Biomom/Step Mom

[deleted account] ( 21 moms have responded )

I am totally confused and maybe I missed something but I keep seeing bio moms posting

Is there a way for this to be a private forum or do I need to seek another support system?

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Rebecca - posted on 02/12/2009

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I think the reason you're seeing that is that most of us are bio moms and step moms.  I also think the posts are being somewhat misinterpreted.  Both are looking for support and a way to navigate through the muddy waters of sharing children.  Its really important to remember that its a difficult situation for everyone, and what is being posted is one-sided.  If the bio mom and step mom can learn to understand each other, and the boundaries that have to be in place - the relationships can be great.  I have a great relationship with my step daughter's bio mom, and a great relationship with my bio kids step mom.  I spend time with not only my bio kids and my step daughter, but also get to spend time with my step daughters half brother (her bio mom's son).  He has taken vacations with us, and always joins us for special occasions.  There is no tension because there are boundaries I will not cross out of respect for her, as my bio kids step mom also does.  I know its frustrating, but I'm sure it will get better.

[deleted account]

hey rebecca, I totally agree with you on your view of things.  Just because  she might have given birth to them, and I thank her for that, if she hasnt helped to raise them and cant even tell you what some of their favorite things are, it doesnt make her their mom. I consider my stepkids to be mine, even though they are not mine biologically.  Their biological mother is only in the pic and wants to see the kids when she gets bored and feels like it.  Sometimes she promises to see them and then she doesnt follow through.  It breaks the oldest's  heart everytime she does it because he kind of remembers her.  My husband has had full custody of both of them since the boy was a year and the girl was 8 months old.  So I personally feel that if she isnt around a a regular basis and doesnt know them then she's not their mother, and she only wants to see them when its convient for her.  I dont know about all you other stepmoms out there, but how can I deal with that?  I dont think she should be allowed to hurt the kids like that and/or see them when it suites her, but my husband wants the kids to be able to see her.  But i cant stand it everytime she breaks their heart.  any ideas on how to deal?

[deleted account]

Quoting Rebecca:



I am new to this and have taken a great interest in your story.  I personally did not tick the box that said step mum because although I am I dont feel that way.  I am my sons mum and you need to hold on to the fact that there is a huge difference between mother and mum.   I am making a posting of my situation and hope that you find the chance to read it and find strength from it.






I'm lost-my post simply questioned how many bio moms are here who are not step mothers



 

Rebecca - posted on 02/09/2009

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I am new to this and have taken a great interest in your story.  I personally did not tick the box that said step mum because although I am I dont feel that way.  I am my sons mum and you need to hold on to the fact that there is a huge difference between mother and mum.   I am making a posting of my situation and hope that you find the chance to read it and find strength from it.

[deleted account]

Thanks Trudy I'll go check that one.  There are some great moms here and I'm getting good support.  I was totally turned off by a few things in the past few days.  Like I've said I need to be able to talk to someone that understands and have enjoyed most of the post here. 

Trudy - posted on 02/08/2009

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For those of you looking for a confidential site try www.secondwivescafe.com.  It is very very confidential, and FULL of great advice and tips.  I highly recommend it for any stepmother to have a great support network.

Trudy - posted on 02/08/2009

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For those of you looking for a confidential site try www.secondwivescafe.com.  It is very very confidential, and FULL of great advice and tips.  I highly recommend it for any stepmother to have a great support network.

Amy - posted on 02/08/2009

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My S.O. gives a crap. Most of the reason we're still living where we are is because it is so important to him to be a regular part of his sons' life. Our biggest fear is that the biomom will decide to move out of state, especially since we don't have money to fight for custody if she tries it.  Oh, and I'm a stepmom and a biomom too.

Debbie - posted on 02/08/2009

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hahahaha Dawn and Josette, you two made me laugh then, I like the pet name reasoning...so true

Dawn we don't hear of baby daddy crap cause they don't give a crap, they dont hold onto a dream forever. If they stopped getting anything they move on...love the way they work sometimes.

Dawn - posted on 02/07/2009

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In a perfect world, we would all just get along and put the needs of the kids first. 



Isn't it funny how all of our stories are so much alike?  You'd think there was a manuel out there on how to be a vendictive baby mama!  LOL!



And have you noticed its just the women?  I've never heard of Baby-Daddy Drama!   What's up with that?  :)

[deleted account]

Wife in law is my pet name for the ex-------------I say it because I have never married her but it feels like it LOL

Sherri - posted on 02/06/2009

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I am a step mom and a bio mom - I think we can support each other still - we're on the same team really, that of the children.  It is unfortunate that some people abuse the forums, you know who you are and should be ashamed of yourselves.

Rachel - posted on 02/06/2009

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I'm sorry, what is a wife in law?
And I feel bad for you Dawn, having to watch what you write because "she's" reading.
But I guess Kerri has it right, don't put anything in writing she could use against your husband. AH,,all we want is support jeez....

[deleted account]

I think that post between the bio mom & the step got WAY out of hand and it really flipped my trigger because I need you ladies to help me on this journey and although I am aware of the fact its a public forum I just can't believe someone go through all the trouble of joining a forum that doesn't fit their situation. 



I too believe that my wife in law has probably been here.  I don't post anything that could cause my trouble for my husband just things going on with me & how I'm feeling in this role. 



Thanks for listening and happy posting to all   :-)

Dawn - posted on 02/06/2009

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I agree Kerri.  If my EX husband's new wife cared enough about my kids to join a support group - I would be thrilled!!

Kerri - posted on 02/06/2009

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My advice is to not post something that could be used against you in court, like Heidi did.  Of course she is the bio-mom but I have a good feeling that her postings about those letters are going to come back on her.  I would not do anything on any public forum that could be used against you or your husband in court.  There is nothing wrong with asking for advice and who can fault anyone for doing that? I am a step-mom and a bio-mom but I would never interfere with my wife-in-laws trying to get advice or trying to get support from a group. 

Dawn - posted on 02/06/2009

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Well, I guess I'm of the ones one who has been confronted by the bio mom here (though she used a fake name).  She is not a stepmom (and has never been) and was here only to try to start something w/ me.



I came here to learn, to talk about the hardest thing I've ever had to do and that is blend families.  Now, I have to watch every word I say.  Fearing that she'll know more of my life than I want her to know.  Wouldn't she love to find out something to use against me? 



In the end, the behaviors of these bio mom's only hurt their own children.   The bad behaviors of my husband's Ex has done nothing but push him away.  How much are we supposed to endure from her?  When will she just BE NICE?



She's probably not posting, but she's reading. .....

Debbie - posted on 02/06/2009

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yeah it's getting a bit hairy when there has been a couple of cases where the bio mum comes on here, to read what the Step mum has written. It is making me feel like I have to watch what I say...thats it's not a confidential site to get some advice from others that are going through the same stuff. I feel for these women, It's giving them ammo to fight and hope it doesn't happen to me, I don't need anymore crap for my bio. Why would these women seek out stuff to fight about, it's hard enough.

Rachel - posted on 02/06/2009

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I see that a lot also, but I think they must also be stepmoms or why else would they be in this group>?

Bethany - posted on 02/06/2009

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I've seen some bio moms posts, but a lot of them I've seen they're saying thank-you to us step moms so it usually makes me happy! I've found some good ideas and advice on here so far. For me it's just been nice to see I'm not alone, I think that was the biggest support I needed. Hopefully you find something that works for you!

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