we keep distance between us. We willl NEVER be best friends or anything, but we try to get along for the sake of the child.

Elise - posted on 07/24/2010

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Make sure you document EVERYTHING to take with you to court. what time she calls, how did convo go?, threats, anything you can think of. courts like documentation.

Georgetta - posted on 07/16/2010

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U would have to talk to a lawyer. honestly the kids will need a guardian ad litem appointed. Ours told us that kids would not be allowed to make that decision until they are at least 16 depending on the state. But if it is an issue, it may be worth going to mediation for. U can't force them to see her and u can't go against the court order either. I would ask for a mediator where u all can sit down and talk it out. And have the kids see therapists to get this in documented somewhere else besides ur notes. This will be helpful because the therapist can probe as to Y they dont want to see her n if needed give statements to the court about what he/she believes is best for the kids i.e. not seeing mom or seeing mom.

Anna - posted on 07/15/2010

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is there some one who can speak for the children? child services? social services? a professional who can make a report of what the children want and dont want, and present it to the court. if the children dont want to see their mum then you cant force them.

Georgetta - posted on 07/14/2010

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Just keep being the great MOM that u r. Whether or not u guys ever go to court, don't let her threats diminish was u have with ur SK's and mess up ur family. She is hoping that her threats will change the connection and strength that u all have. I hope all goes well.

Glenda - posted on 07/14/2010

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What everyone else is telling you is true, I have been there and done that. My SK is now 19 and moved in with his BM, but he didn't go looking for her until he graduated from HS. She never paid support, was always looking to start trouble, she moved out-of-town several years ago to avoid a bench warrant for the non-support. She always threatened to take us to court, but never did. And she also had drug and alcohol problems. When she had visitation, it was hit-or-miss if she would show up.

[deleted account]

Be aware this may be an empty threat to scare you. I cannot tell you how many times we've heard this one and nothing happens. Eevn if it does, as the others have said- she will have to explain her absence to the Court and that may take some time.

LeeAnna - posted on 07/13/2010

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thx :) i have asked her to take us to court i really wish that she would but i think she knows she dont stand a chance it wasnt as easy the first time she took my DH to court like she thought it would be and now she has to deal with me as well.....filed the papers now i guess we just sit and wait...

Georgetta - posted on 07/13/2010

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She can take u 2 court, but she has to be ready to tell the court where she has been 4 the last two years that she hasnt been in her kids life. U do have rights, u r mom to ur SKs. And no matter what BM says or does will never change that because u have proven 2 them that u will b there. Document every interaction, every threat, and of course that she has had no contact with the kids. So if she does try to take u guys to court u ahve evidence. I have been there with the threats and my response has always been if u think u that u have a strong enough case stop threatening and take us to court.

Karrie - posted on 07/12/2010

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The personal threats are just because she is mad because her children don't want anything to do with her. She is just trying to make herself look better for them.

LeeAnna - posted on 07/12/2010

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thank you both so much :) its not just the threats about taking us to court but also personal threats this has been on going for the last 3 years ugh....

Betty - posted on 07/11/2010

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You do have rights, the kids give you more right's than she will ever have because they love and respect you. She might have the legal edge but her legal rights don't hold a candle to the rights your step kids have freely given you. Fight for whatever you can get and don't let BM get you down. She has nothing compared to you and that threatens her to the core.

Karrie - posted on 07/11/2010

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I haven't really been through the biological mom threatening to take us to court, but I do have some news that was told to me and hope it will help you. First let me tell you that when my husband and I met he had custody of his two daughters that were 10 years and 5 years old at the time. Their biological mother basically felt that alcohol and guys were more important. She did have visitation when my husband felt that it was reasonable, but I basically helped raise them since we got married 16 years ago. We talked to a lawyer to see what rights I had if something happened to my husband and was told that since I helped raise them for so long that I had every right to keep custody of them if they were still minors. That was about 3 years ago. My step-daughters now are 25 and 21 years of age. I hope this will help you out some.

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