Birth certificate and possible paternity testing

Amanda - posted on 04/27/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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So heres a question I'm not sure how to handle. My sd is starting preschool in the fall. We need her social security card and birth certificate for the schools records. The bm had them and ofcourse now refuses to mail them to us, which knowing her means she probably lost them. We decided not to even bother fighting with her and just get copies. You have to have a birth certificate to get the social security card so my husband went to get a copy of it first. When he requested a copy at the health department they refused to give him a copy because he was not on it. When my sd was born the bm left the father unknown. Somehow, even though they were not married at the time that my sd was born, she was able to give her my husband's last name, she is listed as my husband's child in their divorce papers, but still has no listed legal father according to the state. We have been told that he may have to have a paternity test done in order to actually put his name on the birth certificate and he is terrified! We have raised her for 2 1/2 years with no help from the bm and no matter what she IS our daughter. If he were to take the paternity test and was not the biological father could the bm take her away from us? We could not bear to lose our princess and just can't decide whether or not it's even worth the risk..... Please help!

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Amanda - posted on 04/28/2009

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They didn't get married until a few months after she was born, if they had it wouldn't be an issue at all. The laws in our state are pretty unfair to dads as we have learned over the past 2 1/2 years.

Jennifer - posted on 04/27/2009

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Consult a lawyer asap and find out what is really required under the laws in your state and her state of birth, etc. Sit down review the divorce paperwork and then figure out a plan of action. Good luck!

Tanya - posted on 04/27/2009

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If they were married then he is the pressumed father and should have automatically gone on the birth certificate. I'm so confused. He got the child in the divorce but isn't recognized as the father? How is that even possible. If BM gave her to him them she is saying he is the father.

Kenna - posted on 04/27/2009

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I am so sorry for your luck, at least there is one good thing about this situation. You two have been blessed with a beautiful gift (in my beliefs from God). I wish you two the best of luck.



P.S. now that you mention it I do remember I had to sign the paper along with the dad.

Amanda - posted on 04/27/2009

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He has custody because the bm gave it to him in the divorce. She wanted to be able to claim one of the kids on tax returns every year and he wanted the kids so she made a trade. I know it doesn't make sence but he is not legally recorded as her father. We have checked into it. He also spoke to someone in our state capital about it and was told how to get a birth certificate without making changes, but in order to have his name put on it he would have to take a paternity test first. I hate too that we just immediatly assume that maybe she isn't his daughter, but if you knew the bm you would understand why. There were atleast 4 times in their relationship that he caught her with other men, but stayed because they had children. It really is just a screwed up situation anytime she is involved. The only way to by pass the paternity test would be to have her sign saying that he is without a doubt the father, but she is the type of person that would lie just to cause more problems.

Kenna - posted on 04/27/2009

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I have agree with the others. My children were born in different states and I was not married when they were born. In both OK and ID since their dad was not physcially at the hospitial at the time of their births a paternity form had to be signed. You should be able to pick one of these forms up at your local department of social and health services or even at a local hospital. To ease your stress I would not assume that he is not on the birth certificate because he may not be the father, it most likely had something to do with the fact that they were no married and in most states ( to my knowledge) they will not put the father on the birth certificate unless they are married or signs the form. Then again I have to ask, how did he get legal custody? Also, you could check and see if him bringing in his court papers would assist him with getting a birth certificate. In the mean time if you have all of the proper information you could order a birthcertificate online, I ordered my childrens at

http://www.vitalchek.com/express-birth-c...

and recieved them in just a week. I was also able to order them for a friend of mine, though like I said you have to have verifiable information in order to do that.

Amanda - posted on 04/27/2009

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I agree with Tanya, how does he have custody if he is not recognized as the father? My child's father signed a Affidavid of Paternity (i don't know if I spelled that right) to claim he is the father. He didn't have to take a paternity test. I don't know about your state though, but a paternity test can range to a couple hundred dollars.



And as far as I know, if the paternity test shows that he is not the biological father I don't think they could legally let you keep her. I think you would have to adopt her. I would check into it at the courts. I wish you luck hun!

Tanya - posted on 04/27/2009

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Does he have to have a paternity test? I was under the impression that he could just sign a paper acknowledging he was the father. Maybe you should talk to a lawyer or look up your states guidelines. Does your DH have legal custody? How does he have the child if he isn't legally recognized as the father?

Amanda - posted on 04/27/2009

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I'd don't think one way or the other we would ever feel differently about her. She is our daughter no matter what. There are just legal and emotional reasons my husband would like to see his name on her birth certificate. At the same time though is it really worth it if he finds out she isn't his? It would be terrible for us both but it would absolutly break his heart. We just don't know what to do.

Francesca - posted on 04/27/2009

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i feel for you, what a horrible thing to deal with and make a decision.

im not sure what id do. but would it play on your mind??

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