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Kate - posted on 10/22/2009
I would stick to your guns and limit the time for next summer if your husbands schedule doesn't change.
That being said the reason I say that is yes, Dad just wants them in the house but the kids don't understand that. They have the expectation to see Dad and spend time with him. Make a deal with your husband and even though he needs times on his days off, he can get that after the kids leave and you can respect that. As for if Mom won't talk to you, there is always e-mail if the kids insist. If they don't then do what you would do and don't worry about mom's feelings. If she won't talk to you it is her loss. As for the child support, don't get me started. We went to court to get it fixed for us as we were paying and keeping them all the time. Anyway, hope this helped and good luck. Let us know what you decide.
Megan - posted on 10/15/2009
Talk to your husband. I don't know that I would use the "I need alone time" line just because he could then turn it around as you being selfish.
If your husband is like mine then he considers you a unit and may think that time with you is just the same as time with him. This is not the case. I have had to explain to my husband on numerous occasions why I won't keep the kids for longer than a weekend without him there during the summer. Not because I don't love them but frankly, their mother is a stay at home mom and I work. If they stay with us then I have to jump through the babysitter hoop, just to see them in the evenings. When they are at mom's she doens't have to do this. All of their things and neighborhood friends are in their mom's neighborhood, not ours, so to me it doesn't make a ton of sense for the boys to stay for long periods of time at our house without seeing their dad. It seems like a forced situation. My husband can travel for up to a month at a time for work so this has happened a couple of times before.
Add to the fact that in your situation the kids mom seems unusually cruel and immature by not talking to you I would say stick to the visitation schedule for sure unless your husbands job position changes. It sure seems like she is having the best of both worlds. Getting to act like the worlds biggest you know what while at the same time taking total advantage of you. I know what you mean by the kids behaviour. My youngest SS can't go for more than like two days before he starts missing one parent or another. He starts complaining and watching the clock. This makes me feel like an unpaid babysitter. And it makes the time I spend with him less like bonding time and more like a chore.
Heather - posted on 10/15/2009
im kinda in the same boat as you!! i understand your frustrations... i don't have an real advice for you, just want to let you know that i'm sorry that your going through this. i don't think its wrong of you at all to only have the kids for a month, their not really seeing their father as is and you desvere a break too!!!
Tena - posted on 10/15/2009
I would have a talk with my husband. Be sure not to get too emotional or heated up while calmly telling him the short truth. Maybe a plea for him to understand that you are needing alone time. Make sure to say how much you love the kids and him, then just ask him if he will either be home and awake more or shorten the kids visit because you want to give them all your best but you can't if you are over worked and stressed. Never get bossy but keep your cool and state your needs. If he loves you he will try to help
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